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PTSD and trauma

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Sophie_M If you need to talk about Bondi Beach - Our community is here
  • replies: 7

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Aus... View more

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Australia and we extend our heartfelt condolences to the individuals and families affected by this tragedy. We wanted to create a space where you can share whatever you’re feeling - whether that’s fear, shock, grief, or anything else that has come up for you. If you need support from others in the community, please feel welcome to post here. Violence and acts of terror can bring feelings of shock, grief, profound sadness, anger and fear. It’s normal to experience these emotions while trying to make sense of distressing events. It may take time for these feelings to ease, but it’s never too early to seek support if you are feeling distressed. Beyond Blue is here for you anytime, by phone on 1300 224 636 or via webchat: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor You can also support those around you by being available to them and listening. Thank you for being such an important part of this community, and for the kindness, honesty, and wisdom you continue to share with each other. We remind the community that Beyond Blue is here for all people in Australia, no matter what you believe, how you live or who you worship. Kind regards Sophie M

A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Matchbox Was I sexually assaulted?
  • replies: 2

About 5 years ago, back when me and my now husband started dating an incident occurred. We were kissing and he then started to use his fingers. I pushed his hand away but he kept going. I then layed down while ... I was absolutely lifeless with no en... View more

About 5 years ago, back when me and my now husband started dating an incident occurred. We were kissing and he then started to use his fingers. I pushed his hand away but he kept going. I then layed down while ... I was absolutely lifeless with no enthusiasm for what was going on but he didnt read my reaction until several minutes later. It's so hard because I know this was never his intent. He is such an amazing, loyal, selfless and thoughtful guy and I want to still be with him but the realisation that I may have been sexually assaulted has really been playing on my mind. there's also been a couple of other times where i've said about 10 minutes before bed that i'm not in the mood, and then he will give me a massage (consented) but try and start something. I don't say no right away (maybe a few minutes later or sometimes I give in) but i'm just laying there completely still and paralysed. Just wondering if this is sexual assault or am I reading too much into it? I believe the first one definitely was but unsure about the other times

Soberlicious96 Finally some validation
  • replies: 4

So, I'll try to keep this succinct and not too long. And please, before you read on, this could be triggering or confronting.Many years ago I was engaged to a man who is a predator. I say 'is' a predator, because he is still, to some degree, acting u... View more

So, I'll try to keep this succinct and not too long. And please, before you read on, this could be triggering or confronting.Many years ago I was engaged to a man who is a predator. I say 'is' a predator, because he is still, to some degree, acting up. And very recently he has been legally banned from attending certain functions and venues due to his behavior. As in, it has been to court and people have successfully banned him from having access to those who may be vulnerable to his behavior.And I am feeling both elated like I want to laugh, and for some reason, like I also want to cry. It could be tears of relief? Like as though finally people actually BELIEVE he is not safe and are acting accordingly?All I know is that when we were engaged and he was originally charged with what he did, it did IMMENSE and IMMEASURABLE damage to my mental health and I spent YEARS in therapy as a result. He did 12 months jail at the time while I did about three years in 'trauma' and deep distress and lots and lots of therapy. See, I too, was preyed upon when I was little, and when he and I were together he had used every bit of that information about me and what had happened to me, for his own sick desires. He used it so that he could abuse people.Anyway, back to now and I am 'celebrating' because finally there are at least a couple of places I can now go without having to worry about him being there. I am also aware that this is something that will never really leave my mind or my life. There is no 'getting over' it. There is only 'getting on with it' and accepting what happened then .... and living true to the promise I made myself back then; to never ever keep quiet when something needs to be said. I will do whatever I can to protect others and to stop it from happening again, so help me God. No longer is abuse a 'taboo' subject.And yeah, I think that's what it is: it's both a relief for the current actions, and a little bit of sadness for the younger me who had to endure that experience.Anyway, that's all I got for now. Thanks for reading this far if you did. Take care out there. xo

Hoga2016 Just need to release
  • replies: 6

I have Complex PTSD, I was seeing a therapist but unfortunately with covid and losing my job I could not afford it. She however gave me tools to ground myself when I'm about to lose control. Lately however I feel it coming on. The rage, I'm scared,my... View more

I have Complex PTSD, I was seeing a therapist but unfortunately with covid and losing my job I could not afford it. She however gave me tools to ground myself when I'm about to lose control. Lately however I feel it coming on. The rage, I'm scared,my grounding technique doesn't seem to be helping. I have come here I suppose to just release and tell someone that. Someone obviously that isn't close to me. I have discovered that whilst I seemed help, those around me don't understand me or what I have. To be honest I don't half the time. I just know my rage is building.

Boy_in_blue First Responders cry also
  • replies: 15

Hi, I am extremely anxious about posting & not sure if I am in the right area. I feel like I have to get this weight off my chest. i am a first responder & have been for 21years. I have attended so many critical incidents that I was dubbed Dr Death b... View more

Hi, I am extremely anxious about posting & not sure if I am in the right area. I feel like I have to get this weight off my chest. i am a first responder & have been for 21years. I have attended so many critical incidents that I was dubbed Dr Death by my colleagues - not a title I want at all. For the past 2-3 yrs I started to shut down & become a stone face emotionless person at work which crept into my personal life. So much so that I was on guard 24/7 (we were smashed into us you’re a police officer 24/7) & having a very difficult time being able to switch off. Gradually I became worse, even tho I’d put on a brave face & help as many ppl as I could. But I didn’t realise it was me that needed help until my bucket over flowed a few months ago. I would be okay to some degree at work but as soon as I hoped into my car to go home, I’d break down for no reason at all. I pushed this aside for a few weeks but I found myself crying at any sad events that were shown on tv, like seeing a child upset for loosing a parent in a movie would trigger me. Even though I knew it was fictional, I just couldn’t handle it. It got to the point that tragic events on the news send me in to a panic attack where I have to get out of the house and just run. I did this many times to the point I’d collapse due to exhaustion. I stopped all interactions with friends & going to family events as I only felt safe at home. I have recently been diagnosed with PTSD and depression & I am off work. I was asked if my work made any effort to talk or note events that I attended to, but being a supervisor, I looked after my troops but I wasn’t looked after. I am not blaming anyone but I can’t help but to think if only my supervisors were to record those events, would I be in this mess I am in now? I have some good days but mostly are bad with flashback & the nightmares & crippling. I know I am on a long road to recovery, but none the less I am on that road. I just wished I had of sought help 3 years ago when a mate asked if I was ok as I wasn’t myself anymore. I am trying hard not to blame myself but some resentment is there. So, as a male & as a first responder I am placing my hand up in the air to say I also cry & it’s bloody tough to say it, I need help & I am getting help from my psychiatrist & psychologist. And to be told to just get over it and toughen up by senior management I now know that those words were so wrong & damaging First Responders cry and it’s ok to do so.

Rupes79 What helped you with trauma recovery?
  • replies: 5

Hi People So I’ve been diagnosed by two psychologists with trauma related issues. I spent over 12 months with the first one and didn’t feel there was much progress (if anything brining the issue to the surface probably made me go backwards). Ive had ... View more

Hi People So I’ve been diagnosed by two psychologists with trauma related issues. I spent over 12 months with the first one and didn’t feel there was much progress (if anything brining the issue to the surface probably made me go backwards). Ive had four sessions with the new psychologist and there’s definitely a better rapport but I still feel a bit in the dark about how to get some sort of resolution on this (anything would be good). Can I ask if others have had a traumatic event and how they overcame it? I’m not expecting everything to be 100% but I need to feel a lot better than I do now to be able to push on. It really is consuming me. Thanks

Wombat*3995 Living in a dual nationality marriage - Aboriginal / White Caucasian
  • replies: 1

Hate to say for my first post....but I am experiencing trauma, living with an Indigenous Aboriginal man I married some 30 years ago......but right now, his excess baggage with his past trauma, he is being verbal in a dictatorial way, don't get me wro... View more

Hate to say for my first post....but I am experiencing trauma, living with an Indigenous Aboriginal man I married some 30 years ago......but right now, his excess baggage with his past trauma, he is being verbal in a dictatorial way, don't get me wrong, I have a tongue and I can speak.....Just quickly, I myself have taken 1 step forward as a person, I have made 1 step forward in strength and am trying to stand in my own strength and boldness of myself.....little bit hard, when hubby, bless him, he gets flustered, and caught up, in turn, turns to me and is a bit like.....say, he spells it out, do something what I say, right now, my way....in other words, he feels I need verbal directions daily in a authoritive kinda loud tone, a) I have hearing aids, but can hear, b) I'm his wife, and finally c)...I don't accept the bigatry or condescening tones, usually........so I'm in the process of finding the words to say, ie. Hey A....look, I did hear you, and yes, your things will get done, please don't get upset....I will do them....don't worry.......sort of thing....has anyone else experienced this in a bi-racial marriage/relationship or just experienced what I've experienced from their life partner/boyfriend/girlfriend/sister/brother etc....?????? Thanks for reading my opening post, it is posted with due dilligence and care. Thanks from Diane.

Autumn_girl Supporting a PTSD partner
  • replies: 3

Hi All, I'm hoping this is an appropriate forum to ask for advice from either people with (C)PTSD or partners of people with (C)PTSD. My partner has complex PTSD from childhood and then 8 years as a paramedic. I've been in a relationship with him for... View more

Hi All, I'm hoping this is an appropriate forum to ask for advice from either people with (C)PTSD or partners of people with (C)PTSD. My partner has complex PTSD from childhood and then 8 years as a paramedic. I've been in a relationship with him for just over a year. We have come a long way together as this was his first loving and supportive relationship, and not everything has been smooth sailing as you would expect when one of the partner's has CPTSD. However, we both have respect and care for each other, and we have had many discussions on the complexity of his illness, and I continuously educate myself about my partner's illness and feel I am a supportive partner. There have been many adjustments made to reduce his triggers, including me having my phone with me at all times and the sound on, going to bed together at the same time every night, providing reassurance regularly, and creating new routines and adding structure to every day activities. However, there is one issue that we cannot resolve and that is the one of my dog. My dog is a very gentle 6 year old labradoodle and very well trained; however, my partner is triggered by my dog whenever she gets up to get a drink, go outside, or wants to play, or when my partner comes home and she's excited to see him. I understand that due to his paramedic role and his feeling that he always has to make sure everyone is ok, he can't relax if my dog isn't asleep. My dog has been with my two children and I since a puppy and she is part of the family (this is especially important for my two children to have consistency as we had to leave the family home when I separated from their father) and lives both indoors and outdoors. My partner needs the dog to be outside going forward, in order for him to be able to relax. I completely understand how he feels, however, I didn't get a dog so that she could be outside by herself all day and night, and I think to do so is neglectful. He says he is at breaking point, and I feel like I have to choose between my dog and my partner. I'd be grateful if anyone has found a way to resolve this issue, is any ptsd therapy has helped this issue, or if I am being inconsiderate in my view that the dog is part of the family. P.S. I have put the dog out on numerous occasions when he is not coping or has had a stressful day, but his stress is impacting me and being an empath, I feel guilty to both him and the dog. Thank you.

Fiatlux Early Childhood Abuse and Trauma - Trigger Warning
  • replies: 8

Hi, I have had recurring thoughts going back to early childhood. I believe all my anxiety and depression stems from abuse suffered very early on. I was enjoying watching something on TV last week and it bought back memories of dancing and playing aro... View more

Hi, I have had recurring thoughts going back to early childhood. I believe all my anxiety and depression stems from abuse suffered very early on. I was enjoying watching something on TV last week and it bought back memories of dancing and playing around in front of the Television. I would have been 3-4 years old. This would have been my daily routine, being home with my Grandmother. She would put on Play School for me. But this one day was different. I just remember being picked up by one arm and being spanked quite hard. It was my Grandfather. He was home from work that day. My dancing and singing in front of the television was unacceptable to him. He carried me to the kitchen and continued to assault me. I think by then I had passed out from sobbing and being assaulted. After this day, I found it very difficult to find joy in singing and dancing. I was terrified that he would hear me. My mother also remembers this incident but I don't recall seeing her that day. As my younger sister was a baby, my mum may have been home too. I am sorry if this brings up any trauma for anyone else, but I seem to start remembering all the awful events and how this has affected me throughout my life and is the cause of my anxiety and depression. If anyone is wondering, I did get a chance to tell my Grandfather what I thought of him. I was only 18, but I let him have it. Called him every miserable thing I could think of. I cut him out of my life after that. I know sometimes this does not help my PTSD but I am stuck in my own head thinking about how this early abusive event affected the rest of my entire life. Thank you for reading and sharing.

nexttime Need help
  • replies: 9

I am in my 60s and have struggled with psychological pain, anger, isolation, self loathing, etc all my life. I’ve had a lot of counseling and therapy and medication, but nothing really got anywhere near making a difference. Recently a chance comment ... View more

I am in my 60s and have struggled with psychological pain, anger, isolation, self loathing, etc all my life. I’ve had a lot of counseling and therapy and medication, but nothing really got anywhere near making a difference. Recently a chance comment led me to realise that I have carried a huge load of toxic stress all my life on account of childhood emotional abuse and neglect. I had never recognised what happened to me as trauma because it wasn’t physical abuse. While the realization of what is actually going on is a massive relief (I am not mad or bad, I am not mysteriously a failure at talk therapy), it does bring another load of anger and despair about why none of the people I turned to for help ever recognised my trauma symptoms, and about all the time I have lost to this pain. After a difficult search I have found a trauma focused therapist but starting this again is slow and I am still struggling to deal with the episodes of extreme anger, fear and sadness that erupt when I am triggered - and I find myself triggered more and more often by more and more things. I am exhausted and frightened. An hour once a week with a new therapist is not helping yet, particularly as I have to tell the whole story all over again just to get to a starting point. I don’t have any effective strategies to get through my days and nights, or to start to calm myself. I’m trying yoga and tapping, more exercise, etc but I’m often left feeling worse afterwards and terrified at the feelings that flood back when the distraction ends. I wonder if anyone else feels or has felt like this, and if anyone has found anything that works.

HamSolo01 Coming to terms with trauma from the past
  • replies: 14

I have had a rough week I have had to come to terms with trauma from my teens. I don't think I have come to terms with it just yet. But I feel that I have started to accept it. For a long time I had denied it. I had also been conscious of over medica... View more

I have had a rough week I have had to come to terms with trauma from my teens. I don't think I have come to terms with it just yet. But I feel that I have started to accept it. For a long time I had denied it. I had also been conscious of over medicalising it. But I don't believe it is medical to call things trauma. It just is what it is. Trauma doesn't need to be medical. I must not invalidate my own experience. I must be compassionate to myself. I must ground my compassion in the reality of my own experience. I can't lie to myself and I can't cherry pick or manipulate the truth. Content/trigger warning: Healing is always always possible. But having an understanding of what the thing is that has caused me grief or trauma in the past is key. I believe I now have. I have heard it said that we only really come to terms with things from the past at a later stage - for me it looks like almost 10 years. I've always been a high functioning person but what I haven't been is high performing. I guess I have answer now - the thing holding me back was never clearly articulated. I booked in to see my psych earlier than i had anticipated since last session. Its a complex beast and I believe the more i work at understanding it the more i will be able to tame it. The sun still rises and it sets just the same. Last week working at the election was interesting because everyone i spoke to there was struggling at some level and had put an end to the things that bought them grief or trouble. I was the same. I must learn to stop comparing myself to those around me now of a similar age or experience level or whatever. We all have our trauma and our history. It's just that some are more capable of hiding it. OR maybe some are fortunate enough to not have it. I mean its life isn't it? It is what it is. Compare myself to who i was. That is when true growth begins