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PTSD and trauma

A space for discussing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), domestic abuse, sexual abuse and other trauma. Please note some content may be distressing.

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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LouiseV What's a normal trauma response?
  • replies: 2

Hi, I went through trauma for over 10 years that was damaging. I am working through it all with a therapist and wanted to know how people feel between trauma therapy appointments and what's normal. I often get flashbacks, feel withdrawn, want to isol... View more

Hi, I went through trauma for over 10 years that was damaging. I am working through it all with a therapist and wanted to know how people feel between trauma therapy appointments and what's normal. I often get flashbacks, feel withdrawn, want to isolate and go quiet. I normally love to talk but lately I don't have much to say. Is this normal? Some days I can feel really low, especially after a therapy appointment. And I try my best to get through them also. This is all new to me so looking to for some reassurance from others who have been there or are there. Thanjs

iammental (TW SA) I'm not quite sure if I have been sexually assaulted or not.
  • replies: 1

Hi, I'm not completely sure on how this works but I wanted some people's perspective on this if anyone happens to see it. I have just recently found out that someone I considered to be my best friend at the time has had sex with me and I don't rememb... View more

Hi, I'm not completely sure on how this works but I wanted some people's perspective on this if anyone happens to see it. I have just recently found out that someone I considered to be my best friend at the time has had sex with me and I don't remember any of it. She is a big smoker and I am not to the point where I had a seizure due to it, which I think may have been the night it happened through process of elimination. I've never felt more disgusted in my own skin before, not knowing exactly what she did to me nor a definite date it happened makes me feel so horrible. It happened whilst being in a relationship so I can't help but fear that I'm just a horrible person who can't accept that It's my fault so I'm blaming something else instead. I dunno, I feel absolutely mental so please help.

sparrowhawk I can finally feel
  • replies: 4

I’ve been through sustained emotional abuse (the perpetrators were members of a religious community). I left the community with an eating disorder and as I was unwell and starving I just didn’t have any sort of capacity to feel. I was numb to everyth... View more

I’ve been through sustained emotional abuse (the perpetrators were members of a religious community). I left the community with an eating disorder and as I was unwell and starving I just didn’t have any sort of capacity to feel. I was numb to everything. As I started recovering I began experiencing more triggers, flashbacks and moments of panic. I am seeking help but my psychologist is quite repetitive and we tend to talk about the same things each time. My symptoms are become more frequent and while I’m grateful I can feel (as that means I can process), I’m anxious about the impact it will have on my partner. They encourage me to talk but I hate always bringing up the same issues with them, and just can’t shake that feeling that I am an inconvenience.

wint Struggling in new areas, Job distress
  • replies: 1

Hi, I'm new to this forum and I like to share a little bit about the struggles I've been going through. I am 19, an international student and I arrived here 4 months ago. I came here alone, I left my most of my family back in my country. For the last... View more

Hi, I'm new to this forum and I like to share a little bit about the struggles I've been going through. I am 19, an international student and I arrived here 4 months ago. I came here alone, I left my most of my family back in my country. For the last two months, I noticed that I have been distressed and feel unsatisfied with my ability in speaking and listening. I used to work as an front of house staff at a restaurant for the last two months and In work, I was socially secluded by my coworkers and got always picked up by my boss. I was the only Asian working there. I found sometimes that they have been giving me responsibilities and work they don't want to take care of and mocking me behind my back which was only a side note. Every time my shift ended, my boss called and told me that I was not good enough to do this job and only after that did he let me go home. After working there for one month, I became so discouraged to the point that I feel reluctant to speak and deal with the customer. I lost my commitment and dedication to working there as well as my studies. I have developed a mindset of not being good enough to do or achieve anything and I feel that there is something important skill or necessary capacity lacking in me to be able to work effectively. This anxiety and stress become worse day by day. I also became less engaged in my uni lectures and my friends conversation. I lost my strong concentration in studying and i now tend to procrastinate a lot. I am also disheartened with myself as I have always perceived of myself as a very cheerful, competent and outgoing person.

David35 Delayed grief
  • replies: 7

I thought I had got over my father's death which occurred almost 7 years ago. Anyway, I've been trying to get mum out lately and last Friday we went to a pub which dad, mum and I used to frequent for many years before his passing. The whole time ther... View more

I thought I had got over my father's death which occurred almost 7 years ago. Anyway, I've been trying to get mum out lately and last Friday we went to a pub which dad, mum and I used to frequent for many years before his passing. The whole time there I panicked. The next day I've been in a state of panic almost all day. I think it's because we had so many good memories at this particular pub and the realisation now is that those memories were largely because dad was either in our company, or alive at the time (mum and I used to go there during his chemo because he couldn't taste anything). Has anyone else experienced this? Is it something that passes? I think we'll avoid this pub from now on because my heart keeps telling me that dad should be there, but my brain knows he's not. This inner conflict is driving me nuts and ultimately it just reinforces my grief.

i_harrold Homophobic and stereotypical dad
  • replies: 4

I have lots of problems with my dad. He is homophobic to others and it makes me want to cry. Atthe dinner table he said to my 8yr old brother “air hostesses are only for girls and gay men” that made me cry. I’m not apart of the LGBTQIA+ community but... View more

I have lots of problems with my dad. He is homophobic to others and it makes me want to cry. Atthe dinner table he said to my 8yr old brother “air hostesses are only for girls and gay men” that made me cry. I’m not apart of the LGBTQIA+ community but i do support it and have no problems with it but my dad is so arrogant about it and he doesn’t know how much his word affect me. I opened up to him and mentioned therapy for me and he said “why would you need therapy, that’s for weak people, when i was a teenager i went through all the same stuff and i didn’t need any therapy” It made me want to cry, the fact that my own dad is against therapy. That’s why i’m reaching out on here. I’m scared to talk to my mum because i feel she will turn on him and then it will create big fights and maybe even divorce. Idk what to do?

JRC1962 Trauma childhood and adulthood trauma
  • replies: 5

Hi I'm 61 years old. My father is nearly 90. He was so critical of his children when we were growing up, and his words still haunt me. We get on well now but every now and then he will say something that brings it all back. It's just a relationship w... View more

Hi I'm 61 years old. My father is nearly 90. He was so critical of his children when we were growing up, and his words still haunt me. We get on well now but every now and then he will say something that brings it all back. It's just a relationship where I am numb to it. I married a man who drank and gambled and womanised, I was so naïve and damaged from childhood experiences so I just put up with it all, and was told constantly how bad I was. He died 20 years ago. I struggled socially to fit in with everyone I knew and to feel good about my relationships, even though I have old friends I never feel like I belong anywhere and I'm always anxious. I work in a responsible job, I have two daughters, one of which has had terrible trauma from school. I just remember every bad thing that has ever happened and can't move past that even though I've also had some good things happen over the last 20 years. Thanks for listening. I don't think I'll ever not feel anxious socially.

Patches63 Psychologist vs psychiatrist …. Which is best
  • replies: 38

Couple months ago my local Dr referred me to physiologist for CBT for PTSD with events going back over many decades. As part of journaling I typed up a timeline showing yr of event, my age at the time and brief summary of event. First 2 sessions with... View more

Couple months ago my local Dr referred me to physiologist for CBT for PTSD with events going back over many decades. As part of journaling I typed up a timeline showing yr of event, my age at the time and brief summary of event. First 2 sessions with psychologist were complete taken up by going through the timeline and her asking questions. 3rd session I was already upset, couple days prior had been told by one of my friends herself and her hubby moving interstate before end of the year. This information triggered my fears of abandonment with horrible nightmares of me being completely on my own. Psychologist spent 3rd session trying to calm me down and talked about theory of how trauma affects the brain plus talked about flight, fright, freeze reactions.local dr at recent appointment has doubled my dosage of anti depressants and said he thinks I will be better off being referred to a psychiatrist due to my PTSD. When I asked local gp why he thinking about referring me to different therapist after such short period of time his reply was for me to discuss with my psychologist at next session, discuss with her and then have next review with local gp within a week of having next session with psychologist. Im confused. I don’t understand why about 7 weeks ago local dr referred me to psychologist and after having only seen psychologist for 3 sessions local dr now thinking psychiatrist is more appropriate. has anyone experienced similar? Any thoughts or experiences regarding the different therapists for PTSD, OCD and associated anxiety? Patches

Alesandra Disengaging from toxic mother and siblings
  • replies: 7

Hello. I grew up in a household with two extremely narcissistic parents. On top of that my father was very verbally abusive, intimidating and would constantly put me down in front of others. He continued this behaviour towards me until he died 5 year... View more

Hello. I grew up in a household with two extremely narcissistic parents. On top of that my father was very verbally abusive, intimidating and would constantly put me down in front of others. He continued this behaviour towards me until he died 5 years ago. I have no feelings towards him anymore so don't grieve his death or wish he was alive so I could confront him. My mother is elderly with early dementia and the wreckage that she allowed under her watch is something I can't forgive. She was absent when I was growing up - always off doing something for her work, her social life and her status. She was also emotionally absent. She raised a bully of a son - my brother - who bullied me into adulthood and sexually abused me as a child. When I told my mother about the abuse when I was in my 20s she said "worse things have happened to people." My sister, like my mother is a narcissistic and extremely superficial. She wants my brother's approval constantly so will support him in any dispute. A year after my father's death the trauma of my childhood and the ongoing bullying and degrading behaviour of my brother just came to the fore. I lost it and confronted each of the family members. Since then (4 years ago) we have barely spoken and despite therapy I don't feel I have moved on. I have been demonised by my brother, sister, their partners and their kids and have no contact wth them apart from occasional emails (which are extremely triggering) about my mother's care. I also loathe my mother but because I was constantly made to feel by my father and then my siblings that I was the cause of all the family fights and that "I would kill my mother" I am in a constant state of guilt when I don't see her. When I do see her I have a simmering rage. I would love to know how I can disengage from my family of origin. I have constant suicidal thoughts because of them. They will never reach out to me in any way or show any remorse and I just want to have nothing to do with them. But cutting them out completely is so hard. Any help appreciated.

BS TW DV and SA
  • replies: 3

TW DV and SA Hey everyone. I think I just need somewhere to vent a little bit. I am a chef, qualified in march. Earlier in my apprenticeship though I worked with a chef who I thought was really great. I worked for a big company so sometimes it was ha... View more

TW DV and SA Hey everyone. I think I just need somewhere to vent a little bit. I am a chef, qualified in march. Earlier in my apprenticeship though I worked with a chef who I thought was really great. I worked for a big company so sometimes it was hard to get that one on one learning. But he really took the time too teach me and show me a lot of really cool things. I really enjoyed working with him,he was a bit rough around the edges but working with him I really felt like I had found a mentor. He left the place I work for almost a year ago now. And I have just found out that he has been arrested and charged for Domestic violence against his wife. I feel shattered and angry. I come from a back ground of family violence and sexual assault and I am always SO vigilant about seeing the sighns. Even my partner says I'm too harsh on people because the second I get a funny feeling I won't go near that person. And there were sighns. He would be late from work because he had to take his wife to the hospital. Or he would have rage fits that were really unnecessary and uncalled for. Being a chef though, it's really common (not right! But common) for people to get angry. So I just filed it under that i guess. One particular instance was one night I had to run the kitchen because he couldn't make it to work at the last minute. And the next day he said it was because him and his wife went out with friends and she had a bit too much to drink and slipped on the road side and split her eye open, he had to take her to the hospital and he even said that the doctors had pulled her aside to ask if it was DV. He said he understood though but he'd never do that. I feel so blind sided. Again. I feel like I should have seen something. Not that it's my responsibility or anything. But just once again I fell for someone being kind to me and they turned out to be someone completely different Too top it off my dad messaged me this week for the first time in about 5 years. I don't talk to my dad. He was one of my abusers. I just feel so anxious lately. And I know all of this contributing to it. Its affecting my work and my partner keeps making saying I haven't seemed myself lately. I just feel so sad and alone.