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Sophie_M If you need to talk about Bondi Beach - Our community is here
  • replies: 8

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Aus... View more

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Australia and we extend our heartfelt condolences to the individuals and families affected by this tragedy. We wanted to create a space where you can share whatever you’re feeling - whether that’s fear, shock, grief, or anything else that has come up for you. If you need support from others in the community, please feel welcome to post here. Violence and acts of terror can bring feelings of shock, grief, profound sadness, anger and fear. It’s normal to experience these emotions while trying to make sense of distressing events. It may take time for these feelings to ease, but it’s never too early to seek support if you are feeling distressed. Beyond Blue is here for you anytime, by phone on 1300 224 636 or via webchat: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor You can also support those around you by being available to them and listening. Thank you for being such an important part of this community, and for the kindness, honesty, and wisdom you continue to share with each other. We remind the community that Beyond Blue is here for all people in Australia, no matter what you believe, how you live or who you worship. Kind regards Sophie M

A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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DisplayName5742 Impossible to Forgive?
  • replies: 11

Hello fellow members, Writing here today as I feel I'm unable to forgive what's been done to me in the past. This may get rambly, I apologize in advance. Firstly, a little background. While growing up I was abused by both of my parents, mainly throug... View more

Hello fellow members, Writing here today as I feel I'm unable to forgive what's been done to me in the past. This may get rambly, I apologize in advance. Firstly, a little background. While growing up I was abused by both of my parents, mainly through verbal abuse and emotional manipulation. My siblings also began to exhibit the same behaviour, I was heading the same way, until I realised it wasn't normal. I'm sure I still exhibit some poor behaviours. About seven years ago I cut all contact with them. I now have no contact with any biological family members. My family on one parents side were cut out of my life when I was a child. The other side of the family was cut out of my life as a teen, after two deaths in that side of the family. While it shocks some people when I tell them about it, I feel having no contact with my family is best for my mental health. As a side note, I don't feel trying to contact extended family is a good idea, as any correspondence will get back to my parents. After my parents separated, they went back to their siblings and parents, bridging that gap that was put in place. At that point I was already starting to cut out my parents, leading me to ignore their attempts to connect me with extended family. After everything that's happened to me, I don't feel like I can forgive my immediate family for their actions. I can still clearly remember some of the things that were said to me, and how they treated me. For example, I was left alone in the house all day on my sixth birthday. I don't have any memories earlier than that point, which scares me. At around eight, I was told that I was viewed as the family slave. My mother even said "why else do you think we had you?" when I got upset about it. After that I was outright treated as the family slave, with my siblings hurling expletive's at me if I didn't do the dishes when they wanted me to. There's a lot of other things that happened that I won't cover here, as it'll take me over the character limit for starters. Additionally, I wanted to provide some background to help give anyone reading this a better idea of my situation. I would feel more inclined to forgive them if they proved they'd changed, which hasn't happened. People are frequently told to forgive others, but in this case I don't think I can do it. Am I trying to force this too early, or are there just some things can't can't be forgiven? Thank you to anyone who read through this post. Regards, DisplayName5742

Abbat In laws issues
  • replies: 2

Have had 14 yrs problems with my in laws. Notably mil and fil. I have no parents as mine died a long time ago when I was younger. I am essentially alone. Having met husband and dated for a while, he moved into my flat and we lived there for a while. ... View more

Have had 14 yrs problems with my in laws. Notably mil and fil. I have no parents as mine died a long time ago when I was younger. I am essentially alone. Having met husband and dated for a while, he moved into my flat and we lived there for a while. I sold my flat and we headed to his home town. There I bought a house which I put into both our names. Fast forward four years. I was drug raped. No one believed me. Especially mil. Mil informed me that I must go back to where I came from and husband will be "fine in the house without you" (That I paid for). I go back to my home town. Husband follows me. We sell house. We rent. Eventually husband finds problems with his jobs. A regular occurrence and a lot of job hopping he does. We decide to move to a coastal town. We rent. Mil and fil decide to visit for Christmas. All our belongings were in storage. Visit was ok. Husband and I paid for everything. Then husband's job going badly so we have to move again. This time we stay in the place for a few years. Mil and fil visit again for Christmas. Mil rings Prior to visit. She asks if I have all my belongings with me. They stay with us in our home. Husband goes back to work after Christmas. All ok until then. They got me on my own, fil said "where are your valuables!" Very aggressively. I said I had given them to my cousin for safekeeping. A lie. I had hidden them away. They stayed for 5 weeks. During which time they made many trips with laden bags to the local op shop that I volunteered in. I was so busy cleaning and cooking for them that I had to cancel my volunteer Work whilst they were there. i did not realise that it was strange that they were donating things to the op shop when they were guests in our home. What could they be taking there? Before they left they shouted at me and told me I was useless as I did not have a job, they said their other Dil was so much better than me and had a career, they tried to Bait me but I did not react. My husband sat through their entire rant without standing up for me. After they left I discovered my family heirlooms were gone including my mother's jewelry, rosary, christening dress, her needlework, my stamp albums, ornaments and my great grandmother's collection of silk and lace. Mil rang and told me I must go to the op shop. I could not understand why. I found remnants at op shop, realised that is where they had donated my belongings, but could not trace them. I am v upset, personal family heirlooms. I can't accuse them.

Scapegoated I am a model and because of mean things my mother said to me I worry constantly about my appearance
  • replies: 3

I think I have body dysmorphia because I spend a lot of time thinking abolut the appearance of my nose. Even though I have modeled for years I still think it is not right and my mother and older sister were jealous of me when I was little and said th... View more

I think I have body dysmorphia because I spend a lot of time thinking abolut the appearance of my nose. Even though I have modeled for years I still think it is not right and my mother and older sister were jealous of me when I was little and said things about my appearance because my adult sibling came to the agency (modelling) and they did not accept her. Ever since then she has criticized everything about me and i was just wondering if anyone else here has experienced constant criticism and emotional abuse. I feel it is like stalking-watchung until I make a mistake then piouncing on me. It is really hard because i still have 2 years of school to finish before I can be rid of these abusers. I love my father but he was not strong enough to get away form my mother's constant abuse. She emotionally abuses him too. She manipulates him into thinking he could not do anything without her but his success is based solely on his intelligence. He doesn;t see that but I do. There are things i don;t see like how everyone says I am pretty I am thinking about the mean things my mother and sister said. I think it is a defence mechanism so that I don;t get conceited but trust me i am far from that. I have obsessive thoughts about my appearance because of how they hurt me.

FireAndIce84 PTSD caused by Narcissistic Abuse
  • replies: 6

Hi, I am a survivor of Narcissistic Abuse in my family of origin. I have both narcissistic parents, and their golden child daughter. I am the family scapegoat and since I left home and maintain minimal contact with my narcissistic family, I believe m... View more

Hi, I am a survivor of Narcissistic Abuse in my family of origin. I have both narcissistic parents, and their golden child daughter. I am the family scapegoat and since I left home and maintain minimal contact with my narcissistic family, I believe my intellectually disabled brother might now be the scapegoat, especially by my mother, which is why I think he ends up getting violent whenever she is close by. From 2009-2010, my sister made my family's (husband, myself and 2 sons) life hell. My NM fully supported her and I was subject to a smear campaign, along with my brother-in-law whom we eventually lost to suicide a few years ago. Since moving back home from NZ, I have not kept in contact with my parents' other daughter and have maintained minimal contact with my NM. I don't call them. They call me and I answer if I feel like it. For some reason, I was under the impression that my dad was an enabler, but after the events of yesterday and paying closer attention to events as I have had to do for my trauma work with my psychologist, I'm beginning to wonder if he was a Narc after all. I would like to share a couple of messages and hope that I could get some insight. Me: Hi Dadsy! It was good to hear your voice and to know that you had to take a break. You are working far too hard as always! Anyway, I have been doing a bit of end of life planning and I had a question to ask you. I hope that you don't think that I'm being rude or nosy. I was just wondering if there was something in your documentation for protecting (brother) and I from (NM) and (Emotional Vampire Sibling)? Background - I have spelled out the abuse to my dad in heartwrenching detail some years back and it was totally dismissed and I was told to reconcile with the sibling. Dad's Reply - Dear (name). I am sad that you feel the need for protection from your mum who has given birth to u and raised u up. She is not a demon to devour you. Neither your blood sister. The reason I need to work at 72 is because the 2 able kids I have cannot take care of us in any way. Both of u shed your responsibility leaving [brother] with us at an old age. We have given you both the best compared to the rest in my family with no returns. If I don't work who is going to feed us? (crying emoji x 3]

pl515p1 Leaving place of Trauma, feeling guilt for doing so.
  • replies: 2

I am feeling so lost right now. It has been several months since my father passed away unexpectedly at home. I have continued to live here with great difficulty, unable to access room beyond the living room as the trauma, shock, and memory of finding... View more

I am feeling so lost right now. It has been several months since my father passed away unexpectedly at home. I have continued to live here with great difficulty, unable to access room beyond the living room as the trauma, shock, and memory of finding dad in his room is too much for me. I have been living in the front room only and at certain points even had to leave to use the bathroom of nearby restaurant as the bathroom is down the hall, past my parents room. All of this has taken a massive toll on me, and finally after so much bureaucracy and hassle, I now have the opportunity to move, yet rather than finally feeling free, or even relief, I find myself feeling empty and lost. Moving is difficult at the best of times, now everything I wanted has sent me into a panic of feeling regret, remorse and guilt, guilt that I am somehow abandoning dad, thinking that since he passed in his sleep, maybe his spirit is here, and if I leave, he will be alone. I don't know, my mind is thinking so much now, rewinding back to all of the love and joy here, then to the sorrow and loss I am in, I don't know why I am feeling like this, I do know that dad was planning to move soon, he had talked about it for the past few years, readying to retire then move. And I know from speaking to his friends, he would not want me to be this way, afraid of my own home, yet afraid to move. I know he wants me to live a happy life, and be who I was before, the son he was so proud of. I guess what I am asking is, has anyone else experienced guilt and fear when deciding to move from a home that holds so many memories? Right now I feel stuck, can't stay here, afraid to move, I thought after such a long issue to solve, this would have given me some relief, yet it has only seemed to spur more sorrow, and somehow make his loss feel more real. I wrote two thing tonight, one was a for and against for moving, staying here has 8 things I could note, moving holds 12 or more positive things, yet I am contemplating rejecting the offer, even though I know I may not get another chance. Why is this happening? I feel a sort of Stockholm Syndrome now in this place, have I been here too long and no way out?

Fiatlux C-PTSD and Battered Wife Syndrome ** Trigger warning - Domestic Violence **
  • replies: 12

Can we discuss this. I have Complex PTSD and it’s been suggested that I be tested for BWS. I am terrified at the thought of it. I have read about it in preparation for it. My abuser and I are separated and living apart so I don’t have to see him. The... View more

Can we discuss this. I have Complex PTSD and it’s been suggested that I be tested for BWS. I am terrified at the thought of it. I have read about it in preparation for it. My abuser and I are separated and living apart so I don’t have to see him. The last time that he attacked me, I fought back. He is twice my size so it had little effect. I felt the rage of 30+ years of abuse and I thought that at that moment, I could kill him. I defended myself for the very first time but since that day, I still have thoughts of killing him if he ever touched me again. I hate that he has pushed me to this.

Caracer My anger and living with ptsd
  • replies: 3

Well I was involved in a assault in the street in 2017 and since that day I can’t rest, relax, stop being hyper vigilant and this finished my marriage as the ex was abusive to me both verbally and mentally, I started drinking heavily as it took away ... View more

Well I was involved in a assault in the street in 2017 and since that day I can’t rest, relax, stop being hyper vigilant and this finished my marriage as the ex was abusive to me both verbally and mentally, I started drinking heavily as it took away the pain I suffer with everyday, after I had enough of the abuse I finished the marriage, I still had to talk to the ex as our daughter was young but the abuse from the ex didn’t stop until I stopped all communication with it, I then decided to get help with my drinking problem and that worked a little bit but I went back to my usual self drinking and not worrying about things, but then I meet a wonderful woman and we where going great and now I have pushed her away as I stopped talking and enjoying things and being angry or getting upset over little things and control things as I need to be in control of things, this is the result of my ex and I am seeking help with my ptsd but now I need help with ways to help me getting angry and not being in control, so I am open to suggestions

_blank *trigger warning* my experience w sexual assault
  • replies: 2

i went to a party w a couple mates and some guys we didn’t know turned up and basically one thing led to another and one of the guys i’d never met and a girl i’d met before ended up going into a bedroom. i hadn’t noticed seeing as i was somewhere els... View more

i went to a party w a couple mates and some guys we didn’t know turned up and basically one thing led to another and one of the guys i’d never met and a girl i’d met before ended up going into a bedroom. i hadn’t noticed seeing as i was somewhere else in the house. it wasn’t long before the girls friend started getting rlly stressed out and worried abt her friend who was very drunk in the room w a guy she’d never met. i can’t stop thinking abt what i could’ve done better. There’s not a day that passes without me thinking abt it which makes me very uncomfortable and upset, i just wish there was smthn i could’ve done and i wish i reacted better. this happened a while ago and i thought that it would only be up to a week of me replaying the situation in my head, but it’s been going on for months and i don’t know how to stop it. i’m not really sure what to do and i was hoping someone on this forum could help me find strategies to cope with this? if not that’s okay.

Rupes79 Struggling with therapy
  • replies: 15

Hi All, I started therapy a few months ago to work through a fairly traumatic life event. Leading up to the therapy I was functioning quite normally but I wasn’t happy. My psychologist diagnosed me with mild depression. About six weeks ago I started ... View more

Hi All, I started therapy a few months ago to work through a fairly traumatic life event. Leading up to the therapy I was functioning quite normally but I wasn’t happy. My psychologist diagnosed me with mild depression. About six weeks ago I started getting very anxious before each session. I would drink too much alcohol in the days leading up to therapy and it was occupying all my thoughts. I feel like my depression has increased and I’ve had to double the dose of my medication which has horrible side effects. I cancelled this weeks session because I was simply too worked up and distressed to go ahead with it. My psychologist wants me to continue as she thinks we are making progress but the more I think about it the more anxious and depressed I become. I’ve been thinking suicidal thoughts and I am not really sure of the difference between thinking and acting on suicide. I don’t want to talk to anyone I know about this for fear of alarming them but I am a little worried. Any advice would be appreciated. Cheers Adam

Rah33 Sleep avoidance and resentment for being awake
  • replies: 2

I have been trying to sleep more and avoid waking up. When I wake up I resent being awake. I resent having to deal with what I am going through. I had a terrible night trying to get to sleep my mind doesn’t stop thinking about being sexually assaulte... View more

I have been trying to sleep more and avoid waking up. When I wake up I resent being awake. I resent having to deal with what I am going through. I had a terrible night trying to get to sleep my mind doesn’t stop thinking about being sexually assaulted. It like I can’t control the thoughts and then I just start resenting my life. I have suicidal thoughts but don’t even want to die, I just want the thoughts and feelings to stop and I feel like I am trapped.