PTSD from natural disaster as a child

[Elizabeth CP]

I was 10 when I was caught in a bushfire which destroyed our home in 1965. I stood in the house waiting to die. We walked out through the smouldering bush after the fire front past. Afterwards I felt guilty for not doing anything to help eg gathering photos etc as they were all lost. In those days you were expected to get back to 'normal'life straight away. Life was never the same as we moved away to a new area were it was hard to make friends. I struggled on my own to overcome many challenges eg learning to use a match to light a stove or fire took several years and I felt very embarrassed about it. I compensated for my guilt feelings and poor self esteem by working hard to achieve goals such as high academic results and also by helping people (particularly my parents).  My mother became disabled so I took over the shopping and other housework as a teenager. Later I cared for her full time for 12 years after my father died.  

More recent bushfires including Ash Wednesday and Black Saturday have been close to us (sparks & embers landing in our garden) thus stirring up bad memories. I react strongly to reports of fires even in other states. I have recently started exposure therapy to help me deal with my problem. Hot dry summers are bad for me and I recently injured myself & have had to give up work because my husband has been very ill and it became too difficult to work and care for him. This means my normal strategy of working hard to drown out the negative feelings isn't possible at  the moment.

I wondered if anyone else had experienced anything similar and how they dealt with it. In my case it wasn't just the traumatic event but all the losses ( including complete change of lifestyle) experienced afterwards which have had a negative impact on my mental health

[Guest_1055]

Hey Elizabeth

That would have been so so scary for you as a little child just standing there in the house. I 'm so so sorry.

I don't know what else to say, and I haven't experienced anything similar to you. But I just wanted to say hello anyway and give you a big hug.

With love

Shelley anne xx

[Lori]

Hi Elizabeth CP,

That is absolutely awful and i can only imagine how scary it would of been. Having PTSD from that horrific event is quite normal, i myself haven'texperienced that but my mum did as she was in Ash Wednesday.

Of course it would of been hard to live your life normally after that, and with lighting the stove or something else including fire it will definitely be hard but i have always found facing your fears slowly and taking baby steps gets you there you will over come all this the memories won't fade but the trauma will definitely ease...

Its great that you confined in talking to someone about it i think that is a really great thing you have done and i would suggest to keep it going but only if you wish... 

Being the support person for your mum and now your partner would of been hard but it just shows how strong you are not only physically but mentally and i believe that in time you will definitely get there and over come this!! 

Also don't feel guilty for standing there and wanting to die, at a time like that you dont get to think much and it all happens so quick, the best part of all this is that you are alive and made it through all of that to be able to share your story now with us.

Keep pushing forward you will get through this!! I have all faith in you - Stay strong!!

- Lori 🙂

[Elizabeth CP]

Thank you for your support

[Neil_1]

Dear Elizabeth

Thank you for being able to come here and provide your post.  Something so severe to happen as being caught in a bushfire would be impossible to forget and that yes, it would have long lasting effects on anyone who had to suffer the horror of living through something like that.

I’m originally from the country and had to go out and fight a few bushfires and though these ones were not that big, the power, force, heat of it all are all very scary.  Being a child in amongst that I’d imagine could only amplify it all.

I can only imagine that yes, when you see any news on bushfires or heaven forbid, one that actually comes close to you again can have massive effects on you.  Back in the early 2000’s when Canberra suffered through a major fire that hit some of its western suburbs, that was very frightening.  In times on from there, I’ve heard of people being very traumatised if they smelt smoke in the air – usually from local burn-offs, but the smell of smoke can be a bad trigger for folk who have suffered through bushfires as well.

At present, along with your caring efforts for your husband, would there be some opportunities that might present themselves now for doing some things for you?  Perhaps joining some local organisation or somewhere that does volunteering – on a casual basis, so though your husband always remains number one, if there are chances, there might be something else that you could find to be an interest or hobby for you?

I think when we suffer from ptsd, along with the professional help of counsellors etc to help us work through it, the other thing to try is to get in amongst other things that can spike our interest, something to help occupy our time.

Just some thoughts from myself, and again, thank you for coming and providing your post.

Kind regards

Neil

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks for the reply, Before stopping work I intended to find a group or somewhere to do something I was interested in as well as spending more time with my husband doing things he enjoyed when he was well enough to do it. Unfortunately I have an ankle injury which hasn't healed as it should which limits what I can do. Plus my psychiatrist wanting me to have treatment (exposure therapy) for the PTSD has stirred things up and sapped motivation. Hot summer weather is bad for me.

I am finding myself pulled all directions and I can't use the strategies I normally use to cope. Hopefully things will improve.

[Neil_1]

Hi Elizabeth

It’s never good when we have physical injuries that inhibit us from doing things – that’s just another anchor to weigh us down as we try to move forward.

I hope that this exposure therapy is going to end up with some positive help for you – I think in these circumstances, we need to trust our treating professional that they are able to know just how far to go.  But for us to know also that they are able to provide us with mechanism to put into place after they have delved into issues, so we aren’t left kind of bloodied and beaten after a session like that.

Sure they can really stir up things, but hopefully they can then give us responses to help us cope with this.

I do hope things improve for you as well – just with the finding of yourself being pulled in all directions, that really gets to me also.  And it can be very overwhelming, stressful, frantic, chaotic.  To help, I either type down as many of the issues that I feel are attacking me – get them down in dot points and I’m not sure if that’s something you could possibly do, but for me, it does help as it sort of puts them ‘out there’ so even though they’re still in my mind, I’ve got them listed on paper (or computer screen) as well.  So I can’t forget them and it helps because it kind of makes me less stress over them in my mind, cause I’ve ‘semi-addressed’ them.

I hope that made some kind of sense.

Neil

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks Neil,

Writing issues down is a good idea but at the moment I don't seem to be doing that properly at the moment. This is a bad weekend with the heat and the media having constant warnings re fire danger etc. Exposure therapy without support!!!! Thanks for your support Neill. I feel alone as most PTSD people have developed it differently so their issues are different. 

[LanaKane]

Hi Elizabeth (I am Liz, also)

I definitely know exactly how you feel. I was trapped in the Canberra 2003 bushfires at age 14. I realy struggle every summer with the bushfire reports on TV. For some reason I still watch them but I just sit there and cry.
Mostly I can get a hold of the panic side of it, unless it takes me by surprise then I will panic.

Plus I also have separation anxiety and some kind of fear of loss that I've never investigated. My brother left our house to try to help a friend leave a forest settlement, then we heard on the radio a body had been found in there. Then my parents didn't want me there because I was so young so they drove me to the next suburb over. We didn't know how bad the fire was and I got evacuated from there too and none of us in the family could find each other for hours.

So if you ever want to talk, I definitnely understand bushfire trauma, and the stress that comes with it every single summer.

[Elizabeth CP]

Thank you Liz, Once the fire season is over I'm fine but I can understand your reaction to bushfire reports. I tend to listen to the radio rather than TV. I need to find out what is happening so I can be safe but it becomes irrational listening to reports of fires nowhere near us & getting distressed at the thought of what people are going through. I don't have the seperation anxiety because I was home with mum & we left together. My dad was safe at work & my siblings were at school so they were safe. ( They were evacuated) It makes sense for you to be affected being separated from your family & knowing they were at risk.