On Call For Life

[Ghost_Rider]

Former First Responder here.

Unsure if this forum is for me but it’s a start.

Will see if this introduction is received before writing more.

The last one failed after much effort to put my thoughts down.

Regards.

[Ghost_Rider]

Burnout along with PTSD saw an end to my service years ago. Constant immersion to emergency call-outs.

On-call 24/7 trying to cover gaps in the roster so my community had a vital service. Often parking the emergency vehicle at home just so I could get home. People knocking on my door for help.

Even if a shift was filled I’d make myself available for support or guidance of less experienced crew should a trauma call come in.

Years out of service now but feeling I’m On Call For Life, often feeling separation anxiety if too far from my mobile, though I know no emergency calls will come in.

Hyper vigilant, at times triggered by some of what goes on about me. I can’t watch televised news, it irritates me.

Hearing emergency vehicles is different to me, they often make me reflective of times past. Sometimes I detect the sirens long before others hear them.

I healed mostly over the years but the PTSD resurfaced more while going through chemotherapy treatment recently. The hyper vigilance has returned.

It’s a strange beast, in service burnt out and wanting to leave, then out of the service missing being in.

Missing the professionalism, mutual respect, the bonds of shared experiences, the care for community.

I can only sum it up as being On Call For Life, for what was, will remain with me for the duration.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Ghost_Rider,

Welcome to the forums.

Your post has definitely come through and I hear you.  I feel for you and everything you've gone through, it's certainly not uncommon and if you have a look around the forums you'll find people in the same boat.

Here is an ongoing thread you might like to look at: 

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/ptsd-and-trauma/ptsd-for-medical-and-first-responders/td-p/12364...

Hopefully others will jump in soon and offer their own experiences; I'm sure yours will resonate with many.

Let us know how we can help and support you.

rt

[Ghost_Rider]

Thank you RT for your welcome and shared link.

I’ll be reading through some threads before sharing more myself. I may not need to share more if I find value in the threads of others.

I’ve tried to be measured in posting until I read what is acceptable in other threads. 

Great care would need to be taken in sharing while achieving confidentiality of others.

Some events so unique it would be difficult to share without breaching trust but deeply woven into my life.

In my recovery two authors shared experiences as First Responders really resonated with me through their books.

Not sure if book titles or authors names can be shared here.

To those with the courage to write and publish thank you. Your sharing does help others while raising awareness.

Triple Zero Heroes please reach out to others in your dark hours. Too many suicides occur within the responder community. 

Joining this forum is a step forward for me in a positive direction.

(Please excuse my lack of avatar to my profile. I’ve tried submitting variants to no result.)

[Sophie_M]

Hey Ghost_Rider,

Thank you so much for starting this discussion and sharing a bit of your story. It's really great that you could share your experiences here, and start such a powerful discussion. 

We hope you don't mind us popping in to say welcome and also to touch on the issues you mentioned with your avatar and with posting. We're really sorry that you've not been able to change your avatar image! We're looking into this issue, but it might take us some time to solve - we're sorry about that. You can keep up with our progress on the How can we improve the Forums? discussion, here.

We can also hear you had a bit of a false start with posting - you mention your "last one failed after much effort to put my thoughts down" - if you were trying to post here and it failed, we're sorry to hear about that. We can imagine how frustrating that would be. We do have an autosave function, but if this ever happens again please email us at modsupport@beyondblue.org.au

In answer to your query, you are welcome to share book titles and authors names here - thank you for checking if that's alright. 

Ok - sorry for the intrusion, we'll leave you to your conversation now. Thanks again for your openness in sharing here. 

Kind regards, 

Sophie M

[Ghost_Rider]

Thank you Sophie I value you dropping in to offer some guidance.

It can be daunting starting out in a forum with different formats and requirements. Always try to ease in respectfully.

I’ll read through some threads that have caught my attention and feel the value in them will be helpful.

Regards.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Ghost_Rider,

That's no worries at all; you can share what you like, when you like if you like.  There is no pressure to post or share things that you're not comfortable with or feel like you should be breaking confidentiality.

Feel free to ask any questions; names, phone numbers and addresses (identifying information) is not safe here, while books, authors and any resources can be. 

Our guidelines briefly touch on this - https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/custom/page/page-id/Forums-Guidelines 

Here is another great thread on helpful books and resources; feel free to have a read or add your own to that as well - 

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/helpful-books-and-resources/td-p/206988

Hope this helps.  I'm glad that you joined too and hopefully you'll find it worth it 🙂

rt

[jaz28]

Hi Ghost_Rider,

A very warm welcome to you, I am sorry you did not feel so welcomed before! We are all here to chat and help, please feel free to reach out anytime and share what is on your mind.

I hope you find the forums to be beneficial!

Jaz xx