Hi Rohnda and a very warm welcome to Beyond Blue forums
Your mind is not playing tricks and no you're not going crazy. It happens. Our minds and body protect us from the horrible things that happen. Mine held the secret for over 40 years and it wasn't until I found out the perpetrators were dead that my memory came flooding back.
The unfortunate or fortunately for me, because it's like amnesia, I never fully recovered the whole picture (or movie). It all started with glimpses of pictures in my head that flashed before me. There was no movement, or talking just images. I started some very intense work with a psychologist. The process I went through was incredibly painful, sickening, frightening. Though, it was totally worth it.
As time progressed (months, years), pieces of images were pulled together (a bit like a jigsaw), the images began to roll together and by the very end, it had become a moving film. The ending was never clear, and isn't to this day. Out of all the memories that resurfaced the way I escaped, escapes me. So I found myself thinking what I would have done and imagined what I did to escape. So I now live with the ending the way I have made it. There is nothing else for me. No one is alive who can tell me how I got home.
You are very courageous to post here and share your story. Yes it is over the web - sorry. Hopefully you have given a name that is unrecognisable. So far the information you've given would not identify you. So you are safe Rohnda. If you're still not certain you can change the name you've used by getting in touch with the moderator.
My heart goes out to you. I understand completely were your head is at. There are so, so many questions you have for yourself. They will come thick and fast. I'm not a health professional, though because of my own experience, I think you might start to go into shock. My best thoughts and suggestions are - go to your doctor, asap. It is real, you're not crazy. Be kind to yourself Rohnda.
