new person

[ecomama]

Hi everyone
not sure what parts to disclose here, feeling very uneasy posting. I feel like a lot of people here, know that I'm socially isolated but feel it's safer this way. I have a lot of mixed feelings due to covid19; feeling freer or even happier that movements were restricted as I have had little choice but to live this way for a long time. Then I realised how odd this reaction is, opposite to what I was hearing at work. Simultaneously I felt huge grief for the world. I'm experiencing compassion fatigue from all of this.

my life has been wrought with trauma & grief, tremendous violence & loss. I desperately sought help from authorities to stop things over many decades. I have fought so hard through courts etc, I know it has cost me a lot of mental stability a lot of the time. At least my children and I are safe atm. Feeling safe is another thing entirely!

happiness eludes me. I strive for the happiness of my children. I don't know how to attain personal happiness, so have strived for contentment. I work hard physically but feel far more exhausted by my mind. flashbacks and memories often come back relentlessly in my waking hours and in my dreams. Working hard physically helps me sleep better 🙂

I used to be very sociable, quite athletic and had a large family. The abuse has taken its toll. My relationships were undermined by the abuser, so they are lost. My physical health was severely impacted by the abuse also. I have a counsellor but I was advised by a close friend who is studying psychology to seek a more intensive type of therapy. I have completed countless hours in therapy through books, online and in person over decades. My counsellor is very impressed by my persistence, resilience and recovery but I feel awful most of the time.

I have no relationships with extended family anymore which is very sad for me. I have basically given up trying since doors are constantly closed on that front.
Soon I plan to take leave from my work to support my children all struggling in their learning from home programs. I will have to take leave on far less pay, so this presents obvious issues to an already stretched financial situation.

I know there is no magic cure for all the issues I have at hand but I still have hope that things will improve and that I can feel happy one day. I pray there are answers within this forum for me.

Thanks for reading.

[Guest_498]

You are an angel xx

lol .. I've never considered men to be angels!! hehe. What I meant was that an angel could be anyone out there, not necessarily 'a man' or a 'knight in shining armour'.

[Guest_498]

Ecomama,

experiencing true happiness is NOT corny! It's what we all strive for and it's beautiful when you do eventually find happiness. It'll happen for all of us someday, as I don't believe that anybody is destined to be unhappy and traumatised forever. I hope not, anyway. Everything and every emotion are transient with a lot of ups and downs. With your life traumas and to come out at the other end is truly refreshing to hear.

[ecomama]

Bluberry said:

You are an angel xx

lol .. I've never considered men to be angels!! hehe. What I meant was that an angel could be anyone out there, not necessarily 'a man' or a 'knight in shining armour'.

Oh girls just gotta butt in with this quote I read a while back lol...

"I thought I married my knight in shining armour but he was just an idiot in tinfoil"

I'm terrible Muriel! 😂🤣

Oh monkey_magic I hope you don't STILL think that man who moved on to more money was an angel. He was a gollum mmmmyyyyyyy preshhhhhhhhis.

Nup, if someone doesn't know YOUR worth then pfft there's the curb.

Bluberry my friend sent me "The Full Restoration Prayer" by Jamie someone online and I printed it out and put it behind the throne door lol.

I told EVERYONE who went to use our toilet, whether they believed in God / Jesus or not to READ it for us!

It's really hard to ever believe but more than we could have ever dared to imagine has come back to us and many fold.
NO ONE said I could succeed yet with God on my side I did.
Everyone in my life said to give up .... every one. But to do that I would lose everything I'd fought for and I couldn't give up.

I had weird dreams that were ominous and foreboding. My cousin gave me a Biblical interpretation book and OMG.... the dreams interpreted that way meant so much to me.

It took 5 years for my full understandings of those dreams as premonitions to come to light.

But BECAUSE of those dreams I prepared myself SO WELL.

And won.

More than everything is being restored.

Mara ofcourse I said yes. lol. Darn it that marriage is the ONLY way we can live together lol.
But I've never felt so loved and adored.
and MAN does he rock in specific ways!!!

Worth waiting for.

All in all I Prayed for the TRUTH to come out.
It did!
Ugh and it was REVOLTING.
But I Prayed for the truth and got it.

"I'd rather be slapped in the face with the truth than kissed with a lie" another fave.

Love EM

[Guest_498]

I'm happy for you Ecomama. 🙂

I pray for the truth also. I need to know entirely what they did to me and what was written about me. I pray and pray. I pray for those angels that helped you to help me also. xxx

[ecomama]

Hi Bluberry thankyou.

Do you think that whomever did harm to you would ACTUALLY WRITE it down anywhere?

Meaning, I doubt there'd be much truth in records even if you could see them.

There MUST be ways for you to legally obtain copies of all of your medical records.
Do you know HOW to get them?

EM

[Guest_498]

Hey sweetie,

Yes, of course, they're written. I'm on their system (CAT system) for life. I can't believe it. To have this amended, I'll have to go to court. To access it, it's via freedom of information. I've requested that already but they will not release them. Because it's all made up. It'll come out but as I said, I'll have to action it with human rights or onbudsman etc. It's just emotionally draining. I'm exhausted darling. Sometimes I just want to give up. Writing these letters to organisations, state governments etc is VERY hard for me, as I'm reliving the traumas and I can only write (type) piecemeal. It's distressing. Arrggghhh!!

I want my story out there in the media so that no other Australian would ever have to endure this. It'll be for me as well as for community protection. Bloody a&*5s!! Sorry, I'm just so angry. I'm still thinking about this aspect.

[Guest_498]

Hey EM,

I don't know much about the CAT Team at all - as I said, I have no disorder, other than depression. There was no emergency, no violence, no harm to myself or anyone. No psychotic episode. Nothing.

I googled their services and for them to normally respond all the above must occur. Why did they come to me in the first place? I know I was set-up and my family had set it up, but if none the above occurred, why did they "intervene"? What was their motive? These are the truths that I'd like to uncover. The hospital and my family refuse to tell me why. This is WRONG! I'm left really confused. I did nothing wrong. They won't release my patient files because I believe they cannot fill it. I think they don't know what to write, as they are many holes in their story.

[Guest_498]

Sorry, one of the above to occur, not all. These are usually what the Catt respond to ...

[monkey_magic]

The ex angel also did me wrong so yeh best to forget about him. And he is what you said and more.

Bluberry I'm going through something very similar. I have the paperwork to fill out to access my medical records, I then have to pay for them to be released to me. They are so bad. Rubbish, I want them burned. The psychiatrists that wrote them had mental problems. They are so ludicrous and the tribunal believe them so I've been stuck on this CTO and been drugged for nearly two years.

It's a traumatic process hense why I haven't filled them out yet. I just don't want to know any more of their garbage.

I also want my story to be heard. I want all of our stories to be heard. Mental health ( in my case) need to clean up their industry. It's full of lies and misdiagnosis'. I've spoken to many ppl in the same boat who have been bitten by the system.
Sorry that you too fell victim. You aren't alone there are heaps of us.

[Guest_498]

Hey,

I'm so EXTREMELY sorry that you had to go through this for 2 years now! I'm pleased I decided to reach out to this forum. I had NO idea what the system is like. I'm just caught in it because I got set-up and yes, it is SOOO distressing. It's a nightmare. I suffer night terrors from the experience. If I felt that I needed any help or if something was wrong with me at the time, I would be the first to seek help in order to get better, you know? But I knew something wasn't right. The whole thing wasn't right. The system needs fixing, that's for sure. Needs a good overhaul.

Please tell your story as well if you've been unfairly treated. I'm tired of being their victim. I want to break free from them mentally. I will try my best to fight it and stay brave. 🙂