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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Just Sara PTSD - Does 'wellness' and 'safety' trigger a fear response?
  • replies: 23

It has with me.. I'd like to discuss exposure to health, vitality and safety after traumatic experiences. My recovery's in full swing, yet I'm still avoiding life; the good bits. Why? Change can have amazing benefits for personal growth. Those of us ... View more

It has with me.. I'd like to discuss exposure to health, vitality and safety after traumatic experiences. My recovery's in full swing, yet I'm still avoiding life; the good bits. Why? Change can have amazing benefits for personal growth. Those of us who experience fear responses to ptsd triggers, know how debilitating it can be. So when enough work's done to progress onto living life fairly normal, how do we cope? It's so new and foreign. People reading this might say; "OMG! What's she complaining about?! Getting well?!" Yep! In a nutshell... I don't ruminate anymore; I've let go of the past and not obsessing over the future. I live a simple life without too many problems, (unless I create them myself) can effectively deal with situations that trigger and have mastered mindfulness. Yay great! What now? My life's now like an experiment on a daily basis. A lot of my childhood coping strategies caused thru trauma are now on the back-burner. What replaces them? I've been on a mission to heal my broken mind and have come leaps and bounds. Now it's time to live life without trauma or threat of it and I'm flailing. It might not make sense to some, but I'm hoping it does with others. Habitual thinking and responses are just that; a habit. Forming new one's that aren't a response to danger is challenging me. Is there anyone out there who understands or wants to discuss this confusing topic? Existing and new members are welcome to contribute.. Many thanks...Sez

Honeybee23 Suffering within myself
  • replies: 2

my fiancé of 7 years has been accused of sexual assult from my 19 year old sister.She left home to our pastors house and told his daughters about it and all her ffriends. We didn’t find out till a week later when my mum told her to come home now. She... View more

my fiancé of 7 years has been accused of sexual assult from my 19 year old sister.She left home to our pastors house and told his daughters about it and all her ffriends. We didn’t find out till a week later when my mum told her to come home now. She told my mum, mum told me, then I flipped. I got her side of the story and it seemed so real. It just made no sense to me. It happened at 4am when he was getting ready for work, it was in the lounge room which is right next to the kitchen and it had happened with me sleeping in the next room, my parents in the next one and my brother and his gf and the one after that. It just made no sense. I called my oldest brother (not the one that lives with us), told him about it and he believed my fiance immediately. It just seems ridiculous. Ever since we’ve been walking on eggshells, she had told our cousins who then got involved and took her to their house and kept her a2ay from us. She then turned on us saying we were animals for protecting a rapist. I’m so scared because my fiancé has been accused of a criminal offence and don’t know what could happen. She said she was going to report him to the police and hope he rots in jail. I have so much anxiety and so does he. Worried someone will find him and try to take vengeance for something he didn’t do. My worry is that she’s told so many people . I keep thinking about the fact that I’m the reason everyone is still fighting. If I just broke up with him it would be over. But I love him so much and don’t believe it for a second. I’m suffering so much with this pain. I don’t know what to do or what will happen.

Ann66 Sad
  • replies: 1

Hi, so tired of putting on the happy face. I’m lost, trying to keep it together. I think I love my husband but don’t really know, he is a good man with a kind loving family but I’m from a dysfunctional family, Mum left me when I was 5yo dad sexually ... View more

Hi, so tired of putting on the happy face. I’m lost, trying to keep it together. I think I love my husband but don’t really know, he is a good man with a kind loving family but I’m from a dysfunctional family, Mum left me when I was 5yo dad sexually abused me..no siblings. 5 marriages, a son at 17 who was adopted (not my choice) then adopted 3 children before I had a baby at 41. my children are of course also dysfunctional, very little contact with them & I miss them & my grandchildren dreadfully. very little education as I left school at 15, bluffed my way into jobs all my life. I am socially inept, never had girlfriends- ever. Happy (?) on my own but sad I just can’t make friends I just don’t fit anywhere. Always uncomfortable in social situations so I avoid them. Very lonely, recently resigned from a well paying job but I had nothing to do so very bored. constant thoughts wishing it would all end, don’t think I’d suicide, just wish it would end I’ve had enough I’m tired, ugly, worthless, stupid with nothing to offer.

Gypsy_Girl Narcissistic abuse after divorce.
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, I’m new & wanted to share my story I’ve been divorced 3 yrs. But my ex & his partner are a thorn in my side. I’ve been in a new loving relationship for 2 yrs & I have complete trust in my new partner, no worries about him cheating & lyin... View more

Hi everyone, I’m new & wanted to share my story I’ve been divorced 3 yrs. But my ex & his partner are a thorn in my side. I’ve been in a new loving relationship for 2 yrs & I have complete trust in my new partner, no worries about him cheating & lying which my ex did constantly. So it seems I didn’t bring any of that into the new relationship which is great. My ex & I have 3 kids. Which means I’m stuck having to deal with him. It’s gotten better over time. But there’s still moments where he’s extremely nasty. I’ve been to therapy & I always come across strong & independent. Eventually though something happens to retraumatise me. I do the typical things like, I disassociate myself from what I went through, I play mind numbing games, research, read articles or tv series to avoid thinking about it. I put myself down & imagine him berating me & have ridiculous arguments/conversations in my head, especially in the “think tank” (shower). I have dreams about both of them not leaving me alone. I fear succeeding as I don’t want their ‘spotlight’ on me. I completely put myself down. I’ve have been ill since I met him & my health has declined from constant stress, I have severely low iodine, low B12 & high cortisol. I avoid being social because I’m not a very outgoing person anyway, & my ex & his partner (the last one he cheated on me with) are a big part of the same community, so therefore I feel isolated in my own home town. They’ve stalked me, twice she did a U-turn & followed me to the supermarket, driving past my home (I now live with my parents so they stopped), following the kids from school & grilling them about where I am, what I’m doing, etc. My ex admitted he has her inform him- eg. I took pics of our child at an event she was also at & within 30mins he texts me demanding copies of the pics. It has left me wondering what I did wrong? I didn’t make him cheat/lie/manipulate in the first place. He gaslighted me constantly & they both have started gaslighting the kids. He’s always put himself on a pedestal. There’s times he leaves me alone, or he just can’t get dirt due to the low profile I keep, but he’ll eventually find something, big or small. All I want is to communicate about pick up/drop off times. But he gets mad about ridiculous things, demands respect, which triggers my anxiety & causes a sudden downward spiral, my chest hurts, hands shake & sometimes I cry. I hope to find a new counselor who understands Narcissistic abuse. Thanks for reading, GG.

Kal08 What do I do
  • replies: 2

My wife (same sex marriage) abused me 5 days ago. She was jealous I was on my phone when we had guests around watching the AFL grand final. She called me into our bedroom (with our friends outside) and physically hurt me. I took myself to hospital an... View more

My wife (same sex marriage) abused me 5 days ago. She was jealous I was on my phone when we had guests around watching the AFL grand final. She called me into our bedroom (with our friends outside) and physically hurt me. I took myself to hospital and they admitted me for observation due to concussion. I also have physical trauma. The abuse has happened before, on and off. Always due to rage and jealousy and trust issues. I’ve never done anything wrong, never cheated, never text anyone and deleted messages, never been sneaky. It’s a cycle. She will abuse me, the next day apologise (sometimes I’ve even apologised) and then we have a honey moon phase where everything is fantastic. My wife and I married August 11th 2018. 8 months leading up to the wedding everything was fine. She was hardly ever jealousy. Her anger was better managed and I thought “she is changing”, I thought this was the start of our forever. After she abused me Saturday and I was discharged from hospital Sunday I went straight to my mums. My partner has confided in her mother and her mother has helped seek help. She rings and texts and says she is so sorry and knows it is wrong. Her mother also blames her father as he abused her mother and cheated on her and that’s why my wife has these rage inside of her. And that with help she is certain she can get better. i am at a stage now where I do not want to salvage my marriage. I’m exhausted. I don’t believe she can change. Even though she is seeking help. I just feel extremely bad that I want to end our relationship when she is about to seek help but I can’t wait in limbo and support her in hopes she changes. We are catching up on Sunday to talk and I want to know what others opinions of me wanting to end this. As we are married I don’t know if we can “break up”. Can we break up and have our own lives and maybe re connect later down the track? I don’t know I’m lost thank you all

eagle72 mothers of sexually abused children
  • replies: 5

i need to talk to other mums who have been the rollercoaster of finding out and trying to cope with ongoing emotions and events that proceed the finding out of abuse to our children. my daughter was 2yrs she is now 14yrs. i would really like to share... View more

i need to talk to other mums who have been the rollercoaster of finding out and trying to cope with ongoing emotions and events that proceed the finding out of abuse to our children. my daughter was 2yrs she is now 14yrs. i would really like to share feelings with other mums on how you cope.

chiara_g Struggling to cope with past experiences (sexual assault trigger warning)
  • replies: 2

Hey, I’m new here. I’m a sexual assault and emotional abusive survivor. I came through the other side in 2006 but I was left with a few demons. He would tell me I was too skinny and ugly and would force feed me as a way of emotional control. One part... View more

Hey, I’m new here. I’m a sexual assault and emotional abusive survivor. I came through the other side in 2006 but I was left with a few demons. He would tell me I was too skinny and ugly and would force feed me as a way of emotional control. One particular time I had gastro and you know when you’re sick the last thing you want to do is eat but I was force fed and I was subjected to a weekend of various abuse. Since my experience, a few things changed, one of which I started having relationships with females. Having a relationship with female seemed more comfortable, equal. Also since my experience, my eating changed, I have problems with control and eating. 12 years on I did get married, to a very understanding man who puts up with my quirks and I felt I had moved on with life. However recently, I had a situation where I confided in my doctor, who crossed the line sexually, pursuing a friendship over text message and in person with questions about my sex life, why I’m bisexual, how do you have sex with women and information about my past sexual experiences. He asked me questions about having sex with men and my husband and I guess it was a fantasy for him. When I went to my husband for help, my doctor tried to tell me what he was asking was no big deal, that it had nothing to do with my husband and just between us and went to my husband saying that I was having an affair, I’m an escort but my husband put him in his place and reported him to the medical board. Six months on, I’m feeling fundamentally broken. I feel like the lid I had firmly on my past experiences has been re-opened with everything spilling out, or I feel like a mirror I was holding has been taken from and thrown to the ground. I tell myself I feel I’m overreacting, or it shouldn’t be a big deal, it's not like the doctor touched me and was only aroused by what I sent him but I am constantly anxious because it’s triggered everything and I don’t know why. I’m struggling to control my eating, I’ve stopped being intimate with my husband, just feel so withdrawn. I don’t want to be touched or hugged by anyone and I get angry, I have these fits of anger that I don’t know where they come from… but it’s pure rage. I’ve been medicated by psychiatrists but it’s not helping at all and I just don’t know what’s wrong with me.

AdriftAnnie Is it ever okay to reconcile with abusive partner?
  • replies: 7

Hi, I’ve posted a few times before about my husband who physically and sexually assaulted me a few months ago. It was very violent and I’m still dealing with the effects of being assaulted by someone I loved and trusted. He breached an avo after the ... View more

Hi, I’ve posted a few times before about my husband who physically and sexually assaulted me a few months ago. It was very violent and I’m still dealing with the effects of being assaulted by someone I loved and trusted. He breached an avo after the assault and ended up in prison for 5 weeks. This experience seems to have changed him for the better. We have young children together and while he has never been physically abusive in the past, he has been verbally abusive to both me and our children. He is desperate to reconcile and says he has “seen the light” and will never hurt me again. I don’t want to reconcile. I feel broken after what he did. But I could probably take him back for the sake of our children. My question is, is it ever okay to take back someone who has hurt you so badly? Is there ever a reason? I don’t think I love him anymore, but I care about him still. We were together over a decade and he was my only relationship. He wasn’t a supportive partner, except financially so I am more than capable of raising our 3 children alone. But should I? Should I give him a chance? My biggest worry is that he will hurt me again - not necessarily physically - and that I won’t be able to pick myself up next time. Maybe I am just being selfish. If he has changed then shouldn’t I give my children the nuclear family they deserve? I’m so confused. I know it’s my decision, but I could use some advice/guidance. Thanks

Bobbie1982 Thoughts about the trauma CONSTANTLY
  • replies: 1

Hi, i experienced a lot of abuse as a child and have had tonnes of therapy. I felt like I was starting to really make a good recovery, but recently not so. i feel like everything triggers all sorts of random memories/feelings/etc about the abuse and ... View more

Hi, i experienced a lot of abuse as a child and have had tonnes of therapy. I felt like I was starting to really make a good recovery, but recently not so. i feel like everything triggers all sorts of random memories/feelings/etc about the abuse and it’s CONSTANTLY on my mind..even at work or when I busy myself, it’s always there. I feel like I’m going insane! I have been doing EMDR therapy for the past 12 months (on and off) and have recently changed psychs to a more affordable one. I like her and feel like she knows her stuff and is good, so no issues there apart from the fact I’ve only been seeing her for a couple of months...has changing to someone new triggered these “obsessive thoughts” (for lack of a better term!)? I don’t really know. I just feel incredibly anxious and out of control on the inside. I wish I had an off switch!! thanks for listening!

Unhappy78 Lies (trigger warning childhood abuse) 
  • replies: 1

Please don't judge. I am just here for some assistance. I have just been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety as well as asthma. It has been misdiagnosed for approximately 2 years according to the health professions. I also deal with a child ... View more

Please don't judge. I am just here for some assistance. I have just been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety as well as asthma. It has been misdiagnosed for approximately 2 years according to the health professions. I also deal with a child who has ptsd who refuses to see a councellor. Short version is we have fought the court system for 5 years. This has taken a toll on me and I didn't realise I had depression until just recent. Is it possible to not know you are drowning until you hit rock bottom? Has anyone lied during depression before to get extensions on university assignments? Is this normal when you have depression?

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