no one else

[tooniceguy]

Long story really short, When I was 21 my best friend murdered his parents. He told me about it afterwards. I made a statement to the police.....and it took 3 years but he was eventually charged and tried......then 3 years later there was another retrial. And then finally 3 years after that his accomplice was tried. I had to testify in all 3 cases.......I couldn't talk to anyone about it and still can't..... It cost me 10 years of my life and then a whole lot more. I feel so isolated anyone, I've ever tried to talk about it too just looks at me like I'm crazy.

I just don"t know how to move on.....i cant trust anyone,i cant get close to anyone. And absolutely no one gets it. End rant

[tooniceguy]

Morning Taurus. were tou able to make your yoga class​?

Previously I'd done hapkido for about 6 years....before a year off,I have a blue belt, and before dropping out, I was just about to attain my brown belt. But I'm a way off that now....I didn't realize how slow and soft a year could make me. I spent an hour yesterday getting thrown around like a rag doll. And I'm feeling it today.

Visits to the doctors have always been very clinical for me in the past.....this is whats wrong....this is what i need ... In and out.

Not been able to put in words exactly whats wrong ,and exactly what i need is a painful experience.

My new gp seems very nice, and i have faith in her qualifications..... But trust?

Im not sure ill ever trust anyone again .... In the truest sense of the word.

The things I want to discuss with my gp are more physical but are closely related to my mental health.

Take it ezy taurus....your so kind to everyone else.....try and be kind to yourself also.......i have no doubt you deserve some kindness.

Another hug sent your way.

[Guest_9809]

Morning NiceGuy. Yes, I got to my yoga class yesterday. Its a combo of Tai Chi, Pilates and Yoga. We did another new routine which has led to me being really sore today. I have to be careful with the back injury I have, and not overdo things. I have always been competitive when it comes to sports. I dont like to admit defeat or be shown up by something I cant do. That'll teach me aye? A constant reminder today is an aching back and leg, damn it!

Thats so true about becoming soft or slow after a time away from any exercise or sport. Even with my yoga class, I was away for 3 wks, and it was so hard when I returned. As you get older (and you dont need to worry just yet) it definitely gets harder to maintain fitness without a weekly or daily routine. All the more reason to get into all the right habits now, and continue them for as long as possible. I hope your battered body which got tossed around like a rag doll on Monday is feeling okay today, and ready for another session.

I agree about Dr visits. In for a reason, get the script or whatever, then out the door as fast as your legs can carry you. Sounds just like me. Do you realise that some people actually enjoy visiting their GP? Cant understand that, but I guess each to their own. As far as I'm concerned, they are a necessary evil and I'm glad we have access to them. But even though I am on a much better 'footing' with my GP now than I have ever been in my life before, visiting them is still not something I enjoy.

Anyway I am really happy that you seem to have a GP you have faith in. Yes that trust thing is something I also have a lot of difficulty with these days. Its natural to lose trust in people and the world in general when things occur in your life, such as has been the case for you. And me too for that matter. My trust is very hard won these days. Where as, prior to my trauma, I thought the best of everyone, obviously very naive. (-:

Well, its mid week already. I hope your week is okay so far, and that you are continuing to reintroduce things back into your life that you used to enjoy previously. As well as to look for new activities or habits which you may also enjoy.

Okay, so I need to head out shortly. I visit an old lady in a nursing home on Wednesday mornings. She will be waiting for me to turn up, and I dont like keeping her waiting. Routine is very important to our elderly folk.

Catch you again soon. Thinking of you.

Taurus xx

[Guest_9809]

Good evening TooNiceGuy. We havent heard from you in a number of days now. I hope your expected follow up appointment with your GP went well on Friday, and that you have had a nice weekend.

Really just checking in with you, and hoping you are doing okay.

Taurus xx

[tooniceguy]

Hi t, its been a rough week.

Im exhausted, not ready to talk today. But I'm alive. And just wanted to say hi.

I know your having a hard day....i hope you find the strength to get through it. Thinking of u x

[Guest_9809]

Hi there NiceGuy! It was a relief to hear from you this week. Its been a while, and I had worried about you. (-:

Yes I can see things havent been easy for you this past fortnight, so I thank you for dropping in and saying hi.

I believe you have your psych appointment next Tuesday? Try to keep yourself busy leading up to it as I know how difficult that will be. Allow yourself a bit of slack afterwards as well. Be patient with yourself, a reaction is normal under the circumstances.

Are you still going to your hapkido classes? I hope so, because like everyone keeps telling us, exercise is a very important factor in our mental health.

I wont elaborate further, but suffice to say I too have had a particularly difficult week. But yeah thanks, I will get through.

Anyway I again thank you for dropping in, and also for your kind thoughts. If I dont hear from you again before your upcoming psych apt, I hope it all goes as well as possible. And I look forward to hearing from you again when you feel up to talking.

Thinking of you also, and sending strength.

T xx

[geoff]

hello Tooniceguy, I am so pleased that Taurus and yourself have been constant contact, that's what you need, to be reassured by someone else.
I have been following this very difficult comment, but can I say that if you keep calling yourself words that only demean yourself, then this deep pressure of what you are struggling with will continue on, and please I want to say that all of this is terrible for you, and I really feel the pain that keeps going on.
I wish I could express it to you in a much stronger way as Taurus has said, but learning to trust someone else like your doctor, will slowly be built up, only on your terms and not by anyone else, but it's having a professional who can understand the heart break that has affected your life.
I will keep reading but at the moment a connection between you and Taurus is holding strong, and I may interrupt every now and then if you and Taurus don't mind.
Take care the two of you. Geoff. x

[tooniceguy]

Well its been a while since I posted. The last few weeks have been rough....but today I'm feeling positive ,or at least indifferent.

Taurus, first of all i want to send you a hug, ive just caught up on your posts, wow​ you've had a tough run with life of late. My thoughts are with you and your family.

​A few friday nights back my neighbour went and bought a harley. The first i heard of it was about 2 in the morning when he rode it home from work. Our driveways are directly next to each other,and when he pulled up i thought the bike was in my driveway. I woke up and without thinking immediately went into flight mode. I was out the back door and over the back fence in a matter of seconds. My fence is 6 foot high on my side.....but is closer to 12 feet high on the other side, so I've had to spend the last 3 weeks in a physio boot after getting a hairline fracture in my right foot.I'll probably have to wear the boot for another 3 weeks.

After a few days of panic attacks and cold sweats every time the bike came and went. I decided it was time to move ,or I don't know if I would have ever got a good nights sleep again. So I moved out last weekend, I'm now way out of town. On my own ,on acerage. Which is great. Silence and peace. The drawback been, I'm now an hours drive from civilization. Though I'm not sure weather that's a pro or a con. I'm still settling in and working things out. I made my first psyc appt on Tuesday and it went nothing like I thought it was going to, in my head. The appt itself was a fairly positive experience. She is reluctant to diagnose me. As my situation is so unique but were labelling it as anxiety at the moment and starting to deal with that. Àlthough even that is complicated in itself. How do you stop anxiety,when by all accounts you should be anxious. My next appt is on Tues. I've been so busy this last week I haven't really stopped for air yet. Moving house alone ,on one foot hasn't been easy. But the long days and been so physically exhausted.....at least I've been sleeping.

[tooniceguy]

Geoff your comments/advice/posts are always welcome! As is everybody's on this forum.

[Guest_9809]

Hi there NiceGuy. Oh goodness, you sure have had a difficult time of it. You poor thing, how awful! Hopefully the foot hasnt been too painful, despite the inconvenience during the house move. I guess this means no more Hapkido for a while though?

Your move sounds great. I love country living, despite the inconvenience of being an hour's drive from so-called civilization. I love the peace of being in a remote area. People who havent experienced true silence are often unable to comprehend or handle it. Silence can be deafening they say! I hope you are adapting well to the new arrangements after having been there now for 2 weeks?

Do you have any pets NG? I dont recall you mentioning any. Perhaps it would be an ideal opportunity to get yourself a dog, or some other companion animal? As you are on acreage, perhaps even a horse? Just something to keep you company and to give you something to do like regular walks or rides once your foot heals.

So pleased to hear that your first psych apt was a positive experience for you. Thats an ideal start really. And its understandable that she was reluctant to diagnose just yet. She is keeping her options open. I think your next apt is next Tuesday? Hopefully that appointment will enable you to build on your psych-client relationship. And perhaps she will start guiding you on coping mechanisms which work for you. She may also suggest some more targetted therapies down the track.

Gee I do hope that you've finally been able to sit down and draw breath these past few days, after such a frantic couple of weeks. As you say, at least it has resulted in some decent sleep. Colder weather definitely helps with sleep. I had an apt with my psych yesterday, and she asked me how my sleep had been. I explained that although I am still not sleeping well, that at least I have not been having nightmares lately. She tells me that it is quite common for nightmares to be much worse in summer months, and tend to drop off in colder weather. Something about core body temp needing to drop in order to allow a restful sleep. Interesting.

Okay NiceGuy, I send you my best wishes, along with encouragement to continue in your endeavor to recover from the horrible experience you have been enduring for such a long time. Have confidence that things can, and will, improve.

All the best, and a comforting hug as well. Hope you are not feeling too lonely out there? Highly recommend you get yourself a dog. (-:

Taurus xx

[Guest_9809]

Hello again NiceGuy. How are things going out there on your acreage, with the silence and peace surrounding you?

I remembered that you had your next appointment with your psych yesterday and was thinking of you. How did it go this time?

I hope your fractured foot is still nicely encased and secure in the moonboot. Although it must now be under two weeks before it comes off again. Please take care, and dont go jumping off any more fences with a 12ft drop off! The auto fight or flight mode is such a powerful response. Hopefully your ongoing sessions with your psychologist will be able to help you with that.

Not sure what state you live in but, being winter, its probably cold where ever you are. Or relatively at any rate. Hope you have some good heating at your place. Make sure you continue to eat well, exercise as appropriate, and try to get restful sleep as and when you can.

Do you read, listen to music, like watching movies, or anything else that you can do while out of action with your foot? Maybe even some sort of training course (either professional or hobby) that you could do on-line.

Thinking of you NiceGuy, and sending you a warm hug.

Taurus xx