new person

[ecomama]

Hi everyone
not sure what parts to disclose here, feeling very uneasy posting. I feel like a lot of people here, know that I'm socially isolated but feel it's safer this way. I have a lot of mixed feelings due to covid19; feeling freer or even happier that movements were restricted as I have had little choice but to live this way for a long time. Then I realised how odd this reaction is, opposite to what I was hearing at work. Simultaneously I felt huge grief for the world. I'm experiencing compassion fatigue from all of this.

my life has been wrought with trauma & grief, tremendous violence & loss. I desperately sought help from authorities to stop things over many decades. I have fought so hard through courts etc, I know it has cost me a lot of mental stability a lot of the time. At least my children and I are safe atm. Feeling safe is another thing entirely!

happiness eludes me. I strive for the happiness of my children. I don't know how to attain personal happiness, so have strived for contentment. I work hard physically but feel far more exhausted by my mind. flashbacks and memories often come back relentlessly in my waking hours and in my dreams. Working hard physically helps me sleep better 🙂

I used to be very sociable, quite athletic and had a large family. The abuse has taken its toll. My relationships were undermined by the abuser, so they are lost. My physical health was severely impacted by the abuse also. I have a counsellor but I was advised by a close friend who is studying psychology to seek a more intensive type of therapy. I have completed countless hours in therapy through books, online and in person over decades. My counsellor is very impressed by my persistence, resilience and recovery but I feel awful most of the time.

I have no relationships with extended family anymore which is very sad for me. I have basically given up trying since doors are constantly closed on that front.
Soon I plan to take leave from my work to support my children all struggling in their learning from home programs. I will have to take leave on far less pay, so this presents obvious issues to an already stretched financial situation.

I know there is no magic cure for all the issues I have at hand but I still have hope that things will improve and that I can feel happy one day. I pray there are answers within this forum for me.

Thanks for reading.

[ecomama]

Hey Sleepy,

I didn't know you struggled with insulin resistance. I don't know much about it at all. Have been too tired and just over it to go Googling about it 😞

I just want to be in my garden lol.

Yeah the tests I had on Friday were fasting ones. Gosh the lady taking my blood struggled, yuck! I won't go back to her again. I felt so nauseas as she fumbled about. Waited 20 mins outside while she played on her phone! No other patients in there... yeah.

I'd had non fasting tests earlier in the week and that's where the blood sugar results were right on the cusp.
Hence the fasting ones were required. I did them the very next day because I'm eager to get back to work asap (just not well enough yet).
I only had to fast from midnight so I went in as soon as I could after Yvette had a telehealth appt.

Ultrasound tomorrow for the lumpy lymph nodes that swoll after the jab. They went to the size of baseballs within 36 hours! I literally couldn't put my arm down, or sleep. Then they got super painful.
Omg I just felt under there and except for the joint and muscle aches (lol what a mess I am)… they DON'T feel as painful today.

Omg yay.

Not seeing my GP until Thursday to get results for both then. So won't know until then.

Regardless of it all at this point, my GP still made up a Chronic Care plan thing.

I was so hazy when I saw him, both of us wearing masks and he has a thick accent, so there were lots of things he said that I couldn't understand. Mostly a blur.

I DO remember him saying to do "Intermittent fasting" but I also know that's not good for diabetic people so wtf..
He's referred me to a Dietitian.
I must call my friend and ask her about it all. She's a Dr of so many things lol... not a GP though... but I trust her information over just about anyone's in the realm of physical health.

I'm VERY tired. My joints all ache. Still hazy. Not doing NEARLY as well as I was.
Only feel about 10% myself.

It'll be tricky pulling off a new intense / changed landscape at work dealing with all this.
And to put on a HAPPY FACE at work lol!

Awful 😞

How are you doing Sleepy?

Love EMxxxx

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Eccomama....and everyone..

I felt sad when I read all the side effects of the vaccination...I know I’m not at all a good substitute for your elders but so much want to give you a big warm comforting hug, beautiful friend..,

Like you..I am the eldest person of my family now...are we ever ready to be the head of all or family...Hmmm, idk...being put into that role seems harder then what it is...Just be the beautiful, loving, caring person you always are..and don’t change a thing about you....You will do a great job, of leading your family into the future...

I hope after you have all the tests you need..that the professionals find out more about why your having so many excavated health issues, and they can find a way to help you overcome them all...

EM...RR&SC is what is so important to for to administer to yourself right now..and actually forever...Rest, Relaxation and Self Care...

Rest...you could sit in the sun or outdoors..

Relaxation..read a good book and take yourself into it,,

Self Care..A soothing bubble bath or nice shower, Slowing down a little, An afternoon nanny nap, anything nice for you and your physical and/or mental health....at times it’s really hard to remember that you/everyone needs time to recharge ourselves, our soul, our mind...but it’s so very necessary for you..as well as your gorgeous family and friends...

Stay strong beautiful friend, keep believing in yourself...you are one very awesome person....we all love, care for and respect so very much..

My love, hugs and care to you EC and everyone reading/posting here....

Grandy..🧸🤗

[ecomama]

Thankyou so much Grandy, I was busting for one of your hugs! lol.

Oh I just knew the vax would effect me badly. Not THIS badly but just have a bad effect. I'm still so unwell. It's horrible. The nausea and all joints aching is the worst of it left now.

After my previous post I DID call my Dr friend. She said there's no research backing up Intermittent Fasting, she called it another "fad diet". She believes when research IS done, it will show negative effects on people's systems is the result.

She also validated my thoughts on it being very bad for a person who is pre-diabetic. Ugh!
It made no sense amongst my mother's many talks on the subject to me over decades.
That GP really has no idea some times.
He even listed a medication on the Chronic Health Care plan that he said he wanted to prescribe to me and forgot to give me a script for it! So I can't take it and it's still listed there.
I left with 16 pages of paperwork and when I got to the Chemist, the script wasn't in it.
Great.

My friend said I can reverse the pre-diabetic status and wow that brought some relief. The GP never said that at all.

She also said to follow the Dietitian's advice. But then gave me HER advice lol... low GI diet. She said to eat "true carbs", like Basmati and brown rice. No issues there, I have a 10kg bag of Basmati in the cupboard lol.

She also said to NOT have the same vax again. Apparently they're taking it off the schedule anyway, we'll see.

Pretty soon I need to make an appt with the Dietitian. I'm waiting to feel well enough but not sure if that's a good idea or not.

Melding the new food plan with my FODMAP issues and food sensitivities will be lots of fun for her lol.

Yes Grandy I will do my best to incorporate some R&R and SC. Wish me luck! hahaha.

Better head off to bed.

Thankyou for your kind words of support,
Love EMxxxx

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Ecomama..

I am deeply sorry that the vaccination has caused you some horrid side effects...maybe if you can..Please talk to your regular GP about what’s happening to your body....My neighbour has had extremely runny and sore eyes with a lot of swelling around them since she had the vax and the Dr. doesn’t seem to be taking her seriously....

A few months ago, I was also pre term diabetic and my Dr told me it’s not to late to turn that diagnosis around....I ate lots of air fried fresh vegetables...wet bix, which I love with butter and vegemite 😁....tuna, sardines and I snacked on pop corn,...after a month I had another diabetic test and I was back in the normal range....

You are such a very busy person EM....with raising and helping your beautiful family...It really is so very important to set aside at least a bit of time each day for you...Just you...to pamper yourself a little bit.....You too are a very important person in your children’s lives....If you don’t seem to be able to find that hour..please take something off your daily schedule and replace you with it..

Here if you need to talk beautiful friend....maybe not straight away, but I do read and follow your story....

I hope you realise what a beautiful soul you have...I do.

My love, care and hugs precious lady..💜🌹🤗.

Grandy..

[Guest_1643]

Hi EM, Grandy, J, Blues and all reading....

Hi EM, I'm wandering if u considered or were thinking of doing what the GP suggested with the intermittent fasting? I had the exact same awful recommendation 10 years ago and it made me so stressed. I know there is a guy who wrote a book on the topic who is very much a fad guru type guy.

similar to you, I felt uncomfortable,portable with the suggestion and concerned by the whole thing.

Hope Ur feeling OK x

[Ggrand]

Hello EM, Sleepy and everyone....🤗

I am just doing a check in lovely Ecomama to ask RUOK?....

Also to very gently remind you to be kind, gentle and compassionate to your beautiful self...🌹💚🧸🤗.

Grandy

[ecomama]

Hi Grandy, Sleepy and anyone reading, thankyou for your sweet messages, I really appreciate them. xxxx

I'm back at work FT now, on site. It's CRAZY! Everything's mixed up, so much fussiness. I also have virtually no access to a laptop at home as the kids all use them for school work and fun.
I borrowed a work laptop overnight to finish a Course last night and was in bed by 5:30pm! I just finally finished the Course at 3am.

I'm still recovering from the vax.
Yes Grandy, my GP is on the case. He's put ALL my symptoms down to the vax.

Sleepy yes he said to do Intermittent Fasting but this was totally dismissed by my friend. The thing is that I WAS more or less doing this naturally and I think that's WHY I had more issues than necessary.

I'm trying to eat differently now, more regularly. Less sugar lol. All good. I love how you reversed that issue for yourself Grandy! GREAT NEWS!

I've got so many appointments after work going on, it's going to be a while before I make an appt with the Dietitian. I'll feed back after I see her and let everyone know her advice.

So besides the kids, chickens, dog, cat lol, I'm SLEEPING. I flopped into bed yesterday at 5:30pm and was out for the count. I'd raced home from work, getting a few groceries on the way home... to get P.Son to the train station after taking HIM to the shops to get more food for his 2 day trip down South.
TODAY he begins his HSC Exams.

OMG I HAVEN'T TOLD YOU ALL!!!
P.SON GOT INTO UNIVERSITY!!! In fact he got into TWO! His absolute BEST first choice and his SECOND choice too. Omg so wonderful.
His awesome teachers put his name forward somehow to the Universities and wow he got Early Entry.

So yes he's deferring lol but he's FAR MORE relaxed now. He's even spent some time reconnecting with friends. He had a sleepover even but the next day said he was suffering from "Social Overload" lol. (I think it was a hangover too tbh 😉

Anyway with P.Son on the train I drove the kids 30 min to a KMart to buy stuff and get photos printed ofcourse. They wallpaper their walls with photos and need to update them lol.
I bought us all dinner and came home to bed.

Alexa and her new BF are coming for dinner tonight :-0
He's so sweet. Looks like he had a similar upbringing to me with the strict controlling mother (no physical violence) and an absent father. He triggers here with the freedom my kids have.

Yvette and her GF are going well 🙂 and are very happy!

Hope to pop back soon!

Love EMxxxx

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Hey EM,

Again, apologies for not being very present. Same deal as before, energy in the dumpster, a lot on my plate, will expand on my thread.

Sorry to hear the vax has been such a nightmare for you. Do you have any insights now as to why? Your symptoms sound really concerning. Though I read you're back at work now, if not feeling 100%. Please don't run yourself into the ground, you're worth more than that.

Re ADHD - I admit I'm a bit envious that you don't generally get the comedown. You seem to be more on the hyperactive side than I am, but also more able to sustain it. I'm somewhat hyper but definitely don't have the energy to back it up. Very exhausting, very frustrating.

I hear you about the lists everywhere, for dealing with work. I have that, and the same at home. When I was studying, everything got done at the last minute. It's a rubbish strategy, but well documented that people with ADHD tend to use the stress of close deadlines to actually get anything done. That was me all over. In some things, still is.

I think we have spoken about the difficulties in getting a diagnosis before, similar as you said to getting a diagnosis for autism. My sister having both, one can imagine how complicated her life has been, and how long it took to realise that's what it was and get it diagnosed. No easy task for a female, let alone and adult one, with the current diagnostic criteria. Meds remain a problem too, many are only on the PBS for those who have been diagnosed in childhood, not in adulthood, so the cost factor hits women hard - it's only recently becoming understood women can have ADHD, bugger all of us got diagnosed in childhood. Nice bit of discrimination there.

You commented about your energy levels and how you need little sleep. I wonder, are you maybe one of the "sleepless elite", or are you so hyper that you just can't stay in bed and are suffering consequences you can't quite put your finger on? If you can truly get away with not much sleep, great. But if not, it could be an underlying factor in the health struggles you are having. Food for thought.

I saw somewhere you're having trouble with insulin resistance. Sorry that is on your plate too. I have a friend with that, and the doc walked her through dietary changes and stuff to reverse that. It absolutely can be reversed.

Running out of words, so I'll finish up. Song from Puffballs.

Blue.

PS Hi to Sleepy, J*, Monkey, Grandy and anyone else reading.

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Hey EM,

It's been quite a while since you've been on. Hope you're just taking time out to manage everything going on, and holding out okay. Kind thoughts and hugs to you, and a song from Puffballs.

Blue.

[ecomama]

Hello friends & thankyou for your post dear Blue,

I truly do understand the plight for women getting diagnoses, well just about in ALL ways. It stinks to high heaven. Things MUST change!

So much has been happening here as per but ramped up the past month.

I possibly am one of the 'sleepless elite' LOL!
I've never heard of that term before btw.
Being on earth for 6 decades, seldom ever "needing" 8h, more like 4 or 5h is just a thing my entire family had to get used to (whilst pulling out their hair, they told me).
It's just me. I'm used to it.

I've really enjoyed it also! I get SO MUCH done lol.

I was kinda an 11th hour finisher of assignments until I finished my 1st degree at 20yo but absolutely because I had literally so many pages of notes every where with all sorts of symbols to link this to that, I worked solidly between physical activities I did every day, just to get assigmts completed.

I DO know that the stress I faced up till that age (& beyond tbh) really impaired my cognitive ability. I know my IQ score at 12yo was at the ceiling but the teachers & School Counsellor were more concerned that my school work didn't reflect that score.
I now know why.
It was FV.

So after I left home at 20yo I was able to complete 2 more degrees in the next 5y somewhat more easily.

Anyway HOW ARE YOU????

In my absence I've thought of you all here so much.
Work has been NUTS. Recovering from the vax is ongoing. So many appts. I've lost 6kg on purpose.
Home has been so busy I can't even begin.... BUT p.son does his last exam this week YAY!
Then I do 2 trips down South in the following week. 1 to MOVE HIM OUTTA there, yay!
The 2nd to attend his Graduation. (Btw his ex is trying to hang around & he's not having it).
He intends on doing some modelling next year because he's been approached so often about it, he's deferred Uni but is SO EXCITED to begin that. Plus his work is training him up for Manager's positions.

Alexa, so sad. She found out yesterday that she has a congenital defect that's the cause of almost all her health conditions! One that SHOULD have been picked up in utero GRRRR. With the 100s of Drs she's seen, NONE of them found anything.
We're in deep shock. Horrified to our cores tbh. ANGRY.

BF wants to get married asap and have all the kids get dual Citizenship with the U.S. so that she can have progressive treatments in the U.S. asap.

I'm still renovating, till 2am at times, to get my anger OUT!

Talk soon
Love EMxxxx