Kind of a weird one but I guess I’m trying to work myself out here. I
had a job, it was an amazing, perfect, well paying job within a local
council working with young people. It ticked every box I needed in work
however, in true me fashion, I self sa...
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Kind of a weird one but I guess I’m trying to work myself out here. I
had a job, it was an amazing, perfect, well paying job within a local
council working with young people. It ticked every box I needed in work
however, in true me fashion, I self sabotaged and got greedy. I used my
work credit card to purchase food and purchase items I prob didn’t need
at work with my own self justifying each purchase at the time as a work
purchase. Definitely wasn’t but was used at work. I knew it was wrong
but I couldn’t stop myself. It’s like impulse was driving and I was
chasing more and more... After a year of worrying, work finally called
and asked me to come in and discuss the charges which they discovered.
Then put me on suspension with pay while they investigated. I had one
major interview, then I had to wait for 7 weeks for the inevitable
firing... Which I knew was coming. During that 7 weeks... I sat thinking
about how the hell I would handle this. ASIC was mentioned. I had read
about people going to Jail for credit card misuse and within a local gov
job!? I’m an idiot and I couldn’t stop myself. I fully panicked for the
whole time and when the day came to discuss the investigation findings,
I knew I was being let go but wasn’t sure if that was it or was I about
to be arrested, taken from my family and put through the public ringer?
What I did was wrong! I was sacked, told I had to pay it back and that
was it. I set myself up with so much fear, then it was as simple as,
fired, pay it back, goodbye. It was kept very quiet, I did the right
thing and paid it all back immediately, apologised and offered my
support to help my replacement be trained up. But I still now cannot go
into that town and talk to anyone without fear that they know what
happened. I’m embarrassed, ashamed and disgusted in my actions. It was
so stupid. The problem is, I still can’t shake the fear that I am about
to be arrested for what I did. I’m scared I’m going to be taken away
from my son and he won’t have me around for him. I’m scared of police.
But I don’t know how to get past this and tbh, I now have a new job and
feel constantly like I don’t deserve it because of what I did. Is this
trauma? PTSD? Guilt? I’m so confused but too scared to talk to anyone
local because the old job I was in, dealt with so many mental health
professionals, I just can’t face them... I’m losing my mind over this
but don’t know how to deal with it. any thoughts anyone? I want to make
amends but don’t know how!