No matter where I turn, or what I do, I fail. My whole life has been
like that, and it's not getting any better and I am beginning to doubt
it ever will. My first marriage failed. The only good thing my four
children. I have no contact with my sons, ...
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No matter where I turn, or what I do, I fail. My whole life has been
like that, and it's not getting any better and I am beginning to doubt
it ever will. My first marriage failed. The only good thing my four
children. I have no contact with my sons, I am an embarrassment to them.
I cannot change their attitude no matter what I say or do. I phone, they
refuse to answer, email and even the old fashioned post, letters come
back unopened. Its killing me slowly. My relationship with my eldest
daughter is strained as I do not get on with her second husband, I have
tried, but my tongue but then I called him out on his attitude to one on
my grandchildren, his step son, well it went downhill from there, she
calls it when hes not around. My youngest daughter tries, she has two
young boys, both are special needs. My ex husband I wont discuss, we
grew apart and I left him. my second husband died in 2015, suddenly and
unexpected. He left me with debts i had to sell the house to pay off, i
had no idea. lately I have secured a rental property, ready to move this
week end. Ha ha!!! It should have been exciting, but I cannot get my
furniture from storage as I cannot pay them. If I get it delivered I can
sell the shipping container and such a lot of the contents, this will
cover most of the money owed, but they wont sgree and have said they
will sell my things. I told them my husband and parents ashes are in
there as well as sentimental items, photos and all my documents which
could allow someone to steal my identity, but they still wont agree.
Another fail, by me. Everything from my childhood on, I was abused by
two people, one a friend of my parents he is dead, I only hope he is
rotting in hell. The other a family member who was a policeman in Vic
and while denying it said the police won't do anything if I report as he
was one of them, protect their own. So another fail on my part, I have
to live with it. I have no contact with my siblings, my parents died
while living with me, they were 87 and 89 and i didnt do enough. Fail.
My late husbands children blame me for his death even it was a heart
attack. Fail. I tried suicide 3 times. Fail. Car broken down, cant fix
it. Fail Was assaulted, a police matter, my fault for going out to see
why dog was barking. Fail. And I question my mental health and if it's
all worth it. I take my meds religiously but wonder why. Cant get a
loan, so an empty house for me. Fail. bloody failure, at life to my
kids, to my siblings and to me.
PTSD for Medical and First Responders
