I'm 26, my parents are abusive - but now my dad has cancer.

[Fluffypanda]

I am the youngest of 3 kids. My eldest sister is in her 30's, my brother is in his late 20's and I am 26.

Both my siblings have pretty much stopped a lot of contact with my Dad, and they moved states to be away from the family.

To keep it short, my parents were pretty emotionally and mentally abusive and neglectful while all of us were growing up. My parents were physically abusive to one another, while also having rights in front of all 3 of us growing up. As well as they were heavy drinkers.

While growing up, being the youngest meant I was stuck at home with my parents more often than my siblings. When the time came for them, they both moved out of home pretty quick. I couldn't wait to leave until I left High school.

I have always felt a sense of responsibility for them because I have always patented my parents. It's been really draining. My psychologist has recommended I sign the divorce papers from my parents emotionally and move on with my life.

But now knowing my dad has bowel cancer, it is hard. Neither of my parents are working, they have no friends or family they can really full back on.

I'm trying to finally build my own life for myself. I'm studying full time as well as working full time. My boyfriend is moving in with me. As much as I love my parents, they're so draining and I can't bring myself to support them.

It makes me so angry at myself. So angry.

I dont know what to do.

[Juliet_84]

Hi FluffyPanda,

You sound like a very forgiving and caring person. I can’t inagine what emotional strength that must have taken, rising above and bearing the responsibility of looking after your parents, all the while having to separate the effect that their actions had on you growing up. It shows an enormous amount of maturity and sacrifice on your own part. That being said, I don’t think you should ever sacrifice more of yourself than you are able to, and I think you possible are. Your siblings, rightly or wrongly, up and left at the first chance they got, and now it sounds as though you feel some sort of guilt as it all falls to you. But I doubt they felt that same guilt in leaving you in that situation. No one can tell you what path you should take, as you will need to be at peace with whatever you choose, but I think that no one could blame you for whatever approach you take now. You have to look after you and whatever decision you feel will bring you the most peace. I wish you the best of luck xx

[Hang10]

Hi Fluffypanda,

Welcome to the B.B. Their is lots of great people here that can offer you support and advice.

You had an incredible life so far. Well done to you to be where you at in life at the moment and looking at building you life even more which you will.

I can understand the other siblings moving interstate. Do you think your parents have any regrets or feel sorry for what they did? Sometimes people change a little with life experience like cancer.

Well done to you too for not running away and for taking time and compassion in your parents situation. Even thoe they treat you mean, I can tell in you story that your got a good heart.

I think their no right or wrong answer. They probably don’t deserve great love but I think if you reach out a little it make you feel a bit better.

A little not too much where it plays with your emotions or they play with yours.

It not surprising they have no friends or family, they lack empathy and caring. This tells me their is some serious mental health issues that your parents may have never address. This doesn’t not mean they had the right to treat you the way they did but sadly the situation wasn’t helped in your growing up days.

Try to follow your heart. I shore their be other great B.B. friends who can offer insight too.

Look after yourself. You are doing well

Hang 10

[geoff]

Hello Fluffypanda, welcome to the site and thanks for posting your comment.

There is a golden rule and that's to look after yourself first and foremost as your parents have been difficult to live with by being emotionally and mentally abusive, not only with their kids but also with themselves.

Your parents have sapped all your energy and to help them now is a very difficult decision, your studying full time and working full time while living with your boyfriend means your life is pretty full and complicated.

Now you have your own life to look after, that's very important, so you need to establish yourself because now you are bettering yourself to be much different.

Be kind to yourself.

Geoff.