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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Boy_in_blue First Responders cry also
  • replies: 15

Hi, I am extremely anxious about posting & not sure if I am in the right area. I feel like I have to get this weight off my chest. i am a first responder & have been for 21years. I have attended so many critical incidents that I was dubbed Dr Death b... View more

Hi, I am extremely anxious about posting & not sure if I am in the right area. I feel like I have to get this weight off my chest. i am a first responder & have been for 21years. I have attended so many critical incidents that I was dubbed Dr Death by my colleagues - not a title I want at all. For the past 2-3 yrs I started to shut down & become a stone face emotionless person at work which crept into my personal life. So much so that I was on guard 24/7 (we were smashed into us you’re a police officer 24/7) & having a very difficult time being able to switch off. Gradually I became worse, even tho I’d put on a brave face & help as many ppl as I could. But I didn’t realise it was me that needed help until my bucket over flowed a few months ago. I would be okay to some degree at work but as soon as I hoped into my car to go home, I’d break down for no reason at all. I pushed this aside for a few weeks but I found myself crying at any sad events that were shown on tv, like seeing a child upset for loosing a parent in a movie would trigger me. Even though I knew it was fictional, I just couldn’t handle it. It got to the point that tragic events on the news send me in to a panic attack where I have to get out of the house and just run. I did this many times to the point I’d collapse due to exhaustion. I stopped all interactions with friends & going to family events as I only felt safe at home. I have recently been diagnosed with PTSD and depression & I am off work. I was asked if my work made any effort to talk or note events that I attended to, but being a supervisor, I looked after my troops but I wasn’t looked after. I am not blaming anyone but I can’t help but to think if only my supervisors were to record those events, would I be in this mess I am in now? I have some good days but mostly are bad with flashback & the nightmares & crippling. I know I am on a long road to recovery, but none the less I am on that road. I just wished I had of sought help 3 years ago when a mate asked if I was ok as I wasn’t myself anymore. I am trying hard not to blame myself but some resentment is there. So, as a male & as a first responder I am placing my hand up in the air to say I also cry & it’s bloody tough to say it, I need help & I am getting help from my psychiatrist & psychologist. And to be told to just get over it and toughen up by senior management I now know that those words were so wrong & damaging First Responders cry and it’s ok to do so.

Rupes79 What helped you with trauma recovery?
  • replies: 5

Hi People So I’ve been diagnosed by two psychologists with trauma related issues. I spent over 12 months with the first one and didn’t feel there was much progress (if anything brining the issue to the surface probably made me go backwards). Ive had ... View more

Hi People So I’ve been diagnosed by two psychologists with trauma related issues. I spent over 12 months with the first one and didn’t feel there was much progress (if anything brining the issue to the surface probably made me go backwards). Ive had four sessions with the new psychologist and there’s definitely a better rapport but I still feel a bit in the dark about how to get some sort of resolution on this (anything would be good). Can I ask if others have had a traumatic event and how they overcame it? I’m not expecting everything to be 100% but I need to feel a lot better than I do now to be able to push on. It really is consuming me. Thanks

Wombat*3995 Living in a dual nationality marriage - Aboriginal / White Caucasian
  • replies: 1

Hate to say for my first post....but I am experiencing trauma, living with an Indigenous Aboriginal man I married some 30 years ago......but right now, his excess baggage with his past trauma, he is being verbal in a dictatorial way, don't get me wro... View more

Hate to say for my first post....but I am experiencing trauma, living with an Indigenous Aboriginal man I married some 30 years ago......but right now, his excess baggage with his past trauma, he is being verbal in a dictatorial way, don't get me wrong, I have a tongue and I can speak.....Just quickly, I myself have taken 1 step forward as a person, I have made 1 step forward in strength and am trying to stand in my own strength and boldness of myself.....little bit hard, when hubby, bless him, he gets flustered, and caught up, in turn, turns to me and is a bit like.....say, he spells it out, do something what I say, right now, my way....in other words, he feels I need verbal directions daily in a authoritive kinda loud tone, a) I have hearing aids, but can hear, b) I'm his wife, and finally c)...I don't accept the bigatry or condescening tones, usually........so I'm in the process of finding the words to say, ie. Hey A....look, I did hear you, and yes, your things will get done, please don't get upset....I will do them....don't worry.......sort of thing....has anyone else experienced this in a bi-racial marriage/relationship or just experienced what I've experienced from their life partner/boyfriend/girlfriend/sister/brother etc....?????? Thanks for reading my opening post, it is posted with due dilligence and care. Thanks from Diane.

Autumn_girl Supporting a PTSD partner
  • replies: 3

Hi All, I'm hoping this is an appropriate forum to ask for advice from either people with (C)PTSD or partners of people with (C)PTSD. My partner has complex PTSD from childhood and then 8 years as a paramedic. I've been in a relationship with him for... View more

Hi All, I'm hoping this is an appropriate forum to ask for advice from either people with (C)PTSD or partners of people with (C)PTSD. My partner has complex PTSD from childhood and then 8 years as a paramedic. I've been in a relationship with him for just over a year. We have come a long way together as this was his first loving and supportive relationship, and not everything has been smooth sailing as you would expect when one of the partner's has CPTSD. However, we both have respect and care for each other, and we have had many discussions on the complexity of his illness, and I continuously educate myself about my partner's illness and feel I am a supportive partner. There have been many adjustments made to reduce his triggers, including me having my phone with me at all times and the sound on, going to bed together at the same time every night, providing reassurance regularly, and creating new routines and adding structure to every day activities. However, there is one issue that we cannot resolve and that is the one of my dog. My dog is a very gentle 6 year old labradoodle and very well trained; however, my partner is triggered by my dog whenever she gets up to get a drink, go outside, or wants to play, or when my partner comes home and she's excited to see him. I understand that due to his paramedic role and his feeling that he always has to make sure everyone is ok, he can't relax if my dog isn't asleep. My dog has been with my two children and I since a puppy and she is part of the family (this is especially important for my two children to have consistency as we had to leave the family home when I separated from their father) and lives both indoors and outdoors. My partner needs the dog to be outside going forward, in order for him to be able to relax. I completely understand how he feels, however, I didn't get a dog so that she could be outside by herself all day and night, and I think to do so is neglectful. He says he is at breaking point, and I feel like I have to choose between my dog and my partner. I'd be grateful if anyone has found a way to resolve this issue, is any ptsd therapy has helped this issue, or if I am being inconsiderate in my view that the dog is part of the family. P.S. I have put the dog out on numerous occasions when he is not coping or has had a stressful day, but his stress is impacting me and being an empath, I feel guilty to both him and the dog. Thank you.

Fiatlux Early Childhood Abuse and Trauma - Trigger Warning
  • replies: 8

Hi, I have had recurring thoughts going back to early childhood. I believe all my anxiety and depression stems from abuse suffered very early on. I was enjoying watching something on TV last week and it bought back memories of dancing and playing aro... View more

Hi, I have had recurring thoughts going back to early childhood. I believe all my anxiety and depression stems from abuse suffered very early on. I was enjoying watching something on TV last week and it bought back memories of dancing and playing around in front of the Television. I would have been 3-4 years old. This would have been my daily routine, being home with my Grandmother. She would put on Play School for me. But this one day was different. I just remember being picked up by one arm and being spanked quite hard. It was my Grandfather. He was home from work that day. My dancing and singing in front of the television was unacceptable to him. He carried me to the kitchen and continued to assault me. I think by then I had passed out from sobbing and being assaulted. After this day, I found it very difficult to find joy in singing and dancing. I was terrified that he would hear me. My mother also remembers this incident but I don't recall seeing her that day. As my younger sister was a baby, my mum may have been home too. I am sorry if this brings up any trauma for anyone else, but I seem to start remembering all the awful events and how this has affected me throughout my life and is the cause of my anxiety and depression. If anyone is wondering, I did get a chance to tell my Grandfather what I thought of him. I was only 18, but I let him have it. Called him every miserable thing I could think of. I cut him out of my life after that. I know sometimes this does not help my PTSD but I am stuck in my own head thinking about how this early abusive event affected the rest of my entire life. Thank you for reading and sharing.

nexttime Need help
  • replies: 9

I am in my 60s and have struggled with psychological pain, anger, isolation, self loathing, etc all my life. I’ve had a lot of counseling and therapy and medication, but nothing really got anywhere near making a difference. Recently a chance comment ... View more

I am in my 60s and have struggled with psychological pain, anger, isolation, self loathing, etc all my life. I’ve had a lot of counseling and therapy and medication, but nothing really got anywhere near making a difference. Recently a chance comment led me to realise that I have carried a huge load of toxic stress all my life on account of childhood emotional abuse and neglect. I had never recognised what happened to me as trauma because it wasn’t physical abuse. While the realization of what is actually going on is a massive relief (I am not mad or bad, I am not mysteriously a failure at talk therapy), it does bring another load of anger and despair about why none of the people I turned to for help ever recognised my trauma symptoms, and about all the time I have lost to this pain. After a difficult search I have found a trauma focused therapist but starting this again is slow and I am still struggling to deal with the episodes of extreme anger, fear and sadness that erupt when I am triggered - and I find myself triggered more and more often by more and more things. I am exhausted and frightened. An hour once a week with a new therapist is not helping yet, particularly as I have to tell the whole story all over again just to get to a starting point. I don’t have any effective strategies to get through my days and nights, or to start to calm myself. I’m trying yoga and tapping, more exercise, etc but I’m often left feeling worse afterwards and terrified at the feelings that flood back when the distraction ends. I wonder if anyone else feels or has felt like this, and if anyone has found anything that works.

HamSolo01 Coming to terms with trauma from the past
  • replies: 14

I have had a rough week I have had to come to terms with trauma from my teens. I don't think I have come to terms with it just yet. But I feel that I have started to accept it. For a long time I had denied it. I had also been conscious of over medica... View more

I have had a rough week I have had to come to terms with trauma from my teens. I don't think I have come to terms with it just yet. But I feel that I have started to accept it. For a long time I had denied it. I had also been conscious of over medicalising it. But I don't believe it is medical to call things trauma. It just is what it is. Trauma doesn't need to be medical. I must not invalidate my own experience. I must be compassionate to myself. I must ground my compassion in the reality of my own experience. I can't lie to myself and I can't cherry pick or manipulate the truth. Content/trigger warning: Healing is always always possible. But having an understanding of what the thing is that has caused me grief or trauma in the past is key. I believe I now have. I have heard it said that we only really come to terms with things from the past at a later stage - for me it looks like almost 10 years. I've always been a high functioning person but what I haven't been is high performing. I guess I have answer now - the thing holding me back was never clearly articulated. I booked in to see my psych earlier than i had anticipated since last session. Its a complex beast and I believe the more i work at understanding it the more i will be able to tame it. The sun still rises and it sets just the same. Last week working at the election was interesting because everyone i spoke to there was struggling at some level and had put an end to the things that bought them grief or trouble. I was the same. I must learn to stop comparing myself to those around me now of a similar age or experience level or whatever. We all have our trauma and our history. It's just that some are more capable of hiding it. OR maybe some are fortunate enough to not have it. I mean its life isn't it? It is what it is. Compare myself to who i was. That is when true growth begins

nib My diagnosis
  • replies: 10

I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia early last year and I have not developed any coping strategies or heard of anyone's success stories with the mental health condition. Can you please share below your story with me (as long as it's appropriate and fo... View more

I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia early last year and I have not developed any coping strategies or heard of anyone's success stories with the mental health condition. Can you please share below your story with me (as long as it's appropriate and follows BB's Guidelines) and some awesome coping strategies that you have found have worked for you? I like to listen to relaxation music.

Amor90 Is it PTSD or just anxiety?
  • replies: 2

Firstly new here. December 2019 at 34 weeks pregnant I had a car accident which wrote off the car but I survived with baby intact. Hit a tree and rolled. Still don't know how I survived it. Then at 40 weeks got induced after a week at being 3cm. Roug... View more

Firstly new here. December 2019 at 34 weeks pregnant I had a car accident which wrote off the car but I survived with baby intact. Hit a tree and rolled. Still don't know how I survived it. Then at 40 weeks got induced after a week at being 3cm. Rough birth. Episy. No epidural, but everything else medicine wise. Suctioned out. Nearly emergency caesarean. Post birth had a haemorrhage and again nearly ended up in an emergency room. Came round ok after an iron infusion. Baby was fine. Went back working at 20ish weeks postpartum. Had issues with driving due to the amount of gum trees around. Did counselling. Worked my way through it and use podcasts as distraction technique. Husband and I are discussing subsequent children now daughter is over 2. Keep getting very anxious about birthing again. Not sure if just anxiety (hx) or if possible repressed issues from birth of daughter. My anxiety is there about baby 2 regarding finances (will be fine), pregnancy itself (had bad morning sickness with no1) and then the birth and after birth. I am so worried that I'm going to bleed again or that I won't be able to conceive again or I'm too old (32) Sorry to be frank but I have found I need to be regarding both these issues. The car accident has meant that I do not drive to from my current home town to my town that I previously resided in for 5.5years. I can't drive past the point I crashed. I get so upset and I need to do breathing techniques when I've tried. Regarding the baby I want to give daughter a sibling but I am terrified of dying or having to be induced again. I'm petrified everything that was an issue the first time! Thanks

Fiatlux Sudden death of an old friend
  • replies: 5

Hi, I learnt earlier this week that a childhood friend passed away suddenly last week. I haven’t seen her in over 10 years but I can’t stop thinking about the awful abuse she suffered as a child. I read a tribute to her today. Posted by her parents. ... View more

Hi, I learnt earlier this week that a childhood friend passed away suddenly last week. I haven’t seen her in over 10 years but I can’t stop thinking about the awful abuse she suffered as a child. I read a tribute to her today. Posted by her parents. These are the same parents who were often physically and violently abusive. I can’t get my head around it or them. The parents had severed ties with her as she didn’t fit their perfect family portrait. But now put on a show of fake love as they prepare to lay her to rest. I wonder if they feel remorse? I remember a time when she missed a week off school. Her parents both assaulted her for coming home late one night. She spent several days in bed recovering. I saw her injuries as they healed, while her parents boasted to mine, that they taught her a harsh lesson. I feared her father, more than I feared my own. I wonder how her trauma may have impacted on her early and sudden death. Her heart just stopped beating. My own heart aches for her. I recall our nights out, going to see live bands. Dancing in night clubs and just being young and carefree. All she wanted, what we all wanted, is to be loved. My heart aches for her one and only son and hope that his father is looking out for him now. She complained endlessly about child birth but she doted on her little boy. I have been suicidal at times as well but this death, her death has me grief stricken. I would reach out to her sister but I am unsure if they had any contact at all recently. The last I heard, she was estranged from her extended family. I don’t know what I want out of this post, except that I need to get this out. My heart is aching. She often told me that I had a wonderful dad compared to hers.