When I was 11, my virginity was taken by a man from rape in my home.I
never told anyone in my family, and after a few months I told some
friends at school and they shamed me, accusing me of making up lies and
that I didn't realise what I was saying a...
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When I was 11, my virginity was taken by a man from rape in my home.I
never told anyone in my family, and after a few months I told some
friends at school and they shamed me, accusing me of making up lies and
that I didn't realise what I was saying as rape is a serious accusation.
I learnt to keep my mouth shut and as I grew older, I started to feel
safe to share with some people that "my virginity was taken
non-conconsensually", as this felt not as serious as using the word
rape. For me, it removed the weight of the experience and this was
reflected in how people responded to it. "Oh, that sucks!". I started
self-harming when I was 13. I stopped and started over the next 2
decades and was in and out of therapy.I am now 33, in therapy with a
fantastic therapist (finally), recently diagnosed with PTSD and
everything is bubbling to the surface. Certain friends know, I'm
claiming that I was raped and being clear about it. My partner knows but
for some reason I feel that I want my family to know. It happened while
they were home, only a door between me, my rapist and them. I don't know
exactly why I want to tell them, maybe to explain away my mental health
history? And for some other reason I feel the words get trapped in my
throat just at the thought of approaching the conversation. How would I
even start it? How could I explain my reasons for wanting to share?
What's the point? Is it self-serving to relieve myself of the desire to
tell them and burden them with the knowing? Why now? So many questions.
It would be helpful to receive reflections, your own personal experience
with sharing with important figures in your life, even advice. Thank you
for this space.