Finally some validation

[Soberlicious96]

So, I'll try to keep this succinct and not too long. And please, before you read on, this could be triggering or confronting.

Many years ago I was engaged to a man who is a predator. I say 'is' a predator, because he is still, to some degree, acting up. And very recently he has been legally banned from attending certain functions and venues due to his behavior. As in, it has been to court and people have successfully banned him from having access to those who may be vulnerable to his behavior.

And I am feeling both elated like I want to laugh, and for some reason, like I also want to cry. It could be tears of relief? Like as though finally people actually BELIEVE he is not safe and are acting accordingly?

All I know is that when we were engaged and he was originally charged with what he did, it did IMMENSE and IMMEASURABLE damage to my mental health and I spent YEARS in therapy as a result. He did 12 months jail at the time while I did about three years in 'trauma' and deep distress and lots and lots of therapy. See, I too, was preyed upon when I was little, and when he and I were together he had used every bit of that information about me and what had happened to me, for his own sick desires. He used it so that he could abuse people.

Anyway, back to now and I am 'celebrating' because finally there are at least a couple of places I can now go without having to worry about him being there. I am also aware that this is something that will never really leave my mind or my life. There is no 'getting over' it. There is only 'getting on with it' and accepting what happened then .... and living true to the promise I made myself back then; to never ever keep quiet when something needs to be said. I will do whatever I can to protect others and to stop it from happening again, so help me God. No longer is abuse a 'taboo' subject.

And yeah, I think that's what it is: it's both a relief for the current actions, and a little bit of sadness for the younger me who had to endure that experience.

Anyway, that's all I got for now. Thanks for reading this far if you did. Take care out there. xo

[Sophie_M]

Dear Soberlicious96
 
Thank you for your ongoing contribution to the forums and we're so grateful that you have reached out to our community tonight, we know that it is not an easy thing to do and you have shown a lot of strength in sharing your story.
 
You completely deserve to celebrate how far you have come along this journey whether this show through in feelings of elation or through tears of relief; we all deal with this in our own way and that's ok.  The strength and resilience you have developed and the ability to reflect on what you went through demonstrates great courage.  As much as you have always known your own truth, validation certainly does brings great comfort in knowing that the person who brought so much pain has been held accountable for some way for his behaviour; and knowing that this will contribute in some way to increasing awareness that abuse or violence is never ok.
 
As you know, we are here 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or via our webchat.  Our team who answer the phones are ready to have a supportive and non-judgmental chat whenever you need it.
 
We’re sure we’ll hear from some of our lovely community members here on your thread soon.  Thanks again for sharing. It’s a powerful and brave first step towards feeling better.
 
Regards
 
Sophie M

[ecomama]

Hi Soberlicious, well that's a real celebratory post from my POV. 

What you waited for has happened and I cheer for that with the communities that don't even realise they're safer now. I just Pray this outcome happens for us one day. Until then we try to recover and focus on living our best life, even though we've all been terribly scarred. 

It's pretty scary having this all come up again for you. I can understand your dual reaction. If you want to have a cry, you can allow yourself to do so. 

What you said about this criminal selecting you and using you etc reminds me of the demon out of our lives. I mean OUT of our lives. Predators are so many things, including parasites. 

Knowing they are parasites makes me even more determined NOT to have this demon suck more life energy out of me as I live the rest of my life. 
I'm really glad you got therapy for that time. I'm so happy you saw the need for it. Our whole family was granted free Counselling and some free Psychology for the rest of our lives. I'm still in therapy and love these sessions. It's SO helpful for me. 

Big hugs for the little Soberlicious who endured the unthinkable. Indeed, never ever should we keep quiet when something needs to be said. We only know this and HOW to do this when we do.... any shame associated is not yours to hold. All shame on the abusers. 

Seems like you're moved through victim & survivor zones and are in the THRIVER zone now. 
More power to you!  This is where we can leave the past where it is and know we are so much more educated than before and act accordingly too. 

Congratulations. 

Love EM

[geoff]

Hello Soberlicious, firstly I am so sorry you were manipulated by this person and do know that if you see this beginning to happen to other people that it may spark a trigger point for you, but with your experience you may be able to assist that particular person and teach that it's not tolerable, nor is it accepted.

People who have been through this themselves have been able to set up foundations where they help people going through this and provided assistance and as your story is so strong this could be achieved.

Thank you.

Geoff. 

Life Member.

[Soberlicious96]

Thanks Sophie. I know I haven't been very active on here for some time, but it's nice to know that support is still there, even when it's been a while. xo