Is this a relapse? and of so will it pass?

[maplefog]

Hi all,

this is my first post here but I wanted some opionons and support if possible. I have a diagnosis of complex PTSD - as much as one can have that when it's not in the DSM (yet). I have been doing quite well over the past 10 years having gone from not being able to work at all and being on the DSP to completing a vocational degree and working full time. I have also almost completed a second degree working full time and raising my 8yo son. Over the past two years I have has some signiffiant stress unrelated to the work/study commitments - some serious health problems and a relationship breakdown that ended in violence. I have kept my study up and even got a scholarship for the last year and a promotion late last year as well so I felt I was not slipping despite some serious anxiety. I went off medication last August - about 6 monbths ago now and this seemed to be fine. I went off as I felt I was managign really well and was sort of cured. All this has been with the support of a fantastic psychiatrist who I have seen for 8 years now - weekly for psychotherapy.

What has happened recently is that I took 3 weeks off work. I was planning a lot of study to get a head start on the year but I absolutely hit the deck emotionally. I cried for about a week solid and my anxiety has returned with a vengance. Now I am back at work my anxiety is still there - quite disabling - and what I have also noticed are some very old thought patterns returning. Intense self criticism and feeling unwelcome and unwanted at work. It feels almost like a flashback to my early experiences in my family of origin but has been going for over a month now - longer than flashback? I am struggling to make sense of this and of course the advice is to go on medication again. It took me 5 months to come off antidepressants as I did this very gradually with the help of a compounding pharmacist so I am unwilling to go back on them if I can stick it out.

Can people relapse with complex PTSD and does it pass on its own or will it get worse? I am worried a prolonged relapse will see me lose everything - job, study plans and my relationships. I have worked so hard to build these things. Any experiences other people have had would be helpful.

Thank you in advance,

M

[PamelaR]

Hello Maplefog. Welcome to bb forums. It sounds like you have been managing so well for the past 10 years. I'm simply in awe of all those things you have done during that time you have been managing your complex PTSD. You are a great survivor and obviously have many skills to cope with your downs. At the moment though you are doing things a bit tough.

I know it's hard sometimes maplefog, it is important though to Believe in yourself! That you can do this - job, study plans and relationships! You said it yourself you have done it. Self doubt is one of the major disenablers. Tell yourself a story about how successful you've been.

Again, going off medication is something I've strived to do too. But too frightened in case i have a relapse. I'm just wondering whether your GP or your psychotherapist know about your self management? Have you discussed it with them? Wishing you all the best for a speedy recovery maplefog.

[Croix]

Dear Maplefog~

As someone with simple 🙂 PTSD, anxiety and bouts of depression I think your ten years of increasing stability and achievement is really something. The fact you were on medication throughout and did so well leads me to think it was necessary. Like an awful lot of people when things go well one can feel the meds are unnecessary and stop taking them. This you did in a sensible and supervised manner.

Now, 6 months later things are not so good. I only have my own experience to look at, I'm no doctor, but have found I simply do not function properly without both meds and psychiatric support. I can't say anything for certain of course but suspect that you may need to go back on them again.

For me the target is stability and coping, being able to lead a more or less normal life, and if I have to accept treatment as the price then I do. I do not think in terms of 'cured', which may be defeatist, I don't know.

I can exactly relate to your worries of losing all the gains you have made, and it really would be tragedy if that happened.

You said you have been undergoing increased stress relating to your health and a broken relationship. This at just the time what you are decreasing the support given by your meds. What would you think of attempting to stabilize by whatever means it to hand and then look at the possibility of going off meds again later?

Having a psychiatrist you can have confidence in long-term is a huge asset. Do you have anyone else on a personal level to help get you though?

Croix