New relationship anxiety

[Tinyteddy]

I'm stressed, I'm scared and I'm angry. Fear is taking over and i can't damnwell stop it. My ex was abusive. .. physical, sexual, mental & emotional. Victim of rape and child abuse. 

I worked so hard to recover since my ex. 1.5 yrs later i meet this man. Amazing, understanding... but my head. My fear. I can't stop it. All on top of a job that im feeling a little over and really, really struggling to do well at my new uni.. i feel like I'm getting nowhere... stuck in a damn rut of anxiety and fear. I'm overwhelmed. And i just want to give up, quit everything and move far away. I need a break but i can't get it.

I have a wonderful new psych but i need more. I don't know what to do.

I'm slowly telling my partner about my ex. On the advice of my psych due to my detachment and withdrawel from those scary triggers. He's understanding and supportive but, i feel it's a matter of time before a broken girlfriend becomes irritating

[stormcloudz]

Hi tinyteddy (I love that name)

It sounds like you want to do a runner : ) Completely understandable. It's very hard to relax with close relationships given your history.

It sounds like you are doing all the right things though - helping your partner understand, going to your psych, coming on this forum. Don't forget, if you have a bit of a crisis, the helpline is good for immediate support.

I know it's hard, but I can only suggest that you relax about being the "broken girlfriend". We're all a little broken. And you are who you are, you can't really hide from him if you think he is worth a long-term relationship.

There is support for your partner in the 'carers/families' section if that's of interest. He may also find the partners section of the book 'Courage to Heal" helpful.

Anyways, you have support and understanding here on this forum, tinyteddy with the heart of a lion.

[kanga_brumby]

Welcome Tinyteddy to beyond blue forums A safe place to discuss your problems. AS Stormcloudz said it's hard to relax in a relationship with what as happened to you. All I can suggest is slow it down take your time. Try to let you partner know it is what happened in your past that is getting to you, not what they are doing. Tell them what they are doing right as a way of encouraging them to still be there for you. What happened in the past is not your fault and should not have happened to any one. We cannot change that now because it's been done. But you might be able to working on the here and now to make you a happier person. Your a valuable person dont forget that.

Kanga