Can not trust enough to seek help

[Megflower]

I really need to find a way to build rapport or something with a therapist.

I have been off and on over the years but I lie, freeze up refuse to engage and am so scared. I stay with them long enough for a diagnosis which I am never sure how they came up with considering I sit there on the edge of a seat ready to run giving surface meaningless answers to their questions.

I am currently putting way too much on someone who is not even a friend just someone in the workplace. I am over sharing saying too much and have no idea why, why am I trusting and using this person it's wrong. 

Due to this situation were I am basically taking advantage of someone whom is too polite to walk away, I think I better try again with a psychologist. 

But how? They have these offices with chairs where I have to choose a chair that gives me an escape route (not always possible), they always try and use deep relaxation which panics me, they require me to talk about it but I really can't, who are they? I don't know them, do they believe me and why do they always try and force eye contact they must think "get over it" "move on" and for goodness sake why the creepy long pauses what do they want to hear? Oh and it's always a woman, yes I am aware of the fact that the "trauma" is male specific but I told women when it was actually happening and they told me to be a good girl. 

Then they/me decide it's weird I would want to talk to a man, so I always take their advice and see a female. yet on two occasions  once a male psychiatrist the other a male social worker I told more to in the space of one session than several. 

I am at a point where I really need help processing the stuff coming up, I can't stop the images/feelings and I am scared I will get lost. How do I trust someone when every time I have told the actual truth I have been called a liar or it was used to hurt me again?

[Zeal]

Hi Megflower,

I'm sorry to hear that you feel you can't trust mental health professionals. It is hard to talk to someone you don't know about deeply personal thoughts and events. It sounds as though you haven't found the right psychologist, counsellor or therapist in the past. On this website, if you hover your cursor over the first item on the blue toolbar (Get support), then select Find a professional from the drop-down options, there is a directory of good psychologists and mental health professionals for each Australian state.

Once you find somebody who you can trust, you will be able to make positive progress. There's nothing weird or wrong with wanting to see a male psychologist or therapist - it is your right to choose who you think will be able to help you.

I hope you can find the right professional 🙂

Best wishes,

SM

[HyperDave]

I relate to your feelings of distrust.

My current doctor, well I been totally honest and told him all the main stuff about my life accurately.

Well I have had some "uncommon" highly traumatic experiences in my life, that I absolutely wouldn't personally trust any professional to tell. I have never been very trustful of any person, unless I know them very well personally. However many people seem to benefit a lot from a strong relationship with their doctor/therapist, and most peoples issues are a bit different from mine.

Personally therapy is not for me, but its the right thing for many people, if you can find someone you are comfortable with, it may be wise to discuss politely your actual feelings of distrust, and have an honest discussion about it.

[Mickey26]

Could relate to this a lot, I had the exact same thought with regard to eye contact since I've started seeing a new psychologist. It's nice to know that other people have these sorts of responses.