Covert Narcassist Psychopath Abuse

[Compassion12]

Hello all,

After 4 weeks of no contact with my partner of 20 years, reality has hit me with why life with him was sucking my life, literally.

Anyone who has recovered from narcasstic or other dark triad personality disordered partners, please reach out. The master manipulator, as I am told my professionals, is a covert narcasstic psychopath, as he lacks empathy, remorse and even denies strangling me, which is when experts forced me out. Since then I learn about emotional, psychological abuse, cycle of violence, power and control, DV, and about the disorders. All while seeking a place to be safe. Currently no support around me and I know it's not me, rather him, as he projects himself onto me to others, saying I am abusive and the victim depressed play. Still, I am isolated and deprived and reach out in hope of anyone being compassionate and empathic to just be a friend. It is not healthy to be isolated, just like having someone you thought you loved trauma bond you and intentionally enjoy hurting in hope to gain control. I only loved and trusted but no fool after being awakened yo the truth. I know I grieve, loss and trauma recover. However, to reach out is healthy, since despite my proactive resourceful nature, everything else I tried has not succeeded. Like to connect honestly, learning the red flags of such energy emotional vampires now, as honesty builds trust and I have little energy to be anyone other than me.

Thank you for your time and reaching out. Balancing my healing with energy cost to meet new people I don't have energy to engage with without such truth. Sad reality is many will not real talk, rather superficial, which is what costs energy. Catch 22!

Take care

[IsaJett]

Hi there

im glad you wrote . I too probably have similar story to you ...just feel so blinded and emotionally manipulated all those times..but it never felt that wAy when I was in the marriage . And then I wondered if i had just enabled his behaviour . But I’m glad I’m out of the marriage and can start again with the lessons I have learned ..it is somewhat a new lease of life for me ...which. Is a very positive thing .

[Compassion12]

Thank you Isabel. Nice to read you feel you have a new lease of life. I don't feel it. I tried share with safe family members but they just say I sound crazy. I imagine it is but fact is I need support. Everything I tried is not being successful, as his manipulation has run so deep. He is very disordered and disconnected yet can continue with life, as that's them. Leaving destruction. Anyone not understanding this will not get it. Seeking empathy and compassionate friends, as he succeeded to destroy it all. Lost hope and still fighting here.

[IsaJett]

It will take a bit of time to get better ...so know that ..but each day u will get better . Slowly but surely . But it’s a step in a positive direction . I did hot yoga that really assisted my recovery process. I was pretty much dead in the marriage ...like I was numb ..so coming out was just like being reborn ... everything’ I had to relearn because there’ would be his negative voice in the background telling me I can’t do better without him . and to this day ..it’s just me proving him wrong every single day ..as the best way to do it is to live well and stay well myself without him .

[Boca]

You’re not alone. What you have gone through sounds awful. You’re not crazy. The situation is crazy, not you. When I was in this situation I felt like I was crazy too and then someone told me “of course you do - normal people feel crazy in crazy situations!” It will get better now that you’re out of it. It will be so, so hard at times but it will get better. Keep fighting. You’re not alone.

[catluver]

Thank you for sharing. I feel I am in a similar situation. 25 Years and am wanting to leave. My husband has sought treatment with many specialists over the years but he 'acts' normal so they don't see an issue. I feel stuck. Same cycle on repeat. It's the emotional trauma that I am finding difficult to cope with the older I'm getting and the more aware I am becoming. There's been addiction (drugs, sex and alcohol). He has bouts of 'giving up' and then can picks it up again then of course comes the withdrawal symptoms which is a whole different story, there's been affairs and one night stands, there's been trauma on me and our children, there's been the ups, downs, highs, lows and now my husband does absolutely NOTHING while I go to work and do everything else. 😕 He won't seek any professional help anymore and believes it's all s*&t! I can't communicate with him in case I get blamed or accused of something out of fear of how he will take it and then start manipulating me saying that I am the crazy one. It's impacting my work as I was meant to go to a work function the other day (after a serious outburst from him) but I told them I couldn't make it, then they wanted proof as to why. I have found this is a new thing for me, because throughout the years I have never let it impact on my work. I like to study it's my way of self-care, but even that is sometimes impossible and it is difficult to concentrate. I try to stay positive and am aware that this is only a small part of who he is, but on the down times this thought doesn't help. He is very narcasstic and everything has to revolve around him. I am just so tired. When he is up, the world can't stop him, when he is down, the world has to stop for him. Financially am in no position to leave and I don't want to leave our 21 yr old son at home with him and if I did leave I would want to take our tweenage son with me as he is our youngest. Both of our children have no respect for him. I always get blamed or made to feel guilty because the kids (when they were younger) come to me for everything and they still do. Somehow this is my fault? This is perhaps due to all the times when they were little that he wasn't around and was too busy with other things. I am trying my best, but it is draining me. Thank you all for sharing, as I have found there is some hope and it's validation that I'm not crazy after all. Blessings to you all.