When someone passes away we gather around their family and friends to console, support and "be there".
When a friend has a relationship break down we tend to chat and maybe drop in more often but not close to the scale of a loved one that passes on.
Yet, the loss is the same. Being in love with someone then breaking up, the relationship is over, the grief begins its just that your lover is still living. The loss is comparable for many as if losing through death.
Those initial few weeks are, numbness of disbelief. This person that enveloped your love and care is gone. Its shattering, in fact that hollow feeling is indescribable.
Three relationships all over 7 years long and each were as difficult to endure the break up, the only reassurance for me was that the last one I knew that in 6 weeks or so I'd stabilize and begin healing...At least I knew my future. But I was 53yo then, as a younger man of 27yo and splitting with my partner of 7 years it was more harrowing and honestly it left me iin a state of suicidal thoughts. At that age I had no knowledge of my mental illnesses of bipolar, depression etc
If you have recently split with a loved one what can you do to make yourself safe from that uncontrollable grief?
Logic goes missing. Emotion takes over and engulfs your mind. Firstly allow the tears to fall. During the first few days there will be minutes whereby you will think logically i.e. "it wasnt going to work as I couldnt trust him" or "she was not in love with me" and then back to grief...remember those facts. Wrote them down.
It will be very hard to think logically but I read so many posts whereby the member believes it was the ultimate relationship and he/she will never be replaced, that they will never love another or be loved by another the same. Fact- that is simply not true, that's grief talking. Im living proof, 3 times. Now very happily married for 7 years to my soul mate
Secondly, although friends wont flock around you as often as following a funeral, ring them, a few minutes chatting soothes the pain...its all about a different perspective
Thirdly cleanse your mind. Change your environment. A short holiday, a new outfit, a new car. Essentially any change that allows a new focus
The number one absolute important thing to remember is there is help out there by way of the following
Bb help line 1300 22 4636, Lifeline, your GP (it doesnt hurt to chat), this forum, friends and family.
We are here to help. To get you through. You will be ok
Tony WK
