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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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liefde3 abandonment issues
  • replies: 3

I suffer from PTSD as a result of childhood sexual abuse. Recently my partners work hours increased which means I have been seeing him less and as a result my anxiety has been triggered and escalated to a point where I fear leaving the house and on s... View more

I suffer from PTSD as a result of childhood sexual abuse. Recently my partners work hours increased which means I have been seeing him less and as a result my anxiety has been triggered and escalated to a point where I fear leaving the house and on some days am afraid to even leave our bedroom. I'm aware that my fear of abandonment comes from the fear of being unsafe, it makes sense, whenever the people I trusted and relied on were gone when I was a child were the times when I was abused. Even though I'm now an adult and the abuse is over I still fear that bad things will happen when I'm alone, I watch the clock until my partner comes home from work fearing that he won't come home at all, feel guilty for having symptoms and get angry at myself when my strategies don't work... Anyone dealt with or dealing with a similar issue?

Tj2018 I left an abusive relationship but I have feelings of regret.
  • replies: 10

On New Years 2018 I caught my ex boyfriend cheating on me. He was extremely drunk and assualted me, damaged my car, stole my property and threatened to kill me. In the past I have tried to split with him due to his controlling and manipulative behavi... View more

On New Years 2018 I caught my ex boyfriend cheating on me. He was extremely drunk and assualted me, damaged my car, stole my property and threatened to kill me. In the past I have tried to split with him due to his controlling and manipulative behaviour but he always did things such as trying to commit suicide or make me feel guilty so I’d be forced to stay with him. I did love him and we had planned such an amazing future together, but I’m struggling to keep myself from trying to contact him despite the fact that I have gotten an intervention order against him. He took our dog who was my baby and I still feel as though I want to sit down and talk to him about everything that’s happened. I don’t know if these feelings are due to the fact that I’m naive to what has happened or they are just part of the grieving process. I feel embarrassed and ashamed from what has happened and I’m feeling quite alone despite friends and family trying to be there for me. Can anyone give some advice or relate to the emotions I’m feeling right now?

Chel-sea Moving on after leaving emotionally abusive relationship
  • replies: 3

I am hoping to get some advice from people who have been in a similar situation. I very recently left my partner of 12 years, who I share 3 children with, due to the relationship being toxic and unhealthy for both me and the children. During the cour... View more

I am hoping to get some advice from people who have been in a similar situation. I very recently left my partner of 12 years, who I share 3 children with, due to the relationship being toxic and unhealthy for both me and the children. During the course of our relationship he was very controlling, very jealous and insecure (went through my mobile daily), and I let him mold me into what he needed me to be - an extension of him - instead of being my own self. My own opinions, views, values, dreams and aspirations always came second to his or were completely wrong in his eyes - he could never see my side or see a different point of view other than his own. I could never say no to him, because if i did it was days and days of him punishing me by being abusive, ignoring and being horrible to me. I could never say no to sex, because it meant i didn't love him and he would sulk for days. If he wanted to buy something or spend money, even if it was ridiculous or we were broke, I couldn't say no for the same reasons. I don't know when or how it happened, but I eventually gave up. I gave up having an opinion, I gave up having a voice, and I gave up trying. I would just agree with everything he said. I never said no to sex, and there were times when I remember lying there just hoping he would finish quickly. When I started working again all the jealousy, insecurities and controlling behaviour came to blows and we had some very violent and aggressive arguments - some in front of the children - and I decided it was enough and it was over. It was the hardest decision I have ever had to make, to split up my family, to put my children through divorce and pain, and to cause extreme hurt to my husband - whom i still loved but could no longer be with. I'm now struggling to move forward, and have been so tempted at times to go back to him so that I can stop hurting. I never wanted this to happen. I am also struggling with finding myself, and who i am anymore. I feel like i have lost who i really am and i dont really know how to find that again. It has been 12 years of this abuse and I'm struggling to break all the bad habits i have made. I'm still living my life trying not to do things that might upset him - making sure i always have my phone on me just incase, making sure the house is clean etc. And i dont know how to break that pattern. I was hoping that perhaps others can relate and perhaps offer some advice to help me get through this tough time.

Lady_Stardust Never told
  • replies: 4

Hey, everyone. I don’t really know why I’m writing this. A large part of my brain is screaming for me not to because it fears that my family will somehow find this and realise that it’s me. But I have to say something under the cover of a username. I... View more

Hey, everyone. I don’t really know why I’m writing this. A large part of my brain is screaming for me not to because it fears that my family will somehow find this and realise that it’s me. But I have to say something under the cover of a username. It took me over half an hour to hit the post button, my heart was pounding. I am afraid because I’ve never told them that I was assaulted over a decade ago (seven years old? Eight? Either one) and I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to. After many years, I was able to tell a very close friend of mine. I feel that’s a healthy step in the right direction, but I’ve never been able to verbalise or even hint at it to a psychologist. When I’ve seen a professional, it’s right there, in my mind. ‘I was assaulted when I was a child’. It’s right there, and sometimes it even manages to reach the back of my throat, but it gets trapped there. I don’t know why. I feel like I should be over it by now. I feel like I should be able to say, hey, it’s in the past, I’m an adult now. And for the most part, I don’t think about it, it’s not on my mind. I can go months and months without the memory appearing and my stomach twisting in anger because I should have done something instead of freezing like I did. But something triggers it and it reminds me, and I feel sick all over again, and like I just want to run up to the first person I see and tell them. I find men approaching me when I’m alone is something that both sets off my anxiety and my desire to fight if necessary. They could just be asking the time and I’d still have that reaction. Sometimes I wish they would try something, just so I could be justified in hurting them. There is an anger, very much alive in me. Then there’s things like being told I should get a pap smear because that’s important, but the thought of it makes me panic internally. I don’t want someone touching me, I don’t want to be exposed like that. It is important for my health, but I don’t want to. I am sick of these triggers and sick of being afraid and sick of keeping it locked inside where it chips away at me, surely sometimes without my knowledge. Maybe now that I’ve told you, it won’t get stuck anymore. Maybe I wrote this, disregarding the screaming of my brain, because I want my family to find out. Is that selfish of me? They’re good people, of course, and I’m sure they’d find a way to blame themselves. Is it selfish of me? I don’t know. I’m not sure. I hope not. I just don’t want to be sick anymore.

Somebodyhelp Hard to articulate
  • replies: 1

Hello, I am struggling to articulate what I want to say. I always seem very confused with how I feel about things and situations so in turn I act and behave in ways I’m not sure is “correct”. Ahhh.. I’ll give an example. I have 3 babies and separated... View more

Hello, I am struggling to articulate what I want to say. I always seem very confused with how I feel about things and situations so in turn I act and behave in ways I’m not sure is “correct”. Ahhh.. I’ll give an example. I have 3 babies and separated from my husband about 7 months ago. My oldest son (4) his biological father called me last week for the first time EVER. My husband took me in when I was pregnant and signed the birth certificate etc. I have been flooded with emotions, since he has called - happiness mostly. I adore this man... or do I? He is the most unstable, irrational and irratic human. He has been wondering why I am not mad at him and surprised I have reacted kindly. Everyone else has also wondered why I didn’t tell him to get lost, also. Why? I think I still love him.. Or am I just afraid he is going to leave my life at the drop of a hat again? I don’t know.. i don’t know how I feel. Why aren’t I mad at this man for leaving me and my baby whilst I was pregnant? Why do I forgive him so easily and he doesn’t even have to work for it. Why do I want to see him so badly?! Do I love him or am I just insecure? I want to make sure I keep things nice so he doesn’t disappear again. WHY do I care if he disappears again? Is it love or insecurity.. It’s killing me. I don’t know how to set up boundaries properly and the only thing I don’t want is for him to drop me and my son like a hot potato again.

maplefog Is this a relapse? and of so will it pass?
  • replies: 2

Hi all, this is my first post here but I wanted some opionons and support if possible. I have a diagnosis of complex PTSD - as much as one can have that when it's not in the DSM (yet). I have been doing quite well over the past 10 years having gone f... View more

Hi all, this is my first post here but I wanted some opionons and support if possible. I have a diagnosis of complex PTSD - as much as one can have that when it's not in the DSM (yet). I have been doing quite well over the past 10 years having gone from not being able to work at all and being on the DSP to completing a vocational degree and working full time. I have also almost completed a second degree working full time and raising my 8yo son. Over the past two years I have has some signiffiant stress unrelated to the work/study commitments - some serious health problems and a relationship breakdown that ended in violence. I have kept my study up and even got a scholarship for the last year and a promotion late last year as well so I felt I was not slipping despite some serious anxiety. I went off medication last August - about 6 monbths ago now and this seemed to be fine. I went off as I felt I was managign really well and was sort of cured. All this has been with the support of a fantastic psychiatrist who I have seen for 8 years now - weekly for psychotherapy. What has happened recently is that I took 3 weeks off work. I was planning a lot of study to get a head start on the year but I absolutely hit the deck emotionally. I cried for about a week solid and my anxiety has returned with a vengance. Now I am back at work my anxiety is still there - quite disabling - and what I have also noticed are some very old thought patterns returning. Intense self criticism and feeling unwelcome and unwanted at work. It feels almost like a flashback to my early experiences in my family of origin but has been going for over a month now - longer than flashback? I am struggling to make sense of this and of course the advice is to go on medication again. It took me 5 months to come off antidepressants as I did this very gradually with the help of a compounding pharmacist so I am unwilling to go back on them if I can stick it out. Can people relapse with complex PTSD and does it pass on its own or will it get worse? I am worried a prolonged relapse will see me lose everything - job, study plans and my relationships. I have worked so hard to build these things. Any experiences other people have had would be helpful. Thank you in advance, M

Lil_b Seeking domestic violence resources in Melbourne
  • replies: 7

Hi there, I am a young female feeling so lost after being on the receiving end of violence from my now ex partner 18 months ago. I have seen a counselor for many months, but wondering if anyone can recommend some sort of support group, or someone I c... View more

Hi there, I am a young female feeling so lost after being on the receiving end of violence from my now ex partner 18 months ago. I have seen a counselor for many months, but wondering if anyone can recommend some sort of support group, or someone I can talk to that's specialized? I and would love to chat to people who have gone through similar events thank you

lilafish Did Consensual Sexual Experiences as a Child Traumatise Me?
  • replies: 2

When I was a little girl (from age 7 to 10), my best friend (from age 7 - 10) and I experimented sexually together. I never felt violated by it at the time, in fact I would consider it all to be consensual. But now, at age 21, I have come to realise ... View more

When I was a little girl (from age 7 to 10), my best friend (from age 7 - 10) and I experimented sexually together. I never felt violated by it at the time, in fact I would consider it all to be consensual. But now, at age 21, I have come to realise my early sexual experiences and experimentations have left me traumatised. I don't know how to explain this, or even how to tell anyone about it. It's been eating me up inside. Does anyone else relate to me? Am I crazy?

Lumpypumpkin Mental Health Stability - How do you gain it
  • replies: 2

Hi, l was diagnosed witb PTSD in 2015 after a assault at work with no staff support. This was the straw that broke the camel's back after years of assaults. It brough up old wounds from my childhood and other horrid events in my life. Depression and ... View more

Hi, l was diagnosed witb PTSD in 2015 after a assault at work with no staff support. This was the straw that broke the camel's back after years of assaults. It brough up old wounds from my childhood and other horrid events in my life. Depression and anxiety have been present since in severe and moderate at varying times. I would like to know "what state of mind do you need to be in to be considered stable by a Psychiatrist? ". I have yet to be deemed stable and it is preventing me from moving on with my life. Sadly for me l was also confronted with a drug addict threatening my life and being confronted by a male wanting to hyjack my car both which impacted on me. This occured last year and though l feel l have put this behind me, l can't get deemed stable. Can anyone shed some light on this for me, l so desperately want to leave the past behind.

Marks_Mrs Husband of 17 years lost all feelings for me in 10 days.
  • replies: 5

Hello everyone, Hoping to hear from anybody who has been through this. We have been together for 17 years, most of the time very happy. My husband was diagnosed with complex PTSD, depression & anxiety a year ago. He was prescribed antidepressants for... View more

Hello everyone, Hoping to hear from anybody who has been through this. We have been together for 17 years, most of the time very happy. My husband was diagnosed with complex PTSD, depression & anxiety a year ago. He was prescribed antidepressants for suicidal thoughts & sees a psychologist. We love each other deeply but I have noticed big changes in him since we sought help & not positive changes! He has slowly cut everyone from his life, mother, friends. But worst was to come, 10 days ago he said he felt nothing..even for me. this happened so suddenly that I am in a state of shock, hurt & very distraught. Am I wrong in thinking this is the medication? Can't be a coincidence that a very loving man in 12 months of taking antidepressants has lost all emotion & love. I hope someone who has been through this can shed some light on this, we have been to the psychologist & her answer was to up his meds. I am heading to the Drs in the morning for help, I am so upset it's affecting my health. Starting to think he won't come back to me emotionally. Thank you to anyone who responds to me.