Giving evidence in court

Holly87 · ‎27-10-2015

Hi everyone,

Talking isn't something I'm comfortable with but at this point in time it's completely necessary.

I am looking for advice or tips/hints when it comes to criminal trials. I am giving evidence in less than a weeks time and I'm scared and losing my mind. This trial is related to historic child sex abuse.

I would just like to hear how other people prepared themselves mentally and if they could offer any advice. I am terrified and I don't feel like I can do this.

Mares73 · ‎30-10-2015

Dear Holly

I'm so glad you have found support here from great people. I'm sorry for my late message but I was notified by Beyond Blue online manager of your story because I am going through the same or maybe different processes. Without wanting to trigger anything I will just briefly state that my case involves historical child serial abuse by members of the Catholic Church. I mention the church because the first part of the process for me was going & giving evidence at a Royal Commission hearing. That was daunting enough. Then I had my dealings with police & I am also pursuing a civil case. It's overwhelming as you would know to go over and over your experience for many different people. And the fear that all this pain & reliving of the event will perhaps achieve nothing. That's my biggest fear. What happened to me is something that has impacted significantly on my quality of life. I still have nightmares. I just hope so much that what we are trying to achieve will happen. I really don't know how I'd cope if my perpetrators weren't found guilty. It's a long slow process isn't it? The perpetrators in my case have been given my statement & I'm anxiously awaiting the investigation to proceed in court. Anyway that's a brief story of a long journey. My heart goes out to you. I understand you are in a state of severe anxiety which is to be expected. And not having support a such a difficult time must compound feeling vulnerable & alone. I'm not sure if you have heard of Braveheart & Knowmore. These organizations were set up to support people going through historical child abuse. Braveheart offers lots of support. Knowmore is a legal advocacy service who can help you throughout entire process & come with you to court. Please consider phoning them? You are so courageous & incredibly strong to do this. Like me by standing up we are helping girls from being abused. I know your under incredible stress & we can't physically be with you- but we can be your supporters behind the scenes. Please stay with us as we truly care & want to offer as much support as we can. Lve & hugs Mares

Holly87 · ‎30-10-2015

Hi Little pepper.

Firstly, I wanted to say that I think you are so brave for starting this process and I am proud of you.

No two cases are the same, don't assume that you will face the same difficulties as I have. My case is extremely complicated and the police described it as rare and one of the worst they have ever had. My abuse happened more than 15 years ago and I have no forensic evidence, all I have is my word against theirs and yet I have made it to trial and I have a team of lawyers and detectives behind me that definitely believe me. I actually sat in on a trial last week and their case happened more than 40 years ago. They won it. IT IS NEVER TOO LATE.

The investigation process was to me the easy part. Obviously giving the statement was hard and upsetting but from then until trial you aren't expected to do anything because it's the accused that has to sit regular mention dates in court and you don't attend. You get notified of how they went that's all. Mine took 2 years from reporting to get to trial. Maybe because mines difficult but expect at least a year. So it's a lot of waiting around I guess. There are lots of legal arguments that happen pre trial but that's normal and it's just over paperwork needed for trial. This is something you won't be involved in. Then you get notified of set trial dates and then you will receive support in preparation to give evidence. Just remember that you are doing the right thing and never ever give up. I refuse to let mine win. If you have any questions please feel free to ask me.

Holly87 · ‎30-10-2015

Hi Mares,

It sounds like we are in similar situations. Unfortunately way too many of these cases go unreported and I am proud of us and anyone else who had stood up to these monsters. In saying that.... To all those people who aren't able to report, I can completely understand why some people don't report. There is NO shame in not reporting. There are many times where I wish I didn't because it is so hard.

Mares, you and I are the minority in a sense only because we have reported. We all need to support each other in this gruelling process. I admire you and others in our position. People who abuse others do not deserve to be anywhere else but behind bars. Yes it is a very long and drawn out process and it is painful as it brings up feelings and memories that we have tried for so long to surpress.

I am also nervous (that's an understatement) about the possibility of an acquittal. (That's the term they use now instead of not guilty). As an acquittal does not mean they aren't guilty it purely means that the crimes couldn't be proven beyond reasonable doubt. Unfortunately there is always the risk of this happening. But all we can do is our best. We are only human and we are doing the right thing. Remember that no matter how it goes, you made them sweat about going to trial. You got the chance to tell your story which is a huge step towards healing. And no matter how it wraps up, so many people believe you. I'm going to hold my head up high and try my best and I'm sure you'll do the same.

Thanks for your advice regarding brave hearts, I will check this out. And thank you for reminding me that I'm not doing this alone.

Holly87 · ‎30-10-2015

Hi all.

I wanted to say that I appreciate all your messages and it is helping me so much. It is encouraging to know I have support here. Thank you!

I want to update you on recent events. My trial was due to commence in a few days. It has been delayed for another 4-6 months. This has been devestating. I was so emotionally worked up and now I feel lost and angry. I've stated before that I have to do two separate trials. The one in the Supreme Court is because they are trying to overturn their previous convictions. These convictions were from a trial I sat when I was very young. These charges were lessor offences to what they are charged with now. I was unable to tell the whole story back then as I was only a child at the time of reporting and I didn't have the cognitive development to understand what happened to me let alone put it into words so I told the court what I did understand. They were found guilty of those crimes. Now they are appealing the convictions in the surpreme court and when that's all done I have to sit a trial in the district court to tell my complete story. It's only because I'm an adult now that I feel I can go through this as I need to tell my story in order to move on with my life. So now I have to sit tight and wait for new trial dates. I feel so let down that everything changed just days out from trial. Please don't ask me the reason for the delay, I can't tell you legally. There has never before been a delay of this long only days out from trial. Just my luck!

I wish my case wasn't so complex but it is how it is.

little_pepper · ‎31-10-2015

Hi Holly

Thanks for your kind reply and thanks for reaching out. I’ve
started to become a little more open about my abuse with friends I trust. Even
though I’ve had incredible support from people, I’ve had days where I feel
completely isolated because I am unable to tell people certain things relating
to the investigation and am not comfortable disclosing my abuse to others,
which makes it hard when people ask ‘how’s your week going’ and it’s easier to
pretend that everything is ok. I am amazed at the resilience you and mares have
and wish you all the best with your upcoming trial. I hope all your pain and
suffering with having to go to trial will bring you the results you deserve to
bring peace to your life. I know that Mares mentioned Bravehearts earlier and I
have found them to be quite useful. I initially disclosed my abuse to
Bravehearts through their website and was contacted by them within one day.

All the Best

Little Pepper

Holly87 · ‎31-10-2015

Thanks Little Pepper. I completely agree with you about saying you're okay when you don't feel it. That's my life everyday. I just keep looking forward.