Betrayal of trust

[Sp25]

I've been in a relationship with my partner for 14 years, and while I love him deeply and we share two children, I feel emotionally exhausted, unsupported, and heartbroken. I've consistently put myself and my needs last while managing our home, raising our kids mostly on my own, and enduring ongoing emotional letdowns.

8 months ago i caught him in the shower watching porn (for context this has been a hard boundary from the very beginning of this relationship to which he entered knowingly and have discussed on multiple occasions with me being given his assurance that this wasnt an issue and that it wasn't something he didnt need to watch) we spoke about it and agreed to continue with the relationship on the provision that he not watch porn anymore. Recently, I discovered he was still constantly watching porn behind my back which shattered what little trust I had left. This most recently happened while I was recovering from yet another surgery for endometriosis, making the betrayal feel even deeper. I haven’t felt emotionally or physically fulfilled in our relationship for years, yet I’ve continued to sacrifice my needs in the relationship because I loved him and thought that it was mutual. 

I'm starting to feel more like a housemaid than a partner.

He also fails to stand up for me, particularly with his mother, and often puts work and his own interests above our family. I'm exhausted from raising concerns, only for the same issues to come up repeatedly with no real change. I feel like a broken record, and I don’t know how much more I can give.

At this point, I know I need to put myself first—but I don’t know how because I’ve spent so long prioritizing everyone else. I feel numb, angry, and unsure if I have the energy to keep fighting for this relationship. I want my partner to take accountability, to show through his actions, not just words, that he wants to work on things. That includes him organising therapy not me because I need to see that he’s serious. Actions speak louder than words, and I can’t be the one carrying the emotional load anymore.

While I’m waiting for my own therapy, I’m trying to find ways to cope with the emotional burnout and protect my energy. I feel alone in this process and unsure of what comes next, but I know I can’t continue in a relationship were there is neither trust or respect for my boundaries

[Sp25]

I just wanted to jump on here and thankyou for your encouragement, kind words and support. I have read each comment many times over and having people "in my corner" and their understanding has given me so much solice and strength to move forward AND stand up for myself. At first I was so hurt, my self esteem completely shattered and was so focused on my feelings that I wasn't sure how to move forward. The kindness I've been shown and knowing others have gone through my situation has been comforting. My partner and I are working on our relationship and he has assured me he is willing to do and doing whatever is needed to build back my trust knowing full well that this won't happen overnight. Thankyou again you are in part the reason I was able to get through this incredibly tough time in my life and I will always be grateful for that. Thankyou!

[indigo22]

You always had that courage within you, we may have teased it out of where it was hiding, but it was always there. I hope that your future looks much brighter moving forward.

We will always be here if you need us,

indigo 💜

[therising]

Hi Sp25

I'm glad you've been able to openly express to your partner how incredibly taxing and exhausting life has been for you, especially lately. I'm also glad he's been able to open his mind when it comes to feeling for you, to the degree where he too sees the need for changes. Significant breakthroughs hold the potential to take a relationship to the next level.

Wishing you only the best, as you evolve and your relationship evolves. Within evolution, love can be found. ❤️

[smallwolf]

Thank you for sharing. 

It’s inspiring to hear how open and honest you’ve both been, and I truly admire the strength you’re showing in setting clear boundaries. Positive change takes time. And it may seem like you are not moving forward. My psychologist told me a story about going to the top of a mountain... that sometimes you go down into a valley, but there will be a point when you find a new path towards the top; when you went into the valley you were still better than when things seems worst. Well, I hope this can apply to you as well.

It’s not easy, but it sounds like you’re making thoughtful decisions to protect your well-being and the happiness of your children. I’m wishing you all the best as you continue navigating this journey.

Listening