No matter where I turn, or what I do, I fail.
My whole life has been like that, and it's not getting any better and I am beginning to doubt it ever will.
My first marriage failed. The only good thing my four children. I have no contact with my sons, I am an embarrassment to them. I cannot change their attitude no matter what I say or do. I phone, they refuse to answer, email and even the old fashioned post, letters come back unopened. Its killing me slowly. My relationship with my eldest daughter is strained as I do not get on with her second husband, I have tried, but my tongue but then I called him out on his attitude to one on my grandchildren, his step son, well it went downhill from there, she calls it when hes not around. My youngest daughter tries, she has two young boys, both are special needs. My ex husband I wont discuss, we grew apart and I left him.
my second husband died in 2015, suddenly and unexpected. He left me with debts i had to sell the house to pay off, i had no idea.
lately I have secured a rental property, ready to move this week end. Ha ha!!! It should have been exciting, but I cannot get my furniture from storage as I cannot pay them. If I get it delivered I can sell the shipping container and such a lot of the contents, this will cover most of the money owed, but they wont sgree and have said they will sell my things. I told them my husband and parents ashes are in there as well as sentimental items, photos and all my documents which could allow someone to steal my identity, but they still wont agree. Another fail, by me.
Everything from my childhood on, I was abused by two people, one a friend of my parents he is dead, I only hope he is rotting in hell. The other a family member who was a policeman in Vic and while denying it said the police won't do anything if I report as he was one of them, protect their own. So another fail on my part, I have to live with it.
I have no contact with my siblings, my parents died while living with me, they were 87 and 89 and i didnt do enough. Fail.
My late husbands children blame me for his death even it was a heart attack. Fail.
I tried suicide 3 times. Fail.
Car broken down, cant fix it. Fail
Was assaulted, a police matter, my fault for going out to see why dog was barking. Fail.
And I question my mental health and if it's all worth it. I take my meds religiously but wonder why.
Cant get a loan, so an empty house for me. Fail.
bloody failure, at life to my kids, to my siblings and to me.
