My abused and suffering life!

[Jasmine1992]

Hey, I decided to write about how my depression got so bad. My mum, my sister and I were physically, verbally and emotionally abused by a border that was living with us. We were to scared to kick him out for 8 years into my stepdad came in our lives and kicked him out for good. I still suffer from the memories and flashbacks of it all. I’ve blocked my extended family out of my life they are very judgemental people and don’t understand what I’m going through. Even my mum, step dad, sister and brother-in-law have no idea what I’m going through.  Everyone thinks I talk to myself but I’m talking to someone in my fantasy life. Not only I prefer to be in my fantasy life but the people there are the only people I can talk to. My mum step dad and I have been kicked out of our house coz the owner was selling the house so we are now living with my sister, brother in law and their 3 kids in a small cramped duplex. I’m living in the garage. So there’s been quite a bit of tension. We have been knocked back over 80 houses and it’s stressing me out so much that I’m having so much meltdowns and I’m lashing out. I hate been only about to hear in my right ear. My left ear has nerve damage. I only wear a hearing aid in my right ear.😭 I now suffer with depression, anxiety, PTSD, and schizophrenia. I’ve been told that i might also have bipolar. Please try to understand what I have written. I would real appreciate it.

[Fiatlux]

Hi Jasmine, 

I understand what you have written. I am a survivor of child abuse and domestic violence. 

My eldest sister who was also abused, suffers from a dissociative disorder. She has only recently been diagnosed. However I noticed many years ago that she also appeared to be speaking to herself. I now understand that she was answering the voices in her head. 

Do the people in your fantasy life bring you comfort? I understand that you feel the need to escape from the reality of the abuse that you have been subjected to. The flashbacks can be very traumatic.

I went through a stage with my sister, whereby she would divulge details of the abuse to me and later deny that she ever said those things. I know that she was not inventing things and she was recalling things and memories that she had buried.

Please know that you are not alone. Are you receiving treatment for your mental health conditions?

Please keep in touch here and I am sure that others will also be here for you to offer support.

[Jasmine1992]

Yes just started seeing another psychologist. I can't see a psychiatrist atm coz there's no capacity. I do feel confident being in my fastasy world.

[Craig22]

Hi Jasmine,

I cant imagine the strength it must have taken to write and share that post, well done for showing such strength. Just take one day at a time and use whatever helps you to get through and receive professional help. Please keep us updated and reach out for support whenever you need it , we are all friends here.

[Jasmine1992]

Thank you I really appreciate ur kind words

[Jasmine1992]

Comfort*

[Jasmine1992]

I literally can’t stand how fat I’ve gotten. I have tried so diets and exercising over the years and not even 1g will drop. Every time I eat I can put on weight just like that. I can’t have prescription diet pills coz of my depression. So the only thing I feel I can do is go for surgery.

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Jasmine,

I can understand your post so very well…and I am so sorry you went through physical, emotional and verbal abuse…

I am a survivor of childhood sexual, physical, verbal and emotional abuse and also a survivor of DV with my late husband….My heart goes out to you sweet Jasmine, with the memories and flashbacks of your abuse….It’s been over 60 years since my childhood trauma and 9 years since my husband passed away and still triggers can down me instantly…from both childhood and DV….I have seen counsellors, psychiatrist and psychologists and it has helped me to be able to manage them better…..

When I was a young child, to escape my abuse I used to get myself into my fantasy world of dragons, fairies, elves, I would talk to them when I needed to escape my trauma and dragon would fly me away to my fairyland full of beautiful creatures and caring elves…..I am now over 60 and still to this day, escape into my safe peaceful world when I get triggered into a PTSD downer….I feel there is nothing wrong with doing this…if it helps me to feel loved and cared for…that’s where I go to…..because that’s where I need to be to heal…

I am so overweight now for a few years and I used to hate myself because of it….but now I’ve accepted myself and can now see that our outer body isn’t what really counts….it’s the beautiful soul that we have that really does count….everyone has a different outer body shape…yet we are all still beautiful people….social media has really put a huge stigma on slim bodies…which I feel is so disrespectful for the majority of humans….Please Dear Jasmine…look deeper into your soul and see the beauty you have inside….

Its lovely that your sister and brother in law has taken you, your mum and step dad in….I am really hoping that you will find a nice place to live soon….

Thinking of you sweet Jasmine with kindness and care….

Grandy….

[Jasmine1992]

Thank you so much it feels so nice to know I'm not alone in this world. I always felt so alone that I couldn't tell my extended family coz they are very judgemental people and because of that it got to the point that I blocked them out.