FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Announcement Icon
You can win one of three $200 gift cards. Complete our survey by 5pm, 30 June 2024 AEST to enter the draw. Your response will be anonymous so you can't be identified.

25 year old virgin male who has never had a girlfriend. I feel like a pathetic loser.

Semiconductor
Community Member

I'm a 25 year old male. I've never had a girlfriend, kissed a girl or been on a date and I am a virgin. I pretty much have no experience when it comes to romance or intimacy. I feel very lonely, unwanted and unappreciated.

I am an introvert by nature and I'm very shy. I'm not the most attractive guy out there, but I do have a good heart and would like to be with someone. I'm quite straight laced and I'm not the party type. I consider myself down-to-earth, polite, kind, considerate, intelligent, tenderhearted, respectful, responsible and genuinely sensitive. I'm not interested in one-night stands or cheap hookups. I value committed, authentic romantic relationships.

I've only known heartbreak when it comes to women. I've really liked several girls over the years and ended up heartbroken either because they didn't feel the same way, they already had boyfriends or I asked them out and they rejected me.

There are times where I feel that I cannot relate to most people my age because I just have not had the same experiences as them. I dread conversations about sex or relationships with my friends. It feels pretty crappy to wonder why everyone manages to get a girlfriend while you’re left in the dust, even when you put yourself out there. It really does makes you feel less of a man.

I'm also extremely worried that because I have literally no intimate experience whatsoever with anyone, girls will not want to get involved with me because of it. I feel like most girls wouldn't want to be with a man that doesn't have any romantic experience at the age of 25.

41 Replies 41

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

dear SC, thanks for posting your comment here, and how I can relate to this same problem, while others will reply back to you, which I hope they do and they will have more experience than you and I.

However it wasn't until I was 20 until I fell in love and who I married for 25 years when I was 21, and she was my first and only love in my life, but we aren't still together, but that's not the point here for your post.

What you are going through is very sad, I know, it was frustrating and felt left out, and some of your peers may suggest going online for a dating service, but these lead you on and only cost money and then more money as you get hooked on the dating site promising you the world, but then nothing.

I'm not saying that they are all fake as some people will vouch for them.

When you see and then meet someone just ask them about their life, what they do and what they like to do, this will then let them know that you are interested in what they do, so what if it's not what you like, because down the track you may learn that you will eventually like it doing it.

If you dominate what you like first of all then that's a turn off straight away, and make yourself presentable, not that I'm saying you don't already.

Just remember that your mates will exaggerate on what they say about their relationships, because if by chance you asked their partner about what they said I.m sure they would be horrified.

I hope that other people will join the conversation. Geoff.

Doolhof
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi SC,

I wish I had met a guy like you when I was younger! Let me explain. I grew up in a rural area where the local guys used to have competitions to see how many females they could "have" in a weekend and would mark their conquests with a notch on their steering wheels or dashboard!

I was determined to not be a part of this culture and moved out of the town, but not before I was almost taken advantage of by three of these guys while I was out walking.

My sister was not so lucky and was raped in bed while being the guest of one of these guys mothers.

So what kind of guy would I have preferred to have known? One like you "down-to-earth, polite, kind, considerate, intelligent, tender-hearted, respectful, responsible and genuinely sensitive. I'm not interested in one-night stands or cheap hook-ups. I value committed, authentic romantic relationships."

Where were guys like you when I was younger?

Hold on to your morals and your self respect, also tot he respect of others.

I'm hoping that one day you will meet a lady who will love all of your amazing qualities.

Like Geoff mentioned, don't worry about what your mates say, do they respect women, are they exaggerating a little, who knows.

He also gave you some good tips on how to communicate with people in general. Ask them about themselves, that helps get the conversation going.

You sound like a great guy! I hope you get back to us and let us know how you are getting on.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools.

 

Hi Doolhof and Geoff, thank you for your replies.

My opportunities to meet women have been quite limited. I live in a rural mining town in QLD. Like most mining towns pretty much the whole social scene revolves around drinking alcohol and partying on the weekend. Because I don't drink and bars/pubs/clubs are not my thing, meeting a girl I feel compatible with is like finding a needle in a haystack as most of the girls are into "party mode" which is something I'm just not into.

Last year I met a girl whom I really liked a lot. We became good friends and I really wanted get to know her better as a person. I had high hopes that she really liked me too and I had plans to muster up the courage and ask her on a date. Just as I was about to do that she met someone else and refuses to talk to me now and treats me like I don't exist, which really hurt me a lot.

For some reason I was always the so called “nice guy” that girls can only view as a friend. Why that is I have no idea. When I would get close to a girl and express my feelings I was always met with rejection with the same old line: "You're a lovely guy but I just want to be friends." After having this said to me over and over again, I began to wonder if there was something wrong with me.

This whole thing has battered my self-esteem. Apart from work, I rarely leave the house and I just don't have the passion for life I once had. I'm convinced no girl would possibly want to be with me, so why put myself out there and risk getting hurt like I have time after time. Plus, it's safe to say that most women won't want anything to do with a guy who hasn't even been kissed at the age of 25.

Hi SC,

I'm so sorry I seem to have been unaware you had made a reply! I am so very sorry for the lack of communication!

I haven't been feeling myself lately due to some unwanted side effects with medication and then needing to come off them.

Anyway, besides all of that, how are you getting on? Have you managed to get out of your home recently to join in some social events?

I'm not at all familiar with mining towns so don't really know how life ticks along there.

Do you have any hobbies or interests that you could become involved in? Are there groups in town you might like to join?

Are there nice restaurants about the place? Cinemas? Places to go for a picnic or a walk? Can you invite a small group of people to join you in some kind of activity you would enjoy?

Have you tried dating sites at all? I have no idea at all about them either, but all the ads on t.v. make it look interesting!

Are there ways you can build up your self esteem?

Having people not answer you back here on this forum can't be helping you feel good about yourself either, so I am very sorry about that!

I hope you get back to me and let me know how you are getting on.

Cheers for now from Lauren

 

Meegi184
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
Dear SC,I would firstly like to say thank you for sharing your post. I found it deeply brave and shows what a kind heart you have.I found myself relating very strongly to a lot of the same things you seem to be feeling. I too am an introvert and quite shy, straight laced, do not like to party and do not drink alcohol. I care deeply for other people and find peace and satisfaction in helping and supporting others. Whilst I am looking for meaningful relationships, I have never been very interested in sex and felt a bit weird and like an outsider.Whilst most of my friends in high school were chasing after boys, I was busy caring for my terminally ill mother. Whilst I do long for the care and support of a committed relationship, I find it difficult to open up to other people emotionally since my mothers passing. I too worry that as I have no intimate experience at the age of almost 23, I have left it too late and find myself surrending to just being on my own. I also find I am able to relate to people much older than myself a lot easier than people my age. The majority of my close friends are in their 30’s and 40’s. I’m sorry to hear that you have been let down and heartbroken in the past as you seem like a wonderful, kind hearted person.Thank you again for being brave enough to share a vary helpful post xx

BKYTH
Community Member
Everything you said in the first line of your post is also true for me but at 62yo I have a few decades on you. Like you I can only understand sexuality within a committed, loving relationship.                                                                                                          I remember reading a book about the English compose Edward Elgar. In it he mentioned an evening when, after a day of teaching violin, he returned home and began to tinker on the piano. At one point, in his own words he said his "Dear wife exclaimed that what he had just played was lovely..........."  They had been married for over forty years. His "Dear wife"  For me that is far more valuable than the gyrations and fumbling that, as men, we are expected to pursue as if that were the definition of manhood itself.                                              Geoff made some very sound remarks as have others so consider them.                 I am I suppose what would be called a 'romantic' whatever that means. You are no less a man than any other, unless you measure that in the most superficial of ways, and would be loved as you would wish to love if you don't allow your sense of what important to you to be compromised by what you are told you are supposed to be.                                                                                                          Philip.

SwansFan
Community Member

Hi Semiconductor,

Dude, you are not alone! I'm a year older than you and have had next to no action either! Part of that was because I only really discovered my sexuality a few years ago (little slow on the uptake) but still -- when it comes to intimacy I'm a complete novice!

And that weighed on me for a loooong time. But you know what? It's not a big deal. Life works in mysterious ways...All these guys you've referenced, who sleep around with countless women? Prob not gonna ever find that someone special! I have friends like that, who focus so heavily on the number of girls they can pull - and I think to myself, Are they happy though? 

You seem like a really decent, intelligent dude. Learn to love yourself! Be comfortable in your own skin. Soon you might start radiating confidence! Humour yourself, you might be surprised by what happens. Try eHarmony or one of the apps/dating sites that is for people looking for serious relationships, not just a meaningless fling.

My parents met when they were in their late twenties, and neither of them had had a relationship before. And they're still the happiest couple I know. Focus on yourself, your interests and your goals, and trust that the other side of things will work itself out 😉

Take care,

James

Peter56
Community Member

What you wrote caught my attention and since I'm older, allow me to share some advise into the issues from my life experiences. I am 56, single, lived on my own all my life, have no children and never been married, so I do understand what you are feeling.

      First of all, can I please advise you not to try any of those internet dating sites. I have met or spoken with several women over the years from online dating sites and I can assure you they've told me that some can receive dozens, if not hundreds of replies from guys, (depending on how long her profile is on there) so the chances of you getting a reply or even meeting someone is very remote. So forget internet dating for now. It's not the way to go and it will only lower your self esteem from being rejected and that's not what you want at this stage.

      Have you tried joining a social group? Depending on where you live, most areas will have a social groups which consist of a vast range of activities that attract singles of all ages. Once you get involved, you will meet people and the idea is to build up a social network of friends, whether it be male or female friends, it doesn't matter. Once you get to know people you get to meet and go out with other people from outside the social group. If you meet a girl that your not interested in, just be friends and you will meet more people from having friends. Learn to dance. Go out to dinners. Live bands. Movie nights. Weekends trips. Enrol in a cooking class. The list of activities is endless. These friends will not pre-judge you simply because you've never been in a relationship.

     You sound as if you have a steady job, so if you are gainfully employed, you're doing better than me because you are an eligible bachelor. Good luck.

Qualm
Community Member

Hi SC, I wish I could offer some helpful advice but unfortunately I'm in much the same boat as you, with many of the same fears regarding lack of relationship experience - only I'm five years older. Well done on having the courage to put yourself out there and approach women that you are interested in; I wish I could say the same for myself!

I'd have to agree with Peter regarding online dating. Competition is fierce and you'll more than likely hurt your self-esteem by partaking in it. Perhaps the more serious sites like eHarmony might be better (I haven't tried it), but I can say from experience that services like Oasis, PoF and Tinder should probably be avoided. If you do want to try one of these, then don't let the lack of responses from women get to you.