new person

[ecomama]

Hi everyone
not sure what parts to disclose here, feeling very uneasy posting. I feel like a lot of people here, know that I'm socially isolated but feel it's safer this way. I have a lot of mixed feelings due to covid19; feeling freer or even happier that movements were restricted as I have had little choice but to live this way for a long time. Then I realised how odd this reaction is, opposite to what I was hearing at work. Simultaneously I felt huge grief for the world. I'm experiencing compassion fatigue from all of this.

my life has been wrought with trauma & grief, tremendous violence & loss. I desperately sought help from authorities to stop things over many decades. I have fought so hard through courts etc, I know it has cost me a lot of mental stability a lot of the time. At least my children and I are safe atm. Feeling safe is another thing entirely!

happiness eludes me. I strive for the happiness of my children. I don't know how to attain personal happiness, so have strived for contentment. I work hard physically but feel far more exhausted by my mind. flashbacks and memories often come back relentlessly in my waking hours and in my dreams. Working hard physically helps me sleep better 🙂

I used to be very sociable, quite athletic and had a large family. The abuse has taken its toll. My relationships were undermined by the abuser, so they are lost. My physical health was severely impacted by the abuse also. I have a counsellor but I was advised by a close friend who is studying psychology to seek a more intensive type of therapy. I have completed countless hours in therapy through books, online and in person over decades. My counsellor is very impressed by my persistence, resilience and recovery but I feel awful most of the time.

I have no relationships with extended family anymore which is very sad for me. I have basically given up trying since doors are constantly closed on that front.
Soon I plan to take leave from my work to support my children all struggling in their learning from home programs. I will have to take leave on far less pay, so this presents obvious issues to an already stretched financial situation.

I know there is no magic cure for all the issues I have at hand but I still have hope that things will improve and that I can feel happy one day. I pray there are answers within this forum for me.

Thanks for reading.

[Jstar49]

Hey Em, Hi all,

Oh it's so lovely to read the joy in your voice Em!

I get a little bounce in my step just thinking of you walking into the nail salon or whatever those places are called lol! (I'd rather get a massage but hey! Whatever floats your boat, as they say!)

Nice that you can do something that reminds you of good times with BF. And it reminds me of that poem, about "You plant your own flowers, and decorate your own soul" Important to do in a relationship as well as when youre single. And you, darling Em, are an exciting combination of single and partnered!

I have Louse Hays sitting beside me, from another post, and on a whim looked up hands.

"Hands. Hold and handle. Clutch and grip. Grasping and letting go. Caressing. Pinching. All ways of dealing with experiences."

How great is that?! It seems even more relevant now for you to be getting your nails done.

Many blessings upon you Em, and may you continue to deal with your experiences joyfully, courageously and compassionately.

LOVE

J*

[ecomama]

Hey J* thankyou.

Yes its been fun lol.

Yesterday between all the stuff I had to do, Alexa came over with the kids and rescue dog... the kids had had a few let downs...

So we all went to the BEACH!! Just on the spur of the moment.

It was so fun, so calm and relaxing.

Dog friendly beach ofcourse lol.

We swam, flew the kite the whole time too lol.

I ran into an old school friend too! I had just been thinking of her as we'd driven past her house we used to have parties at AND get to ride her horses lol. (It's all built out now).

Then she was THERE with her partner and child, whom I hadn't seen for about 7y.
We chatted and she got to destress lol!!
FOR ONCE in years it was someone else totally destressing with me and not the other way around. Well it does happen alot, just hasn't happened with friends that much over the past number of years.

She actually recognised me by looking at Alexa lol!
My friends call Alexa my name in conversation, she looks so much like me lol.

We got take away for dinner, chilled and rested after that.

For a while now I've been wondering what I'd like to do with an "empty nest".
I've come up with some potentials:
~ get a new surfboard and revive my love of surfing
~ do more crafting
~ get involved with Environmental groups again (more of this when I work less although it's been kind of thrust upon me at work).

My NEW dentist today. Yay.
That'll be interesting hahaha.

I had to pull out about 5 ticks from my skin this week.
The spots they were in are a bit itchy.
The rest of one's body fell out when I scratched it just now. Erk lol.

Yvette's still working through her stuff but the beach trip yesterday was great for her too.

Love EM

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Hey EM,

We appreciate you too, friend. I can say talking to you has been a significant help in figuring myself out - our paths have been somewhat different, but similar enough that you have shed light on some things that didn't stand out as maybe they should have for me, previously.

Really happy to hear about all this self care. I bet your nails look fantastic. It's great that your partner encourages you to do this stuff. My lovely man is like that too - we are lucky to have that little nudge to prioritise ourselves.

Great too that you're feeling able to open up to BF about really personal things. How has conversation been with him since? You said you were expecting a lot of questions.

How did the traineeship thing go, for Yvette? Hoping for good things, there. And the dentist. Got my fingers crossed you have a good one this time.

Loving your excitement about the minimising (of course). It is a great feeling when you see the fruits of your labour. The whole deal is about removing the things that don't matter to make room for the things that do. So important.

Really glad you got that day at the beach, sounds like you had heaps of fun. And inspired to surf again, there's that yearning for adventure. Go you!

Damn, that many ticks? I hear nasty things about how sick they can make people. Hope you're okay, wouldn't want a nasty come-down from how good you have been feeling.

Blue.

[ecomama]

Aww thanks Blue, sometimes there's a "synergy" that can happen between people. That happens in our lovely little group. It's awesome lol.

BF questions? None. He laughed about it & said "Baby didn't you think I KNEW all that when you were talking about doing something because of a dream during that stressful time?" he means thru Courts. He said he'd already worked it out lol and "I think that's AWESOME about you! It all worked out right?" yes indeedy it DID.

Traineeship? woah, so many things the school has to do & the person is on leave & the relieving person won't sign off. Almost in gear about that. Yvette can't wait! She's excited to be starting it.

Dentist? O..M..G. Blue! She is the complete and utter opposite to terrorist dentist. Like a gentle Fairy. It was only an Assessment appt today BUT these peeps are all over it. She fixed a tooth in NOT the same way as terror. He said no other way but root canal and a crown... she fixed it today!
$90 it cost. I haven't walked out of td's paying less than $500 and then they even told me to pay a DEPOSIT for my next appt of $500. Grrrr. (I went back and got that back as you'd know lol).
She won't repeat all the xrays etc because she will wait for the other surgery to pass on my records... she even Googled searched the Laws about that! They HAVE TO.
Simple one page request, signed by me and the sweet receptionist is doing all that FOR me.
Like what the...
Next appt Easter Monday. They're open WHEN I can go, yay!

"The whole deal is about removing the things that don't matter to make room for the things that do." I'm framing that lol! Nailed it there Blue. WRITE THAT BOOK lol, only in your copious leisure time ofcourse.
Hey I NEEDED that! Still alot more to go but IT FEELS AMAZING.

Definitely buying a surfboard in Winter, cheaper then. A new wetsuit too.
All these things that demon destroyed... slowly but surely getting them back BUT nicer & shinier. Like my nails lol!!
I've GOTTA surf.
Was the happiest periods of my life when I was surfing.

It's going to help with stress too... just melts away.
I sleep better afterwards.
Might even see 2 of my ex husbands lol! Not demon psychopath.
The BRAVE ones 😉, they still talk to me when they see me.

Yes 5 ticks. No symptoms of the virus some carry.
I've had that, so I know it feels HORRIBLE really quickly. All good now, just itchy lumps. I'm thinking maybe my cat gave them to me.. he's normally not such a good sharer lol.

Love EM

[Jstar49]

Hey Em and hi blues,

Bummer about the ticks- loathsome creatures. My d has allergies now because of them. So we carry wart freeze, or tick off ( same thing) anywhere there’s a chance of contact. That’s the current advice. DO NOT remove or scratch out! If no wart freeze, I reckon an essential oil like lavender etc on the tick before removal. Or something like Vick’s, or even paw pas cream etc. apparently they breathe thru their butts (ew!) and so blocking it makes them back out a bit.
Hate hate hate them!

loving the beach vibes, good for you Em! Got the beach boys playing in my head, and it’s pretty cool....

hows the nail polish holding up? Got the kids washing up??

You go girl, can’t imagine you’ll be at a loose end for long, even if your nest does empty out a bit.
love,

J*

[ecomama]

Hey J*, my nails are delish!! omg they sparkle so much lol, it's going to be quite the spectacle at work tomorrow me thinks.

I'm not worried about the ticks. I've probably had about 100 of them over my life time, no issues except for that time I got them on my 'friend's' farm up North and those ones were carrying the virus.
I'd never felt ill from ticks before (I had about 20 in my head and another 10 on my body).
Saw the Dr the next day. Meds. Done.

Just like anything potentially allergen rich, some ppl aren't bothered and some ppl like darling T are. I hope she's okay now!!

I rip them out.
The kids know how to dig the rest out of me after 2 days or so now.

I'm good.

No one else washes up here J* LOL!!! They're never home! Well not very much anyway which is lovely they feel free enough to do so now.
99% of stuff goes in the dishwasher lol. I'm just fussy about some things and handwash them.

Talk about fussy, I've been obsessed about buying new bedding and omg, it feels SO luxurious!

My minimalism efforts left us with the bare bones in bedding.
Then with swapping beds soon with one son, I've gone all fancy lol!!

Now I've got a "Winter wardrobe" for my bed AND a "Summer wardrobe".
The new QS Quilt cover is simple yet Scandi style and I LOVE it.
Need to get another Euro pillow because I went all out today and bought matching pillowcases AND matching Euro pillowcases too.

I ain't sleeping on the QS mattress from down there lol.
Nor the electric blanket.
Nope.
They can be donated to p.son's place down there and left with that family who are always after stuff like that.

I'm asking my Chiro AND my Podiatrist this week if a mattress with memory foam is okay for me. Lol I already know their answers. I need some guidance because I plan on this one lasting a long time.

OH I think all my photos of us at the beach in the BRILLIANT sunshine yesterday tipped BF into full on thinking mode about HOW he can move out sooner lol. (They're having their most intense snow since the 1800s this week lol).
He said he has some thoughts he's going to put to his boss over time.
I've always said he might be able to WORK for his U.S. Company but LIVE here? (Phone support etc).
Immigration would probably disagree but it's worth investigating.

It's sweet he's working things out. That's the man I know and love lol.

I have a MASSIVE week this week.
A 5am rise tomorrow.
A 4am rise the next day and appts almost every afternoon. Phew.

Need a good bed lol.

Love EM

[ecomama]

Update: Day 1 down lol. Taking Leave soon!

I try to schedule no more than 2 appts per week but availability of allied health professionals overrides this, as happened this week.

And major project paperwork due at my work 🥴 quite a few extra things on my pile now I'm fulltime hmm 🤨.
Hence me bringing home lots of work.
And getting to work 2h early today AND staying an hour later.
This fitted in with the drop offs for kids anyway.

4am rise tomorrow. Start at 5am.
HOPEFULLY this should see the last of pressing paperwork done.

Yvette's doing really well. Working, kind of getting to school lol. Planning SOME social times, mostly family time.
Alexa's managing her time so well. She moved her NDIS hours mostly to within 3 days so she can study while she doesn't have the kids. Sure they're 14-16h days (omg) but she's doing okay atm.

Uncle is not so well, hence us not hearing from him. Had a long talk with him tonight. Mainly about his trip to Uluru soon lol oh and him giving me stacks of financial & building cabin advice lol. Sticking with my plan. All good.

My "step" grandchild in the U.S. is not doing so well with stuff so I expect lots of calls from the U.S. family about managing things for him. Little darling.

Hoping I can stay awake to present reports at work tomorrow lol.
Need to get my outfit and jewellery ready tonight - the important things hahaha.

Taking Leave soon.
Mostly Taxation stuff to do and alot of dental work.

Memorial for my friend's nephew on Saturday. The family hired a huge local Entertainment grounds for it. Bands and screens and thousands expected.
They weren't able to have a "proper" funeral last year, so the family's hoping this will help them deal better with the grief.
It's going to be a hard, sad day for sure.
I offered my help all day Saturday as I love them & my friend T has cancer and is unwell.
My darling friends. IDK how they'll get thru this tbh.
All the kids call me Aunty, IDK it's just sad.
Pretty traumatic for them all as Court cases continue from the accident.

I got a BEAUTIFUL bunch of flowers today for helping a new staff member! Awww so lovely. I was so touched by this.

Planning son's leaving school party soon. That will be fun. I'm so grateful.

'Peaks and Valleys' of life I guess.

Doing well.

Love EM

[ecomama]

Update: Boundaries and prioritising.

Today was massive.

Got to present completed projects & darned if I didn't see this coming.... "oh you handled that so well ecomama, you can have all these projects now".

Oh yeah. It happened.

Like THIS isn't teaching OTHERS how to do this stuff!
YES!
I'm the only one who CAN ugh!

woah.

I'm loaded up with 5 ppls work now.
SO it's a slow boat now. I'm not doing these extras at supersonic pace.
Nope.
Boundaries.

I'll do my OWN work.
This other stuff is kind of "my" work but it's supposed to be "group" work huh.
I'll do that in the half day they give me and little more. (I hope lol).

Had to leave work 2h early bec Yvette was sick at school.
Spent hours with her helping to make her feel better.
Then the cheeky rascal went to work!

I see a pattern. It was obvious before anyway. Whatevs.

Re: work.
Feeling a really strong pull on me, that I need to watch.

"My" new office area, which was previously an abandoned yucky space, is apparently SO PLEASANT now, it's become a HUB!
OMG lol!
I've had to draw up TIMETABLES for the areas bec everyone wants to USE THEM!!

I guess that's nice? Cheeses.
More Boundaries.

Had to miss my Chiro but that's ok.
My new Podiatrist SAID I'd need LESS Chiro appts if I did things as she's training me to do.
I'll be honest, I thought she was dreaming lol... but she was RIGHT!

The Pod stuff was a total workout. Just by walking differently. Not like my ballet training but STRAIGHT ahead feet.
Less tension now in my whole body.
I can't feel any injuries in my bones / muscles.

Pretty miraculous really.
Can't wait to tell my Chiro!

Another biggish day at work tomoz.
Skiing down to the weekend.

Nice!

Talk soon
EMxxxx

[Jstar49]

Hi Em,

Just wanted to pop in and acknowledge what a huge time this is for you.

I notice you kept saying boundaries....yep, I hear you!

What does that look like?

So true that when we do something well, we just get the job- permanently! I can hear that its a tricky balance with a paid job.

Reminds me of a story I heard recently, where a guy was attempting to off load a task onto a talented employee, who he had hired because he was such a good prioritiser. (i think this is a Covey story?) And the guy said, sure, but just come here for a sec. And brought him over to his whiteboard, showed him what he already had on the go, and said- so, I can do your task, but which of these other jobs would you like me to push back?

And so the boss said, Oh ok, no thats ok. And allocated the job to someone else to do.

Ah ecomama! Any place you have touched would become a hub! Maybe you need a new grubby office....lol!

Hope you're having plenty of naps to make up for all these early mornings. And lots of lovely fresh salads etc.....

Wishing you peace and calm in the odd moments you have to yourself..

Prayers for you and your friends. Just grieving together will no doubt be a big solace. So sad. Hugs🧡

Love J*

[ecomama]

Hi J*

Yes things are good here lol.

I do do that with my schedule at work, the trick with asking which thing you'd like me to forego to get THAT work done.
I'm done doing earlies to get that other work done.
That's what ONE boundary looks like lol!!

I'm settin' these babies up everywhere now!

I got a demanding text (AGAIN) tonight from a "friend" of mine.
(I really gotta discern more about WHO is a friend and who is NOT, I tell you now).
The last one was about 4 months ago and I ignored it. SO much insane demands on me.
Same tonight.
Btw NO Merry Christmas or kiss my butter or anything in between.
Boundaries for this look like >>> no response.

As Brene Brown says about "the haters" (not that this person is a hater lol, not yet anyway lol!)... you just gotta let them fall to the ground.
Done.

"I RELEASE YOU" or in other words... be gone you nuisance.

I called an ACTUAL friend after that and we had a good ole catch up.
She's my partner in the After Party Planning Committee in Oct lol.

I got to take Yvette shopping this afternoon. She chose a new desk and office chair and such gorgeous things to set up a study area in her bedroom.
I bought some nice things too.

We went WILD in the beauty section of KMart lol!!
omg wild.

I have all these wonderful products to try out and learn how to use.
FUN with a capital F.

Getting to bed early tonight.
Can't wait lol.

Everyone's great here.

Hope all is well with you J*??

Love EM