I do believe that I was in a very Manipulative Narcissistic Relationship

[Sadgina]

Someone told me about Beyondblue, so I joined in today, as I think I really needed help even just to talk to someone, in regard of what I’m going through now. I was living with my man for more than 5 years and I realised and do believe that he’s suffered with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I know I can’t diagnose someone with such an illness without professional test, but after with him in a period of time he has all the symptoms known to man. Five years ago our relationship starts so amazing and wonderful, and I even thought I’d meet my soulmate. He’ll do anything & everything for me, very protective, very thoughtful, sending dozens roses to work. After 6 months things had changed showing the red flags he has the control of everything from the food shopping, the food we eat, all of our financials we have joint account, he’ll decide what clothes I wear, which friends I can see. My son (not his son) moved out as my partner has an OCD problem, and he use it as his ticket just to nagged us and told us how dirty we were. In the last couple years situations gotten worsts it’s gone from south to north. He became very verbally abusive, put me down, nagger, call me names, counting everything he does, and me not doing anything. I feel like walking on eggshells, there’s a time when I sat down in sofa after work, I have to get up quickly pretend I’m doing something when he arrive home. Because he’ll get up me for sitting in the lounge and not doing anything. There’s a time that we had screaming match and he’d told me that he wishes me to die and rot somewhere. I haven’t told any of my family members about this as I was so embarrassed. I’d hang on to this relationship because we bought a property together with my only deposit in it in the beginning of the relationship. He’d manipulate me to change job from good paying nurse to poorly paid labourer Now I moved out as our relationship becomes so intense, toxic and violent he keeps knives under bed,pillow spare gun in the bedroom, also I found a hidden camera in my room. I don’t trust him anymore, I felt so violated I don’t know what to do as he wanted me to go back. If not he’ll make the sale of the property so difficult.I love him with all of me. Now he’s angry, makes me feel guilty for leaving him & not talking to me. I feel so bad and worried about him, I’m so confused, Please anyone can help me think through as I’m very confused not coping well. I want to moved on but it’s so hard.

Thanks Beyondblue,

Sadgina

[Sadgina]

Hi demonblaster,

let me start with EEN yes its Enrolled Endorsed Nurse. Meaning we ca administers meds and assists the RN with the control drugs. Shamed I had it relapsed my license last year. Another big mistake in my life. Now I have to go through hoops to get it back. Never mind, such as life.

Sleep yes I slept well but feeling still exhausted. I can’t help feeling sad and tearful in the morning. I been through so much this year. My youngest son opened up to me last Xmas that he’s been feeling so depressed and anxious and he wish that he did better for me. I was devastated to hear this and I told my partner and he said just another one of my f...k up family.

My main goals now days is to help my youngest son as he wanted to do electrical apprenticeship. I feel that I owed him that much I’d neglected my son and my man first. Shamed on me. I didn’t see it in the start. But my son is much better now days.

My life is in shambles at the moment, I feel like I’ve being punished. And I’m so broken.

Hoping for the pain to go away

Sadgina.

[Sadgina]

Hi Racingmind123,

I don’t realise how many of this people around. It’s a shamed the we didn’t see it at the start. Yes I see some red flags about 5 months in the relationship but it’s too late. Bought a house together with my only deposit. How dumb I was. Now we’re try to sort the property out, I’m still paying half of the mortgage while he and his and his adult son living in there. And surely he made the settlement and sale of the house so so difficult. Just because he’s not in control with everything now.

Yes the stupid me I still love and misses this monster. Why?

Beyondblue is my reassurance site, every time I feel so down and upset, I gone through my threads and read all of your advices. I’ll thank you for listening to my sad story. I know you have problems of your own but you managed to comfort me during my sad times. Thank you so much.

I wish you feelings much better yourself now days. Just think of our kids, family and friends are always here with us.

Take care Racingmind123 as I do too. As Beyoncé say what doesn’t kill us make us stronger. We can do that. We’ll see, keep in touch.

Lots of hugs

Sadgina

[Sadgina]

Hi Grandy,

How are feeling now days? I hope you well! I’m feeling much better myself, still I can’t help myself checking on him, went passed at our house every time I’m in the area. But never try to go inside, as he gave up contacting me, he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore and that hurts! But it’s good, in this way I don’t feel responsible or guilty of abandoning him. He’s doing me a favour really for rejecting me, as I take rejection pretty well.

Like Birdy77 said still a long road yet, but there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.

Still feeling so low and hopeless but time will heal I know.

Thank you Guys!

Sadgina

[Ggrand]

Hello Sadgina,

Please darling please try as hard as you can not to be hurt by his actions towards you...You are free from him and you still have your beautiful son with you, which i believe is absolutely much better to give your love to your son....Your son will return your love which is priceless.....having a partner who throws your love back at you with no respect to you is not worth even the tiniest bit of your love.....please darling try to forget him..You have a son who loves you, family who love you...You are rebuilding your life with your nursing again....anyone who has done or does nursing are special people, they have hearts of gold, a lot of love to give others...

I wouldn’t be surprised if you ex partner has cameras out or have neighbours looking to see how many times you pass the house.....Please be very careful. If you do see him or he asks you to go inside and talk, please don’t..If you keep passing your home where he is living , for sure you will spot each other and he might say how sorry he is, and he never hurt you again or say bad things to you again...please don’t believe him he is manipulating you to going inside and he is dangerous...please be careful...

Im so please that you are feeling much better, and I hope that you will continue to grow in you self esteem..No words I can write down here, will express how very happy I am for you to be free to love your son and family and to love yourself as well, because Sadgina, you really are a very beautiful and special person...I just wanted to tell you that....

Sending my love and hugs to you ..💜🤗...

Grandy...

[geoff]

OCD is an anxiety disorder and OCPD is a personality disorderHello DB, just lost my post, I'll try again.

Endorsed Enrolled Nurses (EED) means Endorsed enrolled nurses (EENs) are key members of a nursing unit, who provide quality care at an advanced level for a patient and report to a registered nurse.

An enrolled nurse can provide nursing and patient care, and evaluate the outcomes of care for patients and their families, coordinate teams of health care assistants and under the supervision of a registered nurse.

OCD is an anxiety disorder and OCPD is a personality disorder and it's possible for these to overlap, but a psych would have to make that diagnosis.

Sorry I'm late in replying to you and will read the other comments after I post this.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Sadgina]

Hello Miss Grandy,

How are you beautiful soul yourself, I hope you’re doing great and feeling on top of everything.

Sorry for late reply, I think what happened I was trying to write something and get distracted then lost it. But yes my main focus is my son and trying to figure it out what and where to live after all of this. Starting over again is a very sad and hard work. But it has to be done.

This person still has very strongholds over me mentally and emotionally, makes my healing process really slow. I guess two steps forward and one step backwards process for me, better than no steps at all. I stayed over at my eldest son and girlfriend’s place close to our house. I was proud that I didn’t even bother going snooping around at my ex/our place. I had a glimpse of him last other day and it’s hurts me instead, so what’s the point. But I guess I have to do it and find it out myself.

Yes your advice, concerns, caring thoughts is meant the world to me. Thank you so much guys. Getting stronger every day and positive at the moment.

This sites helped me so much for my recovery and I owed you the world.

THANK You all for supporting me going through my difficult and disturbing life story.

Sadgina

[demonblaster]

Sadgina and hi all ☺

You are one incredibley courageous lady. Proud of you and your progress.

I've been keeping an eye on your thread and. understand it'd be very hard moving on, bitter sweet but the sweet will grow in time and you'll have a new freedom, moving on a stronger person with an exciting life again free of the pain you're in now,

Happy to listen and walk with you when you need an ear.

Thanks for explaining ☺EEN etc

Now you're free of such a terrible situation you and your dear son will be able to have quality time. Hoping it goes well with the electrical engineer. Good on him and you.

Thank you and you're very welcome, you're an inspiration I'm sure to many. Power to you 👍

Geoff thanks very much for your time and effort. I know someone thats ? probs finished his training for EEN, didnt realise it was a different classification.

Hope you're doing well matey and having more good than average days.

Take care everyone, you're all worthy of peace and happiness 🌱

[Ggrand]

Hello Sadgina,

I agree with Deebi..(Demonblaster)...you are an incredibly courageous lady..You are so brave, I agree that starting over is very sad and hard, but at the same time it will be a time of peace for your soul, warmth and love for your heart for for son and a time to rebuild your self esteem and be the beautiful soul that you are, and be able to make new friends, wear what you want to, buy want you want to, fix what you want to for dinner...I’m very happy for you..you will go from strength to strength, because you have the courage, determination and love from your family....

The stronghold he has on you, will start to leave you....you can start to rebuild your life for you and your son, and as you do this and you start being happy and live for you, your son, and family.....the stronghold will start to break away....

Very good that you didn’t go snooping around,,I’m proud of you also....that would have been so hard not to snoop, but you done it.Well done...

Now it’s time for you to look after you and to help your son in his chosen career,,I hope nothing but the very best wishes for you Sadgina, your a survivor and a huge inspiration to so many people here....Thank you very much Sadgina for being the brave and courageous person you are...

Lots of huge cuddles 🤗 and caring thoughts..

Grandy...

[Sadgina]

Hello again Miss Grandy

Thank you so much for the love,cares and kind words that you’d shared with me. So very thoughtful and compassionate all of you, keeping in touch and reassured me during your battles of your own. I’m So blissed to have found this site and able to talk to most caring people on this earth.

Yes I had not so stressful weekend I’ve been pro active taking my grand son to the beach, market, park, I even played putt putt with him! Not so good at it but I made an effort to do something instead of laying in bed all day long. I can see I made a little progress. But it’s ok little better than none.

I start talking to some of my closest colleagues when I was nursing, and the support I m getting is great. They said the same thing to come in nursing. They even reminded me the time when I get voted as best nurse of the year at Xmas time I fell off the chair when I heard my name called.

Yes is great career. I can’t believe that he manipulate me to be something else which my heart belongs to nursing.

I hope you are recovering well with your battles, and receiving with all the help you need.

Take care Lovely Miss Grandy

Big hugssss from me also

Sadgina

[Sadgina]

Hello again Demonblaster.

Yes I feeling much much better today I hope you do too.

Yes I’m incredibly honoured to meet you guys in here and following me spending times with me. You don’t have to coz you don’t know me but you do coz you cared! So humbling how many people cares for strangers, I cannot thank you enough for what you have done to me.

Every time I felt so down and anxious I’ll come to this site, read some of the story and it’ll help me eased up the anxiety that I was feeling at time.

Yes my son and I were going ok. He still doing his work to able to survive until we get ourselves settled. Soon I hope, and we can rebuild ourselves together. He’s such a great kid I just feel that I owed him so much.

Thank you all for your support! All good great people around me.

Sadgina