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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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G_Nova PTSD Diagnosis..
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, About halfway through last year I started seeing a new psychologist (my 3rd in 3 years). Pretty soon after she diagnosed me with PTSD and I was kind of shocked but also not surprised. I remember telling my parents and laughing at myself ... View more

Hi everyone, About halfway through last year I started seeing a new psychologist (my 3rd in 3 years). Pretty soon after she diagnosed me with PTSD and I was kind of shocked but also not surprised. I remember telling my parents and laughing at myself because it just seemed so strange to me to have PTSD because I never experienced abuse or neglect or anything like that. What I did experience was a very tumultuous childhood and I guess, seeing as the messiness started so early in my life, I grew accustomed to it, so for me its normal. I suppose that lead me to belittle the impact of my experiences, so I've kind of gaslit myself into believing that I'm ok when I'm really not. Like I will be having flashbacks everyday or so (to different extents), but still forcing myself to function until I completely crumble and wonder what happened. Its not until after I was given the PTSD diagnosis that I kind of allowed myself to be a little more broken if that makes sense. I was a little more vulnerable seeing as I was doing trauma work and recounting painful memories. I guess I was wondering what other people have done/changed after getting their diagnosis? Has the diagnosis changed anyones lives in a fundamental way or made you rethink how you see yourself and your behaviours? I don't know anyone that has PTSD (apart from my Grandpa who was in WW2), so as much as I talk to other people about how I am coping, they don't quite get it, especially since I appear as though I'm ok most of the time. G.Nova

white knight The trauma of fear
  • replies: 1

On the phone today. A 77yo friend male, talking about a dispute in his "men's shed" with his president, explains the conflict at a group meeting. among that story he tells "so I replied to that president "if I got off my seat you'll be on a one way t... View more

On the phone today. A 77yo friend male, talking about a dispute in his "men's shed" with his president, explains the conflict at a group meeting. among that story he tells "so I replied to that president "if I got off my seat you'll be on a one way trip to the hospital". My body begins to shake listening to this. My fears. No it isnt due to 3 years as a prison officer 40 years ago, nor conflict from people while carrying out my duties in semi law enforcement work over 4 decades. I know the origin- the excessive domination of my mother over us kids, the instant yelling to cause us to jump out of our skins, the emotional blackmail that surprisingly lasted well into adulthood, the fear of how our father will slap us when she meets him at the door hours after a conflict with her earlier that day, the lack of praise and so on. The seeds of anxiety were sown early in life and compounded till 27yo in my case when the volcano of emotion exploded. Now I write about it today How effective is putting fear into someone? Well, I'm about 130kg, strong, past experience in defending myself in my jobs and my mother? 90yo now, 5'3" tall and alive and well, so I'm led to believe as I, along with my sister, have had zero contact for 11 years (our choice). That's another story but briefly she had ruined my first wedding (1985) and threatened to ruin my second (2010). Why? control, jealousy, demanding of attention, but most likely imo a denial all her life to seek help for some mental illness that likely resulted in us 3 siblings suffering. Both my sister and I attempted suicide in the 1990's, our older brother carried it out in 1978 at 26yo. All 3 of us kids bipolar. The ramifications of fear from a parent can be so effective that I'm well aware I will fear her following her passing. Why? The echoes in my mind of her voice, the sternness of it, the control like being in a emotional straight jacket and her listing all the punishments she can think of, all the time laughing. The guilt also lingers. See, when you have a bad parent and you are trying to cope, if that parent also had nurturing in her veins when you were young, that creates guilt. How could a nurturer become so evil, it must be my wrong judgement of her? Those seeds of guilt were in her pocket. I know that to cope with this fear I have to live with it. But I'm working on forgiveness. Not to her directly but within myself. To forgive her for being cruel...nah, only pursue challenges you can succeed at... TonyWK

24yearoldgirl Bored & Depressed
  • replies: 9

For those of you who don't know already, I've been a carer for my mum since 2016. My mum is not physically disabled but has a lot of current health problems. She had a head injury in 2010. She can be manipulative, and is very dependent on me to stay ... View more

For those of you who don't know already, I've been a carer for my mum since 2016. My mum is not physically disabled but has a lot of current health problems. She had a head injury in 2010. She can be manipulative, and is very dependent on me to stay around for the extra money. I also help clean etc. I'm now 25, have no friends or job qualifications. Everyone is encouraging me to leave, but I'm finding it very hard to breakaway! I have a lot of trauma & depression, I've started to hear voices, such as "get a job" "get a life" how ironic. It sounds like a neighbour is harrassing me though, and it's happened at two different apartments. All of my doctors want me on a medication, which can cause nightmares and fatigue etc. So I'd rather not take it! I've been researching jobs, however i'm worried that if i leave my mum will have a worse quality of life, and be sleeping in the car. Due to lack of housing and money etc. When we are living together, we can afford a nice/decent apartment to rent. But i'm kind of bored with my life and being isolated.

rippleffect CPTSD hits like a freight train. -Popping my head up to say hi-
  • replies: 2

Its hard writing this 3 years ago, it was approaching xmass and I didnt feel right. I have fought and survived major depression. This was something else. My mind was constantly preparing for doom. I felt emotionally numb. For weeks I was unable to fe... View more

Its hard writing this 3 years ago, it was approaching xmass and I didnt feel right. I have fought and survived major depression. This was something else. My mind was constantly preparing for doom. I felt emotionally numb. For weeks I was unable to feel,.. anything. I brought my partner a gift I couldnt afford, in a frantic attempt to try to enjoy the day. I had to hold myself back from crying as he opened it. Something was very, very wrong. I went to my doctors and asked to speak to somone. He recommended a small private psyc hospital that had programs for stress. While I was talking with there doctor, he made a Freudian slip after I revealed something and for a moment, he showed me who he was inside. That destroyed our professional relationship instantly and I asked to have him replaced. I was told that I would have to go back into the room, alone with him to talk about it. He had amnesia of that part of our talk. I felt trapped. Like noone was listening to me. The staff just ignored me. I regressed back to when I was 7 and a ward of the state, by mistake. and for a week noone noticed I was doing stuff like looking at the locks on doors, or working out which windows I could break, even though the place was completely open. after that I went straight to the local emergency room, a nurse treated me like I was drug seeking. Even though I was just trying to get help. After fighting with 2 psyc teams, I was admitted to the cardiac unit because they were concerned I was about to have a heartattack. I found a really good councler and she started throwing tests at me. She diagnosed me with CPTSD The last few years of my life have brought up childhood traumas to front & centre. its all flooding back. my earliest one is an assault. recently ive been having trouble finding anything positive spontaneously crying constantly feeling that i was robbed of a life. of basic things others have like beign happy Im 38, for the first time in my life, ive felt jealous of others in happy relationships and I hate that feeling Ive thought of self harm since i was 7. recently, those kinds of thoughs are bad. when my friend hurt me just before xmass, i considered breakign my arm, just to externalize the pain. i hate those thoughts. im autistic, a 3% deviation from neurotypical and along with other things, that gives me photographic memory which right now is not fun. all my memories at the moment are bad looking to chat wt others, share my experiences, heal maybe Nick

Sophie_M Coping with bushfires
  • replies: 145

Beyond Blue would like all individuals accessing our online forums in relation to Australia’s bushfire crisis to know that we are here for them. If you’re feeling worried, we want you to know that it’s okay and you are not alone. The impacts of this ... View more

Beyond Blue would like all individuals accessing our online forums in relation to Australia’s bushfire crisis to know that we are here for them. If you’re feeling worried, we want you to know that it’s okay and you are not alone. The impacts of this crisis will be ongoing and everyone will have different experiences, thoughts, feelings and emotions. Even if you haven't been directly affected by these fires you may still feel sad, overwhelmed, stressed and upset. We hope that you will use this safe, understanding space to talk, share and support one another on a united front. It can be difficult to know what to say in times like these. The forum community have been engaging in discussions that you may find helpful: Are you managing to be ok with all these dreadful bushfires? You may wish to share what you are doing to help cope, or simply to share your experience with others. Beyond Blue has developed a dedicated resource about bushfires and mental health, including practical advice about dealing with the emotional impact of bushfires, information about the signs and symptoms of emotional distress, tips for supporting children and young people, and links to several useful websites. Taking care of yourself: Limit your exposure to social media – it’s okay to have a break and it’s important you make sure you’re not becoming overwhelmed. Speak with our friendly forum community about how you’re feeling Set realistic goals that keep you motivated, but don't take on too much (most people in this situation talk of recovery as a journey not a sprint) Give yourself time Seeking help when you are in a bushfire affected area: Follow the advice of your local state fire services if you are in a bushfire affected area. State fire services: NSW RFS QLD RFS VIC SA TAS NT WA ACT If you require emergency support please contact 000 As a community, let’s help one another through sharing and connecting during this difficult time. This could be by listing links to articles or resources you have found helpful, tips for what is working to help you manage or sharing your thoughts, feelings or experience related to the bushfire crisis. Whatever it may be, we're here.

AngeK PTSD recovery and medication
  • replies: 5

Hi there I’m new to this. I have had PTSD from a work incident for nearly 5 years now. I’ve been in inpatient Psych facilities on and off during that time. For months each time. It’s been really hard. I finally gave in and had ECT treatment, I had th... View more

Hi there I’m new to this. I have had PTSD from a work incident for nearly 5 years now. I’ve been in inpatient Psych facilities on and off during that time. For months each time. It’s been really hard. I finally gave in and had ECT treatment, I had this weekly for 12 months and with a combination of ECT and medication, psychology and psychiatrist support, I now find myself in functional recovery. I’ve moved away with my husband and our youngest daughter and I’ve been able to commence work and sustain it for 3 months now. Im a social worker. my husband and daughter hate medication. Im ashamed to say that I’ve overdosed a few times in the past so my husband controls all of my meds. Still. My husband continues to question the amount that I’m taking because he considers I’m ‘better now’. I have discussed this with my Psychiatrist and Psychologist who have both said that PTSD and medication are both here to stay. Of course my medication will fluctuate but I will be on it for a long time and the reason I am where I am today is medication and support. The biggest issue for me is that my husband and daughters opinions affect me deeply and I feel shame, guilt and humiliation about taking medication on top of the shame and guilt that is generally a part of PTSD. I found this group in the hope that someone else has experienced something similar and may have some advice. It’s making life very difficult. Love Ange x

Midnight01 Another day in the life of me
  • replies: 3

So I got told something quite eye opening the other day by my partner, in the midst of talking about exercise I was told this “If you can’t do 1 push up, how will you hold our children”. Now bare in mind this is almost 2 months after losing our daugh... View more

So I got told something quite eye opening the other day by my partner, in the midst of talking about exercise I was told this “If you can’t do 1 push up, how will you hold our children”. Now bare in mind this is almost 2 months after losing our daughter 4 days after birth. He expresses how sorry he is for ever saying it and I don’t hold it against him because he didn’t mean it the way it came out, but unfortunately it’s playing on my mind today and after going to the shops to get him socks and deodorant, I then took myself to the bottle shop and purchased 2 bottles of Wine. I’ve cried a few times so far today and only eaten porridge at breakfast and just had some watermelon. I feel myself slipping away here and I don’t know what to do. I’ve still yet to go back to work next month and don’t even want to do that. If anyone can give me any useful information that would be helpful.

Sunnyflower12 I'm not coping with my medical trauma TW: Blood, Surgery
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone I recently had multiple surgeries for my throat and nose in December. They were pretty regular procedures and relatively low risk. But on NYE I suddenly got a big nosebleed for the first time in my life and had to be rushed to the Emergen... View more

Hi everyone I recently had multiple surgeries for my throat and nose in December. They were pretty regular procedures and relatively low risk. But on NYE I suddenly got a big nosebleed for the first time in my life and had to be rushed to the Emergency Department. The doctors gave me padding to stop the bleed and I was sent home by 11:30pm. I thought it was the end but it wasn't and I ended up having more bleeding episodes, in total 5 (2 minor and 3 major that required me to be hospitalised) in the past month. The most recent episode on the 20th led me to have a surgery to stop the bleeding. The doctors said that I should be ok now and that the worst is over...But I have been feeling anxious at the thought that I'm going to have another major bleeding episode. It's been 9 days since the surgery but I still can't shake off the anxiety or fear I keep feeling. I try not to think about it for too long but it gets extremely heightened when I'm by myself at home. I get worried about everything I do, thinking that any action would trigger a nosebleed. Even though the doctors say they think the bleed wasn't triggered by anything I did, I still can't bring myself to believe them. Can someone please tell me what I can do to cope with these feelings.

Midnight01 How to move forward
  • replies: 3

It has been 6 weeks since my baby passed, I been having a hard time trying to be proactive again. I still haven’t called a funeral home to discuss my daughter’s cremation because I’m still finding it hard to come to terms with the reality that she’s ... View more

It has been 6 weeks since my baby passed, I been having a hard time trying to be proactive again. I still haven’t called a funeral home to discuss my daughter’s cremation because I’m still finding it hard to come to terms with the reality that she’s gone. What can I do to help myself with this grieving process and to bounce back to myself again?

thorneinmyside Trauma and alcoholic impulses triggered by friend
  • replies: 3

Hello. I am a 25 year-old man who very recently stopped drinking alcohol. I was using it as a consequence of being raised by an alcoholic mother, and since confronting that trauma, I've realised that I need to quit. I've gone cold turkey after years ... View more

Hello. I am a 25 year-old man who very recently stopped drinking alcohol. I was using it as a consequence of being raised by an alcoholic mother, and since confronting that trauma, I've realised that I need to quit. I've gone cold turkey after years of depending on alcohol, every single day. I've got an upcoming appointment with my GP, but due to COVID, seeing her is tricky. I can't move the appointment any earlier. I feel very isolated, and the support service I've been referred onto hasn't called me back. I've called a few times to try and talk to someone, but they're always busy. I'm trying really hard not to drink again. It's only been 5 days, but every passing hour feels like hell. I want a drink so badly. One of my friends contacted me, asking if I knew someone who could supply him with drugs. He sent me an emotional message saying he "needed" a substance to get through his own mental health issues, and this made me very angry. He knows I'm newly sober, yet he's triggering me by talking about his own substance use. I told him that I can't help him right now, and don't want to hear about substance use to handle mental health problems, but I'm still angry. I feel like nobody's taking my struggle seriously. I'm feel that I'm all on my own. Now that I'm not drinking, my emotions are heightened, and I'm experiencing everything so intensely. I'm having dreams about my mother's alcohol use. I thought I was over my PTSD, but I'm obviously not. I'd just like to know I'm not alone, and whether you have any advice for a newly-sober man. I'd appreciate support.