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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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NeedingSupport Not coping anymore
  • replies: 3

Hi. I have no idea even where to start. Three years ago i left domestic violence. 3 Months after i was diagnosed with PTSD & depression. I also have an eating disorder which i have struggled with for years now. Ever since i left my ex partner it has ... View more

Hi. I have no idea even where to start. Three years ago i left domestic violence. 3 Months after i was diagnosed with PTSD & depression. I also have an eating disorder which i have struggled with for years now. Ever since i left my ex partner it has been nothing still but severe stress. I have a four year old little girl. I have started to isolate myself more and more & shut people out. I don't think i have ever coped with motherhood either & the reality of being a single parent has really hit me hard lately. I am exhausted. Financial stress is wearing me down and the damage is leaving me feeling emotionally & mentally all over the place. I feel like i keep going backwards with everything. On a random good day it has been a good day but then it is back to the same hell in my head most days. I have no self esteem or confidence left. I don't enjoy the things i used to and genuinely don't enjoy life anymore. I hate most people and i hate myself so much for the choices i made. My daughter is the reason why i choose to keep going but every day is hell. I have had my daughter mostly full time within the last four years. I don't feel like anyone at all understands. I don't look after myself at all anymore nor do i even have the energy to be bothered. Most days i just want to run away or scream my head off. Does anyone else feel like they have lost themselves entirely and have no idea how to bounce back. I am seriously losing my shit more and more every day..... I keep reliving it in my mind all the time and remembering everything he did and said. I feel more anger than anything lately

Youvegotthis1 Does the guilt go away?
  • replies: 5

One of my friends recently lost his battle with his demons and is no longer with us. While my logic brain says I shouldn’t feel guilty I just cannot shake the guilt that i could have done more. Does this feeling ever go away?

One of my friends recently lost his battle with his demons and is no longer with us. While my logic brain says I shouldn’t feel guilty I just cannot shake the guilt that i could have done more. Does this feeling ever go away?

quietme Living with PTSD
  • replies: 3

I havnt yet been diagnosed as well like most others I am absolutely uncomfortable talking to people in person about it. In 2013 I finally broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years. He was both physically and mentally abusive. Actually as I start to write... View more

I havnt yet been diagnosed as well like most others I am absolutely uncomfortable talking to people in person about it. In 2013 I finally broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years. He was both physically and mentally abusive. Actually as I start to write this, I recognize he was also sexually abusive. After going to many dr's with him and him being treated for bipolar I was silly enough to stay for many years, It was bad but I didn't know another life I and suppose and I wasnt going to give up my pets for a crazy guy. I meet my now husband and things have been great. We have moved, and money wasnt great for a while which we faught about but we moved on and now lifes wonderful again. That is until he says something that my ex used to say (not in a nasty matter) and I lose it to the point, he finds me hiding on the floor crying. This is where I used to sit after my ex would be abusive. The police where called and there was AVO on my ex a few times. Now if there is argument, I hid under a blanket, run around the house closing curtains and bawl my eyes out saying the police will come. My husband honestly, is wonderful and his done 100% nothing wrong. But lately its like only taking 1 word to set it off. I am then tired and so drained for a day or 2 after it happens. I feel so bad for him, having to see me go like this. He is extremely supportive. My issue is I am not ready to discuss it face to face with anyone. And I know you should not diagnose yourself, but does it sound like PTSD ??? We live a wonderful life, live by the beach, no debt, great house and own our own business. Things honestly couldn't be better. Could being happy set PTSD off, like if your mind is relaxing can it like allow your mind to see things we dont. LOL i dont know how to explain that.

MostlySunny First time disclosing sexual abuse
  • replies: 7

Hi there Im new here although I've been visiting for a while. Long story short, I've realised that I'm a victim of sexual abuse and while I thought I'd dealt with it, a recent stressful period (unrelated to the abuse) has resulted in me really strugg... View more

Hi there Im new here although I've been visiting for a while. Long story short, I've realised that I'm a victim of sexual abuse and while I thought I'd dealt with it, a recent stressful period (unrelated to the abuse) has resulted in me really struggling. I really don't want to discuss the abuse with doctors etc and the truth is, besides one flash back, I've blocked it all out so I don't want to go digging it all up. Im also really scared talking to my doctor about it because I don't want to be fobbed off with a prescription and I don't even know how to start the conversation. Some days I'm fine, other days the stress (from things that previously wouldn't worry me too much) is paralysing. I've been unable to stop thinking about what happened to me besides when I'm really busy, so it's a bit of cycle. I'm having trouble sleeping too. I've been like this for about six months and I've been able to get some clarity and I now realise I've struggled with this my whole life but I don't understand why it's come up now and why I can't deal with it on my own like I usually do. I'm in my early thirties with a great family , friends, career etc and I've carried this myself since I was a kid. Im worried that if I don't seek professional help, I'll end up cracking but I'm also terrified to take the first step. I'm scared that by telling my doctor, somehow other people will find out. I've read various websites and tips for talking to the doctor but I hope that it will go away - whatever 'it' is - on its own. I don't consider myself depressed or anxious etc, but I do know I don't feel like myself a lot of the time. I'm not sure where to go from here. Thanks for reading.

Great_Dane PTSD - Confused, I just cant understand why this is destroying me 25 years later???
  • replies: 29

Hi, I've been a member in these forums for a little while but just find it hard to put into words what's happenning in my life. I had a troubled childhood where I was first hand witness my mothers multiple suicide attempts, but the next day life just... View more

Hi, I've been a member in these forums for a little while but just find it hard to put into words what's happenning in my life. I had a troubled childhood where I was first hand witness my mothers multiple suicide attempts, but the next day life just seemed to go on. Now some 25 years later I'm a bloody mess, I dream about one incident particularly a lot, I think about it many times a day and I just cant handle anything remotely stressful anymore. At the drop of a hat I get angry and anxious. My days are spent in my house and I leave to drop & pick my kids up from school and thats about it. I can't work, I've been diaganosed with everything from ADHD, Bipolar 2, Depression & Anxiety but now my My Psychiatrist & Psycholigist have diagnosed PTSD but is it right that this can occur 25 years after the event? I had a great career, family and everything was moving along well and then BANG all this stuff started? How can that be? I just don't get it? Am I a wierd case?

GemAndLogan Nightmares
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone and Happy 2018, I haven't posted here in a little while because things have been going so well, I feel very lucky at the moment. My psychologist diagnosed me with PTSD after a long term abusive relationship. I managed to escape that relat... View more

Hi everyone and Happy 2018, I haven't posted here in a little while because things have been going so well, I feel very lucky at the moment. My psychologist diagnosed me with PTSD after a long term abusive relationship. I managed to escape that relationship a year ago and have been going very well since and have managed to get through most of the physical and psychological issues I had from it One thing I can't seem to shake are my post traumatic nightmares. I dream about my ex trying to kill me, about the police raiding my home, about being terrified and physically hurt. Pretty much any event that happened in the past where I felt extreme fear, stress or pain- I dream about it. They happen a couple of times a week and more often when I sleep alone, my partner is a fifo worker and when he is home I don't seem to get them or if I do I don't remember them (my partner sometimes wakes me because I'm moving a lot or crying out) When I sleep alone they are so vivid and realistic that I wake up terrified and in a sweat. Has anyone had experience with nightmares? Anything work to get rid of them or at least make them less frequent? Open to any suggestions : ) Thanks! Gem

Spiritbird Feeling like there is no way out
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone its been awhile since I was on here. I had a huge nervous breakdown in 2015 following major stress & I am back in the same boat again. I recovered slowly back then it took me about 9 months to come through the worst of it but I made the m... View more

Hi everyone its been awhile since I was on here. I had a huge nervous breakdown in 2015 following major stress & I am back in the same boat again. I recovered slowly back then it took me about 9 months to come through the worst of it but I made the mistake of going back to a busy life in 2016 my life partner left me for someone else because she wasn't happy I think because of my depression & trauma history as well as my kids & finacial pressures that tipped my world upside down & I had to move & find a way to earn a living. During that time I was experiencing massive health problems which led to major surgery earlier this year. I didn't have long to recover & had to get back to work to support my family. In August my beloved mother passed away suddenly leaving me to sort her affairs, funeral etc. & hold my family together. I then had to move house in October & when I moved my system flipped into another breakdown. I was triggered by being caught in an anger fit by a family member which tripped my brain into fight/flight & I haven't been able to turn it off. I had to move again to get away from the stress of where I moved too & I am now in a house, away from my community, my older son moved out so I am alone most of the time. I am deeply depressed & have no energy or interest in any of the things I used to do. I'm sure my adrenals have crashed & my nervous system is fried. My only ray of light at the moment is my friend supporting me & holding me through. At this stage I am feeling hopeless & like there is no way out of feeling this way. I have no appetite, barely any motivation to get up unless I am forced too. Crippled with anxiety & losing hope.

DFUR84 Partner and her past sexual abuse [trigger warning]
  • replies: 3

Hi BB, I have been with my partner a couple of years and recently just had a little boy together. About 4 weeks out from meeting my son, my partner dropped some pretty sad information on me, that she had been abused as a child from the age of 2 by a ... View more

Hi BB, I have been with my partner a couple of years and recently just had a little boy together. About 4 weeks out from meeting my son, my partner dropped some pretty sad information on me, that she had been abused as a child from the age of 2 by a family member and then gang raped by 3 men when she was 6 or 7 yrs old in PNG. She has depression and anxiety and we are working on getting a better diagnosis as Doctors believe she is suffering from more. I am not dealing well with things myself plus we have a little boy. Our son is well looked after and she a great mum but when it comes to everything else including us she is not able to handle it. I feel very alone as she zones off now and diasappears its seems. I touch her yesterday and she stated she feels gross when i touch her and look at her. Because she stated so many men have touched her she feels gross and uncomfortable when i do it. I can understand that. But im watching my relationship go down the drain. I want to be family i think she wants that but emotional she isnt there. about anything. except anger Anger is very present all the time.

Detie Please help [trigger warning: domestic abuse]
  • replies: 2

Im 16, and since I was 4 years old, my dad has been very abusive. He doesn't hit me and my sister, although he is very aggressive. He treats my mother horribly however, when I was 4 I was standing right between them when he slapped/kicked her, that m... View more

Im 16, and since I was 4 years old, my dad has been very abusive. He doesn't hit me and my sister, although he is very aggressive. He treats my mother horribly however, when I was 4 I was standing right between them when he slapped/kicked her, that memory still bothers me. Earlier this year we moved out (my sister, me and mother) and lived on our own because he was getting overly abusive, but he would not leave us alone. He would park his car outside our house in the middle of the night, hop our fence and threaten us, etc. We had an order against him and his name and abuse has been recorded. A few months ago, my mother decided to move back in with him and try to fix things. It lasted for 2 weeks, then it all began again. The yelling, aggressiveness, lies, threats. He's stolen my money twice, taken pictures of my mothers bank card, and constantly withholds money. We are planning on leaving again, but there is mo way we could survive financially, we get welfare payments, but its only about $400...barley enough to pay rent and WiFi (for my school) and I just don't feel safe...i'm scared he will murder my mom, hurt us, etc, and even if w do get an order against him or send him for jail for the things he's done, i'm scared when he gets out he's going to find us. I'm just so lost and scared, this has been going on for forever, and i'm just so tired..can anyone give me advice on what to do? Thanks

Deb777 Christmas woetide!
  • replies: 3

I was diagnosed with PTSD after workplace incidences over 10 years ago and really haven't progressed since. My other family members I had to cut out of my life after last Christmas when my youngest brother who is 36 years old was again became violent... View more

I was diagnosed with PTSD after workplace incidences over 10 years ago and really haven't progressed since. My other family members I had to cut out of my life after last Christmas when my youngest brother who is 36 years old was again became violent towards me and threatened me after we were trying to have a discussion about him running up my mothers bills to $1400 a quarter and refusing to pay for them or any board whilst he was living there. My mother sat there and basically allowed him to attack me, bringing up things from when I first became sick years ago and how they all felt sorry for my daughter having a bad mum like me. I left when he threatened to kick my arse outside and my mother just told me to leave and it was my fault because I should have shut my mouth. When I got home, my mother rang me to remind me not to tell my aunt and uncle about my brothers behaviour as they and other extended family are unaware that for over 20 years he has been in and out of Youth Detention Centres and Remand centres for serious crimes for violence, drugs and burglaries. When another aunt died earlier this year who I was the closest to, my mother out of nastiness said I was not required at the funeral and then wonders why I will not speak to her as it was done out of pure nastiness. So for the past year I have had nothing to do with my family. I still send presents to each of the nieces and nephews and my daughter would still go to their birthdays when invited, even though I was not invited. My mother tends to play each child against the other, so my sister has cut me out of their lives believing that I have ignored my mother for no reason and are punishing her for our brothers behaviour. We have another brother who walked away from the family over ten years ago due to this other brother as well and it appears my mother would rather lose the 'decent' children than ask the troubled brother to leave. Fast forward to Christmas and my only daughter in her 20's has decided to spend Christmas with my family, leaving me home alone all day as she is too scared to say no to avoid trouble as they sent her nasty messages when she did not celebrate her birthday with them. I am deeply wounded and just feel like just running away as I feel like I am being punished for this time not accepting the family violence as in the past I have so they did not cut me off. Why do bad people always win?