Hi, I am new to the forum and hope someone has a suggestion for me,
because talk therapy has not helped. I have been to various therapists
for years and need a specialist or a different approach, although I do
not want to take drugs. To make a life s...
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Hi, I am new to the forum and hope someone has a suggestion for me,
because talk therapy has not helped. I have been to various therapists
for years and need a specialist or a different approach, although I do
not want to take drugs. To make a life story short, i grew up with a
flamboyantly narcissistic father - he told me I was nothing more than an
extension of himself and i had to be perfect. He was supported by my
mother, who told me after each abuse how much he loves me. I used to
think she was a victim, like me, but now realise she was an enabler and
chose to stay in the marriage for his prestige. I was the golden child
who got punished severely if I didn't get perfect grades, etc. À
smallest error would be punished by hours of a lecture on how I have
ruined my life and often followed by a belt. I was also forced to do
things I did not want to do to benefit the family, from getting forcibly
baptised as a teenager because grandma wanted it (I was and am an
atheist) to being told that I have to marry a foreigner, any foreigner,
to get a visa and get the family out of the Soviet bloc (I won a
scholarship instead). I was sent away alone at 10 years old to a
"sanatorium" because I had a sniffly nose, and than again at 11, no
mater how much I cried and begged to stay. I have built internal walls,
have trouble keeping friends, and my first marriage was to an abusive
narcissist. The worst part is that my scapegoat sister, with whom I've
had a strong trauma bond, has also abused me. She has the need to
control situations, which I can understand, but the side effect is that
she lashes out with extreme vengeance if I disagree or even try to draw
a boundary. It is usually in a form of vicious letters/emails, but she
also ended a lease from under me in the past without giving me much time
to find a place to live. No wait, the very worst part is that our father
died and the mother recently moved in with my sister, who is now losing
her mind completely. She has lashed out at me, apologised, wanted this
and that, changed her mind, etc. I have gone through what I can only
describe as multiple stages of grief over losing our relationship and
recently have not been able to call my mother for a couple of weeks at a
time and constantly fantasizing about blocking both of their numbers. I
also feel that will never again be able to trust my sister. I am
minimising the contact, but need some kind of intervention asap. Any
ideas? Thank you
PTSD for Medical and First Responders
