Problems years later

[Jadebeth]

Hi ummm not where to start and not sure what I'm doing here exactly.

I don't know whether to start with a back story or if I'm even ready to do that.. maybe that answers my question since I've never really addresed the problem.

Here goes, 10 years ago I was raped, at the time I thought I was going to die they let me go I survived and I carried on with my life. I did alot of reckless shit in the aftermath of this destroyed my schooling fell out with my siblings and parents even friends. I never acknowledged what happened to anyone until a few years ago when I told my long term partner what happened. Anyway it has been just over ten years and I have buried this deep within me for so long and carried on with my life, I now have 5 children and am happily married however recently I have been unable to sleep because of vivid flashbacks and memories that j have never had before I am finding myself consumed now during the day with flashbacks of what happened that I can't think or concentrate and my moods are awful. I don't know what to do or how to deal with this because I can't explain it and I feel like I'm going crazy. I'm hearing th kings seeing things and even the smells are so vivid. I don't want to talk about it to anyone still I just need help it's ruining my life all over again.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Jadebeth,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums and thank you so much for having the strength to reach out tonight.

We can hear that what you're sharing with us has had a major impact on your life and that it's not something you feel you've fully processed or addressed. Please know we are here to listen and work through some of the thoughts and feelings you've been carrying.

We would strongly urge that you contact 1800RESPECT. They offer confidential information, counselling and support 24/7 for people impacted by sexual assault, domestic or family violence and abuse. The lovely supportive counsellors have a lot of experience offering advice to people in your situation. You can contact them on 1800 737 732 or https://www.1800respect.org.au/

You can also call Sexual Assault Counselling Australia on 1800 211 028 to speak with a trauma specialist, 24 hours a day.

We know it has taken courage for you to share your story today, so thank you. We hope that you can find some comfort in the forums and please feel free to keep us updated here on your thread throughout your journey. 

[Pumpkinella]

Hi Jadebeth,

I'm really sorry to hear that and for your experiences now. It does sound like the years of repression is now starting to surface. This is okay, you coped with it the way you needed to, it's just now there is a new challenge to address. Thanks for sharing your experiences on the forums, we are all here for you.

Have you thought about talking to a psychologist about your experiences now? There are many that specialise in abuse and post traumatic stress - and some great search engines to help you find the right one. That could be a great first step..

Here to talk

Warmly

Natalie

[mmMekitty]

Hi Jadebeth,

My heart goes out to you. I want to say how sorry I am to hear this crime was committed against you. I understand how difficult, damn near impossible, it feels to have such vivid memories arise and overwhelm.

I have been through not quite similar. but not so different either. It was twenty odd years before my history came rushing in. I wished I could have shoved everything away, or back so far into my head I would not know of the existence of the memories.

Failing that, I had to find help. Without that... well, I don't know. I just don't know.

I am so very glad you have taken the step forward - coming here and talking. I am proud of you for that.

From your words, I note how young you must have been. I was young too. I thought all I can do is never let anyone know. But there are people out here who are willing to listen and talk with you about anything you need. I mean, anything.

you are strong - you are a survivor.

mmMekitty