BPD breakup

[Krissage]

Hey guys,

So I recently went through a long distance relationship just over 4 intense months with someone who has bpd. I myself have bpd also and this relationship impacted me like no other. I felt sick with jealousy (polyamorous) to the point I was actually vomiting. When we broke up it was confusing and they begged me to wait for them to be better and come out of the ward. When they came out they have been distant and I'd be lucky to get one message a day. I thought I had moved on but when I see their tiktok and feel sick again, they are flirting with someone new. I try talking to them but they ignore me. How do I move on 

[white knight]

Hi Krissage, welcome

Having a mental illness is one thing, both having one is a tough road. The one advantage can be, but not always is, that you can have empathy for your partner because you know what they are going through.

With BPD I'm more inclined to be cautious  of the volatility of the relationship. Sure any relationship can work but all relationships have challenges and in this situation your challenges are far greater so the level of commitment must be rock solid. 

Nevertheless you asked "how do I move on"? That to me means indeed you have accepted reluctantly, that there is little hope and you want to find a way of coping with it at the same time getting on with your life. That is remarkable in attitude and such approach will serve you well throughout life.

I've had 4 long term relationship including two marriages and two children. It doesnt get any easier but with the same determination I found my soul mate. This "never give up" approach serve me well also, without it I'd still be in a caravan park as I was in 1997 after separating from my 1st wife. So what you put in you will benefit from.

Coping. I have a few threads you can read. Please just read the first post of each that I wrote. The first is most apt for you.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/the-best-praise-you-ll-ever-get/td-p/134999

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/relationship-split/td-p/359242

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/depression-distraction-and-variety/td-p/275790

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/rejection-it-s-hard-to-swallow/td-p/128663

Remember, you deserve the best. Settling for someone less than the best is selling yourself short.

TonyWK

[Banksy92]

Hi Krissage,

I'm so sorry to hear you are hurting like this, it's such a difficult thing to go through. Not only the heart ache of an intense relationship coming to an end, but also the difficulties of long distance and the both of managing your BPD at the same time. 

Maybe it's worth having a social media detox for a couple of weeks? Temporarily delete the apps and commit to keeping yourself busy with something else in life you enjoy in the meantime (such as seeing friends/family, try a new hobby). Anything that will take your mind off things and help you feel good about yourself. 

Is this there someone in your life you trust you can chat with to let them know what you're going through?