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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Jane363 4 years of PTSD, Depression and Chronic Pain after being attacked at work
  • replies: 9

So this stage of my life is a new experience for me. Used to take care of others, never asked for help for myself. Find this difficult to be open & vulnerable. Everybody's rock. Single mum 3 kids & extras. Primary carer both parents. Disability worke... View more

So this stage of my life is a new experience for me. Used to take care of others, never asked for help for myself. Find this difficult to be open & vulnerable. Everybody's rock. Single mum 3 kids & extras. Primary carer both parents. Disability worker. Attacked at work by client (after going to help coworker); caused soft tissue injuries, broken bones, detached retina, spinal nerve damage, massive weight gain... Literally had to learn to walk again. Now suffer chronic pain, nerve pain, falls due to balance issues, muscle spasms & tremors, cervicogenic headaches (migraine on steroids - stimulation eg light, noise, clothes... all painful), ocular migraines (temp loss of vision), nightmares, depression, grief & ptsd. ANGRY. There's more but thats enough negative. I lived to dance, paint, garden, read and cook. I loved & lived life to the fullest, always busy. Now I can barely walk. Chances of making it back to the dance floor - not. I chair dance on my rare good days. Although I can't stand the noise from the music. I'll never cook again. - blending flavours, creating visual appeal and taste; totally lost knife skills; painting fairyland or dolphin/undersea murals was my release from life's stress. gardening is another lost skill - can't do bonsai safely anymore, nor can I cope with the demands of maintaining a decent garden. Reading is slowly coming back - I can read short stories again sometimes. I keep notes of characters & plot line, so I don't I forget and lose understanding. There is so much of my life I have lost. Pet peeve - general public's belief that they have the "right" to know my life story. I'm not some freaking reality TV show for their entertainment. Yes there is a horrifying story about intrusion beyond social acceptability behind this issue. I was actually chased into the toilets by someone who felt that it was their right to know my story. I have changed from a very social person to complete self-isolation. I talk to my medical team & 1 friend who wouldn't let me cut them out of my life, no matter how hard I tried. So do I have a life? NO! I exist. But I am slowly (4 years now) coming to terms with this new "life". Have I considered ending it all? Several times, but couldn't do that to my kids - the life-sentence of grief and guilt they would feel stops me every time. So now its time to learn how to start living again - maybe not how I had planned, but that's life. This was my next step on that pathway.

Icantthinkofaname Too repressed to ever have a relationship? (TW)
  • replies: 2

Over the course of my life, either as a result of what I was exposed to, or what I exposed my self to in coping with it, I've locked away all notion of sex/sexuality in a box labeled "do not touch." It kept me safe when my only sexual/romantic relati... View more

Over the course of my life, either as a result of what I was exposed to, or what I exposed my self to in coping with it, I've locked away all notion of sex/sexuality in a box labeled "do not touch." It kept me safe when my only sexual/romantic relationships were detrimental. But now I'm 18. I'm an adult that hasn't kissed since 13 - if we're even counting that. I heard a peer talk about crushes and dating, and it reminded me that other people still feel that. A special type of joy, nervous butterflies, holding someone's hand. THings that feel childish and unsafe simultaneously. Things that feel like they will never be mine again. I'm at a place that is still too afraid to even conceptualise myself being viewed in a sexual/romantic way, but this small voice, the young romantic I once was, yearns for it. And it sucks because I should have spent my teen years experimenting with "love" and crushes and sexuality. But instead they were spent fortifying a brick wall, locking me inside, and everyone else out. I don't know what to do with it now.

Love2020 Living with abusive alcoholic father
  • replies: 8

Hi all, I have a previous thread I wrote a thread in relation to my deep hatred for my father. I am here again in the midst of lockdowns, I am not coping with living with my father who is abusive and alcoholic. Throughout my entire life he has led an... View more

Hi all, I have a previous thread I wrote a thread in relation to my deep hatred for my father. I am here again in the midst of lockdowns, I am not coping with living with my father who is abusive and alcoholic. Throughout my entire life he has led an extremely toxic lifestyle. One of alcoholism, gambling addiction, smoking, physically abusive towards his children, emotional affairs on my mother. I have been a victim of violent and physical abuse which ended when I was an early adult. Nonetheless, to this day he posses all other toxic traits I listed above. I believe his excessive drinking is causing increasing damage to his brain. He is distant, does not care to engage in conversation with myself or my mother, sleeps throughout the day and only wakes up to eat or sit around with his lone company. He is not interested in anything else. I cannot tolerate living with this man who has abused me my entire life and now during lockdown, I face him every day. He is like living with a filthy animal. He drinks so much that it causes him to make these burp/groans all throughout the day. It sounds like a yell, it is so loud that neighbours can hear and it is clockwork. I know it sounds ridiculous but I am so ashamed. He literally spits his spit around the garden and leaves his pile of dirty dishes in the sink. He is a filthy person. The house is old and run down and he won't fix anything as he is lazy and spends his money on abusive substances. I have started to notice signs of PTSD. I startled when I see him unexpectedly around the house and I anticipate his verbal abuse or his burps/groans and spits at any given time. He is such a physical stressor for me and my body responds with heighten blood pressure, anxiety, increased heart rate and implosion of anger. In the most extreme response, I begin thinking about how I wished he was dead. I know that's extreme but that's level of hatred I have. He cannot be spoken to or he will respond with verbal abuse. I have a plan to move out eventually, but during lockdowns I cannot cope. I already lock myself in my room all day and its not enough to tame mental health. Please share if you can relate.

Leisa68 hitting the bottom again
  • replies: 6

Hi all, It has been a while since I have posted, I was well for most of the year (surprisingly), but have hit rock bottom since March this year. I know I am not alone, but it frightens me how quickly I was cowering in a corner, (with no-one understan... View more

Hi all, It has been a while since I have posted, I was well for most of the year (surprisingly), but have hit rock bottom since March this year. I know I am not alone, but it frightens me how quickly I was cowering in a corner, (with no-one understanding and why would they?) frightened I was not going to make it through the day. I get so confused. I am good tonight, being able to turn my mind off for a while. I was wanting to ask about EDMR, has anyone tried that intervention, and has it worked? Or does it make you worse? I would be so grateful for any answer. The pain of cowering in a corner is excruciating. Is there anything that any person does to help them with this terrible condition? I also wanted to express my support for people in Vic and NSW. You must be finding it very hard and I wish you well. Leisa

Federer Gaslighting at work
  • replies: 5

I have been a victim of gaslighting and severe psychological trauma to the point where nothing feels like it used to in the past. Like things music and gym and even a laugh hurts. The workplace environment has done this to me where I was psychologica... View more

I have been a victim of gaslighting and severe psychological trauma to the point where nothing feels like it used to in the past. Like things music and gym and even a laugh hurts. The workplace environment has done this to me where I was psychologically traumatised from left, right and centre and even behind me as well. I had the word Penis sign put back of my hoodie. I have been subjected severe gaslighting where I was treated like a puppet by everyone and questioned my sanity and I couldn't ask for help or assistance in a Corporate environment. Sadly, I brought home that toxicity and it has destroyed my relationship with my family. I saw all of the EAPs and Psychologist but nothing was done and I tried to compromise with them through mediation as in my employer but they would not agree to it as I was trying to put in a complaint against the sex discrimination act but nothing was done and a settlement was not reached. THe corporate environment was pure evil and very cuthroat with a lot of subtle bullying and emotional ambient abuse that the staff could get away with it where it would question your self worth. You know how some people have work with children I can see why, it was like a horror film right in front of my eyes. I am at a loss and comcare rejected my claim despite showing some evidence and most of the evidence is with the Department sadly, they got away with it and HR and HSRs and Harassment Contact officers were all useless nothing more tittles. HR found no evidence but most of it was buried and destroyed by them just to cover it up. What should I do? They got away with it and it has destroyed my mental health.

The_Bro DO WE CARE ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO CARE FOR US?
  • replies: 7

Hi everyone The most recent time I was in a situation requiring medical care, I thought a lot about the excellent people looking after me. The along comes Covid, which appears to have established a whole new set of pressures on many care professional... View more

Hi everyone The most recent time I was in a situation requiring medical care, I thought a lot about the excellent people looking after me. The along comes Covid, which appears to have established a whole new set of pressures on many care professionals - from health workers, police, teachers and so on. We hear daily about the pressures they face. These care groups now often have to demonstrate flexibility and resilience far beyond what they ever thought would be required of them when they choose their profession. Like Police manning Covid traffic check points, breaking up banned Covid parties, hospital staff doing double shifts and dealing with relatives who cannot talk with infected family, and now teachers who have to deal with parents and students about Covid prevention measures. Its a real handful and difficult to solve, when you stop and think about it. Some of us have already required long term care or one type or another, we love our carers and highly value what they do for us. I'm not sure if I am allowed to say this on our forum, but some carers are facing new pressures that are almost 'bullying' from patients. Wouldn't a 'Care for the carers' campaign be a great idea! They are absolutely amazing people and have our interests front and centre! What do you think forum community - do you think carers get the love and respect they deserve? Do you have examples of amazing carers going the extra mile for you? Thanks so much for reading - I look forward to your views. The Bro

idontread I was assaulted by my best friend/housemate
  • replies: 6

Hi I'm new but I don't really know what to do about any of this or what I'm allowed to feel? My best friend/housemate has been going through a lot of shit recently (ex he's still in love with dating his best friend) so I've been his main support pers... View more

Hi I'm new but I don't really know what to do about any of this or what I'm allowed to feel? My best friend/housemate has been going through a lot of shit recently (ex he's still in love with dating his best friend) so I've been his main support person - it's just us in the apartment - and he was going through a particularly rough spot after coming home from a night out so he asked to stay in my room. I said ok (I have a double bed there's plenty of room) but after a bit he started touching me so I moved his hand away a number of times and then he just kept going. I kept moving his hands and shifting away - I even got up to check my phone and came back to sleep well away from him (I almost fell off the side) but eventually I had to get up and leave. He eventually got up and went to his own room after he noticed I was on the couch. In the morning he said he didn't remember anything and thanked me for being there for him. I still haven't told him what he did and it's been like 6 months. We still live together and he's still going through a rough time so I'm having to support him all the time but I hate when he's touching me and I find myself getting angrier with him quickly and resenting him a bit. Idk what to do, bc it took me ages to find a place and environment as nice as this one and I don't want to move or things to change, but it's eating at me. Any advice would be amazing aha

Echtis I don't understand my trauma.
  • replies: 5

Hello, I was diagnosed with PTSD a little over a year ago with comorbid MDD. One of the ways I deal with my trauma is through writing. I try writing down what I think happened. Despite being a "victim of CSA" I don't think my trauma was around that b... View more

Hello, I was diagnosed with PTSD a little over a year ago with comorbid MDD. One of the ways I deal with my trauma is through writing. I try writing down what I think happened. Despite being a "victim of CSA" I don't think my trauma was around that but because of an extremely neglectful and abusive home life. When I try to process what happened over years, and compare it to present reality, none of it seems real, as though it is just a story full of plot holes. Things that I think made sense don't, events don't line up. I remember it all like it was yesterday, but it feels like a movie. Obviously reality is not a movie, which calls into question the legitimacy of my trauma. Did things happen as I think they did? Is it just a series of events that I exaggerated in my head? Was any of it real? If it wasn't real, why do I feel this way? How can I determine what did happen, if what I think happened doesn't make sense? When two conflicting, contradicting memories exist, which one is real? If my existence is defined by this trauma, and the trauma isn't real, then what does that mean for me? How have others verified their abuse when no one else saw it?

_Nini_ Previous Job is maybe giving me PTSD
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone, hope you are all doing well. Last year back in July, I quit my casual job because I was going through the HSC and had family commitments. Ever since the day I quit, I get these feelings of fear that my old boss was going to call me back ... View more

Hi everyone, hope you are all doing well. Last year back in July, I quit my casual job because I was going through the HSC and had family commitments. Ever since the day I quit, I get these feelings of fear that my old boss was going to call me back into work. Ive had a few nightmares since i quit and I don't know how to deal with this. It has been over a year now but I still get scared when hearing about the company name or when Im physically near that workplace (it was in a shopping centre), I have now avoided that area. I am apparently still under the payroll system of the company but I texted the Taxation office and they said it was fine and I didn't need to do anything since I already quit and wasn't earning any income from them but I'm still so scared that I am on their system. I don't know why but now I keep checking my emails constantly fearing that they would email me because they still have my email address. Ive been having panic attacks recently because my previous job just cant exit my mind, just seeing someone totally random that has the same name as my manager scares me so much. It is becoming worse now as it is affecting me mentally and my friends don't understand because they've never experienced this before. Hopefully someone in this community can somewhat relate to me and guide me through. Thank you all for reading it this far.

Llama_Calma Supporting a PTSD sufferer and partner who is violent
  • replies: 5

I will try keep this short. My long term boyfriend is a good person, with good values but is frequently violent. I know he has been diagnosed with PTSD (and possible borderline personality disorder). He has severe anxiety at times, as well as a range... View more

I will try keep this short. My long term boyfriend is a good person, with good values but is frequently violent. I know he has been diagnosed with PTSD (and possible borderline personality disorder). He has severe anxiety at times, as well as a range of other physical health conditions (cardiac, diabetes). He does NOT drink or take (illegal) drugs. The violence could be worse, but it is very frequent. Usually punching me hard in the arms or shoulders (not face or torso) or some times in the back of the head (but not with the same full swing force he would use on my arms). Sometimes there is other stuff, such as kicking my legs or pulling my hair. It usually comes in short bursts but daily. He is rarely remorseful because he believes he is retaliating for my disrespectful behaviour. However he is very sensitive to rejection, and so if he is not feeling well sometimes "disrespectful behaviour" is not immediately stopping whatever I am doing when he speaks. He has seen psychologists from time to time, but certainly does not ever allude to having "anger issues". He is absolutely opposed to us seeking help together, and sees any suggestion of us (or me) seeing a psychologist as a threat. When things get really bad, I have threatened to leave, which just increases his anxiety and makes things worse. I have never told a single person in my real life about any of this. A stranger once made a report to Police (via number plate) after he lost his cool whilst in the car (traffic jams also trigger his anxiety) but he just denied anything had happened and that was the end of the matter. He is not working and is not in a strong financial position, and this adds to his stress. He is trying to pursue some artistic endeavours and feels I do not spend enough time helping him with his work. The other night, he punched me in the shoulder/back from behind, but I was facing a cupboard door, so now have bruising around my eye and eyebrow and pain as my face hit the door. This was not because he hit me any harder than usual (so was an accident in some respects) but I have been having nightmares about other "accidents" happening. I want to try and get him help so we can have a healthier relationship. I expect some people will say "leave", but hoping someone who has come out the other side of something like this could assist. BTW, there are no kids in the equation.