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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Darbs Parental abuse
  • replies: 5

I am at a loss over two sons and there wives.Son 1 since meeting his now wife has become more and more distant. We know he isnt happy but he is besotted with her, she abuses us the odd time she sees us ( in 12 years together we have seen her about 6 ... View more

I am at a loss over two sons and there wives.Son 1 since meeting his now wife has become more and more distant. We know he isnt happy but he is besotted with her, she abuses us the odd time she sees us ( in 12 years together we have seen her about 6 hours). She has written abusive letters and phonecalls, which dont makesense, we let them live in our rental, our son lived in it with his brother before meeting her ,they were ideal tenants, she moved in and the place was trashed,we had to fix it and sell it, she has convinced our son he has had a horendous upbringing ,made sure he doesnt see any friends and his siblings. She is on drugs and we have been recently told she is now giving them to our son and she verbally abuses him daily. Yet he still stays. This year we didnt get to see him christmas or his birthday ,she never turns up he until this year would come alone for half an hour most of that time We love our and are at a loss of what to do. There is an argument that is in her head we have never argued with her but have been yelled at , she makes up issues , we sold the family home and moved into an apartment because we are in fear of our sons wife .Son 2 is happily married to girl who only has things her way, when it comes to us, we were not allowed family or friends at there wedding, her parents were, I was told by her father “boys dont see there mothers once they are married !!!, “I look after there daughter once a month but have to do the pick up and drop off, I am unable to pick her up now , I am still happy to have her, I now look after our other grandchild ( son 3’s child) on the same day ( both are under 2 ) I am strife again. I dont have two car seats, I cannot do the right thing by these girls and thus miss out on seeing my sons too, son 2 wife this year has told me there will be no mothers day as she wants to do it as a family. I cannot help wonder what I have done so wrong as its me who gets most of the flack. Things are good with son 2’s wife as long as I agree with everything and dont have an opinion.I am becoming more depressed we have tried so many avenues for help with son 1 and keep hitting brick walls. I am frightened of the two girls and have the most to loose, we dont understand how our sons stand by there behaviour, Until son 1 met his wife we spent years as a family together the kids had a great bond.This bond was broken by son 1 s wife.

Thermodynamic_Entropy Struggling-sue my own mother? why didn't anyone protect me? *Trigger Warning, Domestic Violence and Child Abuse*
  • replies: 2

I was brought up under extremely physical abusive, neglectful and emotionally abusive circumstances as a young child. Until my adult years, I lived with her and she continued to emotionally abuse me-she still does when she gets the chance. I have som... View more

I was brought up under extremely physical abusive, neglectful and emotionally abusive circumstances as a young child. Until my adult years, I lived with her and she continued to emotionally abuse me-she still does when she gets the chance. I have some questions for the Australia police and whoever was supposed to be looking after children. My mother LITERALLY ran a car into me. I reported all the physical abuse as a child. WHY WAS I LEFT WITH HER STILL? I can't understand it! I incidentally recorded a few videos as a teenager-whenever she would intrude on one of my body checks (I have severe eating disorders ,did I mention my teeth and skin are entirely ruined from bulimia and weight change). Even the mildest forms of emotional abuse upon reflection were absurd and this was a constant that I grew up with aside from the drug/alcoholism and physical abuse. I would say something quite clearly such as, "I didn't want to hurt my back", and she would say, "You haven't hurt your back you liar, you bitch..!"...etc. etc. Oh not to mention, it seems I have a criminal record..or something? My wonderful mother used to call the police on me I think for payback for the few times I did it to her. You know..that time you were smashing down my door with hammer? I didn't even call them during some of the most serious physical assaults. How could, whatever party was responsible for looking after Australian children, leave me in her care? My father is a GP. However, he was severely beaten as a kid, which probably explains why he was attracted to such a shit stain as my mother. He didn't want to interfere with because his mum was lovely-it was his dad. My dad might be a GP but he is emotionally stunted, I'm really sorry. Unfortunately GPs earn way too much respect. Whomever's responsibility it was to make sure I got into a safe home clearly thought "Oh fabulous, your father is a GP-she'll be fine".....so why was I being abused? It is possible that, JUST MAYBE, dad unfortunately doesn't want to interfere? Dad is one of those people who says stuff is fine when it isn't-particularly with matters of his own. So when he said, "I'll look after her" or whatever he said to reassure the hospital, he meant "I'll look after her for a week then give her back to her mother where she belongs, she was just crazy and kept the baby".

Kbet I witnessed a murder
  • replies: 25

I witnessed at murder when I was 16 years old. It was a brutal murder and I was a friend of the person who commited the murder and also friends with the victim. I have never forgotten that day, it constantly plays in my mind on a constant loop. I fou... View more

I witnessed at murder when I was 16 years old. It was a brutal murder and I was a friend of the person who commited the murder and also friends with the victim. I have never forgotten that day, it constantly plays in my mind on a constant loop. I found it hard to sleep before this happened due to another trauma and after this happened I found it nearly impossible to sleep. I am plagued with nightmares and often I will stay awake until I am totally knackered and then go to sleep. I am still woken up 4-5 times a night with nightmares and a racing heart. It takes me ages to go back to sleep everytime and I feel like my body and mind are on constant autopilot. 23 years of no sleep is catching up with me. I get up for work at 5am and usually dont go to sleep until after midnight and have been doing this since I started my job 10 years ago. Now I am getting older I consistently feel exhausted.. I cant take sleeping pills because I am worried something bad will happen to me in my sleep ( from a past trauma). I am trying to meditate but its so hard for me to relax or even sit still. I feel like im always looking over my shoulder and now because of my exhaustion I find that my mind and body has had enough. I have been fighting for my right to some semblance of normalcy for 35 of my 40 years and I dont think I will ever be able to find it. I dont even know what life without fear is like. Please if anyone has any ideas to help they would be greatly appreciated. Thankyou for taking the time to read this and sharing my journey through life. Kbet

Summer Rose I stand with John, do you? *Trigger Warning - Assault*
  • replies: 16

John is a disability pensioner from Melbourne who has mental illness. His psychologist was worried about his deteriorating mental health and asked to check on him in September 2017. What happened next, in my opinion, was disturbing, sad, disgraceful ... View more

John is a disability pensioner from Melbourne who has mental illness. His psychologist was worried about his deteriorating mental health and asked to check on him in September 2017. What happened next, in my opinion, was disturbing, sad, disgraceful and an indictment on the police force. Nothing short of appalling. John was brutally attacked by officers. He was taunted, humiliated and seriously injured, all under the auspices of the Mental Health Act. Police are empowered by this legislation to use force to take to hospital a person who appears to have a mental illness in order to keep them or others safe. I watched what actually happened to John on the news this morning and it left me shocked and horrified. What if that was my daughter needing help, needing care, needing support and that was her lying on the ground? I cried. I had to work hard to shake off the numbness I felt. Now I'm angry and moved to action. I'll be writing to my local MPs today. But I know it's not enough. Does anybody know how we support the "John's" of this world? Is John's story unusual? Has anything like this ever happened to someone you love? Or is it just unusual that his assault was all caught on film and has now been picked up by the media? Does anyone else feel as powerless and sad as I do?

jjac Stalker threatened to call cops
  • replies: 2

So i was using a different forum to talk about depression and other more serious issues. A guy private messaged me, as a support, eventually started making comments about wanting a relationship. I declined and blocked him. He found me on a different ... View more

So i was using a different forum to talk about depression and other more serious issues. A guy private messaged me, as a support, eventually started making comments about wanting a relationship. I declined and blocked him. He found me on a different profile. I blocked him again. He managed this a few times. Then he started messaging me screenshots of my posts, talking about serious issues. Then said he was going to use my IP address and email the police (he's overseas) telling them to come to my house. As he's "worried" about me. And "cares" I am horrified. He has actual evidence I am depressed, I deleted my profile but he still has the proof. I've calmed down quite a bit, and he's definitely blocked for good. He can't find me now. But I hear a noise and I jump, worrying that the cops are here to punish me. Should I tell the truth? Lie? I'm not at risk. I promise you all that. I am not going to do anything. I am just depressed. I hope he was lying to me about being able to find my details. What will the police do??? Am I insane for worrying about this???

Sick_Lizzy Complex ptsd shame and self loathing
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone Ive been battling anxiety and OCD for some time. I recently moved cities and starting seeing a new psychiatrist who also diagnosed me with childhood PTSD. The diagnosis makes a lot of sense in some ways, and explains my anxiety and obsess... View more

Hi everyone Ive been battling anxiety and OCD for some time. I recently moved cities and starting seeing a new psychiatrist who also diagnosed me with childhood PTSD. The diagnosis makes a lot of sense in some ways, and explains my anxiety and obsessive and intrusive thoughts but I also feel as though nothing *that bad* has happened to me to warrant this kind of diagnosis. To give you a bit of a run down, and I'm sorry if this makes anyone uncomfortable or if this is oversharing; I exhibited some probably uncommon sexual behaviours as a child. I must have repressed the memory of this until about a year ago when I suddenly remembered and was filled with shame, guilt, and self loathing all of which has left me extremely anxious and depressed. The thing is, I wasn't abused as a child, but rather I feel as though I abused myself. I'm finding it really hard to reconcile this within myself and feel like, I must have done this because deep down I am disgusting and abnormal person. I don't feel like I fit into the mould for someone with PTSD because I created this situation for myself. I see a psychologist regularly and am on medication but am not seeing much of an improvement with these feelings of self disgust and being abnormal. If anyone can relate I think I'd feel less alone and helpless Thanks for reading my weird post

Tinyteddy New relationship anxiety
  • replies: 2

I'm stressed, I'm scared and I'm angry. Fear is taking over and i can't damnwell stop it. My ex was abusive. .. physical, sexual, mental & emotional. Victim of rape and child abuse. I worked so hard to recover since my ex. 1.5 yrs later i meet this m... View more

I'm stressed, I'm scared and I'm angry. Fear is taking over and i can't damnwell stop it. My ex was abusive. .. physical, sexual, mental & emotional. Victim of rape and child abuse. I worked so hard to recover since my ex. 1.5 yrs later i meet this man. Amazing, understanding... but my head. My fear. I can't stop it. All on top of a job that im feeling a little over and really, really struggling to do well at my new uni.. i feel like I'm getting nowhere... stuck in a damn rut of anxiety and fear. I'm overwhelmed. And i just want to give up, quit everything and move far away. I need a break but i can't get it. I have a wonderful new psych but i need more. I don't know what to do. I'm slowly telling my partner about my ex. On the advice of my psych due to my detachment and withdrawel from those scary triggers. He's understanding and supportive but, i feel it's a matter of time before a broken girlfriend becomes irritating

Fluffypanda I'm 26, my parents are abusive - but now my dad has cancer.
  • replies: 3

I am the youngest of 3 kids. My eldest sister is in her 30's, my brother is in his late 20's and I am 26. Both my siblings have pretty much stopped a lot of contact with my Dad, and they moved states to be away from the family. To keep it short, my p... View more

I am the youngest of 3 kids. My eldest sister is in her 30's, my brother is in his late 20's and I am 26. Both my siblings have pretty much stopped a lot of contact with my Dad, and they moved states to be away from the family. To keep it short, my parents were pretty emotionally and mentally abusive and neglectful while all of us were growing up. My parents were physically abusive to one another, while also having rights in front of all 3 of us growing up. As well as they were heavy drinkers. While growing up, being the youngest meant I was stuck at home with my parents more often than my siblings. When the time came for them, they both moved out of home pretty quick. I couldn't wait to leave until I left High school. I have always felt a sense of responsibility for them because I have always patented my parents. It's been really draining. My psychologist has recommended I sign the divorce papers from my parents emotionally and move on with my life. But now knowing my dad has bowel cancer, it is hard. Neither of my parents are working, they have no friends or family they can really full back on. I'm trying to finally build my own life for myself. I'm studying full time as well as working full time. My boyfriend is moving in with me. As much as I love my parents, they're so draining and I can't bring myself to support them. It makes me so angry at myself. So angry. I dont know what to do.

MiaL Family Issues (Emotional Abuse, Sexual Harassment) Reaching Breaking Point
  • replies: 5

Hi. This is my first post but I need to get this off my chest. I am a university student. I am set to graduate mid next year. I can not afford to move out until then. (I do have a job but it is only part-time). Lets get started. - 3 years ago my step... View more

Hi. This is my first post but I need to get this off my chest. I am a university student. I am set to graduate mid next year. I can not afford to move out until then. (I do have a job but it is only part-time). Lets get started. - 3 years ago my step father made several sexual advances and comments towards me. He also purchased various sexual items and inappropriately asked me to use them and tell him how I used them, etc. I only told my mother about this three days ago. It elicited a mixed response, with her mostly being upset I didn't tell her earlier. I felt helpless, I could not tell anyone because I knew he would hurt me. Today, he told me to 'stop being the victim' and get over it. - My step father has (mostly) emotionally and (on a few occasions) physically abused my mother for as long as I can remember. (He moved in with us when I was 4). He yells at her in public, at home, and uses obscenities every time, absolutely deteriorating her self-worth and mental health beyond what little there was left from her troubled childhood. He controls her finances and she has no friends. - My mother growing up was extremely protective of me as I was born 22 weeks premature and to a schizophrenic father, so naturally she was very cautious about what I was doing/what was happening to me. This resulted in me feeling extremely alone and helpless because of her constant problem-picking, often telling me I was the reason for the issues in their relationship (my step father has said this as well). I have been staying at my boyfriends place for the past week to just get away from it all. I have since spoken to both of them, whom of which they have apologized, yet told me that I am the reason for a lot of this happening. Confronting me alone, my step father told me to get over it all and told me to think about what I've done in ruining their relationship. I have the option of moving in with my boyfriend and his family. They are aware of what has happened and do not want me living in such a toxic environment that certainly affects my own lack of self-worth, depression and severe anxiety. Frankly, I can't take it anymore. What should I do?

emily96 PTSD after being sexually abused on drugs
  • replies: 2

I'm really new to this but really appreciate that there is a place to go to talk to people when I don't want to talk to a therapist or my family about what has happened to me. Last year I was living in Scotland on exchange. Being a normal college stu... View more

I'm really new to this but really appreciate that there is a place to go to talk to people when I don't want to talk to a therapist or my family about what has happened to me. Last year I was living in Scotland on exchange. Being a normal college student, I was really into the party scene - drinking, drugs. I met a guy that was living in the flat below mine and we started chatting one night during a Flat party. He invited me to his room to smoke some weed, which I agreed to. I thought that we were nothing more than friends. I had way too much weed, and felt instantly sick and like I could pass out. I was a zombie. He recommended I sleep it off in his bed which I stupidly agreed too. A little while later, I woke up to him on top of me. I couldn't fight him because I was still so limp from the drugs. I ran away from his flat when he went to the bathroom and had to face him a lot since he lived below me. I remember that at the time I didn't think it was sexual abuse because I had taken the drugs, and I had put myself in that situation, and because he acted so normal with me every time I passed him in our building. I didn't tell any friends, or family at all because I was so ashamed of myself - I should have known better. A year on, there hasn't been a day that I haven't thought about it. I've never had any anxiety over it until recently. I've started becoming afraid to have sex, and I've had a couple of anxiety attacks when sex has been initiated with my boyfriend. It's like I'm in a dreamlike state when I look at him sometimes because he seems so foreign to me, and I start to get really terrified of him. I've told my boyfriend about it and he is so supportive. I know that it's better to talk about it but I can't even imagine telling my parents because I can just see how disappointed they would be in me for being so naive in that situation. I know that it's easy to say to victims of sexual abuse that "it's not their fault", but in my situation I really can't see how it wasn't my fault. I've never been so embarrassed. I don't really know what I'm expecting to get out of posting this as a new thread - I guess it would really help if there's anyone out there that has been abused while they were under the influence of either drugs or alcohol, but at the same time I know that there's not that many people that would put themselves in that sort of a situation. Thanks for taking the time to read my thread. It's been helpful just writing out my experience.