Just need to release

[Hoga2016]

I have Complex PTSD, I was seeing a therapist but unfortunately with covid and losing my job I could not afford it. She however gave me tools to ground myself when I'm about to lose control. Lately however I feel it coming on. The rage, I'm scared,my grounding technique doesn't seem to be helping. I have come here I suppose to just release and tell someone that. Someone obviously that isn't close to me. I have discovered that whilst I seemed help, those around me don't understand me or what I have. To be honest I don't half the time. I just know my rage is building.

[Mum Chris]

Hi Hoga2016

Therapy is expensive but you have got tools now to use. 

Have you tried setting yourself small goals like your psychologist would like doing relaxation breathing each day and visualise a happy relaxing place meditation. Small goals like letting go of anger each time it invades your thoughts. 
I have CPTSD and I know it doesn’t take much for me to spiral back to a destructive place for me. It’s so easy to get down and lose sight of self and it’s very important to share your thoughts with others in a place where you can feel safe and supported. 
Keep posting and writing your feelings. The forum has just been updated and some of us are struggling to learn the new platform. 

All the best

MC

[Sophie_M]

Dear Hoga2016,

We are pleased you have joined our supportive community. As you are starting to experience, we like to help when we can. Thank you for finding the strength to post about your growing internal anger.

We understand that you have lost your job, so are unable to afford your therapist. You now feel your internal anger building up inside.

We would like to encourage you to talk to your GP about setting up a mental health plan. We don't know if the plan would cover your normal therapist, but it should cover someone for the short-term.

You can also call BeyondBlue on 1300 22 4636, or Lifeline on 13 1114. Both services are available 24 hours per day, every day of the year, and you can talk to someone about one of the things that may be bothering you at the time.

Lastly, we have seen other members post about journaling as a way to let some of the internal pressure out onto the page. We suspect this would not be as effective as talking with your therapist, but every little bit may help.

Thanks again for joining our community. Please remember you are free to post whenever you wish. We are always here for you.

Warm regards,

Sophie M.
 

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Hoga2016,

I appreciate you sharing this with us and I'm sorry to hear how much you've been struggling with anger and rage.

Did you want to share a bit about the grounding techniques that your therapist taught you?  Maybe we could try and add to that?

It's hard to kind of comment without knowing what they are, but often grounding techniques can be done all day, not just when you're feeling triggered.  So right now while I'm responding to you I can feel my feet on the floor and slow down my breath, even though I feel ok.  I can also check in with how I'm doing, if I'm angry, sad, hurt... I wonder what it might be like if you were to do this too; like just checking in with yourself constantly, rather than trying to pinpoint where and when you need it.

It sounds really hard not having a therapist right now; would you be open to telehealth?  If you have a bit of a Google there's quite a few psychologists offering bulk-billing psychology sessions online, so it could be worth looking into.

Hope this helps a little,

rt 

[therising]

Hi Hoga2016

My hat goes off to anyone who works so hard on strategically coming to better understand themself and their emotions. To say 'This can be seriously hard to achieve at times' is an understatement.

Being a gal who's a major 'feeler', I'm wondering if you can relate to being able to feel or sense the impact of your thoughts, imagination, memories, people's words/actions, shut downs, put downs etc. It's kinda like you can just about feel everything. Can get pretty exhausting at times. Praise emotional detachment, of the constructive type.

Hope the following offers something of help: With every emotion being a 'telling' experience, anger always tells me something. I never get angry about nothing. Problem is...what that 'something' is isn't always clear to begin with. I've learned, based on past experience, the lack of clarity means I'm in the process of becoming more conscious. Hope that makes sense. I'll offer an example, for the sake of clarity:

For years it annoyed me how when I'd confide in my husband that I felt really down at times, he'd tend to say 'I don't like to hear that. I love you and it upsets me when you're upset', then he'd give me a hug and walk away. As time went on, this repeating scenario began to depress me. It left me feeling alone (trying so hard to work things out for myself). Only in the last year or so have I become angry about this. What kind of person leaves their partner to suffer alone, without trying to help them work through their sufferance? Who does that? The more I woke up to his self serving nature the angrier I became. Eventually I realised 'I deserve better than emotional neglect'. This angering 'waking up' process is what led me to tell him I'm done with many of his self serving ways. We're now in the process of separation and, not surprisingly, he's feeling sorry for himself (not sorrow for what we've lost). Even amidst my anger I feel sorrow, for us.

Could you be waking up to something, something that is only now beginning to anger you? Do you feel you've been tolerating, up to this point, people not making the effort to understand you better?
 

[Fiatlux]

Hi Hoga2016,

I have Complex PTSD. I didn’t know what it was until my Counsellor named it. I had 3 sessions with a Counsellor in 2020 before I stopped seeing her as I was spiralling down. A had a Medicare funded mental health plan back then. Have you considered this?

To get back to your C-Ptsd, I have a great book that helped me to understand what my condition was and why and how I got to here. I have told my children about my condition just so they are aware of it.

I used to have uncontrollable rage episodes and found that it was better for me to be alone with my thoughts and allowed to get it out of my system. I was fortunate to be able to live alone during this time. 

I think I have learnt to control it now and haven’t had a episode in quite a while now. I avoid people or discussions which trigger it. I also found BB forums just over a year ago and this helps.

Keep safe and keep posting 

[Soberlicious96]

Dear Hoga,

I want to start by saying well done for reaching out. I too have experienced significant symptoms of PTSD and can relate to what you are experiencing. And I too spent years in therapy for it. But I have also found that writing things down .... or posting on supportive helpful sites like this one, to be of tremendous help. I feel like it's easier to express my thoughts and feelings in a format where I don't have to look at anyone, or have anyone ask me to look at them ..... emotional pain can sometimes be so overwhelming that I/we need to eliminate at least one of our senses in order to deal with it. And that sense of looking/seeing others and having a little bit less of intensity is a huge relief.

And yeah, often times others just don't understand unless they too have 'been there' themselves.

anyway, this is a safe place to release and to get the support and understanding you are seeking.

I do hope you get at least some of what you need from here. Take care. We're all here for you. xo