Narcissist mother denying everything

[Guest_65068129]

My mother abused me physically till I was 16 and the emotional abuse still continues. The physical abuse was to a level where I would have marks on my body, my lips would be broken and each event would leave pain for days. I don't remember a single day when I was not hit by her till I was 16. Everything in the household was always my fault. I didn't know what was I doing wrong. I only knew everything bad happening to her life or the household was my fault.

Today I have chronic pain, PTSD and severe depression to a level I am unable to get out of the house. And now I am a bad person as I don't reciprocate the role of a daughter as per her expectations.

The worst thing is she is constantly in my head. My brain keeps generating what she would say in that situation even when she is not there. 

How do I get her out of my head?

[Scared]

Im sorry this is happening to you.

My mum was similar to me and my mum took all my energy from me and I was too weak to escape her.  If you cant talk to your mum to get her to stop then you need to plot your escape.  Are you taking meds for depression if not you need to see a doctor and also call lifeline for support.   Are there any family or close friends that you can stay with to help you recover.   Your mum is not well and you need to understand it not all your fault and you deserve to live in a safe place.  Try to find a person to talk to about what your going thru because its important to share this with a trusted professional or friend.   You probably cant help your mum especially when you need help yourself.   You need to do what you can to leave this situation so you concentrate on getting well again.   Im hoping my fellow beyond blue champions chime in with some concrete help for you

[Scared]

I have been thinking about you even further.  Because I am worried about your circumstances.   Because whats happening to you is a very serious form of abuse.   Its hard to know how to help you because I dont know your age.   If you are under the legal age then I would go to authorities .   What im worried about is this can affect your entire life and you cant be loyal to anyone but yourself even if it means going against your own mother.   Your mother is making you sick and you need to find friends family to intervene in your life to help you.   Even a crisis centre where you can get help is far better than continuing this abuse as it can as I said affect the rest of your life.   If you have to scream for help then scream until somebody hears you.  Sometimes screaming is the only way to get help when plain talking doesnt work.  

[Scared]

• Last year I was desperately sick with depression and was taken to hospital.  The assessment team were trying to get me to go home and seek help from home.  Because hospital had waiting list with many patients.  I ended up almost screaming I need help and cannot go home as I knew I was too unwell.   Thats when they took me seriously and admitted me to hospital.   Nobody should have to scream to get help but sometimes its the only way to be heard and taken seriously.

[Fiatlux]

Hi sweetheart,

I’m in my 50’s now and my mother is a narcissist. She’s 80 now but I haven’t had anything to do with her since 2011 when my father passed.

Although my mother wasn’t physically abusive except for one occasion that I will never forget, she was abusive in every other way. 

I often forget that she even exists and I don’t speak about her. Although recently my husband mentioned to me that he had heard that my brother had moved her to retirement accommodation. So now she lives rent free in my head again.

I understand that awful feeling of wanting to get her out of my head. I actually yelled at my husband to stop talking about her! I really didn’t want to know, I didn’t ask him for an update.

I don’t know how long you’ve been estranged from your mother but take it from me, it gets easier and you will reach a point of indifference when you’re no longer emotionally attached to her.

As the 3td child of 4, I was the scapegoat! Hence why my brother adores her while my older sister would always ask why she always hated her. I suppose neither of us felt loved by her at all and she quite frankly was proud to agree that we were not her favourite children. My mother is quite evil. 

I hope you reach a point where she no longer has any effect on your life.

Take care, Fiatlux 🙏🏼

[Scared]

Hi fiatlux   I dont know why people are so mean .  Dont they realise the hurt they are doing.  8 years ago I was yelling at a girl in Thailand ( she later became my g/f ) . Anyway i had this girl in tears and I watched how badly verbally i had beaten her up.  Then i just stopped and thought omg what have i done to this human being..  The guilt and remorse i was overcome by was life changing for me.   Ive cried many times at my treatment of her that day and cannot ever forget.  
She has forgotten but i never will.  We humans have no right to make another that distressed.   Even if this girl can push my buttons and i could justify what i did I still never want to be that man again.  Why dont other people have these profound moments of reflection i do not know.   Imagine a world where everybody cared what they were doing to one another.