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Boyfriend thinks I’m fat

Community Member

Hi everyone,

I’m new here. I decided to post here today to see if anymore can help me or give me some advice on my situation.

ive been with my boyfriend for 8 years and over the years he has always been very concerned over my weight and body parts increasing.
When I met him I was 20kg smaller than I am now. I’ve struggled with body image issues for my entire life which started from when I was only 5 after getting some serious scars after an illness.
I started dieting as a child - actually my father put our family on a diet because he himself wanted to lose weight and he thought we all needed to follow the same strict juice diet.

Since then I’ve studied nutrition and I know that these diets don’t work and I’ve tried my best not to fall back into restrictive habits. But my boyfriend constantly reminds me that my weight needs to change and has told me in the past that he’s no longer attracted to my body.
He’s not a bad person. He’s gentle sometimes, funny, charismatic and a fun person to be with but lately (well for a while now) I’ve been questioning if I should end this relationship.

the thing is.... I’m scared out of my mind to break up with him. I can’t imagine my life without him and I want to be with him because I love him more than anything.

please help me.

x girl interrupted

13 Replies 13

thank you for the kind words quirkywords, my post above was meant to include you as well.

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Dear Girls

Imagine ALL the bad words awful person said and put them in an imaginary black bag - and call that the bag of sh** and imagine throwing it back at them or better still compost it! lol. I'm about to do this with my father - he died decades ago but I am realising more and more how bad he was. i'm writing it all out and composting it - it will break down very well indeed lol!

A Wolf in Sheep's Clothing. This is the description of a narcissist. The title of great book in the subject too.

There's no place in your life for horrid things and people that bring you down and break you - never.

Narcissists are the "Kings" and they have no Queen, only servants.
They make all the Rules.
Have ALL the Rights.
Their spouse has all the Responsibilities.
You can Google for more.

You can Google the Narcissistic discard phase. It's cruel.

They feed you "kibbles" to keep you hoping there's a possible future. But they only do this to keep you on the backburner and holding on. It helps their flawed personality feel good.

They will blame you for the failure of the relationship and make you feel like it was your failure alone.

They really think they are ABOVE others.

Narcissistic abuse is real and very damaging. Counselling would help alot.

Narcs need empaths.

I will challenge your thinking - there is no way in this world that you are not good enough for anything. That's complete rubbish. Don't believe a word that person said, they simply have no credibility. Pop it in the black bag and go NC or Low Contact if there are children involved.

Google the No Contact Rule and the Gray Rock technique. The 180 works miracles.

You can always phone 1800RESPECT and talk things through with a Counsellor there (since ex showed no respect). The BB Helpline is open 24/7 too.

Best wishes

It's just absolutely horrible how some people treat others.

Some people just don't learn that saying horrible things is hurtful and also a controlling tactic to get what they want.

Stay strong - don't put up with peoples inappropriate behaviour.

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor
I’m kind of infuriated on your behalf to be honest!! I don’t understand why people’s weight seems to be a topic for open discussion. Would you tell him if he started losing his hair that you’re just not attracted to baldness and he better grow some stat?? So why is this any more acceptable. And this hiding behind being “concerned about your health” is just an excuse, studies show that mildly obese people actually live the longest! But our society has trained us that we need to be thin, and if we’re not then it’s somehow our fault and we need to feel shame, thereby perpetuating the cycle. If you want to lose weight for you, then go ahead and do it for you sweetheart, but don’t do it for anyone else and especially don’t do it because anyone tells you to. If your partner can’t love and accept you for you then he doesn’t deserve to be your partner! My advice, lose the exact amount of weight that he weighs 😂