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daughter wants to destroy me

Community Member

Hi there. Ive had problems with my daughter since she was 12...where do I start?  She's now 23, our relationship is up and down, she moves in and out of our house.  She refuses to study and work and lately, I just found out she's been working in the sex industry. She took off with my 17 year old son who's the total opposite of her, nice boy, academic and aspiring to be a doctor but he's weak, easily manipulated. She's been taking him away from me since he was 9, Im divorce from their dad, he's now in a self care retirement home, he has schizophrenia and other memtal issues. I'm still caring for him. My daughter brainwashed my son to live with her. She tought him to take drugs at 16, cocaine and esctacy. He changed since he started taking drugs. He does everything she tells him to do. My son needs me, he has big dreams and I worry about him and his well being. They party all the time-drug parties, she has group sex in the house (not my house) and she's been teaching his other friends to take drugs. Her whole life is dedicated to hurt me, sleeping with my men, stealing my friends, vilifying me. I feel there's jealousy beteeen us. It makes me sick because she"s my blood. I did try for many years but Ive totally given up on her, now she's  taken my son away. I'm very depressed. I feel  so sorry for my son, how can I help him? He doesn't want to come home. 

5 Replies 5

Community Member

Dear Guest_3020.  Oh boy, you've got it made (not).  Okay, at 17, unfortunately, in the eyes of the law, he's considered old enough and mature enough to decide for himself.  He obviously loves his sister, albeit, blindly.  Do you have a Dr you can talk to?  If you can prove, beyond a shadow of a doubt, daughter's bad influence on son, perhaps you could go to the police (especially the substance abuse situation).  However, even if you were successful in separating son from daughter, then you would have a very angry son, blaming you for separating them.  She is 23, working, as you say in the sex industry, not too sure about how the law works there.  He would almost have to be (re-programmed) once you separated them.  There are police liaison workers who maybe could offer some suggestions.  It's a very tricky problem because of the emotional feelings involved.  I would talk to your Dr and get his guidance on how to go about 'freeing' your son.  Your daughter at 23 is not going to change, unless she wants to.  A court order perhaps getting your son to a treatment centre, but a Dr would be your best bet.

Maybe someone here has a better idea.

Sorry I couldn't be more help.

Hugz and xoxo.

Community Member

I would talk to him and tell him that he has SO much going for him and just remind him that you are there for him anytime.  I would probably be looking at her being reported to the police if she is giving drugs to minors??  What do their parents think?  

 Also, you need to cut her out.  Clearly your friends were not great to begin with if they are willing to hang out with a 23 year old who lives like this.  Look outside your circle.  Find new friends who inspire you.  Start looking after yourself now and live YOUR life.

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

dear Kembot, I am totally shocked about what your daughter has done to your son, well not shocked but wholly disappointed leading him into a path of self destruction, taking drugs and I would expect getting him involved in the industry where she works, because when drugs become involved it takes people into another direction of being non-existent, where all they want are their drugs and whatever comes along with it in the event to get a fix.

I am really sorry for being blatant and mean no harm what's so ever to you, but it's not only a sad post but a little difficult to reply to.

If your son can be manipulated then drugs are going to be his drawing card, because once he's hooked then the only way for him to get away from this toxic group is if he really wants to himself, but the devastation for you must be horrendous.

I will need to think about this even more, so please try and keep your post on the first page and you can do this by replying to any of us one by one but not on the same day, meaning that it will still stay on page 1.

I hope that you can do this because we know exactly how you feel. Geoff. xx


Dear kembot.  Some of what FrangipaniMum says is right, however there might be another way out of the predicament.  Without mentioning names (not that I have any).  I was talking to our youth pastor last Sunday and mentioned about your situation.  He was saying if the police get involved, there'll be more issues with anger, possible violence.  The other solution that might work, ask your son to go with you to a drug withdrawal clinic (you would need approval from DR).  Don't mention what the place is you're taking him to.  Just ask if he'd like to go out for dinner with you, just you two?  Tell him you love him and you've missed him.  Once there, hand him over to a nurse or someone in charge.  They would be able to show him how bad drug withdrawal is.  As I said, you would need first of all to get Dr's 100% approval and backup.  A clinic would also show him firsthand what drugs can do to your system.  Shock therapy like that might be the catalyst.  That's what I call 'tough love'.  Sometimes parents have to be cruel to be kind.  Sorry to say this too, but unfortunately with your daughter, she's 'made her bed'.  At her age, she's the only one who can or will change if she wants to.  Concentrate on building bridges with your son.  You never know, son might be able to help sister if he can be helped.        

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

dear Kembot, this situation is serious and rather drastic, because if you try and pull him away from his sister without his consent, he will resent you doing this, plus your daughter will also take great umbrage at you, which will only widen any association between the both of you and possibly the three of you.

The power of the drugs associated with being in the sex industry, if this is the case, and it probably is, will only want him to stay where he is, and even if by chance you manage to pull him away from this situation, he has to understand that his intention of becoming a doctor will only come true but only if he stops the drugs, however in revenge your daughter will only try and con him back into where he is at the moment, so the ties between him and his sister have to cease until she comes to her senses and improves her own life.

I agree if the police get involved then there will be hell to play with, but if he is still underage then he shouldn't be doing drugs and if he is also being involved i