Potential PTSD - own daughter a trigger

[Tia82]

Hi, first post so here goes.

I've never really spoken to a professional about the following. All of my sessions have focused on my Bipolar and my daughters ADHD etc. However, my daughters now 10, starting puberty and more and more I'm reflecting/ thinking about my childhood closer to that age.

When I was about 12yrs old starting high school I made a new best friend. Her mum was quite young (had her at 16) worked nights/ weekends as a cleaner, and so me and my friend spent most of the time with mums boyfriend. He was a heavily tattooed biker gang type. When I was 13 he brought us alcohol and gave us pot for New Years Eve. Now for the triggering stuff...

The first night I slept over I got up in the night for the bathroom and he was walking around naked. I was shocked and went back to bed but never told my parents. Things then escalated over nearly 2 years. I'm sure my friend had been sexually abused by him since he'd been in her life (from 8yrs).

That New Years I mentioned - I blacked out big sections (think it's ok) but woke to find her in skimpy pjs cuddling him on his bed.

I only mentioned any of this to my dad in my mid 20s when I was supporting my sister explaining an abuse by an uncle. For many years this impacted on sexual activities I wouldn't do etc.

I received a friend's request a few years ago from the girl and I declined, it spooked me and I couldn't face the conversation. I've always felt guilty about not going to the police. Another friend mentioned later that lots of kids knew what was happening...

Now my daughter is nearing this same age and it's making me think more and more about it. Who knows what her friends are like.

Is it possible to have PTSD from witnessing something like this, and for it to rear up so long after? I'm thinking this is something I need to bring up with my psych and possibly see a psychologist about?

Thanks in advance.

[quirkywords]

Welcome Tia to the forum.

It can be hard writing your first post and writing about something you have told many people.

Those memories you have are very strong and now with your daughter growing up, I can understand how concerned you are.

Do you feel you could talk about this to your psych ? If you felt uncomfortable you could cut and paste the relevant parts of your poste and show your psych.

I have bipolar and know stress can trigger change in moods. It is good that you are speaking about concerns and you are aware of how it is affecting you.

I do not know a lot about PTSD but this information on the website to may help you.

Web pages: Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/anxiety/types-of-anxiety/ptsd

Also if you go to the all posts section and look under PTSD , there are many threads a there that you may find helpful.

By answering your post, it will now go to the top of the forum.

Feel free to post here as much as you like.

Quirky

[PamelaR]

Hi Tia and a warm welcome to Beyond Blue forums

Quirky has given you a wonderful welcome to. Not much more I can add. I’m not a health professional though I can give you my own experience with PTSD, anxiety and depression.

What a horrible thing to occur when you were so young. From what you say, it sounds like you blame yourself for the abuse to have continued. You were only a child yourself Tia.

Memories such as you are experiencing do happen. This occurred with me. It first started when I was 40. I began to remember having my hand put on a hot plate to show me how I wasn’t to put my hand on hot plates. So, the process of bringing back the memories of childhood that I’d hidden because they hurt too much began.

I started seeing a psych who worked in the same organisation I did. She was extremely helpful. Some of what I learnt is:

• my mind and body forgot things to protect me. While I believe I was frequently triggered throughout my life, I never remembered the traumas I experienced. The psych said it was my body’s way of protecting me and it now believed I could handle anything. So from what you’ve written you are definitely in a good place to handle all that your mind has to bring up.
• the memories will come back as they chose. Trying to control this process is almost impossible.
• not to fear the fear of remembering. The fear can not hurt you. You’re safe now.

It was obviously a very fearful time for you. Please don’t feel any guilt about not saying anything to anyone. You were only a child and most likely never truly understood. It is good to have someone you can talk to. Who is there you’re able to talk to? For example, a close trusted friend, family member?
If you’re not already seeing a doctor and a health professional, that is something I’d do.

Maybe have a talk with your daughter about sex, good, bad, abuse etc is possibly a good way to go if you are concerned about her and her friends?

When you are able there are a number of good threads here under the PTSD and trauma forum some include:

• Complex PTSD - what is it and how do we cope? Started by Just Sara.
• PTSD Triggers and Trauma. Started by PamelaR
• Triggers. Started by PamelaR

Hope some of this helps Tia. Keep reaching out, when and if you want. You're not alone.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[Quercus]

Hi Tia,

Quirky and Pamela have written posts I don't have the experience to write but there is one aspect I would like to comment on as a Mum and one with sexual abuse in the past too.

Like you I am afraid for my children. Is it justified? Not always. It is my own fear of the situation I was in and not wanting them to ever feel as helpless and disgusting and worthless as I did.

Isn't that just what all parents want? Wanting better for their children. Wanting to shield and protect them.

Therapy does help to reduce this fear and make it a reasonable level of worry. But it takes time to get there. I still worry a lot but it isn't as paralysing as it was once.

As Pamela mentioned... Education and communication are your allies. Young adults especially need to know their rights and responsibilities. A lot of my actions were ruled by ignorance. Generally I listened to advice my parents gave but topics like this weren't discussed. I wasn't sure if what was happening to me was normal or not. I was too embarrassed and ashamed to ask.

I'm glad you're reaching out for support.

Nat