The Worst DV I can imagine. ***TRIGGER WARNING***

[Fiatlux]

Hi everyone,

The news broke me yesterday, as I recall having a serious conversation with my husband when my children were little and I begged him to never harm or kill our children to hurt me or spite me or take revenge if I ended out marriage due to his domestic violence and abuse towards me.

As a person who has survived domestic violence and still in a relationship with my violent husband, I had to have this conversation with him. 

[Sophie_M]

Hi Fiatlux,   

We thank you for sharing here and also starting an important conversation with the community. The recent events in the news have sadly triggered many people who have experienced trauma with their family or in their relationships. No one should ever feel unsafe in a relationship or fear for the safety of their loved ones and we wanted to provide some resources that may be able to provide some extra support.

We know you may have heard of some of these organisations before but we hope they are of some assistance, their websites in particular have some great tips on healthy relationships and communication. In a healthy relationship, you should be communicated and treated with respect, so it might be worth having a look at the 1800Respect pages on healthy relationships. It sounds like it could be useful to have a chat with one of the lovely people at 1800Respect to discuss how your husband has been treating you. They're on 1800 737 732, or you can reach them on online chat.  You could also speak to Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277. They also have some great advice on their pages. If you or a loved one ever feel unsafe, this is an emergency and the contact is 000.

If recent events have bought up difficult feelings for you and you would like to talk to one of our friendly counsellors, they are available 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or online. It's important to be kind to yourself through this, please look after yourself.

We’re sure our warm and kind community will spot your post soon, some of whom may be able to relate to what you’re going through. Thank you again for your courage and strength in sharing your thoughts here.  

Kind regards,  

Sophie M 

[Fiatlux]

Here we go again!

Why women who are in violent relationships cannot have friends.

Why we can’t tell anyone 

Why we stay silent 

When I left my husband in 2019, he stalked me and had others stalk me. Wanted to speak to my Aunt who was helping me. She too dared leave a violent man. 

This awful man attended my younger sisters funeral last year so he could see my family. Family who I haven’t seen or spoken to in years. He lied to them all… telling them I returned to the marriage and everything was okay and I was a liar about all the violence and abuse I have suffered at his hands.

Abusers stop at nothing to ensure you suffer.

Another 2 precious lives lost to Male Violence.

And I am the crazy one… 

[Fiatlux]

I refuse to stay silent on Domestic Violence.

As well as being a long term victim and also working professionally, assisting others living with DV.

My abuser thought nothing of taking money from Organisations while he was a perpetrator himself… still is. I wanted to hit him every time he called one of the victims, “CRAZY”

One client who was locked in her bathroom while her abuser climbed on the roof, moved tiles and was trying to break in via the manhole in her ceiling. And she was the CRAZY one…

Another spent months in hospital recovering from her multiple injuries and while helping set up a safe house for her, my husband called her the CRAZY ONE as she was terrified of men…

I had to escort men who worked with me to help these women secure their homes so that nobody could get in or out… but these terrified women were the CRAZY Ones…

Yes, they would flinch if you moved suddenly and tremble when they would show me how someone they once trusted kicked down their doors and windows, shattering glass everywhere.

The terrified ones who were preparing for the man who terrorised them to be released from prison or given bail. 

Let’s put steel bars and shutters on every entry point into the house and board up the MANHOLE!

And we victims are the CRAZY ONES! 

[Fiatlux]

Here we go again…

A daughter, a victim of years of abuse has spoken about how she and her mother were ignored by authorities.

I recall when I was still in Primary school my cousins who were my age, lived 4 doors down from us, running to our house, calling out for my dad to please hurry over to their house to rescue their mother, my dad’s younger sister from their dad. My mother cautioned him before he left our house. She too knew that my uncle had a nasty temper and was concerned for my dad.

We all ran back following my dad, who was scared to intervene. We could hear my Aunt’s cries for help a few houses away. Everyone slowly started coming out of their homes but were fearful and stayed back. They came out for a sticky beak but not one other person offered to help.

I remember my dad picked up a broom out on the front porch in case he needed to protect himself also. My Aunties husband was a big man, bigger than my dad and my dad was scared of what could happen. I remember him banging on the door loudly and calling out my Uncle’s name before entering the house. We were told to stay outside. My mum eventually caught up with us. 

Everything suddenly went silent and I remember that we all ran inside the house and seeing my Aunty coming out of the bedroom and my dad shut the door behind her. My dad was alone in the bedroom with my uncle.

I don’t know what happened but I remember that my cousins spent the night at our house and my Aunty went to stay with another relative. She had terrible injuries and she basically hid away recovering at someone else’s home. She didn’t want my cousins to see her like that. 

This wasn’t the first time and it wasn’t the last time, but my Aunt eventually fled with my cousins.

That was the 1980’s. I don’t remember anyone calling the Police. Had my dad not been so close, I shudder to think of what could have happened. 

[Fiatlux]

When I finally made that call to 000 the first thing I was asked, is “does he have any firearms or access to firearms?”

[Scared]

Hi fiatlux   I just posted to you via " Narcissist mother"   Im sorry i didnt know your story until i looked you up..  Im still learning this site.   As a man whom has been verbally abusive to a woman i am ashamed and eaten up inside over my actions so many years ago..  I wish back then I had the courage or know how to do things differently instead of beating myself up for my actions still today.   I have learnt whenever i get upset with g/f I reflect back to a time I verbally made her cry and in distress and that memory makes me stop and walk away.  My mother was a mean tough old bird and a bully towards me.  That has resulted in me becoming the abuser.   I can take down the meanest Matriarch with ease and have done.  But when I saw this girl 8 years ago whimpering at my tirade I knew it was time to change.  I want to be loved not feared.  I dont know why men abuse but even more i dont know why they cant see themselves and want to change.  I think I want forgiveness for myself but i dont know how to.