new person

[ecomama]

Hi everyone
not sure what parts to disclose here, feeling very uneasy posting. I feel like a lot of people here, know that I'm socially isolated but feel it's safer this way. I have a lot of mixed feelings due to covid19; feeling freer or even happier that movements were restricted as I have had little choice but to live this way for a long time. Then I realised how odd this reaction is, opposite to what I was hearing at work. Simultaneously I felt huge grief for the world. I'm experiencing compassion fatigue from all of this.

my life has been wrought with trauma & grief, tremendous violence & loss. I desperately sought help from authorities to stop things over many decades. I have fought so hard through courts etc, I know it has cost me a lot of mental stability a lot of the time. At least my children and I are safe atm. Feeling safe is another thing entirely!

happiness eludes me. I strive for the happiness of my children. I don't know how to attain personal happiness, so have strived for contentment. I work hard physically but feel far more exhausted by my mind. flashbacks and memories often come back relentlessly in my waking hours and in my dreams. Working hard physically helps me sleep better 🙂

I used to be very sociable, quite athletic and had a large family. The abuse has taken its toll. My relationships were undermined by the abuser, so they are lost. My physical health was severely impacted by the abuse also. I have a counsellor but I was advised by a close friend who is studying psychology to seek a more intensive type of therapy. I have completed countless hours in therapy through books, online and in person over decades. My counsellor is very impressed by my persistence, resilience and recovery but I feel awful most of the time.

I have no relationships with extended family anymore which is very sad for me. I have basically given up trying since doors are constantly closed on that front.
Soon I plan to take leave from my work to support my children all struggling in their learning from home programs. I will have to take leave on far less pay, so this presents obvious issues to an already stretched financial situation.

I know there is no magic cure for all the issues I have at hand but I still have hope that things will improve and that I can feel happy one day. I pray there are answers within this forum for me.

Thanks for reading.

[Guest_498]

Ems,

Words do hurt. They're not merely insults, they're designed to cause distress. Its mental abuse which stemmed from early childhood. They're severe and strip a lot of confidence off a person. No, no counselling in any form. They use a lot of pop- psychology that is debatable in their success - this medium may work for others, and not for some. Im the latter.

As for social media and idolizing the dizzing heights of certain ppl without brains do not take my fancy. I don't own any social media accounts other than twitter. I follow smart politicians. As for Sam Neuman (money & influence) was used to highlight what it can do for a person. An example, he got a reprimanded for aiding & abetting protests whilst a pregnant woman got a charge for incitement and substantial fine. I'm not easily impressed with money. My last relationship was based on money and control.

Blubes.

[Guest_498]

Croix,

Congratulations on your 20+ years of marriage. I'm so happy that you guys are still in love and going strong. You must have great communication, amongst other things, together. I can only hope to find a life partner of that calibre. I'm 40 and still haven't found love. Kind of feel like I've been through them all. lol. It gets a bit repetitive. Good dynamics and just decent men are hard to find.

Thank you for your kind, supportive & no nonsense words. I always appreciate that. Yes, agreed. Words do hurt and pain is pain. Being strong or not letting it get to me doe not factor in. Although I'm hard on myself because society tells you to 'ignore' them and 'don't let them get to you'. If it were that easy, I wouldn't be feeling this way.

I hope there's some sort of remedy for your back. Have you tried acupuncture? apparently, it's one of the best methods to date.

Blubes

[PhoebeWings]

“It is not me being particularity strong or weak, it is just sometimes injuries have a mind of their own.”

When I read this Croix.... I felt a little sigh of ....relief? a heavy feeling shifting?

It was just such a neat and well written way of saying something very true, that we all experience with life, physical/spiritual/mental health injury....indeed, sometimes old injuries/wounds and traumas have a mind of their own... and can catch us unwares given the right (wrong for us) conditions.

Thanks. I forgive myself 😉

[ecomama]

Hi Pheebs, Blubes, mochs, Croyss - we all have nicknames here just to keep Croix on his toes!

Thankyou for popping in, it's so sweet to have others echoing how we're feeling.
Makes us feel like we're not alone.

It's pretty spandangly company here tonight..... drum roll....

monkey_magic has the BEST NEWS and I just want to congratulate her here too!

Well done for getting the CTO overturned today.

You've done SO WELL and hung in there for so long never giving up.

You really are a shining light to others who've had terrible injustices done to them.

I couldn't be prouder.

Love to you and everyone reading
EM

[Guest_498]

Love you too, Ems xx

[monkey_magic]

Awe thanks EM,

Yes, it can be done! I had so much stacked against me but it really felt like GOOD overturned EVIL during my case.

It really means a LOT to me.

You keep SHINING too supersta.

And mum and I were the best dressed in the room, they thought she was my lawyer.

☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️

[Croix]

Dear E..... I give up, Dear All~

For those that are challenged in the marine biology area walruses don't have toes 🙂

Blu(e), I'm not suggesting that your path to a happy life is with another - it may be I dunno, I was simply trying to point out first 40 or so is a good a starting point as any, there are no boats to miss. Also there is no need to feel bad about feeling bad, sometimes s**t just happens irrespective of your mindset, character or anything else.

You have victories and are hard on yourself?

Much more than 20 years but Mrs C has her dignity for me to consider (plus I'll get "told" 🙂

I'm afraid the back does not have a fix, it is degenerative but fortunately slower than predicted in getting worse. Partly my own fault by not wanting to take more meds than absolutely necessary and then I've often left it too late to get on top of.

I did have person stick needles in once upon a time, must have been the wrong needles as it made no difference. I seem to remember They did have "Knitter's Pride Dreamz Deluxe" around the top of half of them and 編織者的驕傲夢豪華版 on the rest .

I've already congratulated Monkey_Magic, I've followed her battles for many years now.

PhoebeWings I'm glad it struck a chord, too often we apply standards to ourselves which are fine when we are well, but completely inappropriate when ill and it just set us up for failure.

G O Croix

[ecomama]

monkey_magic said:Awe thanks EM,

Yes, it can be done! I had so much stacked against me but it really felt like GOOD overturned EVIL during my case.

It really means a LOT to me.

You keep SHINING too supersta.

And mum and I were the best dressed in the room, they thought she was my lawyer.

☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️

OMG lol ..... And mum and I were the best dressed in the room, they thought she was my lawyer.
lol I bet you both were! Makes for an intimidating sight!

Ridiculous how something so fickle can be so incredibly POWERFUL.

Oh I just remembered "Power poses"... I teach my clients this when I see them feeling down on themselves, amongst other programs.

The games we must play.

I had so much stacked against me but it really felt like GOOD overturned EVIL during my case.
Reading this gave me goosebumps all over again.

You can actually FEEL the evil in the room shrinking away... leaving empty demons.

Doesn't happen very often where we can experience this spiritual, psychological and physical feeling - it's a modern day miracle to behold.

You hadn't had success for years until you called God to be on your side.
I think you felt that power in full regalia descending upon the Court Room.

We will never take our freedom for granted again will we monkey_magic?

Love and many Blessings
EM

[ecomama]

Dear Croix

I forget you're a walrus!

Keep you on your flippers? lol. Not a performing seal position with your back lol.

Wonderful to hear your wise words again to us all dear Uncle...

I have my IRL Uncle to deal with... he's an extremely strong personality.

Back to BACKS.... I've had (prefer not to save 'have' for reasons of leaving the quantum field lol) a broken back.

It was 12y after the injury before "they" found the fracture. They thought it was a myriad of other things but after my 3rd event of not being able to walk and being told each time there was no other option but a wheelchair, I listened to my friend who is a Dr of Sciences not a GP.... she TOLD me to go to her Chiropractor...

I avoided Chiros like the plague before this.

At this point of having many children and not being able to walk, I was driven there...

Long story short, he found the fracture. No surgery available (and none wanted tbh)... and he's worked on me for almost 20y....

Last week I had slipped only 2 discs lol usually it's 3 ho hum... the usual... but I had put 2 ribs out also... I could sense them all but the hypnotherapy I had over 30y ago to prep for childbirth and management of discomfort (I avoid using the word 'pain').... taught me how to do ALL SORTS to alleviate discomfort and move about.... still cut down lantana for hours, still climb trees with saws... still do what I want to do.

My Chiro is a Christian, he Prays before and during working on people too.... he is a Miracle Maker...

On the acupuncture point, I had a Podiatrist use it last year as I had torn 3 ligaments in my leg... yeah could barely walk again... plantar fasciitis and I suspect an undiagnosed fracture in my foot was dealt well by her. The acupuncture was miraculous BUT I also saw a GP and got PRP in my foot without a local anaesthetic which I do NOT recommend. Took 3 weeks for the PRP to settle and "work" over time. It cost $50 out of pocket.

I may have another go soon WITH a local. lol.

Love EM

[Guest_498]

Monkey,
We've always said good will (and does) prevail over evil.
Xx