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Sophie_M If you need to talk about Bondi Beach - Our community is here
  • replies: 7

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Aus... View more

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Australia and we extend our heartfelt condolences to the individuals and families affected by this tragedy. We wanted to create a space where you can share whatever you’re feeling - whether that’s fear, shock, grief, or anything else that has come up for you. If you need support from others in the community, please feel welcome to post here. Violence and acts of terror can bring feelings of shock, grief, profound sadness, anger and fear. It’s normal to experience these emotions while trying to make sense of distressing events. It may take time for these feelings to ease, but it’s never too early to seek support if you are feeling distressed. Beyond Blue is here for you anytime, by phone on 1300 224 636 or via webchat: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor You can also support those around you by being available to them and listening. Thank you for being such an important part of this community, and for the kindness, honesty, and wisdom you continue to share with each other. We remind the community that Beyond Blue is here for all people in Australia, no matter what you believe, how you live or who you worship. Kind regards Sophie M

A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Maddy_84 Maybe its me (domestic violence)
  • replies: 2

Hi all, so as the title suggests I'm new here and honestly im a little uneasy about it all. However I feel it hard to turn to anybody else and I'm hoping someone can give me some insight.. I'm 33, married for almost 9 years, but this relationship has... View more

Hi all, so as the title suggests I'm new here and honestly im a little uneasy about it all. However I feel it hard to turn to anybody else and I'm hoping someone can give me some insight.. I'm 33, married for almost 9 years, but this relationship has never been smooth sailing. He used to be very possessive, arrogant, domineering, he loses his temper and puts me down. Yes it has gotten better but still happens. I now have 2 kids, and we have a pretty big mortgage as I'm not yet back to work- hopefully next year. So finance has become a HUGE issue in our relationship along with in law issues which in turn has created us to both withdraw from each other. I'm so confused and alone and so not feeling wanted. Im really wanting some advice from a male perspective. I have also made mistakes in this relationship that I live with everydaybut I'm trying to make it work for our kids but I'm just not sure I could ever be fully happy...

bear53 Slipping back for another reason
  • replies: 1

Hi. Havent posted for quite sometime , but right now just feel I need to vent a bit. Thought a past incident had been buried, but the anger over how it was managed by my imediate manager has resurfaced. So here goes. 18 months or so ago I was involve... View more

Hi. Havent posted for quite sometime , but right now just feel I need to vent a bit. Thought a past incident had been buried, but the anger over how it was managed by my imediate manager has resurfaced. So here goes. 18 months or so ago I was involved in a critical incident at work on the road when I came across a near fatal accident as a community nurse. Its taken time, psychologist x2(I changed) and treatment to get over this, and the waves of panic whenI see ambulances with sirens/ lights are decreasing. At the time of the incident I was not offered critical incident debriefing (though my incident report claimed I got it), and my unit manager didnt really acknowledge this as a stressful event for me. Fast forward 12 months, new unit manager now, and aggression towards health care workers campaign/community education well underway. A patient I visited at home was verbally agressive towards me, yelling at me, offloading how unhappy she was with our service. I can put up with rude patients, and am an experienced nuurse, but this really upset me at the time. I reported it to the office when it happened, and filled in an incident report. When I met with my manager I requested she ring the patient and explain that this is not acceptable behavour ( not an unreasonable request? To show support to me?) She didnt think it necessary! and left it to the next nurse visiting the next day to raise the incident with the patient All I was offered was EAP counselling, which I declined as I was seeing my psycholigist . We are still seeing this pt,at home, I have been there once since, while she was pleasant, I felt uneasy , but trying to move on. So last week a general email is sent out to all hospital staff from the CEO outlining agression managent and how every incident will be treated as cat.1 or 2 now , and the staff involved will be sent a letter of support from the CEO. among other things. I just feel that theres policies made to look good but the reality to me is, they are not followed. Just feeling this incident has blown up again in my face. Taking a few days off work now. Being kind to myself , just feeling I need to vent now and get support. sorry for the long tirade!

Riggs17 Emotionally abusive husband, possibly NPD or Asperger's
  • replies: 12

Married 8 years, young when we married (22) & early on in our relationship he would drink a lot & often get angry with me, be verbally abusive telling me he hated me & regretted marrying me (often done in front of friends and/or family) & walk out an... View more

Married 8 years, young when we married (22) & early on in our relationship he would drink a lot & often get angry with me, be verbally abusive telling me he hated me & regretted marrying me (often done in front of friends and/or family) & walk out and be missing for 18+hrs & returning home and expecting everything to be fine. I would tell him how is actions hurt me & he would make it out like it was my fault in the first place or totally shut me down and belittle me for feeling that way, like I had no right. This stopped & he rarely drinks now & we've been doing very well and for the most part been really happy. He is very focused on saving and getting setup for life, hoping to retire before 50 (this is a target we've agreed on together). I went away for the weekend with a girl friend of mine, a trip we make evey year, before leaving we had spoken about the use of our joint account for spending with me stating any money taken from savings would be repaid, on my return he was very distant & the next day he told me he was unhappy with how much money I had spent & that he felt like I had betrayed him & I might as well have cheated on him. He then told me he had already packed a bag & was leaving me to go to a hotel as he didn't want to be around me and was no longer sure if he wanted to be with me anymore. A few days later I asked him to come home so we could talk, he told me I could have 1 hour of his time. When he arrived I told him I thought the whole thing was an overreaction as I'd said all money would be returned & I couldn't understand why he left. I asked him to stay & let me repay the money, he told me he didn't trust me & didn't know what he wanted, and left.We barely spoke over the next few days & I spent the next week coming to terms with the fact he had left me. I returned to work the following week.I returned home from work that evening to find him sitting in our living room like nothing happened. I was really angry. He had put his motorcycle away in the garage to hide the fact he was home and was expecting me to be pleased with his little 'surprise' homecoming. I told him how much walking out on me again had hurt me and he basically told me it was all my fault and I deserved it, and that I had no right to be angry at him. I spoke to my mum via Skype when he left and she advised me to get out, he has over the years been mentally and emotionally abusive (never physically), my mum is a medical professional and thinks he possibly has Asperger's.

Dan- Triggers from the past *Trigger Warning:Sexual Assault*
  • replies: 6

So this is always a hard subject to tell anyone . And was one of the hardest things I have ever done . It was to tell someone about when I was molested . So I’m a guy and buy being a male I already feel like I have failed by writing this , like I sho... View more

So this is always a hard subject to tell anyone . And was one of the hardest things I have ever done . It was to tell someone about when I was molested . So I’m a guy and buy being a male I already feel like I have failed by writing this , like I should be strong and have no problems, it’s actually quite embarrassing to be honest . Long story short when I was in year 7 or 8 a guy at my school in year 12 continually grabbed me at least 10 times and shoved his hands up my shirt to grab my man boobs , whilst making inappropriate movements towards me. He would squeeze me so tight that I couldn’t move , I would just freeze unable to do anything afraid he would get violent .I was a chubby kid and was always so scared of this guy and tried to avoid him. Growing up I only believed he was a bully however when you get older and reflect on things , you can see clearer and understand that this has seriously impacted me , yea he never touched my genitals but to me he still affected my self image even to this day I struggle with that . And even that in it self is a struggle because I feel there are much more worse of people then me , people get raped and here I am trying to say how hard I have had it ..... I can usually just not think about what happened , because it makes me angry , however I have a new problem . When me and my girlfriend get intimate there can sometimes be problems she will just be loving and sometimes you know accidentally touch my nipples . I instantly take her hands away from them and it wrecks the mood completely . “it happened so long ago “ “ are you sure it even happened “ “ it’s not even that bad “ . Is what is usually said. I know it’s not her fault but that just makes me feel even worse . The problem I have is I don’t want to accept the fact that I am a victim and I don’t want the stigma that society associates men who have been abused will abuse. I know I need to work on things but I think writing this here is a positive step , and it makes me feel good that I can vent , because I feel I can’t ever do that

SomeoneWhoCares329 I'm unable to cope
  • replies: 1

I have been having flashbacks for the first time in two years. I thought they stopped. I am so driven into the ground by people who what feels like a short time ago where on my side to hold them back and now are provoking me when im already distresse... View more

I have been having flashbacks for the first time in two years. I thought they stopped. I am so driven into the ground by people who what feels like a short time ago where on my side to hold them back and now are provoking me when im already distressed. Critizing me when im crying. This is the reality im failing to cope with.

TBella How Do You Trust Again When Your Soul Is Crushed?
  • replies: 7

Today I find myself racked with fear & anxiety. Thoughts plague my heart, unrest eats at my soul as the question goes over & over in my mind.... What if there is no one out there who I can really trust? How do I know that people are who the say they ... View more

Today I find myself racked with fear & anxiety. Thoughts plague my heart, unrest eats at my soul as the question goes over & over in my mind.... What if there is no one out there who I can really trust? How do I know that people are who the say they are, who they portray themselves to be? How do you know, how can you be sure, when everyone, every authority, every supposedly "safe place " has betrayed or abused my trust- be it the Dr & radiologist who sexually abused me at age 5 or my parents who didn't make home a safe place, rather a war zone. My family who lied to me on many occasions, the bosses that took advantage of me & the boss who was violent, the church that abandoned me in my darkest hour because I'm not a VIP! My friends who promised to keep in touch but I haven't heard from in 8 years, all the friends that abandoned me when I told them I had PTSD & depression. So many people I trusted that turned out not to be who I thought. So many peoples words, that didn't mean what they said. My whole life feels like one big lie! It's not a safe place when you have no one you can trust! I get not everyone will like me or want to be my friend. I'm not everyone's cup of tea. I'm totally ok with that! What hurts is when people pretend! All I want is for people to say what they mean & mean what they say! Don't pretend to be my friend if you don't really mean it! Don't say you will do things if you have no intentions of putting actions to your words. If you're going to hurt, hurt me with the truth-not with lies! I need to know there's someone who I can trust. Someone authentic, genuine, sincere. Someone who is who they appear to be. Someone who ONLY says what they mean & means what they say! It's so soul destroying to live in a place where you can't trust, that doesn't feel safe. I don't know how to overcome that & it really scares me!

Outofmydepth01 How to help? *Trigger Warning: Child Abuse*
  • replies: 3

Hi all, A warning. Abuse here is as bad as it gets. It involves an unrepentant and unprosecuted incestuous paedophile father who still is manipulative and controlling of his family over a decade after the physical abuse finished. I'm trying to suppor... View more

Hi all, A warning. Abuse here is as bad as it gets. It involves an unrepentant and unprosecuted incestuous paedophile father who still is manipulative and controlling of his family over a decade after the physical abuse finished. I'm trying to support my ex but I'm terrified I'll do something wrong as my instincts don't align with the way she lives with her controlling abuser and refuses to confront him, until last night. The abuse she both suffered and witnessed happening to her younger brothers left every night a nightmare for the almost 20 years since the 4 years of abuse. Almost every time she fell asleep near me she would jolt her self awake while whimpering in the sickness of those nightmares. I want him to rot a jail cell. But I don't understand the cultural background of her family. Being from a Muslim Bangladeshi heritage with her family still heavily involved with the community makes dealing with the abuse so much harder for her and the family. But over the last few months she has gained strength as she found a new job that will take her away and had for the first time ever opened up to a therapist (only person other than me she has been fully honest about the abuse with) Now recently she found her dad cheating on her mum. I can't begin to know how to probe these emotions. She views her mum as both a savior or maybe more fellow inmate/survivor but I also know the immense if unstated disappointment that she never spotted the abuse though she is sure she knew. I know she feels responsible for her though. When she found out annoy the cheating she confronted him for the first time ever, I don't know what this means and I don't want to just be pushing my agenda to punish the man for his crimes. I want what best for her but I also believe taking that man out of the family is best for all but they are so ingrained in their community I think they think it represents social suicide for them. Please how do I be there for her? Do I suggest action? Every ounce of me wants to fight. I want to shake her and say that man is ruining your family's life. But I can only support the actions she chooses. Please I don't know what to do here. Help. Thanks to anyone who took the time to read

Nickname_A Why would a mother not care how her child feels and just apologise what happened to me? *Trigger Warning: Sexual Abuse* 
  • replies: 4

What would you do? I am in mid 40s and I wanted to know what would you do in this circumstances? My father molested me and my two siblings when we were 5 years old and over. My siblings don't care about it and they don't blame my mother. They are ver... View more

What would you do? I am in mid 40s and I wanted to know what would you do in this circumstances? My father molested me and my two siblings when we were 5 years old and over. My siblings don't care about it and they don't blame my mother. They are very controlling and are narsisic personality. I left home when I was 16 because mum won't put a lock on my door because my memories came back and I told her I was scared of dad coming into my room. My dad still lived in the house until he left her when I was 22 years old. I moved out when I was 16 as mum wouldn't put a lock on my room. She has never apologized till now. We go through ups and downs when I see her not caring about my feelings of what happened. She will always give me a blank look or look at me like I am lying. She denied it at first then my brother said to mum stop lying. I also saw my mum when I was five years old looking at what my dad did and not say anything. My point to this is my dad just recently passed away and my mum went to his funeral with my brother and sister and also traveled out of their way to put all his ashes overseas etc. I told her I didn't want her to go to his funeral and she went then I said I didn't want her to go overseas to drop his ashes, and she did go. I told her I felt she was unloyal to me and still think what he did was correct. So since the funeral, I have avoided my mum and not talking to her much, and vice versa. It hurts me to see she has no care in the world to fix this. My mum is 74. I have helped her in so many ways in the last 15 years, getting good prices and deals for her medical, specialist etc, and have been going out of my way to help her in everything. I spend time with her once a week and go lunch, do her shopping etc. I have stopped all helping since the funeral. My mum never left my dad, he left her eventually. It hurts me so much and when I tell her she gives me a sarcastic face or a face like I am stupid, or just stares in blankness. Why would a mother not care how her child feels and just apologize what happended to me, and not go to my dads funeral and overseas to throw his ashes? Why doesnt she care?

Garry70 Road Trauma *Trigger Warning*
  • replies: 7

First of all I will give a brief description as to who I am and what I do so you can get an understanding of what it's like to work on the front line at scenes. I am a volunteer with the State Emergency Service and have been for 24 years. About 15 of... View more

First of all I will give a brief description as to who I am and what I do so you can get an understanding of what it's like to work on the front line at scenes. I am a volunteer with the State Emergency Service and have been for 24 years. About 15 of these were spent attending road accidents with Rescue. There has only been one incident that has really affected me and that was on the night of the 10th / 11th Jan 2010. At 10pm my pager and phone had a message come through MVA persons trapped 20 km North of my location. I flew into rescue mode and was out the door within 5 minutes and at the depot within 7 minutes. As we arrived on scene, a message from my unit at the time came across the police radio that they had just arrived on scene. I gave it no more thought as mine was a fatal and we had to work as quick as we can to get the other critically injured out of the vehicle. By the time we had finished and reopened the highway it was about 2:20am. After a quick service of the tools and a debrief, I finally got home around 3am. I had 3 messages from my mum so I rang her back pulling her out of bed. She told me to sit as she had some news to tell me. She broke the news that I had lost a good mate and his son in a double just out of town that night, then it hit me, (the message on the radio) As I was talking to mum trying to hold back the tears, I had a knock at my door. I told mum I would ring her back through the day as I need to see who's knocking. When I opened the door, there stood 2 police officers, the same 2 that had just come back from the accident I was called to. Just the expression on their faces I knew they got a shock to see me in my blood stained uniform which made their job even harder. I told them that I had just found out what they were there for and would they like to come in and have a coffee with me. They told me to ring the station when I got a chance to if I wanted to know more as they knew who I was since I've worked beside them many times on the roads. I got a shock to know how it was caused and what the other driver blew at the time of the accident. Both accidents that night were caused by drink drivers. I not only had 3 fatals to deal with but the fact I had just lost my good mate twice as he was brought back the first time then finally went in the helicopter on the way to hospital. This is the only time of year I hide my uniform now and turn my phone off

Xela58 Trauma and eroding events
  • replies: 1

Hi, I'm new to BB but have so far learned that I can't post descriptions of trauma because it might make someone else sad. I respect that but I think it's sometimes helpful to discuss what has happened. I've experienced a number of significant trauma... View more

Hi, I'm new to BB but have so far learned that I can't post descriptions of trauma because it might make someone else sad. I respect that but I think it's sometimes helpful to discuss what has happened. I've experienced a number of significant traumatic events in my childhood and adolescence. But when you're already traumatised, it seems to me, some otherwise innocuous events can cause further damage. I call these eroding events because I don't know the psych term for it. For example, as the youngest of 3 children I copped a lot of teasing from my older siblings and this added to my problems. Bullying at work eventually made it impossible for me to continue and I retired early. It was like I carried a big sign on my back - I'm different, so a good target. It was perplexing to me that other staff had time to gossip and spread rumours, and how quickly those rumours spread like the mycelium of a fungus. Besides the anxiety, I'm bipolar and a number of other ageing illnesses. I'm on so many pills I rattle when I walk. Just sharing my thoughts and hoping you'll also share with me.