new person

[ecomama]

Hi everyone
not sure what parts to disclose here, feeling very uneasy posting. I feel like a lot of people here, know that I'm socially isolated but feel it's safer this way. I have a lot of mixed feelings due to covid19; feeling freer or even happier that movements were restricted as I have had little choice but to live this way for a long time. Then I realised how odd this reaction is, opposite to what I was hearing at work. Simultaneously I felt huge grief for the world. I'm experiencing compassion fatigue from all of this.

my life has been wrought with trauma & grief, tremendous violence & loss. I desperately sought help from authorities to stop things over many decades. I have fought so hard through courts etc, I know it has cost me a lot of mental stability a lot of the time. At least my children and I are safe atm. Feeling safe is another thing entirely!

happiness eludes me. I strive for the happiness of my children. I don't know how to attain personal happiness, so have strived for contentment. I work hard physically but feel far more exhausted by my mind. flashbacks and memories often come back relentlessly in my waking hours and in my dreams. Working hard physically helps me sleep better 🙂

I used to be very sociable, quite athletic and had a large family. The abuse has taken its toll. My relationships were undermined by the abuser, so they are lost. My physical health was severely impacted by the abuse also. I have a counsellor but I was advised by a close friend who is studying psychology to seek a more intensive type of therapy. I have completed countless hours in therapy through books, online and in person over decades. My counsellor is very impressed by my persistence, resilience and recovery but I feel awful most of the time.

I have no relationships with extended family anymore which is very sad for me. I have basically given up trying since doors are constantly closed on that front.
Soon I plan to take leave from my work to support my children all struggling in their learning from home programs. I will have to take leave on far less pay, so this presents obvious issues to an already stretched financial situation.

I know there is no magic cure for all the issues I have at hand but I still have hope that things will improve and that I can feel happy one day. I pray there are answers within this forum for me.

Thanks for reading.

[ecomama]

HI Tay Tay

Sorry to hear you're feeling a bit sad. I saw on a thread somewhere that you've been having issues with your sleep too - we sure know what that's about... nightmares etc.

I've got work today and a very busy evening but I'll endeavour to get to your thread on my "days off".

I find watching light hearted shows in the evening and persisting with them helped my sleep but many other things helped too.
Talk soon!

Love to you
EM

[ecomama]

Hi Sleepy

I had a long nap last night till 9pm when I had to begin picking up kids from work.
It's a LONG night some nights!

Yes I think ambition may be in there somewhere but what we noticed most about both Angelo and his sister is PASSION for their fields. That's what Alexa said anyhow, Angelo's passion for his work blows her away.

He does contracts for all sorts of big companies through a main boss (whom Angelo describes as Ricky Jervais in real life lol) and also does work through his own website for many others.

Boy I'm so tired today. I have my GP appt to find out the results from my ultrasounds and mammograms early tomorrow morning. Then a chiro appt straight after that.

The Uncle on Friday - woah lol.
I have an Optometrist appt that day bec almost all my glasses are broken.
My health fund gives me to pairs per year for free, it resets every January so I need to get these NOW lol... was impossible during shut downs etc.

I get a tiny reprieve from Uncle on Friday.

I have a long day at work today with a 2h staff meeting after work. Hope I can stay awake!

Better go and find some comfortable clothes to wear today lol and make lunches for us all.

Love EM

[Guest_498]

Let us know how you went with the ultra sound & mamogram.
The white linen bed set with lace sounds stunning, Ems!! Beautiful. Xx

[Guest_4643]

Hi everyone, sorry I didn't see your replies.

Good luck with the tests EM. Love to everyone.

- Tayla

[ecomama]

HI Blubes, Tay Tay and Sleepy and everyone

Yes I find out tomorrow morning how things went with the tests...
I'm so tired of thinking about it tbh.

Huge day at work. I chose the best workshop to attend after work, it finished early lol yay!

My bed is still looking divine lol... LOVE those Georg Jensen candlestick holders Blubes!!
Which ones are your faves?

Hey Tay - what's hapnin?

Hey Sleepy, yes that fave actor of yours in Schitt's Creek is the SAME fave as mine lol!
Stevie!!!
YAH love her!

I love her "blank face" LOL! It's the same face I used to give demon when he would rant about wanting more money... omg you'd think I was using HIS money....nope.
He ALWAYS wanted mine.

BLANK
FACE lol.

Omg I'll be so glad if Alexa can take her chickens! They're all huddled under my chair to try and eat bec the Brush Turkeys are all around us trying to attack them grrrrr! She doesn't have any turkeys in her area.

I shut my laundry window yesterday afternoon with the chickens inside then saw on the CCTV turkeys bouncing off the WINDOW bec it was closed and they couldn't get in!
MONSTERS.

It'd make a funny post though lol.

They'll lose interest in my garden more when there's no chicken's food out there all the time.. or until the turkeys eat it all.

Apparently there's a rolling heatwave coming over the next few days.... hmmm.

I need to get dental work and my friend who used to be a specialist dental nurse is trying to help find me a great dentist. She lives a LONG way from here but she's doing remote research and even phoning to interview them lol!
She's awesome.

Got lots happening in the next few weeks for kids, so that means alot happening for me too.
Busy time with Farewells, Formals, their work Christmas parties.
I'm not going to mine. There's a clash.

Alexa's birthday next week and she chose a Thai Restaurant to go to.
I need to book it for us all.

Love EM

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Hey EM,

Have been keeping one eye on your thread, though been a bit too drained to write anything for a bit. A lot going on at home, my partner is unwell and back in hospital. Wanted to stop in though, I think you're getting your test results today. Wishing you the best of luck and lending you a bit of strength to deal with it all. Thinking of you, today.

Sorry to hear about your relationship frustrations, too. I completely understand your point of view, I wouldn't want to go forward with a man that was feeling resentful either. Had similar discussions with my partner regarding moving in, he wasn't ready for a long time and I always said I'd rather wait and have him feeling good about the move than push him and have him unhappy and resentful. In the end it was him that suddenly decided he was ready and it happened pretty soon after. That said, I hope there's a way to work through this struggle for you, it's not impossible.

Had to laugh at the turkeys. You make your place so inviting, everyone wants in, haha.

Got two little birds on me as I type, one atop my head, the other on my shoulder. Only recently started letting them out together (Mr Feisty lives up to his name, gotta watch him around Sir Pecks), so this is really cool.

Blue.

[Guest_1643]

hey Em - hi blues!!

Sorry ur partners in hopsital Blues.... sorry so much on ur plate

Em good luck for today, sending you hugs

[Guest_4643]

Good luck with the results EM, I hope they're OK

[Ggrand]

Hello dear ecomama...

Just calling in to wish you all the best with your test results lovely lady....

Grandy..

[ecomama]

Dear Blue

Oh dear! I hope your partner can get the medical attention he needs and be back with you all very soon. BIG HUGS!!!

I love your birdy antics lol...cheeky things they are.

Yes absolutely ALL creatures want to live here lol, omg it's mental!
We had one turkey we named Morgana her real name lol... and she SLEPT with the chickens every night since she was a baby. They treated her like their BABY!
I think she was born in the wrong body lol.
SHE'S fine around the chickens and me, just not the others who KNOW they're turkeys!

Alexa asked the real estate today if she can have the chickens. It's brutal for them to live here now.

Thankyou Blue and Sleepy and Grandy for asking about my test results.
THEY CAME BACK ALL CLEAR.

Freaking miracle. So thankyou for your positive energies, love and Prayers.

I came home and felt ill. I went to bed and slept.

Looks like my teeth are causing horrible issues in my body. 6y of all but ignoring them through Courts and recoup time, did NOT have them fare well.

I phoned a new "dental spa" nearby who I've heard make everyone feel so comfortable. Alexa's clients are all seeing these dentists.
I have an early appt Sat morning.

Seriously, if it's not one thing, it's another. But this can be what happens when a person is in full protective mode for our lives. For years.

Regardless of TEETH lol, I'm so relieved about the all clear news. BTW I took mountains of supplements advised by alternative therapists.
And the female GP was SO LOVELY, she said I can book an appt just to talk to her about what's going on with me and Yvette.

I mean HOW MANY therapists can one person need?
Cheeses, I need stacks.

So thank you all so much for being there for me.
I appreciate it more than you could ever know.

Btw I still haven't responded to BFs text.
I don't have the stomach for any of it atm.

Love EM