Bad Wednesday Night

[imhereIguess_69]

had an a bad night last Wednesday. I went to a university party with a couple of my friends. It started out pretty decent, but then we met some girls and all three of them took a liking my friend and a guy we had just met.I tried talking to them, using all the approaches that had worked previously in the last couple of months. It didn't work, they just brushed me off with one word answers at best, ignored me at worst. With my friends though (who were interacting similarly to me), they were all up close and giving them fairly long, enthusiastic responses. Idk, it just made me feel like shit.I did manage to add two out of three on snap, but when I snapped them (on Friday), they unadded me pretty much right away. Apparently though, my friends were still having conversations with them on Friday. I have no clue why they didn't even bother to make an effort with me, but they clearly were into and very interested in my other mates. This scenario has happened in the past, but I've tried pushing it away. I have no explanation for this. It makes me feel hopeless and miserable.

[therising]

Hi imhereIguess_69

My heart goes out to you as you feel the impact of other people's questionable behaviour. Some people's behaviour is definitely questionable and can appear a little shallow or self serving at times. Deep and thoughtful behaviour definitely has a whole different feel about it. So incredibly hard not to take people's behaviour personally at times.

I suppose there can be a whole variety of different reasons for why people are more attracted to certain folk. For a start, some people have a 'type'. Myself, when I was much younger, I had a type that was incredibly bad for me. Don't know what it is with women but my type was 'guys who'd treat me horribly'. Perhaps it was a self esteem thing. Some folk are attracted to people with a great sense of humor. Some go for people who appear a certain way (certain colour hair, eye colour, build, smile, clothing attire etc). Some go for attitude. Some like the shy and silent type. Some choose based on age range. The list seems pretty much endless. Then there are the dating apps or places that attract certain types. Some will attract people looking for no commitment hookups, some will attract people looking for same sex relationships, some will attract people looking for fuller figure plus size people. Human beings are definitely interesting creatures, that's for sure.

I think age and experience can play a huge part too, when it comes to how people treat us. With age (time) and with experience, people can become more conscious and more considerate. So, what you can have with a lack of time and experience is people who are emotionally immature, less conscious and inconsiderate in regard to their behaviour. Again, hard not to take their behaviour personally.

I think, at the end of the day, we'll be attracted to certain types of people and certain types of people will be attracted to us for a variety of reasons. It's a matter of making the connection. If the type of women who are most attracted to you aren't uni types, you won't find them at uni parties or they might be uni students who are the quiet and shy type that don't go to those parties or maybe they're a little older and have outgrown such parties. In other words, you'll never meet these types of women there, the types that are most attracted to you. I suppose it's worth wondering whether you're meeting the wrong people under the wrong circumstances. If that's the case then, technically, there's nothing wrong with you. I think, to some degree, it's our nature that can help determine what kinds of people would be most attracted to us. Hope that offers a more positive and helpful perspective.

[HappySheep]

OMG imhereIguess, my heart goes out to you. Flirting and dating at parties or clubs is a horrible experience designed to take every bit of doubts you have about yourself and magnify them.  Any self-confidence you have can be torn to shreds.  Do not let it make you feel hopeless or miserable.

You said that your approaches have worked previously? You're not doing badly then. It may just have been the wrong girls on the wrong night.  The variables at play in interpersonal interactions at a party are just way too complicated to be able to pick out any one thing that worked or didn't.  It could have been the colour of your shirt, or it could have been the colour of your friends' shirts - who knows? But, the choices of three girls at one party are not a reflection on you.  Take heart from the fact that your approaches have worked in the past, therefore there is nothing about you, or that you are doing wrong.  Just keep being you, you are enough.

I am certainly no expert in the dating, picking up people, introducing myself to strangers scene - and am making a lot of assumptions from your one paragraph so, if I read too much into what you wrote, ignore it.

Trying to hook up with or meet people at a party or club is like trying to win the lotto.  Yes, some people seem to do very well while others never get a look-in no matter how many attempts they make.  This is no reflection of you as a person or your appeal to girls.  Think of it like going window shopping - some items (people) look great sitting on the shelf and there is something about them that just makes the shopper want to grab them and take them home.  Other items don't sell well on impulse purchase but, once the shoppers looks closely, turn out to be much better than the flashy quick sellers.  I don't know you or your friends, but I do know that not everyone is great at getting that quick exchange of phone numbers at a party.  Some people just seem to have the knack - and the rest of us don't.

I don't know if you're interested in meeting girls for sex, relationships, or just to chat for the evening, but there are other ways to meet people than parties.  If you have hobbies or interests, join a club.  If you're at Uni, there should be plenty of options.  You may be one of those people who just shine when they start talking about something they're interested in - it's very difficult to do this at a party where everyone's just making small talk. 

In my own (limited) experience, I have seen that people do much better at attracting others when they're not actually looking to pick up.  There is something far more alluring about a person who is just out having a great time with friends and is interested - but not invested - in making new contacts.  Don't go chasing people, let them see you.  There will be those who will want to chase you.  Put yourself out there and have fun.  It will come to you.

[imhereIguess_69]

Hey. Thank you for replying, it means a lot. I only went because my friends wanted to, I'm not really a clubbing type, it's kind of lame. Just hurt seeing my friends do so much better than me.