Hi everyone,
About halfway through last year I started seeing a new psychologist (my 3rd in 3 years). Pretty soon after she diagnosed me with PTSD and I was kind of shocked but also not surprised. I remember telling my parents and laughing at myself because it just seemed so strange to me to have PTSD because I never experienced abuse or neglect or anything like that. What I did experience was a very tumultuous childhood and I guess, seeing as the messiness started so early in my life, I grew accustomed to it, so for me its normal. I suppose that lead me to belittle the impact of my experiences, so I've kind of gaslit myself into believing that I'm ok when I'm really not. Like I will be having flashbacks everyday or so (to different extents), but still forcing myself to function until I completely crumble and wonder what happened.
Its not until after I was given the PTSD diagnosis that I kind of allowed myself to be a little more broken if that makes sense. I was a little more vulnerable seeing as I was doing trauma work and recounting painful memories. I guess I was wondering what other people have done/changed after getting their diagnosis? Has the diagnosis changed anyones lives in a fundamental way or made you rethink how you see yourself and your behaviours? I don't know anyone that has PTSD (apart from my Grandpa who was in WW2), so as much as I talk to other people about how I am coping, they don't quite get it, especially since I appear as though I'm ok most of the time.
G.Nova
