Torn and broken

[FJDad]

Hi, I have PTSD and things are getting worse not better.

brief description of why:

Nov 2012: my wife confessed to a 6mth affair with a mate of mine. He has become violent and controlling so we pack up and head off to get away 36 hours later we have a major vehicle accident. My wife major injuries, my youngest daughter minor injuries and I found my eldest 9yr old daughter dead.

Dec 2012 our daughter was cremated

Boxing day we travel to Qld to get away and be alone

Mid January 2013 we return home to find our long time family friends had emptied our house stealing anything valuable. So we returned to Qld for a sea change.

Aus day 2013 get caught in Bundaberg floods and loose what was left of our belongings inc our eldest daughters photos school books etc

Spend 4 yrs blaming each other for our daughter being killed in a toxic marriage

Left Qld with my youngest daughter move to get away from her violent mother early 2017.

My wife spoke twice to my self and my daughter in 12 mths to selfish to care generally about her daughter.

Early 2018 my wife seems to be improving we start to have regular conversation by phone but my daughter still refuses to talk to her.

July 2018 my wife was killed in a motorbike crash. Mother in law lied to coroner gets the body and cremated it with out my daughter being aloud to go. Mother in law is trying to get my daughter's inheritance.

I'm done fighting life. I don't have the option to check out my little girl has No one but me left. She is convinced I'm going to die in a car when she's 18 as her sister died in a truck at 6 her mum on a motorbike at 12.

I have no fight left what can I do. I can't give up but don't have the strength to go on.

Thanks for reading

FJ

[El_Mar]

Hey FJ,

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. What you have been through sounds incredibly heartbreaking and traumatic. I know what it’s like to feel torn and broken. It hurts. I’m living through hurt right now and sometimes I wonder if I’ll get through, I just tell myself one minute at a time, one hour at a time. People tell me time heals pain but when you are drowning, the thought of waiting for it to get better makes you wonder if you will choke before you resurface. Hang in there. You are doing an amazing job being there for your daughter, you are demonstrating to her selfless love and care in the face of suffering. Is there anything you enjoy doing that will give you a sense of purpose? Do you enjoy music or writing or playing sport. I’ve found at my lowest the thought of re-engaging is the last thing I want to do but once I start it is like a boost of energy. Sometimes it’s the little things that get you through one day at a time until it gets easier. Someone once told me, the darkest hour is always before dawn.

[geoff]

Hello FJ, I am so deeply sorry for what has unfortunately happened, the loss of your daughter and then your wife, I just can't believe this would be possible, and I want to let you know that we sincerely feel for you.

Please know that we are here for you and I hope to hear back from you and know that you already have so much strength which is hidden, let us show you how to recognise it.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[quirkywords]

FJDad,

I am glad you write your first post but am so deeply moved by the grief and sadness you have had in your life.

I do not have any wise words but I can offer support .

As you say you can't give up but you don't have the strength to go on . I can understand how you feel you don't have the strength to keep going but you know you have to. You have shown incredible strength by writing your first post here and sharing your very sad story.

Do you have support from anyone, friends, extended family, neighbours, counsellor or GP.

As Geoff and El Mar, have shown we are here for you.

Quirky