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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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MPower *Trigger warning - Domestic violence* Lost
  • replies: 2

I was married to my wife for 15 years. She has always been hot tempered, I accepted it. She always had a bad temper e.g. she would shout and scream at shop assistants, or her parents and occasionally this would be directed at me. I feel a coward for ... View more

I was married to my wife for 15 years. She has always been hot tempered, I accepted it. She always had a bad temper e.g. she would shout and scream at shop assistants, or her parents and occasionally this would be directed at me. I feel a coward for not standing up to her. About 2 years ago, we purchased a house and renovated it extensively - it went badly. Her aggression got progressively worse, calling me a variety of abusive names every day for small things going wrong. I was walking on egg shells and scared of her reactions, thinking I was the cause of all her pain. We eventually completed the renovation and moved in and the bad behavior continued. I meekly told her to stop and find each other again, but everything continued and got worse. The verbal abuse turned into physical at some points. I had very dark thoughts at the time, and contemplated ending it. I believe these feelings came from her upbringing where her dad gambled away all their money and created huge trauma. I talked to a female friend who helped me recognise this wasn't normal. I told the friend I would leave my wife, but my wife went through my phone and found out before I told her and attempted to commit suicide 2x. I was mentally broken, and my parents packed a bag for me and I left that evening, requesting peace. She called me over 1,000 times and texted double that in panic. Next day she came to work and assaulted a friend. I went to the police to try and get her help, but backed out. I had to move back into the house because of financial reasons. My anger grew towards her. She cried every night, blaming me wailing why did he cheat on me - I didn't. After at least 8 weeks of accusations, wailing, sleep deprivation (e.g. I'd move to a different rooms and she would barge in). I moved out of the house shortly after for my own safety and hers and tried to live by myself. I started dating as I saw no future with her. I dated others, but I miss my wife's company, but don't think its healthy. I submitted divorce papers. I feel guilty, ashamed things failed. I feel responsible for everything and I couldn't hold it together. I sleep 3-4 hours a night, self medicate with alcohol to sleep. I'm no longer interested in life. I dont kno what to do.

Anzee Leaving after domestic and family violence
  • replies: 18

Hi all, 3.5 weeks ago a domestic violence service convinced me to go into emergency accommodation for a couple of weeks to have a break from my abusive partner (also the father to our two daughters, 8 and 4) they said even if it’s just the wake up ca... View more

Hi all, 3.5 weeks ago a domestic violence service convinced me to go into emergency accommodation for a couple of weeks to have a break from my abusive partner (also the father to our two daughters, 8 and 4) they said even if it’s just the wake up call he needed to engage in the help and support he needed to start making some changes. He started talking to a psychologist via Telehealth, and told me he is just waiting for confirmation for him to start a men’s behaviour change program. I did a risk assessment and from that protective services got involved and put restrictions in place about only having supervised visits with us. They also told me if I didn’t take an IVO out against him they would because he was calling, texting and trying to visit me constantly and leaning on me for support and I was feeling so guilty and falling for the responsibility of his emotional needs because I’ve always carried that responsibility and it’s really hard to let that go. The IVO isn’t due to go to court until Friday so he is still contacting me a lot for support and I just feel to guilty and responsible to cut him off so I try to be brief and blunt but will usually give him an answer but he is really trying to get me back and I am struggling not to give in (obviously that is not possible until the protective services have taken away restrictions). How do you stop going back into that trap of the familiar cycle of abuse? It just feels so much easier than doing it in my own. My family have been quite unsupportive and have taken his side for a lot of it because I haven’t given them details and insight to the abuse we have suffered from him. I have told two of my sisters some details but they just think it’s fine and normal behaviour in a relationship. My mum was the first female for generations in her family to not be an extremely, life threatening physically violent relationship and has told us stories of rescuing family members from guns been held to them etc so I think to them unless it’s extreme physical violence it’s not family violence. I thought I could do it on my own without their support but I’m really struggling now and don’t think I can and when he sends me these messages begging for me back I just want to reassure him once restrictions are lifted I’ll take him back but I really want to show my daughters what’s right too but I really don’t know how long I can keep doing it alone. Any advice? Anyone in a similar position?

Jeremy_M anxiety about child’s Health after trauma
  • replies: 3

Hi guys, does anybody struggle with anxiety about their baby/toddler’s health? i seem to get myself into a mad fuss and spiral anytime he is surrounded by people or go to a Park etc, I think he’s going to pick up some sort of rare disease that takes ... View more

Hi guys, does anybody struggle with anxiety about their baby/toddler’s health? i seem to get myself into a mad fuss and spiral anytime he is surrounded by people or go to a Park etc, I think he’s going to pick up some sort of rare disease that takes his life and I will have to say goodbye to him while he looks at me this has happened ever since my partner had complications after birth and I was diagnosed with PTSD and anxiety initially it was anxiety about my partners health after she recovered and now it has morphed into a constant worry and fear about my sons health It gets so bad, I get so worked up that I can’t cope and I begin to freak out I struggle to enjoy my life with him during this time, considering he’s been the pinnacle of health ever since he was born Any one else have any advice?

Middle_aged_and_anxious Freaked out about anything that can cause me harm
  • replies: 3

Hi, I'm 41. I have PTSD from witnessing a suicide at work 18 months ago and generalised anxiety disorder, currently exacerbated by the PTSD. I am scared of anything and everything that cause myself or loved ones harm. EG my brothers puppy scratched m... View more

Hi, I'm 41. I have PTSD from witnessing a suicide at work 18 months ago and generalised anxiety disorder, currently exacerbated by the PTSD. I am scared of anything and everything that cause myself or loved ones harm. EG my brothers puppy scratched me on my lip, now I'm convinced I have tetanus, to the point my jaw is sore and I have headaches. If I smell something 'unusal'i believe there's a gas leak or carbon monoxide in my house/car. If I hit my head I worry I could have a brain injury and so on. This thinking and worrying also applys to my children, my dog and my partner. I am in therapy fortnightly, I have recently settled my workers compensation claim and will be referred to a new psychiatrist and hopefully start schema therapy. Im stuck, I am sick of feeling and worrying like this all the time, but feel if I dont, something bad will happen. I dont know what else to do or how I would like people to help me. So I guess ill take what comes. My background is working in a psychiatric ward at a local hospital, up until the suicide I witnessed. I have had anxiety and depressive symptoms since I was 15, probably much younger, but we will go with 15 for arguments sake. Not currently working have 2 children, 3 cats, a dog and a puppy I am looking after almost full time for a few weeks. anyway, that's me in a nutshell. cheers for taking the time Xx

Jen-Jo Manipulation
  • replies: 8

I am completely lost. It is dawning on me that my husband has used manipulation to control me. We have been married for 21 years and this started before we were married. Over time he has isolated me from family and friends so I no longer have any fri... View more

I am completely lost. It is dawning on me that my husband has used manipulation to control me. We have been married for 21 years and this started before we were married. Over time he has isolated me from family and friends so I no longer have any friends. We have two children 19 and16. My daughter 16 has had ongoing issues that have involved her having a ‘secret life’, lying very convincingly, making up stories, attention seeking and manipulating me and segregating me from my husband and son. She can be extremely vile towards me too. It has been a rollercoaster and she has also struggled with suicide tendencies, self harm anxiety low self esteem depression and an eating disorder. In my plight to get her help, I ‘offloaded’ to her psychologist and mentioned how I had noticed the manipulating, secret life and lying traits in my husband. It was like opening a can of worms that I have kept the lid firmly shut on for 21 years+ The more I spoke about it the more I realised that I have been controlled and manipulated big style! My husband lies to me and I have strong suspicions that he may be involved in porn and maybe gets his sexual pleasures from other sources too. I think he has coerced me into sexual activities that I have not wanted to do including naked photo shoots. If i try to say no he still continues so I just go along. He wears me down and makes me feel guilty if I dont. I think he has filled my head with lies and rubbish that have confused my perceptions. He has a temper and makes me and the kids feel scared. He tried to hit me a long time ago but didnt and he has rough handled my daughter to the extent i had to intervene. I am so confused and messed up. dont know whats real and what isnt in our relationship. I love him and have given myself completely to him but he has held back. My kids see the same behaviours I see. My daughter has no clue that she has the same traits and my husband seems to have no clue that he has them. I am lost, broken, gutted, betrayed but feel incredibly guilty and like I am betraying him by talking about this. He has no idea I have figured this out and I am too scared to broach any of it with him as he will get angry and tell me Im imagining it. I have no idea what to do next. I have no friends here but I have talked to my sister in the uk who is not surprised as they have seen his behaviour. My kids are now fully aware of the situation. I have no idea what to do next because I dont want to leave him either!

Chonchon PTSD , trauma need advice
  • replies: 3

Hi my name is chantelle - I’m 32 , I can’t can’t retain information , so I can have a conversation and listen and look like I’m present and listening and engaging in the conversation but my brains like elsewhere and not remembering any of it . I can’... View more

Hi my name is chantelle - I’m 32 , I can’t can’t retain information , so I can have a conversation and listen and look like I’m present and listening and engaging in the conversation but my brains like elsewhere and not remembering any of it . I can’t sit and listen to a audio book or read normal book as still can’t retain it , I can sit and watch a movie for few hours again afterwards forget a lot of it . Growing up for 20 years I had trauma from moving around a lot , to abuse , being put in foster care , my mum sent me to a special school for social skills which shouldn’t of gone to as everyone said there I was smart and popular , I also been told there was may some sexual abuse but I don’t remember anything ( I don’t remember a lot growing up and I don’t remember stuff from even last year , it’s like I block everything out that happens . Then about 10 years ago I left home , broke free from it all , and became a live in nanny , put myself into work 24/7 , I have now been living in with families and being apart of their family’s which I guess I have loved as never had that growing up and I love looking after kids . I’m now with my 4th live in family , I have been with them now for 4 years ( they have said maybe ens of year I’ll need to maybe move as there won’t be a need for me anymore and every time i think about it I break down into tears as I’m scared about the future , I want to figure out what will help me with my retaining stuff , if I’ll need to take medication if it will help , I don’t know . I want to fix this as I want to be able to get to a place where I can study , get a stable Job in a kinder , make friends , I’m so scared as I’m worried if I leave here I’ll have nothing no friends , no job , no family , no where to live and it really frightens me and makes me so upset thinking about it . And I think what if I move and rent how will I afford rent and bills on my own.

EH7991 New C-PTSD Diagnosis
  • replies: 3

My boyfriend broke up with me messily and over the course of two weeks. Because of that break up I have discovered and started exploring the fact that I have complex PTSD (has been diagnosed). As I am researching trauma to understand my brain and my ... View more

My boyfriend broke up with me messily and over the course of two weeks. Because of that break up I have discovered and started exploring the fact that I have complex PTSD (has been diagnosed). As I am researching trauma to understand my brain and my coping behaviours, I am often reminded of my ex and the reasons for our breakup (because of those trauma coping mechanisms). Should I be refraining from starting my recovery (e.g. researching) until I see my psychologist in a fortnight, or should I continue but monitor how my mind and body feels? I’m also struggling with so much sadness at this loss because it was such a beautiful connection. I am accepting of the situation and at peace with it yet still get waves of grief. Any advice or similar stories would be so very appreciated

EH7991 Complex PTSD
  • replies: 1

Hi all, I wanted to reach out to the forums to hear your c-ptsd (or even ptsd) recovery stories. My background is I’ve known I had PTSD for a few years due to an assault but have recently been diagnosed with Complex PTSD which has changed my whole wo... View more

Hi all, I wanted to reach out to the forums to hear your c-ptsd (or even ptsd) recovery stories. My background is I’ve known I had PTSD for a few years due to an assault but have recently been diagnosed with Complex PTSD which has changed my whole world (in an amazing way). I now understand myself, my reactions and personality and the reasons for how I’ve been shaped as a child into an adult. I would love to hear your recovery stories (even if you’re like me and just at the beginning), to gain insight into what my recovery ‘could’ look like, remind myself I’m not alone and maybe gain some different perspectives. Thank you for reading, and if you do choose to share thank you for being vulnerable with me. Em x

Shil *Trigger warning - Domestic Violence* Separating from husband but scared
  • replies: 5

I don’t know where to start my life with. I am married to this man for 6 years and we have a healthy and wonderful 3 year old son. But my husband had always been very controlling he only wants things to happen in his way and he says he loves his fami... View more

I don’t know where to start my life with. I am married to this man for 6 years and we have a healthy and wonderful 3 year old son. But my husband had always been very controlling he only wants things to happen in his way and he says he loves his family but when there is an argument he says very bad things that a women can’t take. But Later when I ask he says that just to make me feel bad and make my mouth shut he spoke those words but do not mean it. How am I supposed to take those? he do not respect elders he doesn’t have much friends either. If he have any issues with any fiends he will not allow me to talk to them. He controls me of my clothing. He did not treat my family well. Still I loved him thinking that he will change. Still I think that he needs help. I myself know how much I cried for his behaviour. He got anger issues and he can’t control his mouth during anger. He says anything which comes out of his mouth during that time. He sees everything in a negative way sometimes I feel there is no positive ambience around him. He tries to control me by raising his voice or punching the door. All he did these in front of my son. But my son loves him so much and he loves our son too. That is the only thing which is making me think that I need to stay. Last year when we were arguing he hit the plate I am eating and it actually cut my chin. I still forgave him. I took intervention order but when he apologised that he didn’t treat me well and that he would take counseling sessions and he cried so much. I believed him and came back to him. He only took couple of sessions and he stopped. He behaved well for 2 months and later I can see that he has not changed much but thinks that I put him in that position. How am I supposed to tell this person that it is not working. I am broken, but I still tried for my son. I told him few times that we will separate but he wouldn’t listen and say things like I am only trying to separate from him. now I took a decision to not tell him instead go out renting a place with my son. I got a house approved and paid bond. But the feeling of pitiness on him and thinking how much my son loved him making me sick. I am mentally stressed at the moment. I have a full time job but still something in my heart is troubling me if I am doing the right thing. The feeling of separating a son and a father is killing me inside. I hope some thoughts would help me understand if I am taking a right path.

Joe44 Help please
  • replies: 3

My mother lost her brother, who lived in india, to sars-cov-2 and she is just completely traumatised and is not able to accept this massive loss. She gets panic attacks every 2-3 hours where she just cries and after about 10 minutes of crying she jus... View more

My mother lost her brother, who lived in india, to sars-cov-2 and she is just completely traumatised and is not able to accept this massive loss. She gets panic attacks every 2-3 hours where she just cries and after about 10 minutes of crying she just takes a nap. What should I do to prevent her from going into the depression stage and prevent these panic attacks she gets every few hours?