Boyfriend thinks I’m fat
I’m new here. I decided to post here today to see if anymore can help me or give me some advice on my situation.
ive been with my boyfriend for 8 years and over the years he has always been very concerned over my weight and body parts increasing.
When I met him I was 20kg smaller than I am now. I’ve struggled with body image issues for my entire life which started from when I was only 5 after getting some serious scars after an illness.
I started dieting as a child - actually my father put our family on a diet because he himself wanted to lose weight and he thought we all needed to follow the same strict juice diet.
Since then I’ve studied nutrition and I know that these diets don’t work and I’ve tried my best not to fall back into restrictive habits. But my boyfriend constantly reminds me that my weight needs to change and has told me in the past that he’s no longer attracted to my body.
He’s not a bad person. He’s gentle sometimes, funny, charismatic and a fun person to be with but lately (well for a while now) I’ve been questioning if I should end this relationship.
the thing is.... I’m scared out of my mind to break up with him. I can’t imagine my life without him and I want to be with him because I love him more than anything.
please help me.
x girl interrupted
if you think about it, only one person has to love your body for the rest of your life, and that person is YOU!
His problem with your body is HIS problem. He can love you unconditionally, with respect, or he can lose you, if not now, then eventually when you learn to respect yourself enough to have had enough of his negativity.
He should grow up enough to realise that a woman's body changes, and that's ok.
Hello Girl Interupted..
Welcome to the forums..and well done with your first post..
You are still the same beautiful person he fell in love with...your heart and soul don’t change..your personality doesn’t change...unfortunately our bodies do...if he is that shallow that a few kilos added to your weight is a problem for him..then he has a problem not you..
Putting on weight or loosing weight doesn’t change the person we are..it only changes our looks...
If he put on extra kilos..would you love him less?...I doubt it...Maybe sit down together and talk to him about how you’re feeling....how he’s hurting you.. and how he’s making you feel.....and that having his support, care and love while your trying to loose weight...if that’s what you want to do....it has to be for you...not him....it might be an easier journey for you...
Love you for yourself always...We are all different in many different ways..we’re all unique and we’re all beautiful....
Sending you some love and hugs...💜🤗..
Thanks for your kind words and support.
I guess the problem is our relationship has entered a pattern where every 3-6months we’ll have a long conversation about my weight and he will express his concern and I will tell him it doesn’t help when he mentions it and tells me what to eat etc. These conversations usually result in me getting very emotional and he gets very frustrated and says that he “can’t say or do anything right”.
i tell him that all he needs to do is support me e.g go for walks together etc. but despite this I’m still not losing weight and he blames me for this and makes me feel even more guilty and disgusted for being bigger than before.
I just want him to understand that it doesn’t help when he brings up my weight or grabs my fat on my tummy or touches my chin.
i really don’t want to break up but my head is telling me that might be the only option. My heart is breaking at the thought of this though and I don’t know if I will survive life without him.
x girl interrupted
Girl Interrupted, and Broken girl,
Welcome to this supportive forum.
have always said if you want some one to put on weight, tell them to lose weight.
BG you proved that as when he left and stopped criticising you, you lost weight.
As Grandy and lady nova have said you are same person what ever your weight .
Loving someone unconditional is what one needs not someone who calls you names or feels they will help you by controlling what you eat.
Once you have people supporting you and you feel confident you will feel good about yourself and eat healthily.
Hi Girl interrupted.
Your post resinates with me so I can understand where you are coming from.
I think to be fair that most of us are body conscious about you weight and this can have a big impact on our self-esteem, especially when our SO starts to become rude and arrogant about how they think we should be. Unfortunately, things happen, however, your partner should be more supportive of you and if they feel the need to express themselves, it should be done a kindly and respectful manner. Sometimes we can project ourselves to the situation and make it out to be a bad thing - and that just it, it's an opportunity to ask yourself what you want to do to improve or make yourself the best you can be - not just for him - it's more importantly for you.
I personally had can relate - when I was a lot younger in my early 20's, I was quite athletic, very fit, had a 6 pack - you get the picture. Went from about 55kgs up to about 110kgs in a couple of years and I felt horrible. To make it worse, my ex starting making rude and derogatory remarks up until she ended up leaving me for someone else. My weight has always fluctuated like a rollercoaster ride, however, after dedication, hard work and commitment, I have been able to maintain a healthy weight - so I can become a fast runner and catch all those skinny little criminals when I become a detective.
My point is - don't let your SO get to you, as others have stated, you are a great person with a great soul and learn to love your figure - even if others don't agree. Give yourself the self-compassion that you deserve and tell yourself that you are great.
Be brave, be kind to yourself.
Hello Girl interrupted,
Welcome to the forums and thanks for reaching out. Weight is such a sensitive topic so well done for being so brave and opening up. I can also relate to your experience so my heart breaks for you. Internal struggles with our weight added upon other people making unhelpful remarks can be really detrimental to our mental health. It's really important to just remember as long as you are happy and healthy with your weight, your boyfriend's comments are his OWN issue. If your boyfriend really cared about this relationship he should be supportive and happy that you take the initiative to go on walks, and not make mean and derogatory comments. Importantly, if your boyfriend really loved you for you, then he should accept you irrespective of a number on a scale. Your weight should never define how you see yourself, nor should it define how your boyfriend sees you. As cliche as it is, you are perfect the way you are.
Wishing you all the best and sending you positive thoughts.
Please don't change yourself for anyone. There's only ever going to be one of you!
Here if you ever need to talk 🙂
Oh dear Girl Interrupted and Broken Girl - indeed.
"When someone shows you WHO they are, believe them the FIRST time."
Otherwise you'll get repeat performances from these horrible people until...
NO NO NO.
Seriously?? Where do these PERFECT people get off? They ARE perfect right? lololol ofcourse not.
And they both have EXTREME character flaws or zero characters.
How about you flip the tables..... pick on ONE area that THEY are awfully self conscious about and I'd tell you where, but my post wouldn't be approved! LOL!
This is how it goes, "oh sweet bf (excuse me while I vomit) I really need to talk with you about something vitally important to MY future happiness with YOU. It's about your _____. It's just wrong, plain wrong YUCK. I want you to change it and as soon as possible. It's just not doing anything for me. You know that right? etc"
You get my drift... ask them how they feel...
These people KNOW you are so much better than them, so they have to pick on what you feel vulnerable about.
They feel garbage about themselves so they make you feel this way too and try to bring you down.
NOT nice people at all.
Go to YouTube James Corden Carpool Karaoke Adele. TWO people smashing this. And aren't they gorgeous!!!!
ACTIVELY build your self. You will flick these types to the curb in an instant once you do.
And please don't do the "pick me dance". Not worth it. AT ALL.
I am STACKS older than you both, probably PUT TOGETHER lol!
I actually put on weight during intimate relationships where I didn't feel "right". I'm sure I was psychologically trying to put a safe distance between myself and that so I wouldn't keep getting hurt.
Anyway I lost 30kg after I ended my last marriage and I wasn't even trying.
My new boyfriend calls me "petite" LOL!
I couldn't care where the 'others' slunk off to lol.
Get some girl power girls. You got this.