I'm Not OK; are you?

[Scapegoated]

I think I am sane and I feel like a lot of people do NOT know what is going on in the world. I live with a narcissist for a mother so I know how she has no concern for my welfare-she almost killed me when I was a child on more than one ocassion. So I understand that the people with power in this world are just like her and this is terrifying me. I am not able to quell my anxiety anymore. I LIVE with one of these people. My mother is extremely manipulative and has a postion of power where she works she has fired so many people and does not care about there well being. Now with what is going on in Sydney I really feel absolutely panicked because most people do NOT know what it is to live with a person without conscience. I cannot take this anymore. I thought that the good people like myself with consciences could win out over people like my mother. I am terrified and my mental health is at risk becaue i live with a narcissist./ I believed my situation was relatively rare in th escheme of things. I don't know how i am going to manage my emotions anymore. But i promised a doctor I would not take pills and I won't becasue he saved my life and I don't want to die I just don;t want to live in a world controlled by people like my mother. I always knew it was but they never became invasive until now. I think it is great that the people who are clueless had nice childhoods and kind parents with values but you need to grow up,facereality

[demonblaster]

Hi Scapegoated and readers ☺

I feel very sorry for people living a life and on top from day dot with narcissism.

I commend you that you promised you won't take pills and want to live. Imo that shows tremendous strength of character which means how I see it you're winning in this situation because from what I've heard about narcissism there's a great deal of mind control involved and berating for them to be on top.

If you feel up to and of course there's no obligation to talk more on how you've been treated I'm and I'm sure many will be listening. You poor person. That's not the life anyone wants and certainly doesn't need. The more said opens possibilities for suggestions and help also for more understanding. It also would I imagine be hard but hopefully give you a sense of release talking about it.

I was wondering is it an option for you to not live with her?

Another thought that potentially could be of great release and help with coping strategies if you don't already is to have some time speaking with a psychologist.

Sadly Scapegoated there's many people going through what you are which is so wrong.

May I ask how you feel about yourself as in self esteem and do you like yourself? I ask this because I've learnt a lot about becoming a more whole person over the yrs esp being here so maybe can help a bit in that area.

Thanks for posting Scapegoated. I hope we see you again and that you find some reprieve with support here. Feel free to talk as much or little as you like.

People care here and understand pain. It's a great community ☺

[Positive_vibes89]

Dear Scapegoated,

It takes so much courage to share past traumatic experiences, so thank you for sharing. That is so terrible that you experienced that as a child. It seems that it is still effecting you. Are you seeing a psychologist to help you cope with your past trauma? If you are not coping, it might be a good idea to consider medication intervention with therapy to help.

If your living situation is really causing a decline in your mental health, do you have another family member that you can stay with? Or a friend?

There are community support networks that can offer some temporary housing or accommodation for those who are in crisis. I firstly suggest ringing up beyond blue and having a talk to one of their councillors who can guide you to the right direction for help. If you are having suicidal thoughts or are considering self harm, please call 000.

There are people who do care for your health and well-being. It sounds like you have a very close relationship with your doctor. Go see your doctor as soon as possible and ask for help. They will know what to do.

[Pumpkinella]

I agree with demon blaster. Many people under control don’t even realise that another person is controlling them. It’s a very important realisation you have had that I believe can lead to more freedom for yourself.

I imagine that especially with the lockdowns living with a controlling narcissist would be very hard. I’m not sure if my father was a narcissist or had Borderline Personality Disorder (or both). I only had to visit him (my parents were divorced) and those visits were very hard. He did use a lot of emotional blackmail so when I wasn’t with him, I always felt very guilty.

I have the same feelings about the world and it can frighten me. Those ultimately in charge are interested in self-preservation, power and own most of the world’s wealth while disempowering the people. It is a grim reality that is difficult, and frightening, to accept.

Regardless of political or economic views I think under the current climate, there are many people that feel like we live under a broken system. However, when you consider the expanse of human history - I feel more and more of us are waking up, becoming more ethical, considered, less able to accept violence and corruption as a day-to-day reality and basically just sick of it. Many of us don’t know what to do about the problems facing the world, but sometimes it just takes one event to spark a change. Who knows?

However, for now what helps me is to practice acceptance. When thoughts about the world arise, I say to myself “I send out positivity to the world and I let go”. It sounds a bit lame but it’s a way of relieving the mind and allowing yourself to let it go for the moment and concentrate on what is in your immediate control, on getting yourself well.

I am now estranged from my father. This was a very difficult decision and it took a while to do it. I don’t think I would have without the guidance of my psychologist who helped me see that I had a right not to see someone that was hurting me. I am not sure about your situation, but there may be a number of services including a psychologist that could help you economically and emotionally in moving out - if that is what you want to do. Even if it feels like you can’t face that, or it is not feasible right now, starting the conversation means when the time is right you will have the supports in place. It can also provide you with some strategies to handle it in the meantime, which might in turn help with the feelings you experience about the world.

Love

Pumps

[Scapegoated]

Pumps you are awesome. I agree that those in control are psychopaths just like my mother playing with us seeing how far they can push us . I find that only being in Nature soothes me. Or with dogs. If i hug one particular tree my anxiety can go from 10 to zero. So I hug that tree every day. As long as I can go in the backyard and be with trees I am okay. Otherwise i would not be. My spirituality is Nature. The Divine is in Nature I feel loved there. I feel calm. I have decided not to think about the idiots who run this world and to focus on Nature which is infinitely more powerful than the little creeps. My mother never goes outside. Being a narcissist she is biophobic so I have the entire land to myself. I am leaving my mother and adult sibling abuser after I finish my last year of high school. I am going no contact and right now i employ the grey rock method and my father installed a lock on my bedroom door as I requested since my mother does not knock.

[Pumpkinella]

I'm so sorry Scapegoated I didn't see your message!

I love what you said about nature - I feel exactly the same way about nature AND dogs! In a world where we are disconnected from what makes us fundamentally human living in nature and the presence of what is the most unconditionally loving being on the planet (dogs) is exactly what we need. Connects us back to who we are. You are so right nature is infinitely more powerful than any of this absolute BS.

My father also never left the house and my older brother was also violent. I wish I had of left home earlier than what I did. I hope you have support for when you leave home, when is your last year of high school?

I'm glad you have a lock on your bedroom, that sounds necessary!

Hope you are okay and here to chat.

Pumps