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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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JJJ1 Paralysed
  • replies: 3

Trying to get over a recent assault. I havent been able to tell anyone I know. I tried writing how I feel and this explains a little. Paralysed I try to lock it deep inside and throw away the key. But somehow it escapes and takes hold of me. By stran... View more

Trying to get over a recent assault. I havent been able to tell anyone I know. I tried writing how I feel and this explains a little. Paralysed I try to lock it deep inside and throw away the key. But somehow it escapes and takes hold of me. By strange sounds in the house and strangers getting close. I start to panic and shake in fear. Back to when i thought i had control, but you overpowered me and took away my choice. As pressure builds, the weaker i become. Paralysed in fear, i lay there in disgust. For my bad judgment i feel guilt and shame. Of how i couldn’t stop you, I must have done something wrong. But ive lost a piece of me and you should be the one to blame. For how long will this trap me? Can I come out on top of this mind game?

PamelaR Living with PTSD for 54 years
  • replies: 42

Hi all, Just wanted to share my experience. I had always felt my childhood was unhappy, but I could not understand why. When I was 12 I developed asthma and throughout my 20s and 30s I'd have these moments of unexplained 'anger outbursts'. I develope... View more

Hi all, Just wanted to share my experience. I had always felt my childhood was unhappy, but I could not understand why. When I was 12 I developed asthma and throughout my 20s and 30s I'd have these moments of unexplained 'anger outbursts'. I developed strategies to manage this anger because I hated it. I also found I was never comfortable with women friends and it was difficult trusting anyone. I drank to excess, picked men up for one night stands. Then I met my husband of 35 years. It turned my life around, I could finally trust someone and share a fulfilling life. I just believed my behaviour was normal for the loose 'sexual years' of the 60s and 70s. Then 7 years ago while travelling through a town I remembered I'd been there on a holiday when I was about 11 or 12. My mother and father dropped me off with some cousins of mum's for a week or so. I never remembered anything until 7 years ago, when we stopped for coffee. I said to the person behind the counter oh, I know xxxxxxxx and xxxxxx. The response was 'they're dead'. That was it. As we travelled out of the town I started getting 'pornographic images' (something that was totally unusual for me). I talked it over with my husband - saying how strange it was. Well, that was roller coaster for me. I can't imagine how I could have kept the sexual abuse (rape) locked away in my memory for so long. My health suffered, I went into major depression and anxiety. I could not believe what was happening to me. My whole world turned upside down. For months I cried my heart out with a psychologist until I could no longer function and had to cease work. The GP put me on antidepressants and I saw my psych almost daily for about 2 weeks. I finally went back to work after about 3 months and more recently retired. Since retirement - my PTSD has been triggered. I've worked for 50 years and kept on the move one way or the other. I now have to face life full on. There are neighbours who have volatile arguments - this has been my latest trigger. My psychologist has retired and I don't like my new one. Ugh.... I want to sleep, but it doesn't come at the right time - night time. I can go to sleep about 5am and wake at 11am. But that's not what i want...Wow, have I had a whinge or what. There are many more people out there who had it a lot worse. My life has been good considering. I only wish I could have remembered the trauma earlier. Though as some say, I probably couldn't have handled it.

NerdyGirl Triggers and how to cope with PTSD attack
  • replies: 3

Hello, i am new to this but here goes. I need help coping and strategies to deal with a PTSD attack. I experienced physical and mental trauma when I was younger and I also watched my little brother be beaten and there wasn’t much I could do to stop i... View more

Hello, i am new to this but here goes. I need help coping and strategies to deal with a PTSD attack. I experienced physical and mental trauma when I was younger and I also watched my little brother be beaten and there wasn’t much I could do to stop it or protect him. As I got a lot older I distance myself from my mother and more recently removed her from my life as I released evey time she would contact me I would have memories, flash backs and dreams. Things have been good but my mother has been trying to reach me to talk to me the last two days and tonight when I went to have a shower all these memories things I have tried to forget are trying to flood back in. I feel panicked and scared, ashamed and I feel this crazy urge to protect my family despite logically knowing she is a very long way away from me. Is there anything I can do to stop the memories I have identified my mother and showers are triggers. I have a vividly horrible memory of my brother being hurt in the shower which sometimes plagued my mind and is usually the first memory. I recently also had a little fire scare in my house and completely over reacted and then I had a flash back of when a pot was on fire when I was little and I was left to deal with it. Although this last memory is inspiring me to be a firefighter the other memories I have a very crippling effect. I don’t want to remember and I want to stop the memories and the overwhelming feeling of all these emotions.

Fuffi Shouted and swore at boss
  • replies: 8

Hi. I have been diagnosed with PTSD and subsequent anxiety following the death of my mum who I cared for for the last 10 years of her life. Since this, I have had a hard last 18months - illness and surgeries in my immediate family, health scares, oth... View more

Hi. I have been diagnosed with PTSD and subsequent anxiety following the death of my mum who I cared for for the last 10 years of her life. Since this, I have had a hard last 18months - illness and surgeries in my immediate family, health scares, other deaths. I regularly have help but this happened just last week and I have to return to work before my next appointment. I am a teacher and work to improve teaching so work with adults more than kids. I let fly (in a phone call from my boss) when others told me it was their understanding that I would be doing something completely different to what I had just organised with my boss. I’m not worried about what I said but rather how I said it - yelling, crying and swearing - not at him personally but rather how I felt about the situation that had come about. I received an email from my boss which acknowledged my ranting thoughts (he is well aware of my diagnosis) but I’m not sure what I should do? He stated that he wants to chat with me about the situation and other things when I’m ready to talk. I’m very embarrassed and not proud of how I said things and anxious about how much I should say to him. I feel I need to apologise about the ranting. But I want to make it clear that I’m not apologising about what I said. Really anxious about how much and what I should say. Any suggestions with this is greatly appreciated Fuffi

Srfr Post traumatic symptoms
  • replies: 4

New to this, sharing is difficult for me - usually involved shame in my past. finding it difficult to concentrate, high level of anxiety and quick to become irritated. Also, nerves are shot. recent complex bereavement; ever since, the above symptoms.... View more

New to this, sharing is difficult for me - usually involved shame in my past. finding it difficult to concentrate, high level of anxiety and quick to become irritated. Also, nerves are shot. recent complex bereavement; ever since, the above symptoms. just feel tired and a bit despairing too. wish I had something positive to share but not at the moment!

KalahariKatfish Writing a letter to my parents, my mum in particular
  • replies: 3

"I'm writing to you because it is easiest for me. You may call it cowardly but that's your opinion. It's less scary and causes me less anxiety to do it this way. You have conditioned me to fear confrontation and cry as soon as I hear shouting. You ha... View more

"I'm writing to you because it is easiest for me. You may call it cowardly but that's your opinion. It's less scary and causes me less anxiety to do it this way. You have conditioned me to fear confrontation and cry as soon as I hear shouting. You have been a good parent to me for the most parts, providing for me and (My sister). But you've also done some horrible things. Shouting and insulting me until I'm in tears and then getting more angry when I start crying. A mother's natural response to their child in distress should be to comfort them, not to shout or sometimes laugh and ridicule them. And to be more specific, the reason I've been avoiding you and dad is from the other day. Dad threatened to hurt me. He threatened to kill his own daughter. Over some cats. I understand I took it too far, and I was stopping as I had previously told you. But that doesn't justify what he said to me, or how I'm being treated. And it doesnt justify you allowing him to say that to me. Arent you worried that your husband threatened to kill me? You know why I kept cat sitting for as long as I did, you know how difficult it is for me to get a job, to talk to people, to make friends. I was doing my best to make an income and get through uni. You seem to forget how stressful university actually is, and how much work I have to put in. I will apologise for what has happened with the cats, as I have in the past. The only reason foxy was out was to make dad happy. But I will not apologise for being upset, scared, and avoiding you. If you can't understand why then there isn't much more I can say. I'm telling you all of this because despite what has happened you're still my parents and I want to continue to have a relationship with you two. I'm grateful for everything you've done for me to help me become who I am. But if you can't see that what happened was wrong, I'm not sure what more I can do. I have other people that will care for me and protect me. I'm not trapped here. And if you're confused about anything, I'm happy to have someone else talk to you about it too. Because you laugh this off and forget about it, but I don't. This is serious and effects my life. "

Needingadvice2018 How to explain PTSD to another?
  • replies: 10

As title says, how do you explain to someone close to you what PTSD is or means in your life? How do you explain how certain things control your life or daily routine that you simply can't change for fear of what might happen if you do? i left a rela... View more

As title says, how do you explain to someone close to you what PTSD is or means in your life? How do you explain how certain things control your life or daily routine that you simply can't change for fear of what might happen if you do? i left a relationship many years ago, have since been diagnosed with PTSD due to dv, mainly all mental/controlling techniques he used but two occasions where I wasn't sure if I would see the sun again. I am now struggling to let my partner about the actual depth of my past, whilst I've been very open with the situation and what I and the kids went through, I've never let on about diagnoses (ptsd and depression) but I fear it will sound like I want sympathy (I don't, I'm strong enough) but I really want to be able to explain why I feel the way I do about being in certain situations or visiting specific areas of town. I've moved a distance away from my ex and do not want to go back near that area. i believe I need to be very honest about my pat but I just can't find words to explain it... I don't look broken nor would anyone other then drs and psych even think there is something going on behind the scene with me. appreciate any advice thank you

Ayisha Something beyond CPTSD
  • replies: 1

I was diagnosed with CPTSD three years ago.I was devastated to learn that it is incurable. I had always hoped that whatever condition i had had almost all of my life would have some remedy. But that is not the case. I was so resentful about my trauma... View more

I was diagnosed with CPTSD three years ago.I was devastated to learn that it is incurable. I had always hoped that whatever condition i had had almost all of my life would have some remedy. But that is not the case. I was so resentful about my trauma as a child. I grieved for my lost persona. I wondered what type of person i was supposed to be like. It was all a shock to me. I had enormous support from my psyche and my 3rd husband. I was angry for a long time... but i had no choice but to accept my fate and try and work with it the best way i could. I had to find way to obtain something beyond CPTSD! But even though it is three years on...i still hold some resentment. Who else knows these feelings?

Dayne How do you I cope with the nightmares...
  • replies: 3

Hey all, First time poster and new to the community. I'm a 27 year old new father to a beautiful 9 month old girl for context. Going through the motions of a diagnosis at the moment and my GP recommended I come here for support and advise. The nightm... View more

Hey all, First time poster and new to the community. I'm a 27 year old new father to a beautiful 9 month old girl for context. Going through the motions of a diagnosis at the moment and my GP recommended I come here for support and advise. The nightmares are starting to really get to me, my partner also snores like a demon and I often have to resort to sleeping on the lounge, and when I finally DO get to sleep, I wake up almost every hour, heart racing and covered in sweat. How does everyone cope with their demons when asleep? Previously in my life I have abused drugs to escape and get a decent nights sleep but with the kiddo now hanging around I really don't want to resort back to shit like weed to get a decent nights sleep. Would appreciate any recommendations.

Guest_8189 seeing dad die
  • replies: 2

i saw my dad die in infront of me from a heart attack in august. im broken, im not ready to see a therapist yet so i just want to talk here, just would like to talk to someone.

i saw my dad die in infront of me from a heart attack in august. im broken, im not ready to see a therapist yet so i just want to talk here, just would like to talk to someone.

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