I do believe that I was in a very Manipulative Narcissistic Relationship

[Sadgina]

Someone told me about Beyondblue, so I joined in today, as I think I really needed help even just to talk to someone, in regard of what I’m going through now. I was living with my man for more than 5 years and I realised and do believe that he’s suffered with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I know I can’t diagnose someone with such an illness without professional test, but after with him in a period of time he has all the symptoms known to man. Five years ago our relationship starts so amazing and wonderful, and I even thought I’d meet my soulmate. He’ll do anything & everything for me, very protective, very thoughtful, sending dozens roses to work. After 6 months things had changed showing the red flags he has the control of everything from the food shopping, the food we eat, all of our financials we have joint account, he’ll decide what clothes I wear, which friends I can see. My son (not his son) moved out as my partner has an OCD problem, and he use it as his ticket just to nagged us and told us how dirty we were. In the last couple years situations gotten worsts it’s gone from south to north. He became very verbally abusive, put me down, nagger, call me names, counting everything he does, and me not doing anything. I feel like walking on eggshells, there’s a time when I sat down in sofa after work, I have to get up quickly pretend I’m doing something when he arrive home. Because he’ll get up me for sitting in the lounge and not doing anything. There’s a time that we had screaming match and he’d told me that he wishes me to die and rot somewhere. I haven’t told any of my family members about this as I was so embarrassed. I’d hang on to this relationship because we bought a property together with my only deposit in it in the beginning of the relationship. He’d manipulate me to change job from good paying nurse to poorly paid labourer Now I moved out as our relationship becomes so intense, toxic and violent he keeps knives under bed,pillow spare gun in the bedroom, also I found a hidden camera in my room. I don’t trust him anymore, I felt so violated I don’t know what to do as he wanted me to go back. If not he’ll make the sale of the property so difficult.I love him with all of me. Now he’s angry, makes me feel guilty for leaving him & not talking to me. I feel so bad and worried about him, I’m so confused, Please anyone can help me think through as I’m very confused not coping well. I want to moved on but it’s so hard.

Thanks Beyondblue,

Sadgina

[geoff]

Hi Sadgina, I'm pleased you have moved out and sorry for not replying earlier.

He has gone o/s without telling you, I can't see him too concerned for you, and what he does could happen while you were with him, we hope not, or while you were out shopping.

We have no control over what anybody does, but we can be there if they ask for our help, they hopefully will listen and then do all the appropriate measures to get better, however, if they are the opposite, then you have done everything you possibly can.

Your solicitor can force the sale of the property you both own in one way or another.

We want you to start living an enjoyable life, boy, it's been so difficult for you, and I don't like mentioning this because it may upset you, and that's not what I would ever want to do, but have you thought about ending the marriage, sorry.

Geoff.

[Ggrand]

Hello Sadgina,

I wrote to you yesterday late afternoon it hasn’t landed here yet...

Grandy...

[Ggrand]

Hello again Sadgina..,

it just landed, it’s 3 before this one...

I hope

[Sadgina]

Hi Geoff

It’s ok for not responding to my post earlier. I completely understand. Mind you with all of you guys advices, it made feel stronger every day. But yes like Birdy77 said I still have a long road to go through but I’m getting there. I guess time will heal.

Fortunately we’re not married otherwise it could be a little more difficult than already have.

Thanks for support

Sadgina

[demonblaster]

🙂 Hi again Sadgina not sure if I said in your other thread really like your name, it's pretty.

I was thinking about you actually so I'm glad you're back.
So sorry you're going through this and great seeing you have so much solid support which
I agree with everyone here hun that as much as it pains you please for your safety and sanity you deserve better than this terrible pain. I said before I didn't know a lot about narcissism but actually there's another friend I remembered and she went through extreme hell as the other one too, as you witnessed and dear Grandy said it gets worse. You've done the right thing by yourself leaving.

Your safety and mental health that already has been so cruelly damaged. You're being manipulated and from what I hear around a narcissist is extremely good at that. Making you believe your inferior is one way of gaining power which would be so incredibly hard but please don't believe this.
One way of regaining your self esteem is looking inside for your good points and you have them. I've seen some already you clearly are very loving and you come across as a very gentle caring lady sounds like you're a nurse for the right reasons

Maybe later when you're feeling stronger that will happen eventually with help and support that you have here as well you could go back to nursing. Very rewarding work isn't it. I was an AIN/EN yrs ago.

You deserve and have a right to be loved and treated with respect.

Geoffs advice would be solid re Anglicare and also Salvation army have many resources

Suggest a google search for victims of Narcissism support groups
You want outside opinions fair enough. Here darlin are some and we're saying same. Because he's hurting you.

You've shown a lot of courage leaving him, that strength you now need to repair yourself.

For a different perspective on your situation. If you were reading this and it wasn't you involved what would you think and suggest to the person.

All the very best to you Sadgina, there are times I'm unable to post but I will be following you here and as these other lovely people, I too care about you.

Take care darl 🙂

[Sadgina]

Hi Demonblaster,

Thanks for liking my name, and yes reading my threads and all of the advice from every one of you I was so greatful. I didn’t realise there’s a lot of kind and lovely people around me, and I feel so lucky and glad that I went in join here.

Yes, if I read this story and if it’s doesn’t belong to me, and I would say leave. That’s why even if it’s hurting me so badly, I said to myself I have to get out while I still have my sanity. Because I can feel & see that I am going insane. He’s so over manipulative & controlling person. But in saying that I was just confused and wanted an advices from other people for closure just incase I made wrong decision from leaving him. I love him so dearly and that’s is why it’s really hard on me. I got my answer, as they say it’s gonna get worse first before it get better.

By the way I’m in the process of getting my EEN license back as I let it relapsed last year, and hopefully get back to nursing job soon. I was working as EEN in nursing home for 7 years. Like you said it’s rewarding and satisfying. But it’s all good I can start all over again, it’s not the end of my world. I do believe, if there’s a life there’s a chance, and I am working on it.

I’m flattered that you seen good in me, I hope I am, all my family loves me and they’ve supported 100%. So I must of been a good person somehow. Perhaps this bumpy road is meant to be for me, but yes I’ll try and will try so hard to take a detour for a better travel.

With all your advices kind people, this is meant so much to me. I feel loved from the people that doesn’t even knows me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Feeling much stronger and better every day. I’m sure there are more storms to come but I’ll be prepared for it.

Once again thanks for all the advice and support.

Sadgina

[demonblaster]

You're very welcome Sadgina 🙂

Very comforting yes having so many amazing people around us caring and helping.

I had a feeling you'd have a lot of people liking/loving you and was going to ask but as always ran out of characters or close to

All the best with getting back into nursing. I love the elderly. Loved nursing actually. Word of advice, use the lifting machines and bend your knees when lifting. My back and neck are wrecked from yrs without the machines and when there was it was so much quicker just grabbing a nurse.
Physio said at hydro something like 95 % of people with back trouble were nurses.

The trainings much better now for EN's I always said we could take some of the load off the RNs.

Good thing about nursing is it's usually very easy to get work. I could tomorrow full time but would have to get a refresher course and not a hope with my poor bod now 🙂 Lovely memories though.

All the best darl 🙂

[geoff]

Hello Sadgina, I'm wrapped you are going back to nursing and getting your EED (Enrolled Endorsed Nurse) back, that's great.

I often refer people onto Anglicare and what they actually do can be found ' what does Anglicare do' what they list focuses on helping children, young people and families who are homeless or in crisis, counselling is also included.

Geoff.

[demonblaster]

☺ Hi Sadgina and everyone

Sadgina darl how are you feeling, I hope you were able to get a reasonable sleep last night and feeling more settled to find your way through.

Excuse me I'm talking to you as well I just have a couple of questions for Geoff.

Hi Geoff I'm glad you explained EED I noticed Sadgina said it twice, thought the first time it was a spello and was going to ask if a 3rd time. Sadgina or anyone what does the endorsed mean, and are there still EN's.

Geoff re OCDP. If he has that does he have OCD as well or is the OC part of OCD. Let me know if your bamboozled ☺

🌱 this beautiful little plant is emerging with stamina and strength. Rising towards the light as you are Sadgina. New beginnings ⚘

We're with you on your journey ☺

[Racingmind123]

Hi Sadgina, it's hard to read but I relate to your situation so closely. I'm convinced, my now, ex partner was a narcissistic sociopath who also had severe OCD. He was very controlling, always degrading and belittling me, controlled so much and I completely lost my self worth. Silly me also took him back once, but within a week, he turned around and left me just to boost his own ego. Even though he had treated me badly, it stilled crushed me. I do ask myself why did I go back and why do I love him. I agree if I was asking the same of a friend, it all seems stupid. It has only been a little while since I've left but even now I can see just how manipulative he was and how damaging his ways were to me. I was very lucky to have great friends who saw the damage being done and were great support and gave me strength when I had none of my own. I could only see the damage when I was as far away as I could be from him. Can see how you can't run away completely with children, but distance does help. It's so hard, I know, but trying to not constantly think of where he is and what he is doing can help you to think about yourself more. Create your own life and future. None of us deserve to be treated that way and never feel like its something you can change in him or are responsible for 🙂