Hi all.
32 yrd F, divorced, no kids. Suffered anxiety since I could remember. I was bullied severely by many kids from prep to grade 7 which is when I quit school. My parents got divorced during that time and I was assaulted by my new step brother. My father blamed me. I was then housebound for 5 years with severe anxiety, body dysmorphic disorder and agoraphobia. I had a surgery which caused massive haemorrgage when I was alone at home recovering, and I nearly died. I then lived in a psychiatric unit for a while due to severe anxiety (permanent panic state that didn't ease for weeks). I had a couple of older boyfriends from age 13-15 who used me sexually then left. Then I started a relationship with my ex husband at 15 and he was 21. We met online and he eventually moved to Australia and we got married when I was 20. He was ok at first but down the track, he would call me names, laughed when I cried, hit and pushed me etc. He wouldn't work and I had to work really hard in a physical job to support us both. I was also doing a degree so I was busy/stressed, I cried every night for years. He would not do housework, I did everything. He started drinking heavy and doing drugs. That's when I started drinking too. That went on for 8 years of "marriage". I had to throw out most of my belongings/furniture and moved into a small bedroom in a relative's house. My ex came with me as I was still too weak to get rid of him. The violence got worse and he'd abuse me in the middle of the night. Then finally I kicked him out. I then started another relationship with a long term friend 2.5 years ago, slowly, with extreme caution, and miraculously it became my first healthy relationship. He's truly the love of my life, an amazing man.
I had a bout of stress recently with having to leave a job I was at for 8 years, dog died, health scares etc. But life started to settle down now and I was feeling better but still binge drinking. I started cutting back and was feeling better, but then went on a bender and felt awful after. I decided to fully stop, figured I'd start feeling better as usual, but I'm just not. It's been 2 weeks and I'm still so dizzy that it's hard to walk, stumbling, severe fatigue where I stay in bed whenever I'm not at work, high blood pressure, chest tightness. It's hard to function. I'm terrified I caused brain damage. Doctors aren't taking it seriously. I'm finding it so hard to cope and crying every day. I'm scared I've ruined everything. What's happening
