PTSD and trauma

A space for discussing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), domestic abuse, sexual abuse and other trauma. Please note some content may be distressing.

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 273

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Justanotherday Loveless Mother
  • replies: 2

Hi, how can you overcome a narcissistic mother who has pretty much kidnapped my children???

Hi, how can you overcome a narcissistic mother who has pretty much kidnapped my children???

franklinsmate COMPLEX PTSD
  • replies: 3

Hi guys, I'm new here. I have ADHD and COMPLEX PTSD. I'm prescribed medication for ADHD but no treatment for CPTSD as I have only just become aware that I have it. I have realized how much it affects me and that I've been kidding myself that I'm OK. ... View more

Hi guys, I'm new here. I have ADHD and COMPLEX PTSD. I'm prescribed medication for ADHD but no treatment for CPTSD as I have only just become aware that I have it. I have realized how much it affects me and that I've been kidding myself that I'm OK. I'm not doing so good and just want to connect with people that understand. Thanks.

kitsuwn worried for bro
  • replies: 2

Hi, 2015 my mama, myself and my two older twin bros moved to Australia from Russia better life. I wont use his real name here, so I will call him Twin 2, has suffered for many years with very bad mental health. Both he and I were abused as kids by an... View more

Hi, 2015 my mama, myself and my two older twin bros moved to Australia from Russia better life. I wont use his real name here, so I will call him Twin 2, has suffered for many years with very bad mental health. Both he and I were abused as kids by an old friend of our mama. I don't remember the abuse very well as I was only a toddler, but Twin 2 was 8 years and has been very hurt by it for his life. He was diagnosed with PTSD, depression and BPD in around 2013 after a involuntary hospital stay from trying to take his life & self harm. He has very close bond with his bro (Twin 1) and for the most part they are inseparable. We all get along well, maybe we are not as close with our mama as most seem, but she is there and does try to help. She doesn't speak english well so a Rus/Aus community that we are apart of helps her out.This year has been very hard as w/ the war we have worried for our extended family living in Russia, and all of this has not helped with my big bros mental health. These past months he started to harm himself again and has gotten even more clingy than he was before. He is always very scared of losing us and always accuses us of trying to abandon him. He says he don't blame us if we do, but that he can't handle the thought and that he will end his life. We did see a therapist with headspace some years ago, but because he is 25, they no longer provide him with support. We have tried as much as we can to look after him, but it is hard on Twin 1's mental health with the constant fear that when he goes to work that Twin 2 might hurt himself, as neither of us can watch him all the time. He has never had a jobvdue to his health. He spends his days laying around smoking, drinking, but he does try to help out around the house when he can. When he was put in hospital in 2013 he came out more scared then when he went in, so he is very scared and wary of talking to drs about his problems as he worry he will be admitted again. We think here in Australia that the mental system must be better than it is back home, but he is still very scared. We want him to get better and become a functioning Australian as we are very grateful to live here and there are so many more opportunities for him, but he can't leave the house without having a panic attack. Last year we adopted a kitty cat for him and she has helped him, especially for when Twin 1 isn't home to be with him, but we just need to see more progress. help is appreciated and thankyou.

LivvMay My partner was disowned from his family because he chose to be with me
  • replies: 3

My partner was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness for context. To summarizewe met online and became a couple. His father spied on his phone and monitored and archived our conversations without us knowing. (He was 18 at the time.) His dad took away all of ... View more

My partner was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness for context. To summarizewe met online and became a couple. His father spied on his phone and monitored and archived our conversations without us knowing. (He was 18 at the time.) His dad took away all of his devices, constantly guilt tripped him saying he was going against Jehovah and their religion (this was because I was a Jehovah’s Witness. His father screamed and lectured him for hours. (This happened a lot.)In the end he wasn’t even allowed to leave the house anymore. He had no access to the internet or literally anything. He sat in his room staring at the wall all day barely eating or drinking.After a while his parents gave him an ultimatum. It was either stay with them and the religion or leave to stay with the worldly person and get disowned. He already made up his mind but every time he told them he would just be told “we know you will make the right decision. Think about it some more.”after a couple of months he escaped through his window in the middle of the night. He had bought another phone in secret and packed some spare clothes, then caught a plane to my state where we met in person for the first time.for two years after that he lived at my family home struggling significantly with the trauma. His father would message and call him nearly every day with more guilt tripping which kept the trauma fresh in his mind. The religion he was in taught him to believe that if he leaves the religion he was going to “die to Armageddon and that people in the outside world would prey on him like vultures.” He still believed in those teachings so he had many many panic attacks, break downs and severe dissociation periods. I was 17 at the time, still in high-school and this was my first relationship. I didn’t know how to help him at all. it was like he was an empty shell of a person. it’s now two years later since he left and he has healed so much. He is himself again and has goals in life. He still has a long way to go but he’s motivated and on the right track. he’s got his own place, a job and is in university. But recently things have been really hard. His parents are coming up here to find where he lives to see him. He is scared and is going back to his same mindset from before. It’s hard to see him so stressed and scared and I really want to help. But I don’t know what to do.Reached word limit

MsDugzt Labels and moving on
  • replies: 4

I have lots of labels these days. I hate labels! MS, CPTSD, Anxiety, Depression-it goes on. All I know is that I feel down,like black down.My life is peppered with traumatic events starting with the unfortunate passing of my first two children from a... View more

I have lots of labels these days. I hate labels! MS, CPTSD, Anxiety, Depression-it goes on. All I know is that I feel down,like black down.My life is peppered with traumatic events starting with the unfortunate passing of my first two children from a rare genetic disease.Then sexual abuse,divorce,severe domestic violence from a new ptnr,death of my dear parents , diagnosis of Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis and it goes on..the roundabout goes around… Most days I have suicidal thoughts brought on by fatigue,pain and loneliness. I do have people around me. My gorgeous hubby who I’ve been married to for 19yrs, my two adult girls who are my life, a sprinkling of very good friends. I have 4 carers in my life, a brilliant medical team and a psychologist who suggested this forum. I have an amazing faith in my God and a supportive congregation.But I can’t shake this black cloud. I’m not looking for sympathy.What has happened has happened, I can’t change that. I’m looking for something to lift this black cloud. Some promise. Some hope to get through my days. I don’t want my loved ones to suffer on without me, that’s why I stay. But I don’t want to stay. I really don’t. This living caper is exhausting for me. I’m rambling I know, but there’s too much in the past that won’t stay away from my thoughts. That’s part of my story…..

Anzee EDMR
  • replies: 1

Hi, you may have read some of my story. If you haven’t, here’s the gist, I had a traumatic medical episode a few years ago and engaged with a psychologist for severe health anxiety. After a month, I started having triggers and flashbacks from my chil... View more

Hi, you may have read some of my story. If you haven’t, here’s the gist, I had a traumatic medical episode a few years ago and engaged with a psychologist for severe health anxiety. After a month, I started having triggers and flashbacks from my childhood abuse and my psychologist referred me to a service that specialised in sexual abuse but after a few sessions they said they couldn’t work with me as I was being retraumatised in my relationship and wasn’t safe. I was in deep denial about my abusive relationship as we had been together a long time and share two kids. After a while I was finally convinced to contact a DV service and after leaving for a second time late last year I have pretty much been in trauma or crisis mode. My ex has taken me to court also which I have struggled with so much as at times I’ve felt like I was living the trauma all over again. I had an amazing friend who supported me through all of it but I pushed her away because I felt like I was too much of a burden on her, I have a DV worker but we hardly ever talk, I have a supportive family services worker, but I often feel like I use her too much too and that I’m a burden so will withdraw from her support regularly. I have a supportive therapist, but because I’ve been pushing people away, I’ve managed to go pretty deep back into my denial bubble so I don’t want to face or accept the trauma I’ve been through as I feel like it puts me back into crisis, but my therapist has been encouraging me to do EMDR with me for a while now and feels it will be helpful with my PTSD and flashbacks but I just feel too scared to do it. She’s tried it with me a couple of times, the latest been last week, and because I can’t find a safe place in my internal or external life making any kind of trauma work very difficult, she has consulted other professionals in trauma and EMDR work to get some tips on how to work with me when the trauma is still so distressing for me. She was going through one of the techniques she’d had recommended to her in our last session and we got about 10 seconds into the activity and I just freaked out and said I’m not doing this, then hid my face under a pillow on her couch. She tried to talk to me about what I was feeling and encouraging me to try again but I just couldn’t look at her or communicate, it’s like I completely shut down. I just don’t know what’s wrong with me and why I can’t even try one little thing. Has anyone had a similar experience with therapy?

mmMekitty The Slightest Trigger
  • replies: 9

Lots of people are triggered by various things. I have an attitude about them, like this: Triggers happen, like tax, unavoidable. Usually, they are fleeting. They can be either predictable or unpredictable. You might have a mix. I think, if I am goin... View more

Lots of people are triggered by various things. I have an attitude about them, like this: Triggers happen, like tax, unavoidable. Usually, they are fleeting. They can be either predictable or unpredictable. You might have a mix. I think, if I am going to be triggered by something, surely I will see it coming. I know some things I might read, or some tv shows, movies, some songs, & certain noises. I might make a list, except that list seems to change daily. For example, some days I could watch Law & Order - SVU, other days it gets to me, striking me hard enough to double me up and have me crying. Tonight, it was the smallest thing, a word, 'Twinkle' used in a completely unrelated context, playing the fun little game we have here on BB. I had written 'Star' and Quirkywords had written 'Twinkle', In response, I thought, I can't see the stars anymore. Wish I could, wish I might, because when I was young and having an overnight visit with my friend next door, her father came into the room. Shocked, I froze & looked out the window, saw a single bright star and tried to imagine myself being where it was. until he fell asleep . Now because I don't know what I would do if I needed to detach myself like that again, I can sometimes get to feeling very upset. I don't know why tonight? Just my response to the word, and wishing I could see a star, any star twinkle, brought it back home to me, I can't, it is 'gone' , as I wrote in that thread. Tonight, well this morning, I am annoyed, I'd like to say, "NO" and push this all aside. I get angry at having these old emotions, & memories move through me, feeling like they might settle in for a longer stay...I am tired, I need sleep, I worry I won't. stop this now. So, post this thread, whether anyone answers or not. I need to think things through a bit and writing is my best way to do this. I hope, I'm reaching someone else, and what I say is useful. Some people welcome trigger warnings. I don't, mostly because it would be impossible to have a trigger warning on nearly everything. I also understand, if I am triggered by something, it is an area needing more attention & more work. I'm not finished with the memories, thoughts or feelings triggered. I take them as a challenge. I wonder how others deal with the triggers? Do you actively avoid them, or like me, take it as a part of life to be faced? How do you respond to the thoughts, feelings & memories, which have been triggered? mmMekitty

Justanotherday Seems to be a never ending story
  • replies: 1

Hi, I don’t know where to turn to, then last night found this… Anyway my story started from a young girl who witnessed terrible domestic violence, left home ended up with the wrong crowd, which in turn put me on the wrong road. Ended up getting my li... View more

Hi, I don’t know where to turn to, then last night found this… Anyway my story started from a young girl who witnessed terrible domestic violence, left home ended up with the wrong crowd, which in turn put me on the wrong road. Ended up getting my life together. Had 3 beautiful kids. My mother would constantly stick her nose in my life, from telling me to have an abortion saying that I had too many children. She got into my daughters brain basically saying that I was a bad mother. My partner ended up being a loser. So I decided to leave with my 2 boys to another state. My daughter wanted to stay with mother. Until she finished her hsc.So life was going well, until I met a man who turned my life upside down. He physically & mentally abused me. My mother instead of coming up to help me, brainwashed the children to come and stay with her. I fell pregnant to this nasty man. The police told me that he had done this to so many other women. So I felt trapped in this situation. Long story short I ended up having him locked up for 6 months. I came back to my mothers house. Was working and everything was fine. When the time came for him to be released. I became so terrified. I left my mums home afraid for the safety of my children. I didn’t realise I had PTSD. So badly I was hearing voices. I came back to my mothers home after 6 months. She called the police on me in front of my children for telling her I would do something to her and her phone, as she was following me around the house recording me. She had me committed and I was released with nothing wrong. She threw me out on the street with no where to go. I had nothing and no one. I have got my life together now and told her that I would be getting a place close to the kids school. She told me to f*** off and not come back. She is telling my children nasty things about me. She is not a good guardian and instead of helping us recover from this, she has just caused more emotional drama. To me this is abuse and I consider this worse than the abuse I went through with that man. I don’t see the sense in living anymore. I’m not suicidal, though what’s the point.

EventuallyMe Hello
  • replies: 2

My life has been a roller-coaster of unfortunate circumstances. I'll focus on the last few months for today. I finally got the courage to leave my ex after over a decade of abuse both mentally and physically. I tried to talking to people about it pre... View more

My life has been a roller-coaster of unfortunate circumstances. I'll focus on the last few months for today. I finally got the courage to leave my ex after over a decade of abuse both mentally and physically. I tried to talking to people about it previously but was brushed off as he came off Nice or quiet in front of others how can someone like that be doing the things I'm saying. He has made it hard every step of the way to leave him. I tried leaving him in the past the first couple times I didn't because he said he would kill himself and then that change to you wouldn't leave me, I'm all you have. Noone loves you ect. Is there any services I could contact?

Searching_4_Hope Perth Support Group
  • replies: 1

Hi All, I have been dealing with porn addiction/entitlement for a number of years and it has affected every relationship I have ever had and most importantly my current marriage. I’m looking for a support group here in Perth or an accountability part... View more

Hi All, I have been dealing with porn addiction/entitlement for a number of years and it has affected every relationship I have ever had and most importantly my current marriage. I’m looking for a support group here in Perth or an accountability partner. Any help you can provide will be greatly appreciated.